Modern social etiquette and eloquence

Chapter 34 Love etiquette and eloquence between men and women (3)
"When will I have time to knit a sweater for your elder brother? My knitting skills are not bad. I knit the sweater on Dongming's body. What do you think, Auntie?"

"I can do all kinds of housework, so if you need me to do anything, just let Dongming call me."

No matter how they treat themselves, they can treat them objectively and calmly, which includes your love for their son, so they will accept and accommodate you soon.

After mastering the above conversation skills, you can successfully meet your boyfriend's parents, and you will also carry on your love to the end amidst the praise of your boyfriend's parents.

In a passionate relationship, mastering the speaking skills of visiting the parents of both parties can enhance the mutual understanding between the two people, and make the parents of both parties a huge force to push the wheel of love forward.

[-]. Ways to refuse courtship
Being loved is a kind of happiness, if the person who loves you is the person you love.However, if the person who loves you is not your ideal person, or you don't like him at all, you will not feel that being loved is a kind of happiness, and you may feel disgusted or even painful, which you don't need Love has become your mental burden instead.

If someone loves you and woos you, he (she) is not wrong; if you do not love him (her), you refuse his (her) love, and you are also wrong.The most important thing is how to refuse. If the rejection is just right, it will be a relief for both parties. It will make the other party step down and save a lot of trouble.If you don't show manners and refuse courtships well, you risk hurting others, and sometimes yourself.

When making friends for the first time, you may have had such a dilemma, because her or his conditions are really unlovable.However, because it was introduced by your family, your leader, or the child of an important person, it is difficult for you to refuse. Although every time you meet each other, you will feel uncomfortable and unhappy, but when you think of the other party's identity, you want to refuse many times. It is not easy to export.Sometimes, maybe it is difficult for you to say "no" in order to save the other person's face. You are tortured by this redundant love and don't know what to do.There are too many people in this kind of contradiction in their lives.

How to say "no" to the person who loves you, and let the other person accept this reality without hurting the other person?

There are many ways to refuse courtship. In terms of form, you can use letters, talk orally, or entrust others.But no matter what method you use, it must be done just right.The following suggestions are available for reference.

1. Tell the truth to avoid misunderstanding

If you already have a lover and meet a suitor, then tell the other party directly and clearly that you already have a lover and ask him to choose someone else, and you must show that you love your lover very much.At the same time, avoid showing off the strengths and strengths of your lover to the suitor, so as not to hurt the other's self-esteem.

2. Explain the situation and persuade with good words
If you think that you are too young to think about personal relationship issues, then explain the situation and persuade the other party with good words.

3. Decline politely
If you don't like the suitor and there is no basis for establishing love at all, you can politely decline on the basis of respecting the other party.For men with strong self-esteem and women with heavy shyness, it is suitable for tactful and indirect rejection.Because people with this kind of mentality often overcome great psychological obstacles and muster up the courage to express their feelings. Once they are flatly rejected, they will easily feel hurt, and even die of pain, or take extreme measures. To balance your emotional wounds.Therefore, to reject their love, the attitude must be sincere, and the words must be very careful.You can tell him (her) how you feel, let him (her) understand that you only treat him (her) as a friend, as a colleague or as a brother and sister, you hope your relationship can be maintained at this level, you don’t want to Hurt him (her), and won't tell your secrets to others.

You might as well say: "I think our personalities are too different, I'm afraid it's not suitable."

"You are a lovely girl, many people like you, you will find the right one."

"You are a very good man, I respect you a lot, can we be friends forever?"

"My parents don't want me to fall in love so early, I don't want to break their hearts."

If these people with a lot of self-esteem and shyness don't show love directly, but imply their feelings implicitly with words and deeds, then you can also take the same approach, using language that implies rejection, and using appropriate indifference or alienation to make them (She) understands your mind.

Remember, when rejecting others, never directly point out or attack the other party's shortcomings or weaknesses, because what you think is a shortcoming or weakness may not be considered a shortcoming by some people.Therefore, you cannot reject the other party with a sense of superiority that "the other party is not as good as yourself".Especially for some young women with superior conditions, they should not think that other people's courtship is "a lame toad wants to eat swan meat", dismissive, and have a blunt attitude, which is unacceptable.

4. Cold and decisive

If the suitor is the kind of person who is morally corrupt or breaks the law, your attitude must be decisive.The rejection letter should be indifferent, and there is no need to reprimand such people. It only needs a few words to express your attitude, but the wording and tone should be rigorous, so as not to make the other party think that there is "there is still room".

For a person who is extremely jealous, you don't have to be too tactful. You can tell him (her) clearly that you don't love him (her), and you have no possibility with him (her). This will prevent him (her) from being suspicious of others.If you have another love, it is best not to let him (her) know, otherwise it may aggravate his (her) jealousy, and even be provoked to take extreme revenge.In addition, if the other party keeps pestering you after you refuse, then you must first carefully check whether your refusal attitude is clear and firm, and whether the other party has misunderstood; Come forward to persuade; if the other party threatens you, then don't be afraid, and report to the leader in time.Do grooming work through the organization.

[-]. Etiquette when love breaks up

There was an unknown story between the famous Russian novelist and playwright Chekhov and the female writer Avinova, which was an episode in their lifelong friendship.

Avinova was a happy wife and mother of three children, but she fell in love with the young Chekhov, who was not yet married.One day, she delivered an exquisite package to Chekhov through the editor-in-chief of the "Russian Thought" magazine.Chekhov opened it in surprise, and a beautiful little box appeared in front of him. Inside the box was a small and exquisite gold watch pendant. set".He turned it over and over again, and found that there was also a line of small characters on the back: lines 3 and 267 on page 6.He cleverly followed this hint and turned to that page. It turned out to be a sentence from Chekhov's novel "The Neighbor": "If you need my life anytime, just come and take it."

This is a statement of love that couldn't be more obvious.Chekhov thought of Avinova's beautiful appearance, rich emotions and outstanding talent... However, he treasured this precious gift and began to think calmly: she loves him, and the gate of her affection has been closed. Open up to him; he understands her conflicts and pain.At this time, if both of them take a step towards each other, her family will inevitably split.A writer is a person who shapes people's souls, he should have more noble sentiments, and what he praises to people should be a beautiful heart and a model image... However, he likes Avinova, and he needs her friendship.So he replied to Avinova with an impassioned but sensible letter.In the letter, he candidly pointed out the shortcomings in her work and sincerely hoped that her work would continue to come out.Since then, his visits to her have decreased.

The relationship between a man and a woman has been constantly cut and disordered since ancient times.When a pair of lovers get along well, they often only have each other in their eyes, and even love each other's mistakes, but when they break up, they can't wait for the other party to disappear from the earth immediately.Is there any way for us to get together with him (or her)?
Emotional matters vary from person to person, love is deep and love is shallow, only you know best, others have no right to comment, and each person has a different way of dealing with emotions, some like to cut the mess quickly, and some like to cut the knot.But when you want to break up, it is best to adopt some techniques to make the breakup rational and smooth, and reduce some unnecessary sequelae.

A male student keeps asking a girl to watch a movie.She was not interested in him and didn't want to go, so she replied to him: "You are so busy, how can you be free?" However, the male student thought that he "still had a chance" instead of "being rejected".Under such circumstances, the man still spends time to date the female student. After several attempts and finally realizes that he is hopeless, he may turn around and blame the female student for wasting so much time!
Another female student handled it better.She broke up with her boyfriend. The boyfriend picked out dozens of photos taken with her in chronological order in the past few years, and then wrote a letter and a photo every day, trying to win back the girl's heart.The girl was very moved, and called the boy and said: "I am very touched by you doing this, but I must confess to you that this is useless... I am really sorry." The girl also cried on the phone, but she succeeded The boy got a clear message.

You can love the other person without accepting the other person, but you must share his feelings, understand his feelings and painstaking efforts.There is a saying in negotiation: "Remember, keep agreeing with the other party until the other party agrees with us." The key to this sentence is to separate "behavior" from "feeling", agree with his feelings, but disagree with his Behavior.Because you have to agree with his feelings, when your boyfriend and girlfriend break up, it's best not to break up too quickly.

Some men and women like to say nothing after breaking up, not seeing each other, making phone calls, or writing letters.As far as the party who wants to break up is concerned, it is natural and clean to be so free and easy, but as far as the party who is "dumped" is concerned, from "yes" to "no", it will suddenly fall to the bottom of disappointment.

In order to avoid this situation, you can consider using a gradual breakup.

You can still make phone calls, but the frequency can be reduced, and the topic can gradually become limited to daily life and no longer affectionate.For example, some couples are used to talking on the phone at 9 o'clock every night, and it becomes a habit over time.Today one party suddenly told the other party not to fight in the future, how could he get used to it all at once?So it can only be changed from the frequency and topic.The same is true for letter writing. You don't have to return all the letters from the other party all at once, you just need to reduce the number of times.It's okay to meet up, but it's best to find a brighter and spacious place where there are many people during the day.

Boys and girls are often irrational when they break up, and some people even beat their chests hysterically, commit suicide or kill people, so the breakup negotiation cannot be concluded at once.It must be a gradual "fade out".Of course, at this time, we must grasp the scale, and don't accidentally raise the other party's expectations.Therefore, special attention must be paid to the venue and body language of the meeting.If the party who broke up has an older sister who also knows the other party, she can also come forward and call to comfort the other party.The eldest sister comes forward as a third person, who can play the role of comfort and enlightenment, and accept the other party's confession, let him vent.

(End of this chapter)