Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 4

In fact, when we resist emotions, it is like a war without gunpowder smoke. It will cause the consumption of physiological energy, and we will fight with feelings and thoughts all the time, and we will not allow ourselves to let these feelings exist.This internal and external struggle will only weaken the energy and cause more disharmony between the body and mind.Conversely, when we accept and experience those emotions, we experience mental and emotional harmony.Sometimes, because we want to experience good emotions and dislike bad ones, we adopt a negative attitude.But they have to be embraced with courage and ease if you really want to stay mentally healthy.Because it’s clear that the more we consciously resist our emotions, the easier it is to control us, to overwhelm us, to deprive us of choices.In fact, as long as we allow ourselves to experience those negative emotions and acknowledge them, in this way, instead of disappearing, they are reduced to a level that we can control.

Self-control expert hot comment
The worse you feel, for example, when you feel hopeless, the more negative energy you release; and the more negative energy you release, the more negative things you encounter in your life.If you want to control your emotions, you must first obey them.Those who are healthy and energetic do not deny the existence of their negative emotions, and will give them a proper space to allow themselves to have negative emotions. They are good at controlling their bad feelings and not allowing them to influence their thoughts and behaviors. And be able to make good use of the value and function of emotions, effectively manage emotions, and become the master of emotions.

Persistence is the ladder to success
Nothing in the world can replace perseverance.Talent cannot, and it is the most common thing for a person with talent to fail to succeed.Neither can geniuses, and geniuses who do nothing are commonplace.Neither can education, the world is full of educated mediocre people.Only persistence and determination are the keys to success.

Edge is a big name in the show business. Although he is nearly 40 years old, he looks only in his 30s.No one knew that he had been a minor player who had been waiting for his chance.

One day he met an old man in a coffee shop, and he said to this old man who had never met before, "I went to several auditions for actors a while ago, but no one wanted me." The old man took a sip of coffee, raised his head, and if Thinkingly said to him: "Then you have to be like a stone cutter."

Edge asked him what that meant, and the old man replied, "To cut a stone the way you want, you have to do it little by little. You can't cut a crack with a single axe. The time it takes to cut a stone is It has to be accumulated, and if you are going to be successful, you have to keep going."

So Edge asked him: "You mean, I have to keep trying until I find an opportunity?" The old man nodded and said, "Of course! Great careers are all simple and boring accumulations, and there are differences between people. It's about talent, it's about persistence! Successful people keep going when others give up or fail."

Next, the old man mentioned a few movie stars to Edge: "Stalone, Eastwood, Connery, they were rejected countless times in the early days. When Stallone first entered the industry, he couldn't even find an agent. , and no one asked him to act. He had no choice but to send the written script to the production company, but all the production companies returned his script. However, he did not give up because of this, and finally he persisted until a company was willing. made a movie of his script and promised to cast him in the lead role in the movie. The movie beat the big blockbuster movies and won the Oscar for best picture when it was released. So you see, Stallone's success is not because of his What talent is there, and many people even accused him of stuttering, the reason for his success lies in his persistence." The story told by the old man is indeed inspiring, and Edge never thought that persistence is such an important thing.He later discovered that many people not only had the experience of being rejected, but some people were rejected no less than a thousand times.

It was a pivotal moment, and Edge's life changed forever. It can be said that it was an earth-shaking change.A year later, he finally got his first official role, and to this day, he can get a multi-million performance contract.

Don't feel incredible, this is the power of persistence.

Successful people are always the ones who persist until the end, they never give up.No matter how many obstacles or setbacks they face, they will never give up.They know what they want and stick to it.Many successful people throughout history have admitted that they were successful because they followed through.Imagine if you were to invent a new product, how many times would you be willing to try and fail? 100 times? 200 times? 1000 times?Or 5000 times?An old man who is nearly 60 years old has always had a dream - to sell fried chicken all over the world.He was laid off, went bankrupt, and was rejected countless times with the formula he developed. Did he give up for granted?Of course not, otherwise there would be no KFC, the current catering king.

But if you keep failing and getting no results, it must be very difficult to persevere.Indeed, otherwise successful people would not be so rare.

If you want to get the desired results, you have to be willing to make mistakes, be willing to learn, and then be willing to keep doing it.You can't give up easily, do you really think so?If you really think so, you will have a strong desire, and you will do everything possible to find a way to achieve your goal, that is to say, you must find a way anyway, so that you will move towards your desire, so that The goal must be achieved.

This kind of wish is not a temporary idea, nor is it just a casual talk, it must be a wish supported by a strong idea.

try a new decision

Recall that you have always wanted to do what you know you should do, but you have been fishing for three days and drying the net for two days, or you have repeatedly found excuses to avoid it.Whether it's losing weight, doing exercise, reading a book, learning a new skill... Now, set a new goal and stick to it for 1 minute every day.Feel the difference in your own inner feelings.When your brain hears that the task is to persist for 1 minute, it will feel that this is a very easy thing to achieve. After all, 1 minute passes in the blink of an eye.The predicted reduction in pain creates a greater drive to take action.When you take action, your brain will have a very positive affirmation of yourself, and this self-affirmation keeps happening, and it can go deep into our subconscious.Believe that you are a person with action and willpower.

Self-control expert hot comment
If you agree with this point of view, then please take out a piece of paper and write down four sentences on it:
(1) Success is usually not the result of one effort, but the accumulation of effort after effort.

(2) The difference between the successful and the unsuccessful is not in talent, but in continuous hard work.

(3) When you fail, always ask yourself: "What have I gained in failure?"

(4) Persist, persist, and persevere forever.

You have to carry this piece of paper with you every day as a reminder to keep going.This is the secret of self-control in this section - the power of persistence.

Assess your self-control

When facing temptation, the most powerful support comes from yourself. The firm self-control in your heart is a powerful weapon against temptation. It frees people from the state of powerlessness and confusion, restores the ability to control themselves, and re-be themselves the master.The following questionnaire can test your self-control ability.

In the following questions, there are 5 alternative answers for each question. According to your actual situation, choose the answer that suits you best:

A．very suitable for their own situation;
B．more in line with your own situation;

C．between conformity and nonconformity;
D．not quite suitable for your own situation;

E．It doesn't fit my situation.

Please make a record according to the actual situation and start the test:
(1) I like running, climbing, playing sports and other sports, but not because I have athletic talent, but because these sports can enhance my physique, exercise my perseverance, and cultivate my habits.

(2) I am a person who always aspires, and often fails to realize my wishes due to subjective reasons.

(3) I have good work and rest habits. I get up early and go to bed early every day. I almost never stay up late or sleep late.

(4) I have no plans in my life and often change it according to my mood and whims.

(5) I believe in the credo of "If you don't do anything, do it well, and do it well", and I will practice it.

(6) I am a very casual person. I don’t think it is necessary to be too serious about doing things. If you can do it, you can do it.

(7) My principle of doing things is: no matter whether I am interested in this matter or not, whether I think it is worth it or not, as long as it is what I should do, I must do it well.

(8) I am a typical giant in thinking and a dwarf in action. It can be said that I "lay in bed with a thousand roads, and get up in the morning and walk the old road".

(9) When work and leisure conflict, I will immediately decide to go to work, even if the leisure activity is my dream.

(10) I often lose track of time by reading a fascinating novel or watching a good movie.

(11) Whatever I am determined to accomplish (read professional books for an hour every day), no matter what difficulties (illness) I encounter, I will stick to it.

(12) When I encounter difficulties, the first thing I think of is to ask my family and friends for help.

(13) I can do one thing for a long time, even if it is tedious.

(14) I am so high-minded, what I do is that this mountain looks at the height of that mountain.

(15) When I decide to do something, I will do it as I say, and I will never delay or fail.

(16) My habit of doing things is to do the simple and easy things first, and then the difficult ones.

(17) I never blindly follow other people's opinions. I always like to carefully analyze the specific situation before deciding whether to learn from them.

(18) It is easier for me to agree with the opinions of people who are more capable than me.

(19) I like to make up my own mind when I encounter problems, and of course I don't reject others' suggestions.

(20) When encountering difficulties in life, I often hesitate and don't know what to do.

(21) I dare to challenge myself with new things and am good at independent work. I think this is a good exercise opportunity for improving myself.

(22) I am relatively timid, and I can't be sure of things. I never dare to do it.

(23) When I get along with colleagues, friends, and family members, I have the ability to restrain myself and never lose my temper for no reason.

(24) When arguing with others, sometimes although I know I am wrong, I can't help but say some exaggerated words, and even scold the other party a few words.

(25) I hope to be a person who can persevere and have perseverance, because I firmly believe that "where there is a will, there is a way".

(26) I think chance is very important to a person, and sometimes even surpasses personal efforts.

Evaluation Standards:

Singular question number: 5 points for A, 4 points for B, 3 points for C, 2 points for D, 1 point for E

Even-number question number: 1 point for A, 2 points for B, 3 points for C, 4 points for D, 5 points for E

Add up the scores for each question to obtain a total score.

Evaluation results and analysis:
More than 111 points: strong self-control.You can be strict with yourself, be very assertive in doing things, you will not trust anyone easily, and you will not be infected by other people's bad emotions.You believe that only by giving will you be rewarded, and you despise the style of getting something for nothing.So, all the while, you stand out from the crowd.On the other hand, you are a person who strives for perfection, and you have high demands on yourself. Maybe in the eyes of others, you are too strict on yourself, but you yourself enjoy it.

91~111 points: strong self-control.You are not a very talented person, but your extraordinary self-control and judgment make you stand out, and you often predict the outcome of things one step earlier than others.You are very clear about your strengths and weaknesses, so you can often summarize and reflect on yourself, and it is natural to achieve fruitful results in life.

71~90 points: Average self-control.You are steady and steady, you are very organized, everything is almost done step by step, you seem to be very sure of your abilities, as if everything is under your control.It can be seen that acting rationally, persevering, and persevering are your greatest strengths, but the fly in the ointment is that you are a little conservative and a little inflexible. If you can broaden your mind, you may find a new world.

51~70 points: weak self-control.You have more confidence in yourself, but you are not absolutely confident. You think that everything can be done with your own experience and methods, but often the results are not as expected in the end.After you suffer setbacks, you tend to indulge yourself, do not restrain your words and deeds, and do not consider the consequences of your actions.You should train your ability to control your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, understand the relationship between yourself and others, consciously exercise self-control and self-improvement, and make yourself popular.

Below 50 points: Self-control is very weak.When you never make up your mind, you lack self-control and can't complete any task independently without the assistance of others.You never make up your own mind, and without the encouragement of others you feel like something is missing, you can't cheer up, you don't know what to do next.You must know that relying on others is worse than relying on yourself, or relying on yourself is the safest.

(End of this chapter)