The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 31 The Law of Turning Enemy into Friend in Social Communication—Psychological Strategies for Building a Good Relationship with "Enemy" (2)
In fact, it is not only in the process of enterprise management that we should make good use of the "complaint effect", but also in the process of interpersonal communication, for everyone, we should also remember to use the "complaint effect" without losing the opportunity.

In the process of dealing with interpersonal relationships, we often meet some people who like to complain.For example, if we handle certain things a little bit improperly, and slightly touch the interests of some people, it will arouse the hostility of the other party, and even provoke the other party's provocative behavior.Generally speaking, the hostility and provocation of the other party will be expressed through the language of complaints.What should we do at this time?The best way is to find ways to let the other party express their dissatisfaction and opinions.In other words, when someone complains to us, not only should we not blame the other party, but we should also encourage the other party to complain more until both parties have vented their opinions and dissatisfaction in their hearts.

Of course, it is worth noting that complaints are different from opinions and suggestions. They are sharp and piercing, which makes people feel uncomfortable; from another perspective, complaints are an expression of true feelings, and there are often truths and truths in them , There are opinions for our reference, and even a good way to solve the problem.Let's look at such a story:
Feng Xiaotian is a salesperson of an agricultural technology research institute.Once, a new type of corn seed was developed in the institute.As the sales backbone of the institute, Feng Xiaotian was appointed as the sales director.However, he encountered many difficulties in the sales process.

Once, Feng Xiaotian went to a certain place in Hebei Province to promote his new seeds. He was full of confidence, but he was poured cold water countless times after arriving there.Feng Xiaotian has been staying there for a month, but none of the villagers is willing to buy him a seed.Many villagers even dislike Feng Xiaotian's door-to-door sales activities very much, and often give Feng Xiaotian a supercilious look.This once made Feng Xiaotian very desperate.

On this day, Feng Xiaotian decided to fight with his back. If he still didn't gain anything, he decided to leave here and try his luck elsewhere.But in the face of his promotion, the villagers still complained, complaining everywhere: "What can make us get rid of poverty and become rich? It's all a lie. A few years ago, he sold us peanut seeds, and we planted your peanut seeds. The harvest was good, but no one came to collect the peanuts, and they were all rotten in the field. What’s the use? If you come to sell or enter my house again, I’ll call 110 to call the police.”

Feng Xiaotian has heard such complaints many times.Faced with such complaints from fellow villagers, Feng Xiaotian began to feel disgusted.However, Feng Xiaotian suddenly felt a sense of enlightenment today.Feng Xiaotian thought, what the villagers said made sense.Suddenly, a thought flashed through his mind:
The villagers don't think the seeds are bad, but because they are afraid that the grain they grow will not be sold. If they sign a purchase contract with the villagers in advance, can they rest assured to buy the seeds?This idea really brought Feng Xiaotian back to life.

Feng Xiaotian then found a lot of grain processing manufacturers, and first persuaded the two purchasers to sign a grain purchase contract with the villagers, and then the villagers came to buy Feng Xiaotian's new seeds one after another.His seeds were quickly sold out.

In fact, although many complaints we encounter in the communication process sound uncomfortable, they contain the true feelings of the complainers, and there are even valuable things that we can refer to.If we can grasp these valuable things, we will solve many difficulties encountered in communication.

Therefore, in the process of interpersonal communication, when facing the other party's complaints or even provocative behavior, we'd better not rush to attack and actively confront, but let the other party put all their dissatisfaction and opinions through the complaining channel. When the other party has vented, the other party's hostility and provocation towards us may disappear.Of course, it would be even better if we could listen carefully to each other's complaints and find ways and strategies to resolve the conflict.

The law of balance: eliminate the jealousy of the other party
Envy is like a demon that can kill the envied while destroying the envious himself.In other words, once jealousy arises, if it is not eliminated in time, it will only usher in a loss-losing result.When we eliminate our own jealousy, it puts us on the fast track to professional success.But at the same time, we must also be good at getting along with jealous people.

Bacon once said: "Among the various passions of human beings, there are two most deceptive minds, which are love and jealousy. These two emotions can arouse strong desires, create illusory images, and are enough to confuse people. Mind—if there is such a thing as delusion." So we know that "jealousy" is called a "bad eye" in the Bible, and a "bad star" by astrologers.That is to say, jealousy can project danger and disaster where its eyes are focused.Not only that, but there are also people who believe that the time when jealousy hurts the most is the time when the person being envied is the happiest.This, on the one hand, is due to the fact that this situation sharpens the heart of envy; on the other hand, because in this case, the envied person is the most vulnerable to blows.

It can be seen that jealousy is like a demon, which can kill the envied while destroying the envious.In other words, once jealousy arises, if it is not eliminated in time, it will only usher in a loss-losing result.This also reminds us that if we want to stay away from jealousy, we must not only not be jealous of others, but also learn to resolve other people's jealousy towards us.However, in real life, many people can't do this. Even if they can control themselves well and prevent themselves from being jealous of others, how to resolve others' jealousy of themselves?Many people are troubled by this.

Li Xiang found a good job in the customer service department of a state-owned enterprise after graduation.There are seven employees in the department, and Li Xiang is the latest to join this department.

All along, the employees in the office get along pretty well.But recently Li Xiang discovered that some colleagues gradually alienated him.For example, people in the office usually talk together, but stop talking when they see him coming; every day when Li wants to smile and say hello to them when he goes to and from get off work, they always pretend not to see him.

For this reason, Li Xiang was very surprised. After learning about it from many sources, he realized that when the company adjusted the salary a while ago, although he entered the department the latest, he was the one with the most salary increase in the department.It is precisely because of this small reason that Li Xiang was jealous of some colleagues in the department, so he was alienated and isolated by them.

After knowing the truth, Li Xiang was even more troubled. How should he solve such problems and contradictions?
In the social field and in interpersonal communication, only by eliminating our own jealousy can we embark on the fast track to career success.But at the same time, we must also be good at getting along with jealous people.So how do you get along with a jealous person?How to resolve the other party's jealousy towards us?Let's take a look at Miu Miu's example.

Miao Miao graduated from one of the top famous universities in China.When she graduated from college, she entered a nationally renowned company with little effort.After entering the company, because of her outstanding performance, it took only one year for her to be valued by the leaders and promoted to the manager's secretary.

Since she became the manager's secretary, she found that many colleagues were alienated from her. Even if she took the initiative to greet them, the other party would not answer them.Once, she came to the company early, and when she just walked in, she heard two female colleagues talking bad about her.One of them said: "Miaomiao will follow the manager's ass all day long, so the manager will promote her no matter what she does well." The other said: "You see Miaomiao looks like a goblin, Maybe she has an affair with the manager, otherwise why would the manager favor her like that? This time, the company should choose one of the two of us to promote the manager secretary, but I didn't expect that little goblin to take the lead. I'm so pissed off " After hearing these words, Miao Miao was almost pissed off, she really wanted to rush in and have a big fight with the other party, but in the end she held back.

Miaomiao understands that the reason why these people slander her is because she is better than them, and it is their jealousy at work.Therefore, if you want to live in harmony with these people, you must eliminate their jealousy.But how can we get rid of their jealousy?Miaomiao thought about it, and finally came up with a solution, which was to make the other party feel satisfied psychologically, so that she would no longer be jealous of herself.

So, in the days that followed, Miao Miao often asked those people questions, lowered her posture, and often praised them.Those people were gradually satisfied psychologically, so they stopped being jealous of Miao Miao and reconciled with her.

Why does a person feel jealous?This is because I can't bear to see others stronger than myself.Therefore, when a person is jealous of you, you must learn to lower your posture, compliment and praise the other person more, so that he can feel psychologically satisfied.In this way, the other party will no longer be jealous of us.

Hot stove effect: Never touch the bottom line of the other party

The hot stove effect means that the hot stove is red, and you can know that the stove is hot without touching it with your hands, and it will burn people. Once you accidentally touch the hot stove, you will be burned.Therefore, we must always remind ourselves not to let ourselves touch it, otherwise, we will be punished by burns.

The hot stove effect reminds us that everyone has their own bottom line—psychological bottom line.In the process of interpersonal communication, no matter what happens, people should stick to one principle: Never touch the bottom line of the other party, otherwise it will only irritate the other party, thereby arousing the other party's hatred towards us, forcing the other party to use "extraordinary means" Come and "pay back" us.In other words, no matter what kind of person we are dealing with, we must try to stay away from the bottom line of the other party.

We all know that no matter what kind of people, they have their own world outlook, outlook on life and values, as well as their own life experience and life privacy. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, everyone does not want those who are related to their own dignity and identity. Things are threatened by the slightest bit.These things related to everyone's dignity and identity are the psychological bottom line that everyone guards for themselves in interpersonal communication. Once this psychological bottom line is touched by outsiders without knowing the depth, they will definitely be "colored".

Applying the principle of the "hot stove rule", the psychological bottom line in each of us is like the burning charcoal fire in the "hot stove rule".Anyone who dares to touch the other party's psychological bottom line at the risk of being disrespectful is like "picking chestnuts out of the fire" with both hands, which will undoubtedly irritate the upper body and eventually be punished by "burning".

Xiao Li and Xiao Zhao both work in the planning department of an advertising company.Both of them have very strong personalities, and their business ability is also the strongest in the company. It may be for these reasons that they look down on each other and feel that they are the strongest.

As the saying goes: "One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers", Xiao Li and Xiao Zhao's situation in the company just corresponds to this sentence. There are always many conflicts between them in business. No matter on the surface or in secret, the competition between the two is very fierce. .

On this day, the two of them quarreled again in the conference room because of a planning idea for a copywriting.

Xiao Li said: "My idea is definitely the most suitable, no matter from which point of view, it is very suitable."

Xiao Zhao said: "Your one is suitable? Do you mean that mine is not suitable? I think your idea is outdated and has been used by many products."

When Xiao Li heard it, he became a little anxious: "What do you mean? Are you saying that I plagiarized? Who are you? What qualifications do you have to comment on my copywriting?" After Xiao Li finished speaking, he muttered: " Three-inch nails!" What did you say?Say one more thing! As soon as Xiao Zhao heard this, he rushed forward and wrestled with Xiao Li.

What does "three-inch nail" mean?Why does Xiao Zhao get so angry when he hears this word?He even scuffled with his colleagues in the company conference room regardless of face!
It turned out that Xiao Zhao was born short. As a big man, Xiao Zhao's height is less than 1.6 meters, which made Xiao Zhao feel very inferior.Xiao Zhao has also heard that some colleagues in the company secretly nicknamed himself "Three Inch Nails".Xiao Zhao was very angry when he heard about it, but his colleagues still gave Xiao Zhao face very much. No one had ever mentioned it in front of him, and Xiao Zhao was dubious.Today, in front of so many colleagues, Xiao Li openly used such a nickname to provoke him. Of course Xiao Zhao was very angry, so he didn't care about face, so he scuffled with Xiao Li in the company.

In fact, it is not a good thing for Xiao Li and Xiao Zhao when such a thing happens.Xiao Li flaunts his quick tongue for a while, and he does not hesitate to use "exposing shortcomings in front of others"

To humiliate Xiao Zhao in such a way touched Xiao Zhao's psychological bottom line and caused a big interpersonal conflict.If two people scuffle in front of colleagues in the company, they must lose face, and it may even arouse the resentment of the company's senior management, so why bother?
In the process of interpersonal communication, everyone has a bottom line in his heart. This bottom line is his last line of psychological defense. If anyone dares to touch this bottom line, he will definitely get angry and ask for trouble.As the saying goes: "You don't slap someone in the face when you hit someone, and you don't expose your faults when you expose someone", which is exactly the truth.

Of course, friction in interpersonal communication is inevitable. In the friction, one should discuss the matter as it stands in order to maintain the rationality of both parties and concentrate on solving the problem.If you engage in personal attacks, not only will not solve the problem, but it will also cause fierce conflicts, and even cause both parties to lose their minds and do stupid things.

This is also reminding us that in social situations, if we want to get along well with others, we must try our best to be considerate of others, leave room for others to maneuver, maintain their self-esteem, and take into account the face of others even if they are fierce; Qiu Shen must also keep a certain distance from the other party, away from the other party's psychological bottom line.

(End of this chapter)