The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 28 The "Wealth" Accumulation Law in Life——Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with Friends (2)
This story is the prototype of the "Matthew Effect".He explained that when people have more, it is easier to have more, and when they have less, it is easier to have less.Actually, looking back and thinking about it carefully, everything is not static. In this world, the only constant is "change".The servant with 1000 taels of silver is not without opportunities and possibilities to make money.If he, like the other two servants, uses his 1000 taels of silver to do business, he can also earn another 1000 taels of silver, making his silver snowball like a snowball, getting bigger and bigger.Besides, what the master cares more about is whether you have done it, not the result of your doing it.Otherwise, he wouldn't have given the first two servants high marks at the same time.Unfortunately, the third servant just ignorantly buried the silver in the ground.Therefore, he even lost his original 1000 taels of silver.

Getting rich is like this, so is it not the case when interacting with people.In every aspect of our lives, the shadow of the "Matthew Effect" is everywhere.People with many friends often rely on frequent contacts and a huge social circle to make themselves have more friends; while those who lack friends will always be lonely.Therefore, we must learn to use the "Matthew Effect" to win more friends and friendship.

Xiao Yu is well-known in the circle of friends. It seems that no matter where he goes, he can always call the wind and call the rain, attracting a large group of his friends. Whenever there is something wrong with his friends, they like to ask Xiao Yu for help.Of course, this has a lot to do with Xiaoyu's personality. He is a natural optimist and open-minded. No matter where he goes, as long as he is there, you don't have to worry about being left alone.No, in the past few days, he has been busy arranging for his friend Zhang Hao.

To be honest, although Xiao Yu is very popular, Zhang Hao didn't have much confidence in calling Xiao Yu for help this time, because after all, they were all foreigners. Zhang Hao felt that no matter how capable Xiao Yu was, it was just a matter of getting to know someone with himself." The foreigners who share the same disease and pity each other".But the trouble he caused this time was dealing with the locals.It turned out that on the way to get off work, his car accidentally hit a local woman.

To be honest, there was nothing serious about the woman, but because she was a local, her attitude was rather arrogant, and she was obviously suspected of blackmail.

But Zhang Hao didn't want to make things worse, he hoped to calm down the matter as soon as possible, so he backed down repeatedly, but the woman was aggressive.So, he dialed Xiao Yu's phone.In the end, Xiao Yu helped him settle such a difficult matter with a few phone calls.After this incident, Zhang Hao felt that Xiao Yu was really not simple, and he was even more impressed by him.

Social relationships are like a net, which is always getting bigger and bigger. However, the key to making the net bigger and bigger is that you have to weave it yourself. The net itself will not automatically expand or shrink.If you just go your own way and do your own way in socializing, in the end, you can only be a lonely line, and there will not be a huge network of relationships around you.Everyone, if he wants his interpersonal relationship to be overwhelming like a net, he must first make sacrifices and concessions, and let himself become the warp or latitude of this net.Otherwise, when you need a friend, you will only find yourself alone and helpless.

Making friends does not mean that you know and trust everyone without discrimination. Friends are not simply two black words written on white paper. They are worth savoring and cherishing in a lifetime.Therefore, communication with people must first be based on mutual respect.Everyone is an independent individual with different preferences and habits. If you want to be respected by others, you must learn to respect others and treat others as you treat yourself.Second, we must learn to praise.It is human nature to like to hear good things, but please remember that the compliments here are sincere, not hypocritical "flattery".

Bacon said: "A society without friendship is a prosperous desert!" However, not everyone can be our friend, to be exact, not everyone is suitable to be our friend.The more mixed fish and dragons are, the more you need to have higher discernment, those who cannot be called "friends"

Your "friends" are like the most fragile thread in the social network, which will be broken at the slightest sign of trouble.As Mill said: "When the poor god comes quietly, the false friendship will flee in a hurry!" Therefore, in order to make our friendship net stronger, it is very important to carefully select materials when weaving the net.

Increase and decrease effect: make yourself a good person

In daily communication, whether it is someone they are familiar with or unfamiliar, people tend to like those who like them more and more, and dislike those who like them less and less.Psychologists call this psychological phenomenon presented by people in interpersonal communication as the "increase and decrease effect".

Regarding the "increase and decrease effect" in psychology, a psychologist has done a famous experiment. He divided 80 college students into four groups, and each group had seven opportunities to hear a classmate talk about their evaluation. .The method: the first group is the derogatory group, that is, the seven evaluations only talk about the shortcomings of the subjects, not the advantages; the second group is the praise group, that is, the seven evaluations only talk about the advantages of the subjects, not the shortcomings ; The third group is the group of derogation first and then praise, that is, the first four evaluations are specifically about the shortcomings of the subjects, and the last three evaluations are specifically about the advantages of the subjects; the fourth group is the group of praise before derogation, that is, the first four The evaluation specifically talks about the advantages of the subjects, while the last three evaluations specifically talk about the shortcomings of the subjects.

After the four groups of college students had listened to the classmate's evaluation of themselves, the psychologist asked them to say how much they liked the classmate.

It turned out that the students who liked the classmate the most were the college students in the first demote and then praise group, not the praise group.The reason is that they generally feel that it would be hypocritical if the student only praised or praised first and then praised, but it would be objective and sincere to criticize first and then praised, and it is easier for them to accept such an evaluation.The following story illustrates the importance of "increase and decrease effect" in communication.

During the Warring States Period, there was an old man who raised monkeys in the State of Song, and he raised many monkeys in his yard.As time goes by, the relationship between the old man and the monkey deepens day by day, and they can even have a simple "dialogue".At first, the old man gave each monkey eight chestnuts every morning and evening.A few years later, the old man's living conditions were not as good as before, and his life gradually became poor, while the number of monkeys continued to increase.So, he wanted to reduce the chestnuts fed to the monkeys from eight to seven every day.

At this time, he went to discuss with the monkeys: "Starting from today, I will give you four chestnuts every morning as usual, and I will give you three chestnuts every night. I don't know if you agree or not?" Not only was there one less chestnut in the evening than in the morning, but there was also one less chestnut than usual.So, one by one, they started to squeak and yell, and jumped around to express their dissatisfaction and protest.Seeing this, the old man quickly changed his words and said, "Then I will give you three chestnuts every morning and four chestnuts every night, so it should be all right, right?" There are still as many as before, and they roll happily on the ground.

With the same result, the old man just changed his words, and the monkey readily agreed.From this, we can see that the same is giving, but the way of giving is different, and the feeling will be very different.There is always such a tendency in human psychology, getting used to getting something, not getting used to losing it.This is like when a smart salesperson weighs something for a customer, he always grabs a small amount first, and then slowly adds it bit by bit, instead of putting in a lot at the beginning, which exceeds the amount the customer wants After that, take out a lot of them.In this way, customers will think that he has a bad service attitude and is a very stingy and fussy person.

Therefore, when communicating with a friend and giving him some advice, you must pay attention to the appropriate method and tone, so that the other party is more accustomed to accepting and adopting it.At the beginning, you can first say some shortcomings of the other party, and then give praise appropriately.In this way, the other party will think that you are very sincere, neither hypocritical touting, but also objective.

Li Fei is cooperating with Wang Guang to develop a project, but the opinions of the two people are somewhat different, and based on his years of experience and lessons, he knows very well that although Wang Guang's strategy has some merits, , there are still big loopholes. If adjustments are not made in time, the project development this time will not be successful.However, due to affection, at the same time, Wang Guang had already announced his plan to the public, so Li Fei didn't know how to open his mouth to point out the shortcomings of Wang Guang's decision-making.However, if he didn't say it, once the project failed, he and Wang Guang would not only lose their jobs, but also bring a bad negative impact on themselves in the industry.After weighing the pros and cons, he decided to point out Wang Guang's shortcomings.

As soon as he went to work in the morning, Li Fei cheered himself up and walked into Wang Guang's office. "Come in, I'm going to talk to you about our project?" Wang Guang said excitedly. "Oh, really? What, you have a good idea?" Li Fei asked agreeingly.Now that the project was mentioned, Li Fei knew that he should seize the opportunity and tell the mistakes.So, he boldly stated his thoughts and began to analyze the reasons.Li Fei said while observing the change of Wang Guang's face.He gradually noticed that Wang Guang's complexion was getting more and more strange, and it had obviously turned from sunny to cloudy.So, he changed the subject and began to talk about the correct part of Wang Guang's decision-making, and gave him positive affirmation and high evaluation.

Throughout the conversation, Li Fei devoted most of his time to affirming Wang Guang's decision, and when talking about the right decision, he was more serious than the wrong part.This not only made Wang Guang feel Li Fei's sincerity, but also felt that Li Fei was just dealing with things and not people.Later, when the project was successful, Wang Guang gave Li Fei timely advice and specially invited him to have a meal.

(End of this chapter)