The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 29 The "Wealth" Accumulation Law in Life——Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Friends (3)
The reason why Li Fei was able to turn the tide at a critical moment without hurting the friendship among friends was because he cleverly used the psychological "increase and decrease effect" in the process of giving advice to friends.Therefore, skillfully using the "increase and decrease effect" in communication can make oneself a popular person.However, since we make friends, there are many specific factors involved. Just relying on the order of praise and derogation cannot solve all problems, and we will not receive better results. It is often self-defeating.Therefore, you have to adjust the content and sequence of your speech according to different objects, content, timing and environment, so that you can be a popular person.

But in any case, the "increase and decrease effect" in psychology still has its reasonable psychological basis, because everyone hopes that the other party's liking for themselves can "continuously increase" rather than "constantly decrease".Therefore, it is still the "lubricant" between you and your friends in communication, which can make your communication more pleasant and harmonious!
Threshold Effect: When giving advice to friends, you must also pay attention to strategy
Psychologists believe that it is generally difficult for people to accept a larger request to others at once.If the requirements are gradually made and the gap is continuously narrowed, it will be easier for people to accept them.This is mainly because people have gradually adapted in the process of continuously meeting small requirements, and they are not aware that the gradually increasing requirements have greatly deviated from their original intentions.This effect, in psychology, is called the "threshold effect".

An American psychologist once did an experiment.That is to send someone to randomly interview a group of housewives. The interviewer asked to hang a small sign on the window of their house, and these housewives happily agreed.After a period of time, the visitors interviewed this group of housewives again, and asked to put a sign that was not only bigger than the last time, but also less beautiful, in their courtyard. As a result, more than half of the housewives agreed.At the same time, another group of housewives was randomly interviewed, and directly proposed to put not only large but also unsightly signs in their courtyards, only less than 20% of the housewives agreed.

It goes without saying that such a big gap between the results of the two surveys is due to the clever use of the psychological "threshold effect" by the former.

This is mainly because, subconsciously, people always want to make a consistent impression of themselves.Therefore, after accepting the visitor's small request, the housewives in the previous group were more likely to accept a larger request. The "threshold effect" can be confirmed everywhere in life, which brings us many enlightenments.

There was a little monk who learned martial arts from his master, but what surprised him was that at the beginning, the master didn't teach him anything, but only gave him a group of piglets to raise.There is a small river in front of the temple, and the little monk has to jump across the river with piglets in his arms every morning, and in the evening, he has to carry the piglets back one by one.Later, the little monk unknowingly developed excellent arm strength and lightness skills.It turned out that the little pig was growing up day by day, but because the little monk had to hug the little pig every day, he didn't feel this slight change, so the little monk's arm strength was also constantly increasing.It wasn't until he had practiced extraordinary kung fu that he suddenly realized and understood the master's intention.

This story is a very good application of the "threshold effect" in life.Psychologists believe that under normal circumstances, compared with higher and more difficult requirements, people are more likely to accept those lower and easier requirements, and only slowly accept higher requirements after they have achieved the smaller requirements. This is the impact of the "threshold effect" on people.In the Ming Dynasty, Hong Zicheng said in "Cai Gen Tan": "Don't attack the evil too strictly, but think about it; teach people not to be too high, and let them follow it." It is also an incisive discussion of the "threshold effect". .

Lina and Ruixue are good friends who like each other. No matter what they do, they usually like to pull each other up.But recently, Ruixue's mood is extremely bad, because she just broke up with her boyfriend.As a result, Lina was also unlucky. In order to make Ruixue happy, she took her to disco, shopping, and video games on her own initiative... But what troubled Lina was that every time Ruixue was touched by the scene, she fell in love with each other. Mood worse.This annoyed her herself.

After repeated defeats, Lina decided to try a new trick.It is said that the amusement park is a good place to vent your inner emotions, but after Lina made up her mind, she looked at the listless Ruixue and dared not rashly make her own suggestion.So, she tentatively asked, "Have you ever sat on a Ferris wheel?" "No." Ruixue looked at Lina in surprise and replied. "Then how about we go and feel it?" "Okay!" Just like that, they drove to the nearest playground.After entering the playground, Lina always acted cautiously, and every time she made a small request first, seeing the light in Ruixue's eyes, and after confirming that she liked it, she made a bold proposal.

Strange to say, that "adventure" seemed to work, and Rui Xue's mood has improved a lot since then.She mentioned her ex-boyfriend less and less.Later, Lina always thought in her heart: "If you know this, I would have taken her there long ago. Why bother to do those useless efforts before!"

In fact, even Lina didn't understand why it was always a suggestion, but the first few times always made Ruixue even more sad, and the next few times they were successful?In fact, Lina is using the "threshold effect" in psychology.Therefore, do not do anything in one step, just like going up the stairs, take your time, step by step, it will be easier to get to the top floor.Isn't it often said: "Haste makes waste"?Therefore, when giving advice to a friend, even if it is well-intentioned, you must master the strategy. First, make a small suggestion. After the other party readily agrees, you may wish to make the next suggestion. At this time, the probability of your suggestion being accepted will increase many times.

The Law of Burning Incense in the Cold Temple: Relationships are all "going" out
In interpersonal relationships, when the other party is poor or in difficulty, being able to give the other party a hand in a timely manner will make the other party appreciate you from the bottom of their hearts and treat you differently.When the other party takes off, he will think of your benefits.This approach is called "the law of burning incense in cold temples" in psychology.

Is the same stick of incense burned in a cold temple?Or burn it into a hot temple?Most people will definitely choose the latter.In fact, sometimes finding some "cold temples" where no one usually goes to burn incense may have unexpected effects afterwards.Just imagine, there are too many people burning incense in a busy temple, and the gods are distracted. When we go to burn incense, we are just one of the pilgrims, and we cannot show our sincerity, and the gods will not have a special favor for us.So once we ask him for something, he will only treat us as everyone, and will not take special care of us.On the contrary, the situation in the Leng Temple is different. Normally, the gates of the Leng Temple are neglected and no one pays respect. If we can burn incense piously at this time, God will of course take special care of us.From this point of view, it is also burning a stick of incense, but the god of Lengmiao thinks it is a great favor, and if he asks him for something in the future, he will naturally take special care of him.If one day the feng shui changes and the cold temple becomes a hot temple, the gods will treat us specially, and will not regard us as people who follow others.

In real life, many people always like to make friends with those hot people, and they don't want to take a second look at those who are poor, powerless and powerful.In fact, this is a very wrong approach.As we said above, sometimes going to the cold temple to burn incense often has unexpected effects.In the same way, if we can give some necessary help and support to those poor or powerless people at the right time, then when the other party develops, he will definitely not forget our benefits.

Hu Xueyan was originally a small businessman from Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province. He is not only good at management, but also a good person.Small fights can't satisfy him, he wants to achieve big things.He thought that in China, agriculture has always been emphasized and business is suppressed, and it is impossible to get ahead by doing business alone.Later, he thought: the big businessman Lu Buwei found another way, changed his career from business to politics, and thus gained both fame and fortune... Thinking of this, he also wanted to take this path.

At that time, there was a small official in Hangzhou named Wang Youling. He wanted to climb up, but suffered from lack of money as a stepping stone.Hu Xueyan also had a little contact with him.

As their relationship deepened, the two discovered that they had a common purpose.

Wang Youling said to Hu Xueyan: "Brother Xueyan, it's not that I have no connections, it's just that I don't have money at hand, and I can't open nine out of ten rich families."

Hu Xueyan said: "I would like to give up my family and property to help you." Wang Youling said: "I am rich, and I will never forget brother Hu."

So, Hu Xueyan sold his family property, raised several thousand taels of silver, and gave it to Wang Youling.

After Wang Youling went to the capital to apply for an official, Hu Xueyan still practiced his old business and didn't care about other people's ridicule.

A few years later, Wang Youling visited Hu Xueyan in the official uniform of the governor and asked Hu Xueyan what he wanted.

Hu Xueyan said: "Congratulations to your lucky star, I have no difficulties."

Wang Youling is a man of friendship. He took advantage of his position to order the quartermaster to go shopping in Hu Xueyan's shop.In this way, Hu Xueyan's business is getting better and bigger, and his relationship with Wang Youling is getting closer.

When his friend Wang Youling was down and down, Hu Xueyan still willingly took the risk of ruining his family to help him, and finally showed that his help to Wang Youling also helped him: after Wang Youling became prosperous, he gave Hu Xueyan a good "return".This is the magic of "burning incense in cold temple".

As the saying goes: "There are few gentlemen who give charcoal in the snow, but there are many villains who make icing on the cake." If you can help others when they encounter difficulties, they will remember you throughout their lives, and they will think of you first when they get prosperous in the future.People can't always be smooth sailing, and setbacks are inevitable.People's troubles are a test for those around them, especially for friends.People who stay away from him may become passers-by from now on, and those who sympathize with and help him tide over the difficulties, he may remember them all his life.The so-called best friends and friends in need are often formed during difficult times, and the friendship formed at this time is the most valuable and cherished.

Therefore, if you want to maintain a high popularity, those hot and famous people are worthy of friendship, but you can't ignore those who are down, as the saying goes: "Bodhisattvas in hot temples cannot be neglected, and gods in cold temples cannot be underestimated. "

(End of this chapter)