The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 34 The Bridge-Building Rules for Quickly Improving Interpersonal Relationships—Psychological Strategies for Building Good Relationships with Strangers (3)
So, how to eliminate the defensiveness among strangers?When facing strangers, we must learn to be honest with strangers appropriately.Modern people are very defensive. I am guarding against you, and you are also guarding against me. "Only talk about three points when meeting people, don't throw all your heart away"

It has become a rule for many people to live in the world.In this case, it is easy to gain the other party's goodwill and eliminate the other party's defensive psychology by being honest and honest with strangers.So, how to be properly open and honest with strangers?

Let's look at such a short story:

Four people lived in one room of a hotel next to a train station at the same time.The four did not know each other, and no one spoke at first.

When it was almost time for dinner, the tallest person said, "Hello, everyone! Where are you going? I'm going to Zhejiang to start a small business tomorrow. Is there anyone who goes the same way? ? If we go the same way, we can walk together and take care of each other. It’s not easy for everyone to go out.”

As soon as the tall man finished speaking, the oldest one said, "I'm from Zhejiang. But I won't go back to Zhejiang tomorrow. I'll go north to Beijing tomorrow. Where did you go to Zhejiang? Zhejiang is a good place. How many times have you been there?" travel travel."

"Are you going to Beijing? Then we are going the same way. I will also take the train to Beijing tomorrow. We won't be on the same train, right?" The short, fat but young man heard that the older man was going Beijing, just took the call.

While the short and fat young man was talking, the thinnest man came over and said to the tall man, "Is that so? I'm going to Yiwu, Zhejiang Province tomorrow to buy goods. We can go the same way. Where are you going in Zhejiang?" "I'm not going to Yiwu, I'm going to Hangzhou, but we have a long way to go together, let's go together tomorrow."

Next, the four chatted a lot.Finally, the four of them had dinner together.The next day, the two people who went north got on the train together, and the two people who went south also got on the train together.

How did four strangers who didn't know each other get together?Thanks to the tall guy's opening line: "Guys guys"

This title immediately brought the four of them closer together; next, the tall man frankly stated the destination and purpose of the trip—"I'm going to Zhejiang to do some small business tomorrow."This sentence eliminated the defensiveness of the other three people towards him.It was after hearing this sentence that the other three people felt that this person was quite honest, so their psychological defenses were naturally lifted, which aroused interest and motivation for the conversation, and then they had the next "deep talk".It can be seen that in the process of interacting with strangers, only by opening the other party's heart with sincerity can we truly eliminate the other party's psychological defenses, thereby building trust, and then start real communication.

Compared with the past, modern people are indifferent, but their hearts are more eager than ever for the enthusiasm of others.It is not difficult to understand that in the process of interacting with strangers, a kind smile or a gentle reminder can easily eliminate the defense of the other party and make the other party feel friendly towards us.Therefore, when we interact with strangers, we might as well be more enthusiastic.

Dare to admit mistakes and take the initiative to eliminate misunderstandings and hostility
No matter how shrewd and capable a person is, he will inevitably make some mistakes, and people also have a kind of inertial thinking, that is, after discovering that they have made mistakes, the idea of ​​​​wanting to hide them will always appear in their minds, fearing that once the mistakes are made After finding out, it was a very embarrassing thing.

In fact, there is no shame in admitting mistakes.On the contrary, in a sense, it is still a kind of "heroic" behavior.

Mistakes are unavoidable for everyone, as Hugo said: "It is the rule of man to make as few mistakes as possible; it is the dream of angels not to make mistakes. People in the world are bound to make mistakes." .Mistakes are like a kind of gravity.” Therefore, what is terrible is not making mistakes, but your reaction and attitude after making mistakes.

On Harvey's first day at work, due to his lack of understanding and proficiency in the working environment and links, it was inevitable that he would make mistakes in his work. Sure enough, when he got off work on the first day, he submitted a wrong report to the president.Early the next morning, after discovering his mistake, Harvey broke out in a cold sweat, but he knew that such a mistake would directly damage the company's interests.So, he told the matter to his colleague in the same office who was in charge of the report with him.But the colleague immediately spread his hands and said: "I just provide the data, the report is your problem."

After a fierce ideological struggle, Harvey decided to report the matter to the boss.Since Harvey admitted the mistake in a timely manner, the president has not yet dealt with the wrong report, that is to say, the company has not suffered any losses due to it.Even so, Harvey still felt that his job would definitely be lost, so he was mentally prepared to be fired.However, the president was overwhelmed by Harvey's courage to admit his mistakes. Not only did he not fire him, but he valued him more in his future work.

No matter how shrewd and capable a person is, he will inevitably make some mistakes, and people also have a kind of inertial thinking, that is, after discovering that they have made mistakes, the idea of ​​​​wanting to hide them will always appear in their minds, fearing that once the mistakes are made After finding out, it was a very embarrassing thing.

In fact, there is no shame in admitting mistakes.On the contrary, in a sense, it is still a kind of "heroic" behavior.

For the sooner a mistake is admitted, the easier it is to correct and remedy it.Moreover, it is easier to get forgiveness from others if you take the initiative to admit your mistakes than to admit your mistakes after criticism from others.What's more, one mistake will not ruin your future prospects, but what really hinders your progress is the attitude of unwillingness to take responsibility and even less willing to correct mistakes.

Linlin made an appointment the night before with a Mr. Wang whom she had never met to discuss business at a guild hall at 9 a.m. the next morning. As a result, after Linlin got into a taxi, traffic jams began.

Although on the way, Linlin explained to Mr. Wang that she was stuck in traffic and asked him to wait patiently.However, Mr. Wang couldn't sit still when he didn't see Linlin until 9:30.It was nearly 10 o'clock when Linlin appeared in a panic. Mr. Wang was a very anxious person. When he saw Linlin, he said angrily at the first sentence: "Don't come, what time is it?" ? Do you have a sense of time, your house is the only traffic jam in Beijing?"

Linlin was already full of anger in the taxi, but after hearing what Mr. Wang said, she became even more angry.However, she still restrained the anger that had rushed into her throat, and tried to make her voice sound calm: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry..." After Linlin said "I'm sorry" five times in a row , Mr. Wang's frown obviously relaxed a little.

During the conversation, Linlin's mood quickly stabilized, and she expressed her apology to Mr. Wang more than once.In the end, when the two broke up, Mr. Wang not only calmed down, but also took the initiative to leave Linlin's phone number.Later, the two became good partners.

If you have the courage to admit your mistakes, not only will you not lose anything, but you will have more.Especially when meeting people for the first time, the courage to admit mistakes is a good method used by those who wander in the social field. It can eliminate the hostility and misunderstanding between each other as soon as possible, and open a window for everyone's next communication.

In fact, in many cases, a sincere "I'm sorry" is like a softener, which can easily resolve mutual misunderstandings and grievances, leaving room for both parties to retreat.But there are some people who are very stingy with these three words and never say it easily, thinking that it is a kind of "showing weakness".The result of this is nothing more than that the two people who could have been friends have since parted ways and become real strangers.

Therefore, as long as it is a wrong situation caused by yourself, you should have the courage to bear it, instead of deliberately avoiding it, let alone blindly talking.If a person has the courage to admit his mistakes, it will not only clear up his guilt, but also help to solve various problems caused by this mistake, and more importantly, it will not cause more serious interpersonal conflicts, and will not Cause others to misunderstand and hostile to us because of this.

(End of this chapter)