The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 33 The Bridge-Building Rules for Quickly Improving Interpersonal Relationships—Psychological Strategies for Building Good Relationships with Strangers (2)
Secondly, in the process of listening, give feedback without losing the opportunity.Talkers often hope that their experience will be understood and supported, so if we can add some short words without losing the opportunity during the listening process, such as "right", "that's it", "you are right", etc. or nod and smile to express Understanding can encourage the speaker to continue and resonate.Of course, even so, we still need to listen quietly, face the talker, communicate with the talker's eyes, and listen carefully with a sincere heart.

Finally, we must be good at hearing "overtones".A smart listener can't just be satisfied with superficial listening comprehension, but also understand the real intention of the talker.Only in this way can real communication and communication be achieved.

Social Anxiety: It's Not Hard To Be Friends With Strangers
"Social phobia" is like a devil, it will suddenly appear when we most need to make friends with strangers easily, set up obstacles for us, and affect our interpersonal activities.So, how to overcome "social anxiety"?No one can do us this favor but ourselves.Therefore, starting from ourselves, let us bravely cross the hurdle of "social fear".

In real life, a considerable number of people will have a psychological burden when they meet strangers, and in many cases this burden will even evolve into a kind of psychological fear.People with this kind of mentality, when they appear in strange places or meet strangers, they will speak incoherently and affect communication; in severe cases, their faces will be flushed, cold sweats all over their bodies, and their legs will tremble... Although these symptoms are far from being reached. The degree of "social phobia", but this kind of psychology has a negative impact on normal social activities.In psychology it is called "social anxiety".

Xiao Wang graduated from the Computer Department of a prestigious university in Beijing.When he was in school, Xiao Wang had excellent grades in all subjects, received scholarships every year, and was also very beautiful.According to her conditions, it is not difficult at all to find a good job after graduation.However, it has been nearly two years since she graduated, and she still hasn't found a job.

Why did this happen?It turned out that Xiao Wang was a very shy person.Even in school, Xiao Wang seldom interacts with people. From elementary school to university, Xiao Wang has never participated in any large-scale activities alone, because she never dared to speak in public.When she was in school, she put all her energy into her studies.

After graduation, Xiao Wang encountered big trouble when looking for a job.For example, when going to an interview, other students are eloquent, afraid that they will not be able to show their talents in a certain aspect, but every time Xiao Wang stands in front of the examiner, he is very nervous. Sometimes his hands will sweat, and sometimes his legs will feel weak. , Many times even the simplest self-introduction cannot be completed smoothly.Because of this, Xiao Wang lost many good opportunities.This took a toll on her mentally.

Later, Xiao Wang simply lost the confidence to submit his resume.Therefore, the work has been delayed.

In fact, the reason why Xiao Wang is like this is precisely because of her social fear.It can be seen from Xiaowang's experience that she had few opportunities to communicate with people since she was a child, and she was not trained. As a result, she did not develop a good social psychology, so she dared not communicate with people, let alone strangers.

In fact, there are many people like Xiao Wang around us, precisely because they have a kind of social fear, which is especially obvious when facing strangers.For these people, if they want to easily communicate with strangers, they must learn to effectively resolve their social fear in front of strangers.In this regard, we offer the following suggestions:

First, don't demand too much of yourself.Many people have very high demands on themselves, especially in front of strangers. They are afraid of leaving a bad first impression on the other party, so they think twice and shrink back. Little do they know that the more they are afraid of what will happen, the more likely they will be in this state of mind. easy to happen.

Because of too much pursuit of perfection and too high demands on oneself, it is easy to worry about gain and loss, so that you are at a loss in front of strangers; you care too much about what the other person thinks of you, and you want to get the other's approval, you will lose yourself, so that you are in front of strangers. Make a fool of yourself... So, in front of strangers, don't ask too much of yourself, the most important thing is to be the truest self.In this way, we will eliminate the psychological fear.

Second, learn to adjust your breathing.We need to use our lungs to exhale air every moment when speaking. If the breathing disorder is caused by tension, then we will have abnormal conditions when speaking, for example, stuttering, unable to fully express our meaning, and speaking hesitantly.People who are often too nervous to speak in front of strangers can properly adjust their breathing before speaking to relieve their nervousness, and then organize their words in an orderly manner according to their own thoughts.In addition, taking deep breaths before speaking and adjusting our breathing conditions can also help our bodies take in enough oxygen, keep our minds clear and maintain quick thinking, which is also conducive to our verbal expression.

Third, focus on being in front of strangers without distractions.People who are nervous in the face of strangers often have the phenomenon of "wandering mind".In fact, if we can make our brains run at a high speed when facing strangers, our expressions will be very smooth and our speech will not be confused.

In addition, if we can maintain a high degree of concentration when speaking, we can devote ourselves to the situation of speaking at any time and respond to the other party in a timely manner. This will also make the other party feel valued and the mood will naturally rise.Our mood will also be relaxed, allowing us to devote ourselves to an interesting conversation.It's also a great way to combat social anxiety.

Fourth, let yourself face it bravely.In front of strangers, people with social anxiety tend to show evasion in social situations, fearing that they will make a fool of themselves and not face it.In fact, avoidance does not eliminate tension, it will make us feel weak, so that we will be more nervous next time.Moreover, we live in this society and must communicate with people. Sooner or later, we all have to face it.The best way to overcome social anxiety is to face it bravely!As a psychologist pointed out: "What we are afraid of is not the thing itself, but ourselves!" That is to say, in the face of social fear, the key is to see if we can bravely take the first step step!Learn to face it bravely!
Self-protection psychology: cleverly eliminate the psychological "barrier" of strangers

Everyone has a more or less defensive mentality towards others, which is determined by human nature.When facing strangers, people will be more defensive.This reminds us that when we meet strangers, it is necessary for us to eliminate the other party's defense against us first.This kind of defensive psychology is called "self-protection psychology" in psychology.

It is indeed difficult to open your heart at once between strangers.This is because each of us is born with a sense of self-preservation.

People's self-protection psychology will be more obvious when facing strangers.In addition, many of us have been told since childhood: "Don't talk to strangers, don't trust strangers easily." This further strengthens our self-protection psychology when facing strangers. We usually stubbornly believe that strangers It is not trustworthy, it is best not to talk or deal with strangers easily.

The direct consequence of the "self-protection psychology" is that when we get along with strangers, we will have a strong defense against each other, which makes the two parties unable to communicate well.Of course, this also reminds us that when we communicate with strangers, we must realize that we are also strangers in the eyes of the other party. If we want to communicate smoothly, we must first eliminate the defense of the other party.When we eliminate each other's defensiveness, the initial trust between each other can be established; with trust, the communication can really start, and the communication can continue.

(End of this chapter)