Alternative Telling of Dream of Red Mansions: Cherishing Spring

Chapter 29
Feng's mother only knew what caused Feng Ziying's inexplicable serious illness two years ago.It turns out that everything is for this woman in front of her, she is as beautiful as a red crane, making people willing to drink poison.Feng's mother remembered the past, and also remembered Xichun's life experience, secretly glanced at Madam, and understood her thoughts - a person like Xichun would not argue with her.Her shameful life experience even prevents her from standing in the sun with integrity.Clan etiquette hangs there, even if she has a son, because of this uncleanness, she has to stop thinking that mother is more expensive than son.

Because she is far away, she has been married as someone else's concubine, so she will not have any relationship or threat with her family.After thinking clearly layer by layer, Feng's mother suddenly felt pity for Xichun, and softly called: "Come here, I'll take a look at you."

Xichun stood closer as she said, and offered tea.Meet with Yuchan again.Her heart is like a room in the rainy season, slightly returning to the tide.She didn't complain, but couldn't help but think about it.Seeing Yuchan is like seeing a mirror: this is his wife—she should have been his wife in the first place, and she should be the one holding his arms today.It's a pity it's not her!
She smiled faintly in her heart, this is fate, it is destined that the fate in their hands can only be crossed by boat, not enough to sleep together...

She accompanied her for a few words, and found an opportunity to retreat, and finally heard from Feng's mother that the child didn't have to speak or behave, but was too quiet.

Madam sighed: "Isn't it!" She stepped out of the door, caught a glimpse of Madam's sad face, and heard her sighing there, and there was no news for two years.She smiled, she knew that Madam didn't want her to have any news, she drank every soup brought to her, not a single drop was left.Xichun herself was unwilling to have any news. Occasionally, when the letter was late, she would panic, knowing in her heart that it was not suitable for her to have children.If there is a flesh and blood, she cannot protect the child in any way, on the contrary, they will be in danger together.Besides, she doesn't love that man at all, and she doesn't want him to leave any traces on her body. If there is no child, no matter how many times this man turns over her body, he still hasn't entered her heart.She is always just herself.

When she came out from there, she wanted to go alone to see a stone tablet in the temple, on which there were four words: "Climb to the other shore together".Standing there feeling dejected, who did you meet for the first time in this life?Who can we reach the other shore with in the end?

These four seemingly desolate words are actually the greatest happiness in the world.

There is a small temple behind the stele, hidden among the green trees. She walked in, turned around the tall Buddha in the middle of the hall, and saw him kneeling on the futon through a row of red candles in front of the Buddha.

There was no one in the temple, presumably he had called him out.Xichun didn't get excited, didn't make a sound, just stood there silently looking at Feng Ziying, like someone standing on the Sansheng Stone looking at the other side of the river.

So far, so close.

The bright sunshine outside was shining brightly. After looking at it for a long time, my eyes hurt. I thought I would shed tears. I rubbed the corners of my eyes, but there was nothing.She looked at him, looked at the light in her heart, and felt that enough was enough, so she turned around and prepared to leave.The handkerchief fell to the ground, and an unknown wind blew up in the hall, blowing the handkerchief farther away.Xichun was hesitant to pick it up, afraid of disturbing him, but the handkerchief was given by Feng Ziying when they first met.For so many years, there was no connection, and he never gave her anything, only this plain silk.After thinking about it, I decided not to pick it up!It doesn't matter to people anymore, so why care about whether things stay or not?
She turned around the Buddha statue with light steps, and was about to step out, only to hear someone behind her ask, "Is that why you don't want what I gave you?" A word stopped Xichun's footsteps, and she trembled all over, as if struck by lightning .Turning around slowly, she saw Feng Ziying holding the plain silk, staring at her firmly, slowly closing her eyes, two lines of tears streaming down her cheeks.

Xichun sighed, the gust of wind startled him, he had to see if he didn't see it or not!She stretched out her hand to take the handkerchief, moved to burn it in front of the candle, and said lightly: "It's done!"

Feng Ziying stared at her in a daze, looking at the small flame that was still burning, and said with ashes on her face, "You are so cruel." Xichun didn't answer, didn't look at him, turned around and walked out the door.

She suddenly felt someone hug her tightly.I was startled and panicked, and gradually my body softened, I didn't struggle, and let him alone, maybe this was what I wanted.The four large characters on the stone tablet outside the door pierced into the eye sockets.

This stalemate lasted a long time—he kissed her, his hand on her breast.Xichun's heart was pounding, as if a door had opened and something had swam out, it couldn't be restrained, and her whole body became hot.At this time, she is no longer the unreasonable Xichun, she can know that this is the feeling her body has been longing for.

"You are not afraid of thunder." Panting, she raised her eyes to see the half-naked golden Buddha, who was looking at her omnisciently. "I've read so many scriptures in vain. I would die too." Saying this, I was not frightened at all, and was very calm.She knew that the god in her heart was watching her and understanding her.

"What crimes do I bear alone!" He interrupted, hugging her even tighter, afraid that she would run away, "You don't know how I have lived these two years? What is thunder and lightning? For you, we both Died years ago."

She looked at him, bit her lips and said nothing, then lowered her head and sighed, this time there were only two words: "My friend."

Feng Ziying didn't reply, just picked her up and walked towards the side hall, where he knew there was a meditation room for monks to rest for lunch.

In the wing room, Mrs. Chen chatted with Mother Feng for a long time.A woman's words are endless, so Mother Feng laughed: "We've been sitting for a long time, let's go out for a walk." As a junior, Yuchan didn't talk too much, she just sat and accompanied, bored for a long time, and immediately got up when she heard this Come to support Mother Feng and say, "Walk carefully."

Mother Feng and Madam looked at each other and smiled, and Madam smiled and said: "People of their generation are much more active than we were back then..." As they spoke, they opened the door, and the maids at the door saw them coming out, and they all turned around to stand by, tightly Follow up Weiyi.

The eaves of this temple are upturned, and there are many palaces. Looking up, you can go straight into the blue sky, and the momentum is amazing.It is nothing new for the two ladies to come more often.Wei Yuchan is a bride, and it is her first time to visit the temple, and besides being respectful, she can't help being excited.I didn't feel tired talking and laughing all the way, but asked if there was any place I hadn't visited, Mother Feng frowned and said: "There is a side hall in the back. If you want to go, go and have a look. We old people see that stele, It’s bound to sting.”

Yuchan was taken aback for a moment, and said, "Then I won't go either."

The lady persuaded from the side: "You go, I will accompany the old lady. It will be beneficial to you and Ziying if you go to pay respects under the stele." Mother Feng said with a smile: "Yes, I I'm so confused. Ma'am is right, go and say goodbye."

It was only then that Yuchan took a blessing and led the girl away.Feng's mother smiled and said: "I just laughed, I actually like this girl's liveliness." The lady nodded with a smile and looked at Yuchan's back, suddenly remembered something, turned around and told the big maid Xiaoyue who was with her: "Go and see your Aunt Xi, when We should go home soon."

Xiaoyue followed the order, and the people in this compartment saw the two ladies looking tired. They had already moved to Xiudun, served some fragrant tea, and sat down to rest in the garden.

Yuchan came to the side hall and saw the burning incense burning in front of the stele from a distance. A maid had already handed over the incense. She kowtowed in accordance with the etiquette, made a wish and stood up to look at the four words, thoughtfully.She is lively by nature, and she doesn't want to get entangled in things that are too ignorant, so she turned around and smiled at the servant girl, "It's nothing, why the wife doesn't want to come." Just as she was talking, she saw a person standing under the tree, saluting her, He walked over, saw clearly that it was an embroidery mark, and said with a smile: "You are here, where is your aunt?"

The embroidery marks pointed to the side hall: "My aunt has gone in, and ordered me to wait here." Yuchan turned her head and looked, only to see that the hall was dark, and from the outside, only colorful prayer flags and flickering candles could be seen. Yin, can not see clearly.She was a little scared, and asked casually: "Then she should come out soon." Xiuhen said: "Madam doesn't know, our aunt is a person who worships Buddha, and she has been in for a while." Yu Chan was surprised when she heard that, and sighed Said: "It seems that she is about the same age as me, so she is so devout."

As I was talking, I saw Xiaoyue coming over.Yuchan went up to meet her and said, "Why is my sister here? Is it the madam and the old lady?" Xiaoyue saw the ceremony, stood up and replied, "Don't worry, the madam and the wife are tired. Sitting in the garden, there is always something to do. I came because my wife asked me to come and look for Aunt Xi, and I’ll be back after a while.” Hearing this, Yuchan put her heart down and nodded, “You come all the way, Did you see Master Feng? He also hasn't seen him for a while."

Xiaoyue shook her head and said, "I haven't seen it, why don't I look for it later." Yuchan said, "I won't bother you. I can tell him to go." Then she turned and said to the little girl next to her, "You go and look for it along the way. Look for it, and then go directly back to the old lady and wait for me, and I will go back in a while." Xiaoyue apologized and said with a smile: "Yes, sister, it will be fine if Madam is with us." Seeing that the little maid took orders and went, Turning to Xiuhen, he said, "It's good that you stay here, where's Aunt Xi?"

Xiuhen replied: "It's in the palace, I'll call right away."

Xiaoyue glanced at the side hall, and smiled disdainfully with the corners of her mouth hooked: "What is this, I really take this place as my home..." In front of Yuchan, she didn't say any more.Xiuhen knew that she was his wife's confidant, and her status was very different, so she hurriedly lowered her head and didn't say a word.

Seeing Xiaoyue's mannerisms, Yuchan knew that there were some delicate relationships within the Chen residence, and it was difficult to guess based on what she saw.Although Yuchan is young, she is from everyone. The difficulty of being a concubine, she has seen many times since she was a child, and she can't bear to feel the embarrassment of spring. Let's go together, I will also go in to pay my respects."

When Xiaoyue heard the words, she hurriedly stood up: "Madam, please."

Yuchan took Xiaoyue into the palace, and Yuchan prostrated herself under the golden Buddha statue, beside the futon, a little light attracted her attention.Yuchan flicked the handkerchief, put it in the palm of her hand and saw it was a coral green earring.She remembered that it was Xichun who brought it, and just wanted to turn around and ask Xiaoyue behind her, but then changed her mind, seeing her look just now, she didn't like Xichun very much, the servant's tongue is the most vicious, so leave this thing to her. How do you know it's not right and wrong?It's better to meet Xichun for a while and return her quietly.After thinking about it like this, he stood up and said to Xiaoyue who was standing by the door: "Sister, wait here, I will go inside and see your aunt, come out with her."

Xiaoyue couldn't wait to make a sound, and hurriedly said: "Thank you, Madam." She was brought over by Mrs. Chen's natal family. Finally took a concubine, but it wasn't her.The emotional loss is no less than Mrs. Chen's, even worse than Mrs. Chen - there are bright fruits on the tree that are about to fall, and she is the one who has been waiting under the tree for a long time.After waiting for a long time, she thought that the fruit belonged to her, but suddenly it became someone else's, she couldn't help but hate it.

Yuchan didn't know about the crucial point, and she didn't want to know, so she smiled slightly and turned inside, then turned around and outside the meditation room.She didn't see Xichun in this side hall, so she guessed that she must be inside, and was about to raise her hand to knock on the door, when she heard a male voice from inside: "Xi'er, I don't want to be separated from you. I have been waiting for two years for this moment today."

Then there was an uncontrollable gasp...

Yuchan's heart was like a mirror in an instant, cold and silent.She recognized whose voice it was.He closed his mouth but accidentally bit the tip of his tongue, bleeding out.After a moment of calm, she was like a person submerged in the monstrous waves, every breath was bitter enough to kill.She turned her face to look at the huge Buddha statue in a daze, but the faces of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas could not be seen clearly in the shadow.The knife was stabbed so fast that she didn't feel pain, only absurd.The tall and heavy shadows fell down, shattered on the ground, and became a thick pile. There was nothing in it, and only the chaos of the world was broken.

Her hand slapped feebly on the door.

Everything is quiet.

The people inside and outside the door confront each other.

Feng Ziying calmed down instantly, exchanged a glance with Xichun, and put on clothes quickly.

The sound of rain cicadas was almost ear-piercing in the horrified silence, clattering, like two pieces of broken golden cymbals rattling endlessly.

"It's me." She said, her voice too stiff to be her own.

The door opened a little, and Feng Ziying stood up, turning her eyes away from her.

Yuchan stopped him across the body, her eyes were determined to bite into his heart.I don't know if he was hurt, but her eyes seemed to be unable to bear the downpour of rain.I don't even have the right to shout, I have to force myself to be quiet.

"Did I treat you badly? Why..." Overwhelmed by all kinds of grievances, she couldn't help but complain.

"I'm alone, it has nothing to do with Xichun. You let her go first." He finally raised his eyes to look at her.

As if she didn't see Xichun, Yuchan didn't yell hysterically, she just looked at Feng Ziying firmly, tied him with her eyes, and asked repeatedly: "Am I treating you badly?"

Her voice pierced his heart like an awl, but without a voice it pierced into his bones.He should not her.It's not a question of good or bad, it's unanswerable, there's no exact answer.He couldn't answer either, he lowered his head and thought quickly, at this moment, if it caused Yu Chan to scream out of control, then everything would be unimaginable.He was suffocated, as if someone had strangled his neck, and he was breathing thinly.

"You don't know!" Yuchan looked at him and smiled wryly, "I actually wish I could yell loudly, so that people outside can see your ugly appearance, and let the whole world know the good deeds you have done." She squeezed the handkerchief with one hand. She grabbed her heart with one hand, as if there were countless knives stirring there, making her feel so painful that she was about to suffocate.

"But I can't." She gasped with tears, looked at him, her eyes were as heavy as lead, "My Ama's face, my own face, the Nalan family's, the Feng's family's, and the Chen family's face, I have one by one. Take care of everything. I can't be as shameless as you!"

"This is your thing, the evidence you left behind!" Yuchan walked over and threw the earring on Xichun's face, cursing, "Bitch!"

Xi Chunmu remained silent, as if everything had nothing to do with her.

Yuchan wiped away her tears, walked towards the door, but stood still by the door, and said bitterly: "You go through the back door, and I will go out with her. You are shameless, and I want shame!"

"Thank you." Feng Ziying paused slightly, turned her head to look at Xichun affectionately, turned sideways and walked out quickly.

Seeing that Yuchan had left, Fang turned around and looked at Xichun, smiling contemptuously as if she had discovered her existence for the first time.

"Aunt Xi! You really are not a good guy. You were born to steal someone's life as a concubine, but you are so cheap that you want to come here to steal someone! You are not afraid of thunder, and you will never be reborn after death!" Her heart seemed to be frying. She came to help her out of kindness, but unexpectedly, she was so detrimental to helping others, and what she rewarded her was such an unbearable scene. Kindness really didn't get well!

Yuchan grinned resentfully, then rushed up to slap her, kicked her, grabbed her shoulder and bit her down hard, like a ferocious female beast that would show no mercy to its enemies who were vying for its prey.

Xichun groaned in pain, and held back her words.She felt guilty, so she decided to bear all the humiliation imposed on herself.In the midst of the overwhelming beatings, she quietly looked at the wisp of cigarette smoke coming out of the incense burner on the table indifferently.Thin, like a woman's sigh, soft, like a raised little finger.

She hadn't thought of Keqing for many years, but she thought of her at this moment.The ghost in her heart saw her smiling at her in the light and smoke, her posture was enchanting and her expression was blurred.

But Qing has become a ghost, but at this moment, she is standing not far away, laughing and sighing - she and her, the same goal by different routes.

A smile gradually appeared on Xichun's numb face.She picked up the earrings and put them on, trimmed her temple hair, looked at Yu Chan and said calmly: "Let's go, don't make people outside wait in a hurry."

"You..." Seeing her secretive smile, Yuchan was startled, and gradually stopped her hands. She felt terrified and helpless, sobbing softly.

Xichun slowly reached out to help her tidy her hair.Yu Chan was too shocked to move, and let her tease her.

"Young lady, don't worry, he and I will have nothing in the future." Yuchan heard Xichun talking to herself, her back felt cold, she thought she must be crazy - only a lunatic can be so calm.

That road gradually drifted away.The hall is as dark as a corridor, and next to it are wooden statues of gods, like mummies with separated souls, sitting upright without expression, Yuchan's heart is blowing with a gloomy wind, and she raises her eyes to see the earrings on Xichun's ears are like phosphorescent lights, dancing in front of her eyes.Turning around the Buddhist hall, seeing a ray of light, as if returning to reality from a nightmare, Yuchan's heart suddenly became quiet, the turmoil was still there, but it couldn't be seen through.She walked calmly, and a smile appeared on the corner of her mouth. Although she was a little sad, it didn't matter if someone asked her, she thought about what to say in her heart.

Xiaoyue caught a glimpse of them coming, hurriedly cleaned up her impatience, and smiled respectfully: "Young Madam, Aunt Xi, Madam and the old lady are waiting, let's go."

Xichun nodded slightly, Xiaoyue had nothing to say to her, and turned around to be courteous to Yuchan.The two got close, and saw Yuchan's face faded from fat and powder, and her eye circles were rosy, and she shouted: "Hey, what's the matter, young lady, who is here to make you angry?" Yuchan raised her eyes and looked at Xichun and said : "It's nothing, just talking with my sister inside just now, it just caused sadness."

"That shouldn't make you so uncomfortable, it hurts your body, doesn't it?"

Xichun didn't care about her whispering behind her, and walked out the door without saying a word, beckoning and waiting for the embroidered marks to come over, then turned her face to Yuchan and bowed, "It's inconvenient, please stay with me." After speaking, she turned and left .

Yuchan watched her back disappear behind the stone tablet thoughtfully, and said, "What's the good of her being so cold?" A sentence entered Xiaoyue's heart, and she said coolly, "Isn't it? Because of why the Lord dotes on her alone, loves her like a jewel, it can be seen that there is a sense of coldness." Spit and said, "It's not her vixen, how could it be..."

Suddenly realizing that she shouldn't have leaked in front of Yuchan, she hurriedly stopped, and walked forward with a smile: "Young Madam, let's go." Yuchan nodded and left as if she didn't hear her chanting.

It was quiet during the day outside, and the shadows of the trees were scattered.The mess on the ground is like cutting things that are still chaotic.Occasionally, there was a bell, and there were few monks in the temple in the afternoon. Occasionally, a gray figure flashed behind the wooden door with a short yellow wall.Feng Ziying walked away with her head depressed, only her solitary figure was on the green and white ground, as if she was walking with another person.

"I have a good heart, and I have nothing to say, including being naked to you at this moment, and I feel unable to speak."

Her words easily made him cry and feel weak.The water falling on the back of his hand was like a round and cool mirror. He saw that he was weak and humble, unable to give her strength.Her life experience, her helplessness, and her struggles are all clear.There is a small fire in the hand, warm in the heart, but only a few steps around the place are illuminated.And the resentment in her heart is like a tomb passage that has been in disrepair for a long time, you can't detect it in one step, if you walk slightly harder, you are afraid that it will cause vibrations and collapse.

The more deeply you love, the more powerless you are.Just hold her tight.For a long time, there was no desire for love.

(End of this chapter)