The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 32 The Bridge-Building Rules for Quickly Improving Interpersonal Relationships—Psychological Strategies for Building Good Relationships with Strangers (1)
The most important thing to test a person's social skills is to see his attitude towards strangers.Don't underestimate the strangers in your life, they can bring you good news, but they can also set up obstacles for you.If you realize the transformation between the two, the key lies in whether you can understand the inner world of the other party in a short period of time, and then, do what you like and open the other party's heart!
The Primacy Effect: Your First Impressions Matter

The primacy effect refers to the impression people make when they first come into contact with something or someone.The first impression has the strongest effect and lasts for a long time, and it has a stronger effect on the overall impression of things than the information obtained later.When we meet strangers, we must pay attention to leaving a good impression on the other party when we meet for the first time.This is good for the continued "deep friendship" in the future.

Psychological research has found that when meeting someone for the first time, the first impression can be made within 45 seconds, and the first 0.25 to 4 seconds leave the deepest impression on the other party. Don't underestimate this short 4 seconds , 75% of other people's judgments and evaluations of you come from this.Therefore, whether you are real or not in the first impression of others, it will be difficult to change the impression you leave on others in the future.

Xu Fei is a graduate of a famous engineering school. When she was looking for a job after graduation, her resume stood out from the thick application materials and was included in the pre-selection list because of her professional counterpart and excellent grades.A week later, the company notified her for an interview.But when she was interviewing, she wore an overly trendy and bright jacket, a pair of worn-out low-waisted jeans, and a pair of exaggerated tropical-style earrings, which surprised the senior engineer examiners as soon as she entered the door.The examiners hurriedly ended the interview after asking a few random questions, and Xu Fei was eliminated.

Afterwards, an examiner said that in fact, the few questions Xu Fei answered that day were still very good, because it was hard to accept the moment he entered the door. However, the recruiting examiner left a first impression of being "flashy and flamboyant", and the examiner didn't bother to listen to what she answered, so her exit was inevitable.

It can be seen that the first impression can form and occupy a dominant position in the mind of the other party, and the role of the primacy effect in the interview cannot be underestimated.

Under normal circumstances, a person's posture, posture, conversation, clothing, etc. all reflect the person's inner quality and other personality characteristics to a certain extent.Although the "impression" standards of the examiners are different, there are still some common judgment standards, that is: simple and elegant dress, full of energy, full of confidence, logical conversation, humorous, and decent manners.

The primacy effect refers to the importance of first impressions.First impressions are especially important in dealing with strangers.Therefore, we must not ignore the primacy effect, and we must find ways to leave a good first impression on the other party when we meet them for the first time.Specifically, we can start from the following aspects:
First, dress appropriately.It is very reasonable that people rely on clothes and horses rely on saddles.When meeting for the first time, others have no way to understand your inner beauty, but your personality reflected in your dress can be seen at a glance.If you dress well, you will make a good impression on others.Pay attention to what you wear. It doesn't have to be the most popular and fashionable clothes, as long as they are neat and suitable for your personality and body shape.Everyone likes a person who is neatly dressed and elegant.

Second, pay attention to your manners.The words are humorous, eloquent and eloquent, neither humble nor overbearing, and will definitely leave an unforgettable impression on people.No one likes a man who speaks vulgarly.Therefore, in the process of interacting with strangers, especially when meeting for the first time, we must pay attention to our speech and behavior.

Again, make yourself personable.Demeanor is the natural expression of a person's temperament and character.The quality of demeanor can not only see a person's quality cultivation, but also can see a person's beauty and ugliness.People's speech, behavior, and dealing with others should all show a civilized and beautiful demeanor.

Finally, we must improve our self-cultivation.If you want to make a good first impression on others, you not only need to "scratch your feet temporarily", but also need to steadily improve your self-cultivation in peacetime.Improving self-cultivation is a fundamental job, which determines your first impression in the eyes of others.Clothes can be changed, but self-cultivation cannot be achieved in a day.A well-cultivated person will definitely behave generously and decently when he first contacts with others, making people feel very comfortable.On the contrary, uncultivated people will make people feel very awkward.Whether your dress is decent or not, and whether your manner is elegant, are directly related to self-cultivation.In short, the primacy effect plays a very important role in people's communication, especially when interacting with strangers, we must try to leave a good first impression on the other party.

The Pygmalion Effect: Don't Begrudge Your Compliments

When strangers meet, it is easy to form a sense of distance. If you keep silent and reserved, this distance must be difficult to break.If at this time, you can sincerely praise others based on your first impression, the distance between you will be greatly shortened.

The Pygmalion effect was proposed by the famous American psychologists Rosenthal and Jacobson in elementary school teaching. Rosenthal effect" or "expectation effect".This psychological effect implies that people, in essence, human emotions and concepts, will be subconsciously influenced by others to varying degrees, and people will even unconsciously accept the influence and hints of people they like, admire, trust and admire.

The "Pygmalion effect" gives us an important reminder that praise, trust and expectation have energy that can change people's behavior. support, thereby enhancing self-worth, becoming more confident and self-esteem, gaining a positive motivation, and trying to meet the expectations of the other party to avoid disappointment, thereby maintaining the continuity of this social support.

A little girl had a soft spot for music since she was a child, but she was excluded from the choir by her teacher because she was short and fat.The little girl hid in the park and cried sadly. "Why can't I join the choir? Am I really singing so badly?" the little girl thought sadly.

Thinking, thinking, she began to sing in a low voice, she sang one song after another until she got tired of singing. "It's so nice to sing!" At this time, a voice of praise came from not far away.It turned out that there was a kind old man sitting on a bench not far away.

"Thank you, little girl, you let me spend a pleasant afternoon." After the old man finished speaking, he stood up and walked away alone.

A sincere compliment from the gray-haired old man inspired the little girl to keep singing bravely.Many years have passed, and the little girl has become a big girl, and she is beautiful and slim, charming and charming, and has become a star among the stars.However, she will never forget the old man on the park bench.

One winter afternoon, the girl went to the park to find her grandfather.But, she was disappointed, there was only one long, lonely armchair.

"Praise and encouragement can turn an idiot into a genius; criticism and sarcasm can turn a genius into an idiot." This is the power of praise. Sincere praise is not only a display of a person's temperament, but also a lubricant for the wheels of the vehicle of communication .Therefore, when interacting with people, you must learn to praise others sincerely.When two strangers meet, it is easy to form a sense of distance. If you keep silent and reserved, this distance must be difficult to break.If at this time, you can sincerely praise others based on your first impression, the distance between you will be greatly shortened.The next communication, presumably will be more smooth.

During the French Revolution, an important leader of the Jacobin faction was attacked and assassinated by his opponents. In desperation, he jumped into a residential building with its windows open.After entering the house, the young man found a blond old lady in gorgeous pajamas, wearing gold-rimmed glasses, sitting in front of the bed and reading a book.

The old lady was startled at seeing someone jumping in through the window, but she still kept the composure of a lady, when she put the book on the bed, approached the stunned young man, and said: "Sir, I think you went to the wrong room!" At this time, although the old lady was in her twilight years, her age could not cover her nobility and dignity, and her charm still remained.

"No, I didn't go wrong, it's just that I was 30 years late. If this moment was 30 years ago, I would definitely bow down to your pomegranate skirt with a rose in my hand!" The young man had an idea and sincerely praised. "Don't tell me, when I was young, I had countless suitors." The old lady replied proudly.

At first, the old lady thought that the young man was just an idle thief, but later she realized that the young man offended her out of desperation to avoid being killed.After dispelling the worries in her heart, the old lady bravely helped the young man escape the catastrophe!
The power of praise is often beyond people's expectations. It is better than beautiful music in the morning, singing in the deep memory of others forever.Therefore, no matter from which point of view, praise is one of the indispensable means in people's communication.Try to observe those people around you who are comfortable in social situations, and you will find that they never hesitate to praise them.Even for "strangers" who meet for the first time, they will give each other sincere compliments in a timely manner based on their first impression of each other.

Through praise, the sense of distance between each other will soon disappear, and everyone will become acquaintances who are very close to each other from strangers who are not familiar with each other.In this way, no matter how complicated the next topic is, your communication has already had a good start, and a good start is half the battle.

Therefore, the next time you interact with a stranger you have never met, don't be stingy with your compliments, let alone feel that it is an embarrassing thing to praise a stranger.

The Law of Listening: Give strangers more opportunities to speak first
Everyone is born with a desire to confide, and a desire to confide in his heart, and everyone also has a desire to have someone listen to him. This is the "Law of Confidence".In the process of interpersonal communication, we should be aware of people's psychology and learn to be a serious listener, which can also help us win a favorable position in interpersonal communication.

When it comes to communication, we will naturally think of "speaking", and when it comes to effective communication, we will naturally think of "learning to speak", because we all believe that only by being able to speak can we improve the efficiency of communication and be able to communicate effectively. Really win a favorable position in interpersonal communication.

In fact, learning to listen can also allow us to win a favorable position in interpersonal communication.Because everyone is born with a desire to confide, a desire to confide what is in their heart, and everyone also has a psychology of hoping someone will listen to them. This is the "confident effect".

If in the process of communication, actively "speaking" is offensive, then learning to "listen" is to adopt "defensive". communicate.If there is only offensiveness and just talking blindly, the other party will not really enter the communication. Sometimes the continuous way of speaking will even give people an aggressive feeling, which is actually keeping people out of communication. It is difficult to achieve good communication results.Therefore, in the process of interpersonal communication, we must also learn to listen.

Listening is also one of the best ways to communicate. Listening attentively can help us win communication easily.Dale Carnegie once said such a thing in his book "The Weakness of Human Nature":

Once, Carnegie went to a large banquet.At the banquet, he sat down with a botanist.During the meal, the botanist and Carnegie talked about marijuana, indoor gardens, and potatoes, and told Carnegie how to solve some common garden problems.Although Carnegie was not very interested in these things, he still listened carefully and tried to agree with the other party.When the banquet was over, the botanist praised Carnegie to the host of the banquet, and became good friends with Carnegie.

Why did botanists become good friends with Carnegie?The reason is simple, he has a desire to express, and Carnegie has become his loyal audience.In fact, everyone has the desire to express, if there is someone who can listen to us seriously and with relish, we will easily fall in love with him.

DeWalt Frow, a brilliant diplomat who had served as Morgan's legal secretary, later dabbled in politics and was appointed ambassador to Mexico by President Coolidge.

For the United States, the ambassador to Mexico was a very tricky position, because the relationship between the United States and Mexico was not good at that time.Therefore, for Fro, meeting Mexican President Carlos for the first time is a very historic moment.But how do you make a good impression on Kars?Fro thought about this problem for a long time, and finally came up with a good way.

The next day, when meeting with Frow, Frow did not talk eloquently, but induced Kars to speak, listened carefully, and agreed with the other party.This made Kars feel respected, so he was very polite to Fro, and gave Fro a high evaluation.

From the above example, we can see that if we listen carefully to what others say, it will make them feel respected, and thus have a good impression of you and become your friend.But unfortunately, many people nowadays don't know how to listen. They only know how to express their own opinions, but they don't give others the right to speak. Ramblings; they can’t wait to express their views and opinions before others can hear clearly; others are talking to them with great interest, but their minds are wandering, their eyes are squinting, and they are still fiddling with this and that in their hands... …Who would want to hang out with someone like that?Who would like to be friends with such a person?

A psychologist once said: "Listening to other people's conversations with sympathy and understanding, I think this is the most effective way to maintain interpersonal relationships and friendship." It can be seen that speaking is an art, and listening is even more art art in.Listening is a kind of respect, a kind of respect, a kind of understanding, a kind of devotion to others, and it is the most precious gift to friends.

Therefore, when we talk to others, we must be a person who knows how to listen.So, how can this be done?

First of all, you must show a certain sincerity when you listen.Listening to other people's conversations will always consume time and energy. If you really have something that you can't listen to, then you can politely bring it up directly.It feels much better than trying to listen or pretending to listen.To listen is to listen sincerely. It is very beneficial to ourselves and others. It is very worthwhile to arrange your own time to listen to other people's conversations.

(End of this chapter)