Modern social etiquette and eloquence

Chapter 4 Life etiquette and eloquence (1)
We are in life all the time.In life, what kind of image a person establishes or what kind of impression he leaves on others depends mainly on his character and cultivation.For example, what kind of impression and influence will parents have on their children; what kind of impression and influence will a husband or wife have on each other;Therefore, in order to make yourself a popular figure in your life, you need to master some necessary etiquette and eloquence.

[-]. Family etiquette

1. between husband and wife
The relationship between husband and wife is the core of family relations and the basis of internal communication within the family.The basis of the relationship between husband and wife is emotion, and the standard for measuring the relationship between husband and wife is to see whether the husband and wife treat each other equally.The respect between husband and wife is two-way and reciprocal. Neither party should act arbitrarily and do its own way. Everything should be discussed together and mutual respect.Don't look down on the other party's occupation, don't look down on the other party's education level, don't look down on the other party's family and relatives, and don't hurt the other party's self-esteem in order to show your status as the head of the family in front of everyone.

Husband and wife should be considerate of each other.Husband and wife live together for a long time, bumps and bumps are inevitable, and we can't care about some small things.Generally speaking, if the personality habits and hobbies of both parties are not fully expressed during the relationship, these shortcomings will be exposed after marriage.At this time, on the one hand, you should point out the other party's shortcomings and urge them to improve; on the other hand, you should think more about the other party's strengths.Husband and wife should communicate more and make corrections and progress together.

Husband and wife should share joys and sorrows.We should care and support each other at work, and help and love each other in life.For example, if the wife does housework, the husband should take the initiative to help.Lover's birthday, buy some small gifts to show your love.When the husband is going on a long trip, the wife should pack his luggage for him. When the husband is away from home, he should call his wife at any time to comfort the wife's concern. When the husband comes back, he should buy some souvenirs that the wife likes, etc.The closer the heart is, the more integrated the home will be.

Communication between husband and wife is also an important means to enhance the relationship.Both husband and wife should take the initiative to communicate with each other in terms of thoughts and feelings, so as to enhance mutual understanding and have a better psychological understanding.This kind of communication and exchange can be carried out anytime and anywhere, it can be whispered on the pillow, it can also be carried out during walks and chats, and of course it can also be carried out during the process of doing housework together.Constant communication and exchange, so that both parties can deeply feel the interlinkage of the soul and the high degree of trust between each other, thus creating a deep feeling of mutual dependence and inseparability.

2. Parent-child relationship
Parents and children are the closest people in the family.There are legal and moral responsibilities and obligations between parents and children throughout their lives.Parents are responsible for caring for and raising their children, and children are also responsible for supporting and respecting their parents.

The education of parents to their children is particularly important, because it is related to the whole life of the next generation.Parents cannot be like feudal parents who "take the father as the key link" in everything, nor can they blindly indulge and spoil their children.Parents must not only restrict their children's words and deeds, but also encourage their children to participate in collective and social activities; they must care for and love their children in life, and they must also pay attention to cultivating their children's self-reliance and independent living ability; they must strictly demand their children.It is also necessary to treat children democratically and equally, so that children can thrive in a healthy and happy environment.

Of course, adult children should also fulfill their obligations to support their parents.Supporting parents requires not only taking good care of them in life and helping each other financially, but also understanding and comforting them emotionally, and being courteous and respectful in their attitudes.When people get old, due to physical and psychological aging, the distance between them and their children in terms of interests and activities gradually widens, and it is easy to feel lonely and desolate, and some subtle changes in personality often occur.As a child, you must find time to talk with your parents or participate in some activities, understand and considerate your parents' physical and psychological changes, and try to keep your parents in a relaxed and happy mood.

The "generation gap" is the main barrier that hinders communication and communication between parents and children. The "generation gap" is mainly manifested in lifestyles, values, hobbies, and fashion styles.The two generations should respect, understand and learn from each other.Parents need to trust their children and try to adapt to new trends and things.Children should also understand their parents' way of life and forgive their parents' traditional psychology. They have the right to live in the way they like.The younger generation should humbly learn from the life experience and prudent style of the previous generation, and parents should also learn new life concepts and new knowledge from the next generation, so as to narrow the "generation gap" and enhance their relationship.

3. Between siblings
Since ancient times, people have used "feeling like brothers and feet" to describe the intimacy between brothers and sisters.

In the relationship between brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters should lead by example.When brothers and sisters have problems, brothers and sisters should help them patiently and sincerely, love and care for younger brothers and sisters, treat each other as equals, and not put on airs.When younger brothers and sisters make mistakes, they must never reprimand and beat them, so as not to hurt their self-esteem and arouse their resentment.Brothers and sisters should respect their brothers and sisters at home and treat them as confidantes. They should not act like a spoiled child and make trouble for no reason, let alone make "small reports" to their parents.

When brothers and sisters grow up and start their own families, some new problems and conflicts will arise. At this time, don't haggle over every detail, but give in to each other.In normal times, brothers and sisters try to move around each other as often as possible to avoid indifference.When either party is in difficulty, we should do our best to help each other.During holidays, you can invite each other to have a reunion and have a chat.Maintaining regular contact can make brotherhood last forever.

On the issue of supporting the elderly, brothers and sisters should take the initiative to undertake obligations.Everyone should do their best, and those with better economic conditions should bear more, so that the elderly can spend their old age happily.As for the distribution of inheritance, brothers and sisters must have a fair heart, negotiate together, and don't "forget righteousness for profit".The spouses of brothers and sisters must play a good role, and they must not provoke their husbands (wives). Brothers and sisters must set a good example, and brothers and sisters must be considerate of brothers and sisters, so that the inheritance can be distributed fairly and reasonably.

4. Between sisters-in-law and sister-in-law
The relationship between sisters-in-law and aunts-in-law in the family is rather delicate, because they are not related by blood, but get together because of their relationship by marriage.Because everyone comes from different families, has different personalities, and they don't know each other well, but they are very close, so there are likely to be some frictions in communication, and some conflicts are more likely to arise when encountering issues of gain and loss.

Sisters-in-law and aunts-in-law should care for and take care of each other, and they should not tell stories.For example, the sister-in-law has just entered the house and is not quite used to it yet. The sister-in-law should enthusiastically help the sister-in-law to get familiar with the new living environment. She should also talk about the advantages and strengths of the sister-in-law in front of the mother, and try her best to help the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along well.The sister-in-law is young, and the sister-in-law should also care about her like a real sister, and give her some advice with enthusiasm and sincerity on matters such as making boyfriends and falling in love.Sisters-in-law and aunts-in-law should respect each other and care about each other more in life.

If sisters-in-law and aunts-in-law live together, they should give in to each other and try to avoid conflicts over trivial daily matters.If you live separately, you should move around frequently during holidays and rest days.Even if there is nothing special, we should visit each other and talk about family affairs after a period of time.Many things seem very trivial, but if we can care and help each other in these family trivial matters, a sincere relationship between sisters-in-law and aunt-in-law can be established over time.

Because sisters-in-law and aunts-in-law have many contacts in life, they will inevitably encounter many practical problems such as housework, children, and finances.Everything is not complete, and it is inevitable that there will be bias.At this time, we must enlarge our tolerance, be humble and understanding with each other, and cherish the feelings between each other.If something doesn't go your way, you can't vent your anger on others, you can't hurt others, and you can't talk behind your back, so as not to cause misunderstandings.Even if there are conflicts between each other due to some issues, don't bury them in your heart and make the grievances deepen, but negotiate with each other and be good at reconciliation.

For other matters in the family, such as supporting parents-in-law, parents, or distributing inheritance, sisters-in-law and aunts-in-law should take the initiative to take on more responsibilities, make room for each other in the face of interests, negotiate on an equal footing, and resolve them reasonably according to their own economic conditions.

5. Relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
The relationship between the daughter-in-law and her husband's family, and the relationship between the son-in-law and the woman's family, are less stable than the relationship between mother and daughter or mother and child.In order to handle these new family relationships well, in addition to having correct ideas, you must also properly master some communication skills.

In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, mother-in-law, as an elder, should care about her daughter-in-law's life, study, and work as much as she cares about her own children, and she should pay special attention to her daughter-in-law's life when she is sick, pregnant, or giving birth. This is very important for harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law of.The daughter-in-law came to a new family and had a process of adaptation.The mother-in-law does not have to be demanding and picky on the daughter-in-law in trivial matters.Excessive nitpicking will make the daughter-in-law rebellious.Even if the daughter-in-law exposes some shortcomings, the mother-in-law should, with the generosity of an elder, talk calmly and openly, or remind her daughter-in-law indirectly through her son.The mother-in-law should not treat her daughter-in-law as an outsider, and keep everything from her daughter-in-law. This is not conducive to the normal communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.In short, the mother-in-law should communicate more with the daughter-in-law on the premise of tolerance and understanding, seek common advice, and eliminate misunderstandings, so as to gain the trust and respect of the daughter-in-law and make the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law increasingly close.

As a junior, a daughter-in-law should respect her mother-in-law.Learn to speak more "soft words", not to speak casually, let alone "hard to hard".There must be tolerance and the virtue of humility.Even if some mothers-in-law are not enlightened enough and offend themselves, they should justify a little with a pleasant face, or laugh it off.In addition, the daughter-in-law should also take the initiative to eliminate the defensive mentality at the beginning of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and take the initiative to do some things that are conducive to the development of feelings.For example, don’t forget to cook some good meals for your parents-in-law’s birthday; take care of your parents-in-law’s health when the seasons change; because your mother-in-law is getting old, your daughter-in-law should take on more housework; take the initiative to pour a cup of hot tea for your parents-in-law after dinner ; When watching TV, try to satisfy the preferences of in-laws, do not "grab the channel", and so on.The daughter-in-law must also be able to understand the difficulties of the mother-in-law at home, and try to reach an agreement with the mother-in-law as much as possible.Respect the personality, feelings, and habits of the mother-in-law, and show respect to the in-laws in front of the juniors and guests.

From the husband (son) side, he is the intermediary between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.There are very close personal contacts and relationships between mother and child, husband and wife.If the mother has any dissatisfaction, she will tell her son, and if the wife has any opinions, she will tell her husband.Therefore, this role is very important in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and can play the role of a "fire brigade".The husband (son) should carefully analyze what conflicts exist between the mother and wife and why.When dealing with conflicts, one should not favor any side, let alone get involved in disputes, but should find ways to resolve conflicts and cracks.

The relationship between son-in-law and natal family should also be handled carefully.In addition to respecting parents-in-law ideologically, we must also pay attention to methods.When the wife wants to go back to her natal home, it is best to go with her.If the wife always goes back to her natal family alone, the woman's family will naturally feel that the son-in-law does not care enough for his wife and is somewhat alienated from the woman's family.After coming to the woman's house, don't think that you are a man, and you are unwilling to reach out for anything, but take the initiative to help with some housework.This will make the woman's family feel that the son-in-law has returned to his own home, so it is easy to get close to each other emotionally.

If you want to get along well in the husband's family and the woman's family, you must take the initiative to help the husband's family and the woman's family to build a good relationship.At home, the son should not always talk about the shortcomings of the woman's family, but talk more about the advantages.Daughters should not always talk about the right and wrong of her husband's family in her natal family, but talk more about her mother-in-law's strengths.During the Chinese New Year and holidays, encourage the mother-in-law's family to visit each other and send greetings to each other.In this way, if the relationship between the in-law's family and the mother's family is good, the daughter-in-law and son-in-law will naturally benefit, which is of great benefit to the relationship between oneself and the mother-in-law's family.

Two, birthday etiquette

Birthday is the anniversary day after a person is born. For children, it is often a sign of growth and maturity, so it is very important.Every birthday, people have to celebrate and bless it in one way or another.For the elderly, celebrating a birthday is called "birthday", and wishing the elderly is called "birthday".Under normal circumstances, only people over the age of 70 and 69 are eligible to receive birthday celebrations, and birthday celebrations are more grand on every five and ten days.In some areas, in order to avoid the saying that "fullness is full, and fullness will incur losses", birthdays are changed to nine days, such as 70th birthday at the age of [-].Whether celebrating a birthday for a child or celebrating an old man, you must pay attention to due etiquette.

1. Celebrate children's birthdays
(1) Visiting newborns
Any family who has a baby will announce the good news to relatives and friends. Relatives and friends who get the news should bring gifts to visit the mother and express congratulations.However, because newborns and mothers are relatively weak, it is best to call to congratulate their families first, and then visit after a period of time.If you go to the hospital to visit, you must be prepared, choose the time according to the hospital's regulations, pay attention to hygiene, keep quiet, reduce the number of people, and ensure the health of the mother and baby.Gifts for mothers and babies are best given to their families.

(2) "Zhou Zhou" and "Amulet"

One year after the child is born, according to the traditional customs of our country, a "grabbing week" ceremony will be held for the child on the day of his birthday, that is, various toys, utensils, and daily necessities are placed in front of the child, and he is allowed to grab them to speculate on the child's birthday. Future development prospects, for example, if you grasp a pen, you may be a scholar in the future, and if you grasp an abacus, you may be a businessman.In modern society, "catch the week" has become a game. The host and the guest often pay attention to the child's expression and attitude and the things they catch, but they don't care about the original intention of the so-called divination of the future.

At the age of one year, children can already toddle and walk, so in the past it was very popular to try on "tiger head shoes" and fasten "longevity locks" and "baijia locks".Tiger-head shoes are carefully made of yellow cloth, with a tiger embroidered on the front of the shoes, and the word "King" on the forehead is very distinct. People believe that children wearing tiger-head shoes will be courageous and grow up healthily. It is still common in many rural areas. . The "Longevity Lock" and "Baijia Lock" are mascots made of multicolored silk threads or gold and silver, which are hung on children's necks, which are equivalent to "talismans".Although it is no longer popular now, it is still the best gift for children's shoes, hats, accessories, toys, etc.

(3) New birthday tricks

With the development of the times, there are many new ways to celebrate birthdays. It is a unique, novel and interesting way to order songs for birthday children on the radio and TV stations, and to use the media to express their affection. special effects.

There is no fixed standard for birthday gifts. If you give it to a child, you can give it toys, stationery, books, photo albums, clothes, etc.; items, but the selected items should have some meaning.

2. "Birthday" for the elderly

(1) Arrangement of birthday ceremony
The birthday gifts of the elderly are generally not organized by themselves, but are usually held by their children and family members.Some time before the birthday ceremony, the organizer should notify relatives and friends in advance, you can send invitations, or call, or ask someone to bring a message (immediate relatives should come even if they are not invited).

The birthday ceremony is generally arranged on the day of the birthday, but it can also be postponed and combined with a major anniversary of the birthday.If relatives and friends are unable to go there on the same day for some reason, they can bring their birthday gifts to "pre-bless" the day before or "make up" the day after.

(2) birthday feast

Birthday celebrations are often carried out in the form of birthday banquets, which can be held at home or in restaurants; no matter where they are, the venue should be arranged, and the word "Shou" should be hung in the middle of the ceremony table, and some flower baskets can be arranged with lanterns and festoons. , Shoutao, etc.If there are birthday scrolls sent by guests, you can hang them out, which not only shows respect for the guests, but also adds to the birthday celebration atmosphere.Children should greet guests at the door and guide them to their seats.When arranging seats, the birthday star should be arranged in a prominent and comfortable position.

The birthday feast begins with speeches from family members and important guests, and everyone raises their glasses to congratulate the old man on his birthday.The speech should be short and to the point, just to express good wishes, especially for the elderly and frail birthday stars, the ceremony should be brief.Finally, everyone shared the "Longevity Noodles".In modern birthday banquets, birthday noodles are often replaced with exquisite birthday cakes (big birthday cakes).Other entertainment can be arranged after the banquet.

(3) Birthday Ball

If you hold a birthday party for the elderly, it must be arranged elegantly and peacefully. You can place some flowers and plants, bonsai, and the lighting is moderate. It is advisable to use warm golden tones, dotted with red to show festiveness.The selected dance music should be soothing and graceful slow three steps and slow four steps, interspersed with some light and lively dance music or old songs such as flat four steps and tango.

If it is a small birthday gift for your own family, it can be simpler, focusing on family life and self-entertainment. Singing songs and playing games are also acceptable.

One thing to note is that when choosing a birthday celebration, you must consider the character, temper and habits of the birthday star. For example, old people are not suitable for holding dance parties, and some old people are taboo to light birthday candles (including the meaning of "blowing the lamp and pulling the wax").Before arranging activities, the opinions of the elderly should be sought in advance.

(4) Birthday Etiquette

The guests or relatives and friends who come to congratulate the birthday should dress neatly, preferably in brightly colored clothes, and avoid wearing all black, all white or only black and white patterns.Speak respectfully and avoid unlucky or unpleasant language.The congratulatory speech can be to congratulate the elderly, to praise the achievements or contributions made by the elderly, or to express respect or friendship.Commonly used congratulatory words include "Fortune is like the East China Sea, longevity is better than Nanshan", "Shou Xing shines brightly, Songhe is old", "Sun and moon are in the same spring, heaven and earth live longer" and so on.

(End of this chapter)