Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 33 Appendix (2)

After the veteran returned home in a state of despair, every time he picked up his wine glass, he was very angry, because Erickson not only threw away his beloved medal, but also stepped on it a few times, which was an insult to his personality: "Let me bless him with health!" Longevity, there is no door!" So the veteran threw the wine glass away.Three months later, the veteran had successfully given up drinking.

In order to get rid of the pain in his heart, the veteran tried to drink away his sorrows, but he didn't know that the water would flow even more when the knife was cut off, and the sorrows would be even worse with wine.Drinking—dispelling sorrows—unable to relieve sorrows—drinking—dispelling sorrows—sorrowing more sorrows—drinking... So he drank continuously every day, and this repetitive drinking action became a habitual action. When such a habitual action After entering the subconscious, people can't control themselves even more.

All bad habits are the same, because a certain behavior at the beginning is constantly reinforced and becomes a habitual action, which becomes difficult for us to control.

The inducement of alcohol constantly stimulated the nervous system of the veteran, and over time, it formed an anchor in his heart.When he drank, he connected with unbalanced anger, and when he was drunk, he let it out.The reason why Erickson was able to cure him was to get rid of this bad "anchor".So how to rule it out?In other words, how to replace the old "heart anchor" with a new "heart anchor"?Erickson's solution was to install a more angry connection to the old "anchor": smashing his wine bottle, tearing off his medal, calling the wine horse urine, and threatening to make him drink horse urine. Time to bless yourself.When the veteran picked up his glass and wanted to drink, he would naturally think of these things that made him even angrier, so he threw the glass angrily.Over time, this new "anchor" was constantly stimulated, and a new habit was formed. Three months later, the veteran finally quit drinking.

In fact, the so-called heart anchor is a kind of conditioned reflex.Psychologist Pavlov once did research in this area with dogs: he rang the bell at the same time every time, and gave the dog his favorite food at the same time.When this process was repeated several times, Pavlov found that every time he rang the bell, even if no food was delivered, the dog would still salivate automatically.Research has shown that "ringing the bell" and "giving food" has created a neural pathway in the dog's brain that connects the bell to the food.The ringing of the bell is an anchor.

In our daily living environment, there are various anchors that affect our physical and mental state.Correctly and consciously choosing or experiencing suitable anchors in one's surroundings can have a great impact on people's behavior.Effective anchors create a state of resources in which people are more effective in achieving desired goals.We can also use anchors to change our inner state when facing a certain event in the future, that is, to rewrite the neural network connection of the event in the brain.When people are really facing the matter, people's inner state and behavior will have a more ideal effect.

Self-control expert hot comment
Anchor is a kind of physical and mental state regulation technology.It is like a bookmark placed in the heart, and when needed, the mental state when the anchor is set can be accessed.To break the shackles of old habits and develop good habits that are beneficial to life, one of the key methods is to use the "anchor" setting technique.

Life goals are messy
The famous Columbia University professor Dean Herbert Hedges once said: "Confusion is the main cause of depression." Chaos is not only the main cause of depression, but also the greatest obstacle to self-control.Therefore, if you want to have a life that does not get out of control, what you do is to motivate yourself to find the focus of life, set goals in life, and achieve success in life.

Walking in the snow is a very dangerous thing. It is very easy for people to suffer from snow blindness, and they can't see the route and lose their way.Many people think that snow blindness is caused by too strong sunlight reflected by the snow. In fact, strong light will only damage the eyes. Snow blindness is not caused by this, so wearing sunglasses will also cause snow blindness.

A study by an authoritative department in the United States confirmed that the main factor causing snow blindness is the emptiness of the snow.Scientists have verified that the human eye is actually always tirelessly exploring the surrounding world, from one landing point to another.If you can't find any landing point after searching for a long time, people will become blind due to tension.

According to the results of this study, the U.S. Army has formulated a method to prevent and reduce the occurrence of snow blindness, that is, before the departure of large troops, the advance team is responsible for shaking off the snow on the evergreen shrubs, or the advance team is responsible for shaking off the snow on the evergreen shrubs before the march A flag of darker color is planted along the route.In this way, clumps and clusters of green plants appear on the white snow, or brightly colored flags.In this way, in the endless white snow, eye-catching signs appear one by one, and people's searching eyes will have a landing point, and they will not cause blindness due to optic nerve tension caused by long-term blanking.As a result, these evergreen shrubs or brightly colored flags that have shaken off the snow have become the savior for the eyes of American soldiers.

There will be many such snow fields in the journey of life. We must plant the navigation flag by ourselves, otherwise, we will get lost in the journey of life like suffering from snow blindness.

A person without a goal cannot move forward.On the contrary, a purposeful person will not be satisfied with his past achievements, and will continue to strictly demand himself to be proactive.

Some people in life have a loose attitude, find a job casually, get married in a muddleheaded way, live life carelessly, without any ambition and desire in their hearts, but dream that things can be as beautiful as they imagined.Such a person can never be successful.

Ms. Eun Yott is a life coach who founded the "Job Change Clinic" at the New Winston Hotel in New York.She gives advice to those who are dissatisfied with their work for their reference.I once discussed unemployment with her. She told me that the reason why these people are not satisfied with their jobs is because they don't know what they really need. The first thing she has to do is to help these people find their hearts. wishes and goals.This is also something a wife should assist her husband in finding a purpose in life before he can move definitively towards it.

Life should make a plan, act according to the plan, and finally achieve your goals.If a ship loses its direction and the power to move forward, then any direction of the wind is against it.Who can hit the bull's-eye without aiming?

When your spirit and state of mind are in a state of ignorance and exhaustion, you must make a new determination:
What is the most important thing in your life?
What is the meaning of your life?
What kind of person and career do you want to be?
You should carefully consider these issues, find out the true meaning of success to yourself, and then determine your life goals!

More importantly, you have to train yourself, be able to stick to your plan, and measure your progress regularly, just like you do annual physical examinations.Target plans should be reviewed at least annually if the situation warrants.If you haven't started doing target checking, do it now.

How to do a quick check?I am here to tell you a simple way, now you spend some time, you can make a precise annual goal plan, determine your status in each of the 0 key areas.In each area in particular, rate yourself on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 means you have accomplished nothing in that area and 10 means you have fully achieved what you wanted.After rating yourself, write a sentence describing how you plan to support them.For example, a year ago, how was your body, you may have scored "7 points".Then I concluded: I am in good health, but there are still things that need to be changed; I am 5 kg overweight, run twice a week, eat irregularly, and my physical strength has declined.

Spend 5 to 10 minutes doing the exercise and you will find it quite inspiring.

three years ago

Score
One sentence summary
Physical conditions
mental condition
emotional state
personal influence

Interpersonal relationship
Living condition
psychological condition
business status
asset status
marital status
Future development
In order to clearly know how far you have done in these 10 key areas in the past three years, then make a similar table, score yourself item by item, see your status in these areas today, and then use Summarize the current achievements in each field in one sentence.

Present
Score
One sentence summary
Physical conditions
mental condition
emotional state
personal influence

Interpersonal relationship
Living condition
psychological condition
business status
asset status
marital status
Future development
In this way, you can clearly know whether you have met your expectations, whether you are persistent in certain fields, or you find that a certain field is not as good as before-this is not a bad thing, it can promote You correct the target just in time.

Also take a moment and write down what you got.

After setting new goals, it’s time to start taking action.Post them anywhere you can easily see them every day, such as your notepad, desk, refrigerator, and full-length mirror.In this way, you will always remind yourself to work towards the set goal step by step, and you will be able to control your life goals well.

Self-control expert hot comment
When we feel that the future is bleak and empty, we are tired of life, work or family, our enthusiasm is fading, and we lose our direction in life and are unable or unable to move forward, then we should quickly sweep away the snow in our hearts and let those "" The evergreen bushes" are revealed, and let those flags that tell the direction of life fly.

(End of this chapter)