Alternative Telling of Dream of Red Mansions: Cherishing Spring

Chapter 16
Footsteps sounded outside the house, Ruhua stood up and said: "Our family is finally here." Xichun smiled, but her heart tensed unconsciously.She picked up the cup of tea that had been sitting for a long time and took a sip, feeling startled by the cold water.She shivered: It's really a cold day drinking ice water, dripping in my heart.

Lai Yi'er stepped in with her clothes lifted.Ru Hua went up to meet him, ordered his servants to retreat, and closed the door by himself.

Lai Yi'er didn't exchange pleasantries, knelt down, took out a letter from his bosom, held it in both hands, handed it to Xi Chun, and said: "I have kept this letter for the old man for ten years."

Father!Xichun suddenly remembered the lost secret.

She hesitated, and finally took the letter.

Perhaps it shouldn't be seen, even after ten years, some pain is still so fresh.The black hole of her life had always existed, never been filled by anything.

The past is a dull pain.

"Why! Why did you show me this! You should burn it." Xichun asked forcefully, looking angrily at the person in front of her, her hands could not stop shaking.Lai Yi'er and Ru Hua both knelt down without saying a word.They learned the content of the letter early in the morning, and they also knew that it was inevitable that Xichun's turbulent mood would be inevitable.No one can remain calm when they learn the truth about their mother's death.Besides, the truth isn't pretty at all.

After losing everything, Xichun once again chooses to avoid the complicated teachings of religion, and gradually gets used to the quiet future with no one around her.And in the continuous walking, wait and see the world situation, and think quietly.If you indulge in it, you can find that life is not as short or long as imagined.Thought is full of fun and height, like a vast and interesting jungle.And she herself is a free-running elk.

She pursued the distant illusion with peace of mind, and pursued the realm of enlightenment that might never appear in her life.To preserve the little flame of kindness to this earthly world, but they want to blow a bad wind to disturb.

"You go out." Xichun tremblingly said.Lai Yier and Ru Hua retreated obediently.Xichun closed her eyes, tears rolling down her face.Ten years, the tears that dried up ten years ago surged out overnight.In vain, she has practiced for many years, thinking that her mind is clear, but in the end she still can't understand the world, let alone understand the human heart.In fact, she was still that ignorant and shameful girl.

With tears in her eyes, Xichun's eyes fell on the letter again.Those shocking words were as sharp as a blade and scratched her eyes.

"Xi'er." She heard a voice.She saw Jia Jing sitting opposite her, looking at her, his eyes revealed infinite compassion and sadness, but she felt that he was very strange to him.

How could this person, who belonged to her father, reveal the truth so cruelly?She didn't look at him, but couldn't resist his presence, the man said to himself.She remembered that he was a dead person, without a body, and he could pass through other people's minds and memories at will.He took her back to the Tianxiang Tower many years ago.

It was a dispute between two men and a woman.

She walked into the Tianxiang Building that she was familiar with when she was a teenager. The pavilion is bright, and even the paint color on the stairs has not faded.The rain is gurgling outside the curtain, and the spring is fading.In that bright room, Jia Jing was the only one who stood quietly before, with a vague reminiscence on his face.After waiting for a while, there was a sound from the dark wall behind him.He was overjoyed and turned around.Qin appeared.

"Are you looking for me?" Qin Shi stood still far away and asked.Her face showed a sad beauty because of vigilance, it was the Qin family who was full of defense that Xichun had never seen.

"Yes. I'm here today to tell you that I'm helping Xi'er arrange a marriage. You are her mother, and you should be consulted." Jia Jing suppressed his smile.Seeing Qin's indifferent face, he knew in his heart that her willingness to come to see him was her greatest tolerance to him.Sometimes, he would also think that the one night of entertainment could not satisfy his inner desire.How many nights, in order to restrain himself in the Taoist temple, his muscles and bones and the roots of his teeth were sore.If possible, he would hold her for the rest of his life.Because this woman really made him appreciate what bliss is.

But can't.Qin Shi won't give him a second chance, and he can't even approach her.Qin Shi was willing to come to see her, and took precautions, holding the dagger tightly in his hand.Also, he had to think about Xichun.

Qin Keqing's willingness to give birth to Xichun was completely beyond his expectations. After being shocked and pleasantly surprised, he began to think about what he had done.Qin Shi is the woman he loves, no matter how twisted and degenerate that love is, he really loves her.The woman he loves is willing to give birth to a daughter for him, and he is already very satisfied.

In return for Qin Shi, he decided not to harass her anymore.Maybe he is a licentious and shameless person, but that doesn't mean he is completely selfish and cold-blooded.He has to think about Xichun.If he continues to entangle the Qin family, the secret of Xichun's life experience will inevitably be known, and she will not be able to gain a foothold in the world.The daughter he had with the woman he loved, he didn't want her to fall into such a miserable situation.

He went to see Jiamu, confessed his sins, and entrusted Xichun to Jiamu.After being extremely shocked, the old man calmed down, accepted his confession, forgave his mistakes, and agreed to help him raise Xichun.

For more than ten years, he practiced in the Taoist temple, whether it was to reminisce about the past or to atone for his sins, he never came back.

"Which family did you agree to?" Qin Shi was also moved when he heard the words.

Her expression fell into Jia Jing's eyes, and he felt extremely relieved. Qin Shi hated him, hated him to death.But this kind woman did not transfer her hatred to the innocent Xichun, thinking of this, he almost shed tears of gratitude.Jia Jing said calmly, "Yes, it is Feng Ziying, the son of Feng Tang, the general of Shenwu."

"Great." She also beamed with joy.

"But Qing..." Seeing her laughing happily, he couldn't restrain his desire to approach her, but he saw Qin's face change, and hissed at him with the dagger: "Don't come here, stay away from me."

"No, I..." Jia Jing opened his mouth to defend himself, flustered.Seeing her vigilant expression, he also regretted his wrongdoing back then, maybe he should be his elder and shouldn't have evil thoughts, but unfortunately he couldn't control himself.The old age hurt too deeply, and time couldn't heal Qin's wounds. There was no room for any explanation between them, and there was no need for any kind of approach.Jia Jing was depressed.At the same time, the secret door was opened again, and Jia Zhen appeared in front of him.

"You still dare to come back to find her! Back then, you promised me that you would never come back to her again." When Jia Zhen saw Jia Jing, it was like a mountain that was originally calm and stable, but suddenly an earthquake happened, and he was so violent that he couldn't control himself.He pounced on him, like a wild beast pounced on its prey.

In the hallucination, Xichun in the hallucination, like Qin Shi, watched all this absurdity.They wept together.

Jia Zhen fought with him irresistibly.What father and son, what three cardinal principles and five constant principles, everything is bullshit!To hell with everything!They are rivals in love, a pair of enemies who can't wait to eat their flesh and blood.These injustices cannot be counted in this life, and they will be counted in the next life.Jia Zhen was young, so she snatched the dagger from Qin's hand, pushed Jia Jing to the ground, and stabbed him down with the knife.He wants Father Shi!He has been thinking about his wish for many years!He's going to kill him with a knife.

Qin looked at all this with a pale face, and didn't stop her. She just knelt down on the ground, covered her face and cried bitterly: "You killed him, and then you killed me, I am the sinner."

I don't know which sentence touched the heart, Jia Zhen's hand trembled, and the knife pierced sideways, not the heart, but it didn't go into the heart!He hates his own mistakes.This mistake led to regrets that were later irreversible.If there is still a chance, he must be right!

He made Jia Jing still have the strength to tell the truth that had been hidden for many years, and said that it was him who sent his wife to his father's bed with his own hands.

The corner of Jia Jing's damaged mouth showed an unusually indifferent smile. The wound was bleeding, and he didn't seem to be in pain at all. He raised his head and looked at the grieving Qin with pity.This simple woman, she always thought it was her fault, did she think it was just an accident, was it an unforeseen derailment in her life?No, if she was also wrong, it was that she shouldn't live between two men who loved her but loved her more.

Jia Jing's old face suddenly appeared vigorous and vivid because of hatred.He pointed to Jia Zhen and said word by word: "Keep, it's not your fault. You can see clearly that it was this man who sent you into my arms in order to get rich and honor earlier. He is right outside this door." , watch me hug you to bed."

The knife fell to the ground and let out a desolate sigh.

Xichun heard the mournful hisses of three people at the same time, Keqing, Jia Zhen, and her.Let these unbearable people cover their ears, let's cover their ears and steal the bell together.But I know in my heart that even after another 100 years, this is an unacceptable truth.The sad thing is that these people who are deeply entangled in love and hatred for each other never thought of letting this truth disappear, but chose to let the secret go deep into the bone marrow and never forget it.

Xichun fell to the ground.She saw how the Qin family went up to the Tianxiang Tower and hanged to death in the middle of the night when there was no one around.Ke Qing's face was as numb and barren as dry, cracked land. The man she loved the most betrayed her, draining all her emotions and will to live.Finally, at the end, Xichun saw her face showing a sad and beautiful smile again, like the last pear tree in the wilderness withering and falling to the ground into snow.

She heard her say: "Xi'er, I'm sorry."

She heard herself constantly asking Jia Jing in her heart: "Why did you tell such a cruel truth? Why did you say it? Isn't she bitter enough? Am I not bitter enough?"

It seemed that what flowed out of his eyes was no longer tears, but blood.Maybe it's hatred that blood can't wash away.Perhaps it is because love and hate are too deep.Only when the memory is too complete can the truth be retained and never fade away.

"I don't know, Xi'er. I don't know why I wrote this letter, why I told you the truth about your mother's death, that she didn't hang herself because of her illness, but that she was pregnant with two men. He hanged himself to death because of his hatred. I think I hate it too, because I hate being perilous.” Jia Jing stood opposite her and shook his head and sighed, “When I slowly felt that death was approaching, I understood that it was his love for me. Revenge, or my retribution is coming."

"Xi'er, I tried my best to make you happy and stable. I spent my whole life fighting against this hatred, but I finally lost to it. I even felt that I shouldn't be selfish about your birth. Life has infinite Pain and regret, even if you are born without original sin, you may not be safe to the end, not to mention, you are born with many shortcomings in life, which cannot be escaped."

"Yes! I am!" Xichun nodded, and smiled tragically at him in his mind, "I have been burdened by this original sin for most of my life. I fought with it, dripping with blood. You all abandoned me. The world is my own. There is no affection, but it forces me to give up my already thin emotions to perfunctory."

"I regret it very much. The only thing I can do for you is to find a good family for you, hoping to make up for the harm you have suffered." Jia Jing said.

"Feng Ziying." Xichun giggled, her voice clear and clear like a girl's.The laughter stopped, and Xichun said coldly, "Just like you, he has already disappeared in my world!" She stared at the illusion in front of her eyes, "I know you are dead long ago, please disappear. I don't need you anymore."

She tore up the letter forcefully, and Jia Jing also disappeared.

She didn't go far into the painting, she leaned on the pillars of the veranda and sighed softly.She had learned the secret ten years ago.She looked up and asked her husband, "Are we doing this right or wrong?"

Lai Yi'er was silent, looking up at the sky.The sky is a huge silent black hole, it exists from the sky and the earth, and from the time when human beings exist in the sky and the earth, they witness everything in the world.The rushing years, the torrential water, it watched the struggles of generations.Xu has seen too much sorrow, the sky gradually changed from the initial clarity and transparency to the current chaos and darkness, silent and silent.Even today, I'm afraid it can't accurately judge which things people do are right and which are wrong, because I don't know when, besides joy, anger, sorrow, joy, fear and fear, the complicated emotions in the world are also There is one more thing called - helpless.

If you look at it for a long time, you will feel that the whole sky is falling sharply and pressing down heavily!Lai Yi'er took a deep breath, frowned and said, "At least it's a relief for you and me. We don't need to keep other people's secrets in our hearts and bear the pressure for others. You have to understand that if it wasn't for me, she might not even have her father's last secret." I can't even see the last words."

Indeed, there were too many people who were loyal to Jia Zhen back then, if someone else got the will, they would not give it to Xichun.Ruhua knew that he was right, but she hesitated, and slowly said: "You didn't tell her all the content, the letter you showed her was forged by you." Ruhua sighed, Lai Yier got Jia Jing's will , Qin's death is only a small part of the will.She said, "In fact, over the years, I have always felt that I am a turtledove, occupying other people's nests, especially after meeting her."

"If you want to think like this, I can't help it." Lai Yi'er's face was pale, as if he had been stung, and he said quietly, "She is inside now, if you want to go in and confess, I won't stop you, at worst we The family of three will be Jiajia slaves again."

Entering the painting is horrifying.After a long time, she raised her head, looked deeply into his eyes, and said with a slight smile, "What did you say? The Jia family has been wiped out. We are a family, and I defend you as well as myself. Not to mention. You have also seen that when she faced the past again, it was so painful and unbearable. The truth came too abruptly, sharp enough to pierce the peace she had worked so hard to maintain for many years. This family has the achievements of the present, not The gift from others is the result of your hard work. The person I should thank is you, and you are my reliance." The disappointment on Lai Yi'er's face made Ru Hua unbearable, reminding her of his kindness, his all All the design and hard work are for the present stability and happiness.Yes, he has great difficulties.He did all these things for his wife and children.He must have an extremely heavy sense of guilt in his heart.

Being so loved by a man, I was so moved beyond words.Or maybe she was deluded by the illusion of love in her heart, but that didn't matter.Many women are not even qualified to fantasize.She is relatively happy.Ruhua walked up to hold her husband's hand, and said affectionately: "We should let this secret rot in our hearts."

Although she is contradictory and blames herself, she is not confused, and she will not easily destroy the couple's years of hard work.What's more, she is also lazy, and she is used to the high bed and soft pillows, and she sleeps soundly in the embrace of the quilt every day, with fertile land and vast mansions, and she has no worries about food and clothing all her life.Every morning when I get up, the maid brings fresh bird's nest, and there is pearl powder that can be taken and applied to the face.From spring to summer solstice, she must enjoy the most delicious things on the branches in the field first.She has long been used to being served by others, and she is superior, and it is absolutely impossible for her to return to the poverty and hardships of the past.The hard-earned taste oozes from the skin and nails, and it's terrifying to think about it.She no longer has the firm and flexible courage to face life, and just wants to die peacefully.

As the ancients said, it is easy to go from frugal to extravagant, but difficult to go from extravagant to frugal.

"Entering the painting..." Lai Yi'er called her in a low voice, and took her into her arms.Entering the painting was surprised, Lai Yi'er had never called her so intimately for many years, he was used to calling her Mrs., so calm and distant in front of others.But at this moment, he deliberately evokes her memories of the past.

Lai Yi'er coldly recalled the past, which had no power to disturb him.Even if he wasn't the one who got the will in the first place, things wouldn't have fundamentally changed.Jia Zhen will destroy the suicide note, and also seize Xichun's property, and Xichun's fate may be even worse.He is just more scheming and bolder than others, and knows how to seize opportunities better.Everything today was won by his own efforts, and he has a clear conscience.

Only women pay attention to the process, and keep saying that they don't care about the result, only the process.The bad thing is that the priority is reversed, regardless of the severity, in the end there are a few women who don't care about the result.Men are different, most of them believe in many things in the world, the process is not important, the result is the most important.Four words tell the whole heart - winners and losers.Liu Bang defeated Xiang Yu and established the Han Dynasty.So the Hongmen Banquet has become Xiang Yu's indecision and the benevolence of a woman.If Xiang Yu had won the world, what would the historians of his dynasty write?Perhaps it is that the emperor has a great talent and strategy, and the heaven and man descend to the world, and the world is blessed.Lai Yier thinks the same is true for the Jia family. Their former glory and wealth were acquired by their ancestors on the battlefield in exchange for other people's lives. The men of the Jia family cheated each other in officialdom, and the women of the Jia family sold their spirit bodies in the harem to coax them. Come.

Driven by ambition and desire, people do the same thing.

"Don't ask about the cause, just think about the consequences!" After thinking about it this way, Lai Yi'er said calmly, "I didn't regret it when I started planning our future ten years ago. You should know that I got the old man's suicide note, How well-intentioned it was to forge that fake letter ten years ago. If it weren’t for the step I took that day, everything would not be seamless today. Or there has been an arrangement in the dark, and we are just the executors.” He didn't want to argue that he was a helpless person, he just walked slowly according to an established track.

Nodding in the painting, she remembered Lai Yi'er telling her in a nightmare voice ten years ago, how he accidentally obtained Jia Jing's will; how he secretly hid the rich dowry that belonged to Xichun.He even told her a shocking secret - the cold and noble girl she served was originally the most unbearable villain.

Things in the world are often utterly rebellious and totally unexpected.

At this moment, the door opened, and Ruhua and Laiyi'er turned around when they heard the sound, and ran over in a hurry.Xichun came out and said, "I'm leaving."

Ru Hua and Lai Yi'er were stunned, obviously Xi Chun's behavior was not within their expectations.

"Girl, what did you say?" The two said in unison.

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving now." Xichun said calmly, "This place doesn't belong to me."

Leaving a place that doesn't belong to her has always been Xichun's way of survival.Perhaps, since she began to admit herself in this way, she was doomed to wander for a lifetime.

This sentence brought Ruhua's heart back to that morning long ago, she didn't know if Xichun had any memory of it.In that morning, when the sun shone through the window screens, it looked like sunbeams of worn silk covering Xichun's face, she woke up, moved her fingers, and said to Ruhua: "I'm leaving. Let's go now .This place doesn't belong to me."

(End of this chapter)