The Psychology of Microexpressions: Psychological Strategies in Relationships

Chapter 40 The Rule of Knowing People to Shield "Danger"—Psychological Strategies to Draw a Clear Boundary with Villains (3)
In fact, interpersonal communication is mutual, not one-way; it is long-term, not temporary. others, it will eventually harm themselves.Those who harm others benefit themselves at the expense of others. Perhaps because of the clever and concealed means, the harmer can temporarily achieve his goal, but paper cannot contain fire after all. There will be no eternal secrets in this world. When people lose their reputations, such examples can be seen everywhere.It can be seen that harming others will eventually harm oneself.When a victimizer pushes others into danger, it is difficult for him to get rid of the responsibility.Therefore, "Don't have the intention of harming others", don't have evil thoughts towards others, and don't keep thinking about how to harm others.

Of course, although you can’t have the intention to harm others, you can’t have the heart to guard against others. We have already said that the most difficult thing to figure out in the world is the human heart, especially in a modern society where competition is becoming more and more fierce. If we are unguarded in the process of socializing, then we may be hurt badly by others.

Let's look at another little story:

Mr. Wang was traveling alone and met a passenger on the plane.After the plane landed, the two got off the plane together and picked up the luggage together.

Before going through the customs, the new friend said to Mr. Wang: "I have too much luggage, can you please help me to take one."

Mr. Wang thought to himself that he didn't have many things anyway, so he took them over with one hand.But what Mr. Wang didn't expect was that there were drugs hidden in that luggage bag.

We can imagine what happened next.Mr. Wang was arrested by customs officers on charges of drug smuggling.

When he was taken away by the customs, Mr. Wang yelled loudly at his "friend" who was still undergoing inspection at another checkpoint, but the new "friend"

But he said he didn't know him.

All in all, "You must not have the heart to harm others, and you must not have the heart to guard against others." If you say it too big, it is the wisdom of being a human being, and if you say it too small, it is the scheming of dealing with things.

In the process of interpersonal communication, we will encounter various difficulties and things, and we will also face all kinds of people, but no matter what, we should not be harmful to others, and of course we should not be defenseless.

The distance effect: don't get too close to hypocrites

In the process of interpersonal communication, I am most afraid of encountering hypocrites.Once you're stalked by a hypocrite, it's hard to get out.Those hypocritical people are often "speaking like a sword", and their hearts are like snakes and scorpions. They only base their happiness on the basis of benefiting themselves at the expense of others.Therefore, once you encounter a hypocritical villain, please be sure to keep a distance from him, and never get too close.

In the process of interpersonal communication, people are most afraid of encountering hypocrites.Once you're stalked by a hypocrite, it's hard to get out.What is a hypocrite?Generally speaking, hypocrites refer to those who appear to be decent and noble, but are actually despicable and shameless.The scary thing about hypocrites is that they often let you get hurt unsuspectingly.People are used to using the idiom "mouth honey, belly sword" to describe a hypocrite. The origin of the idiom "mouth honey belly sword" is related to a hypocrite, he is Li Linfu, Minister of the Ministry of War of Emperor Xuanzong Li Longji.

In terms of talent, Li Linfu can be described as a generation of talented people. He can write good calligraphy and paint well, but he is extremely hypocritical in his life, and as an official in the court, he will only blindly accommodate and cater to Tang Xuanzong's will.Not only that, he also used some improper methods to make friends with eunuchs and concubines who were trusted by Tang Xuanzong.

Therefore, he was very favored by Xuanzong, and he had been an official in the court for more than ten years.

When Li Linfu came into contact with ordinary people, he always showed a very friendly appearance, and said all the nice and kind words that could be said.But in fact, his temperament is completely opposite to his superficial attitude. He is a very treacherous and sinister person, who often uses bad ideas to harm others.

After a long time, people around discovered Li Linfu's hypocrisy. Everyone said behind his back that he "has honey in his mouth and a sword in his belly", that is, he has a sweet mouth and a sharp sword in his heart.

People like Li Linfu are very scary, because they have duplicity, and if they are not careful, they will be hurt.So later generations used "mouthful honey belly sword" to describe hypocritical people like Li Linfu.

The play "The Hypocrite" by the French classical dramatist Molière also successfully created the image of a "hypocrite", which can also help us understand the real "hypocrite":
There was a rich merchant in Paris, Orgon, who was very much appreciated by the king.He is a devout Catholic. Every time he comes to the church, he will meet such a believer. He kneels on his knees, concentrates on praying to God, sometimes gets excited, sometimes sighs, sometimes sheds tears, respectful to God, and finally To kiss the ground.Whenever Orgon left, the man rushed to the door first and offered him holy water.Orgon is attracted to him.Upon inquiry, Orgon learned that his name was Tartuffe.Later, Orgon took Tartuff into his own home.At the beginning, Tartuffe was able to be careful and devout, but after a long time, the tail of the fox appeared——Tartauf was actually a treacherous villain and a complete hypocrite. Orgon's wife Elmir.

Everyone hates Tartuffe, but Orgon trusts him very much, and he plans to marry his daughter to Tartuffe.Once, Orgon's wife Elmir tried to persuade Tartuffe to give up her marriage with her daughter, but Tartuffe shamelessly wooed her, saying: "Your beauty is a miracle from heaven, and to love you is to love you." Creator. If I am wrong, I can only blame you for being too beautiful." Later, Tartuffe tricked Orgon into giving half of his property to himself.When faced with money and property, he said hypocritically: "I didn't care about property at first, the reason I accepted it was because I was afraid of being misused by bad people.

They share this furniture and behave mischievously in the society, but I have a kind heart and mainly use it for the honor and welfare of God. "

In the end, Elmir tricked Orgon to see through Tartuff's despicable deeds.The king also ordered Tartuff to be arrested, and the property returned to Orgon.

It can be seen that if you get too close to a hypocritical person, it is like planting a "time bomb" in your life, which may "explode" anytime, anywhere.When this "bomb" finally "explodes", it will not only damage our property, but also our deceived hearts.Therefore, once we encounter hypocritical and treacherous villains, please be sure to keep a distance from them, and never get too close to them.

Specifically, what distance should be kept?This involves a term in psychology - the distance effect.People generally call the phenomenon that the spatial distance and the psychological distance have an inverted U-shaped relationship as the "distance effect".According to the research, under normal circumstances, a medium-level space distance can produce the most psychological attraction effect and make the two parties communicate harmoniously, while a space distance that is too close or too far will cause people to have the effect of psychological repulsion or alienation. impede interpersonal communication.Therefore, we must keep a medium distance from those villains who talk about honey and swords.

Specifically, we can start from the following five aspects:

The first point, do not expose hypocritical people publicly because of a sense of justice. Hypocritical people never think that they are treacherous, and they will never realize that they are not kind. They have high sensitivity, sharp eyes like eagles, and sharp tongues. Jian, once we offend him, we will regret it too much.

The second point, even if you hate him very much, you have to get along with him on the surface.It is best to maintain a plain superficial relationship with hypocritical people, and never be as close as friends, because once they turn their backs, they will often catch you by surprise, and you will be unable to eat.

The third point is to be cautious when talking to hypocritical people, and polite greetings are enough.If you criticize or talk about other people's privacy when you are talking to hypocritical people, it will definitely become a tool for them to stir up trouble, or as a bargaining chip to retaliate against you in the future; if they criticize or talk about other people's privacy, you must stop immediately, one sentence Don't listen, because no matter what, they will definitely blame you-this is the mentality of a villain!
The fourth point, it is best not to have any interest relationship with hypocritical people.If you can gain a little from a hypocrite, it can only mean that you have more to lose in the near future.Because they must demand double returns, you will definitely lose more because of small gains, and the gains outweigh the losses.

Fifth point, when dealing with hypocritical people, it’s okay to suffer some small losses, otherwise, not only will it be difficult to get justice, but even greater hatred may form.Therefore, when interacting with hypocritical people, endure as much as you can, and don't worry too much.

(End of this chapter)