Mind Control and Distraction: Mind Control Techniques for a Lifetime

Chapter 22 Distraction Techniques for Drawing Circles with the Left Hand and Squares with the Right Hand (4)
Shame prevents you from reaching your full potential.Shame holds you back every step of the way.For example, when you call a client's company, you think you are just a small person and dare not talk to the general manager directly, so you find the assistant to the general manager, and then you don't get the result you originally wanted.Instead of bragging about your talents when applying for a job, you "humble" with self-doubt.You want to ask questions, but are always afraid that your questions will sound stupid.You have great ideas but don't implement them.Because you think if you can come up with it, then the idea must not be good enough.If someone doesn't call you back right away, you assume they don't like you.So, please try to overcome the shame in your heart.When shaking hands, look your partner in the eye.When people don't return your calls, you assume they're busy and can't call you back right away, and call them back later.Even if someone really doesn't like you, don't worry about what they think, go make friends with other people.As long as you refuse to give up, when one person rejects you, there is always another person waiting to accept you.If you have this kind of trouble, please stay away from those who criticize you, those who don't like you, and those who can't really love you.Leave those who don't understand you, and get close to those who like you.Let the harsh "primary school teacher" in your memory disappear from your life.Once you get rid of those people who are constantly criticizing you in your life, it will not be so difficult to eliminate the shame demon in your heart.You don't need to hear people tell you what's wrong with you, tell you how bad you are, or try to control you every day.In the past, your shame made you endure all this, but now, if you are determined not to let the shame touch you and control you, you have a way to not harass these people.You need to be accepted.You need to keep reaching out to people who can see your strengths and who want to help you develop them.Once you're surrounded by more and more people who appreciate you more than yourself, you won't feel intimidated or ashamed.Slowly, the long-lost pride returned.

Pessimism and negative thinking are the worst enemies of willpower.After a long period of failure and setbacks, the pessimism and negative thinking emotions of the distracted person can be severe and block every avenue to their own development.Every time you have a new idea or meet someone new, you think, "Why bother, it's going to fail anyway." Then you'll never have the chance.Successful experiences are the best antidote to pessimism.But if you want to be successful, you must overcome pessimism.This is really a dilemma.Please do not despair, you yourself can control your thoughts to some extent.You need to work hard on your own pessimism.Saying this is not to call you a fool without judgment, but to break free from the grip of your inner demons. "Cognitive therapy" is teaching patients how to control their own thoughts.Here is a great book for everyone: "Learned Dptimism" written by Martin Seligman.This book contains detailed demonstrations of methods for obtaining optimism.Another book to be introduced is The Art of Living written by the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus.Although the book is thin, at less than 100 pages, it will stand the test of time.Therefore, I recommend that distracted people can learn about cognitive therapy by reading this book.Epicurus lived more than 2000 years ago and can be called the father of cognitive therapy.His basic principle is that a person should have the ability to determine what he can and cannot control, and then work to improve what he can control.The only things we can control are our own thoughts.Epicurus was originally a slave who could not read a single word. He was ordered around every day, not only did not have enough to eat, but was also beaten.In an already difficult life, he refused to make himself more miserable with unhealthy thoughts.He shared these beliefs with others, and received high marks and responses.So many people came to listen to his speech.Finally, he was free and became a famous philosopher.His students recorded his speech, which became an earlier "Chicken Soup for the Soul" in history.At that time, Roman soldiers carried this book to teach people how to face difficulties in life when they marched and fought.
Roman soldiers used it, and we will too.If you are a pessimist who is full of negative thoughts all day long, I suggest you read this book.isolated

Isolation is often accompanied by shame, pessimism and negative thinking.Isolation will increase your shame, make negative thinking more and more serious, and eventually lead to depression, anxiety, and bad habits such as alcoholism and drug dependence.Isolation makes distracted people miserable in all areas of their lives.Humans are social animals, and it is important to keep in touch with others. Distracted people love to socialize, but distracted people who have shame and negative thoughts have a hard time wanting to reach out to others.If you feel like this is exactly what you are, then you must try to make a change.You might be tempted to hide from people, but don't.You can talk to a friend, see a counselor, or call someone you trust.The creation of isolation is a slow process, imperceptible at first.You'll help yourself find all sorts of excuses to avoid socializing.For example: "I'm too tired", "I'm too lazy to go out", "I just want to rest at home", "I need to be alone" and so on.Of course, isolation is much better than hanging out with some bad friends.Therefore, if you are strengthening interpersonal communication, you should also be cautious.Start with a friend first, make an appointment to have dinner, watch a movie, etc., and do activities together.

People, no matter what, do better when they engage in activities that allow them to be creative and productive.The creativity I'm talking about doesn't necessarily mean artistic acts like writing songs or drawing pictures.Almost any act can be creative.Such experiences will make you feel better.For example, cooking is an opportunity to be creative, and you can even use your creativity to do laundry.How can doing laundry be a creative experience?Think of laundry as a game.Children are good at doing work as if it were play.When my son was young, he used to get creative with the process of taking a bath.He can put toy figures in the bathtub and start a queue.If you are willing to free yourself, you can view any activity or work as a game.The more this is the case, you may forget the time, the environment you are in, and even yourself, and try to become one with what you are doing.At this time, we will be in the happiest situation.At the same time, what we do will be done with great efficiency.The secret is to play, to treat everything as a game.For the distracted, gaming is an innate ability.Please make good use of this ability.Games are not something childish and superficial.It can also be very esoteric.Gaming can change the world, turning the most boring, dull thing into something you can focus on.The game isn't ridiculous either.What I mean by "game" here is to use creativity to do whatever you do.The opposite side of the game is to follow the rules and copy the original one by one.Gaming comes naturally to the distracted.Just get rid of shame, pessimism, and negative thinking, maintain good relationships, and avoid falling into depression.

Avoiding "SPIN" depends on the game.When playing games, you can discover what you like to play and what you are willing to play repeatedly.Sometimes this game may be helpful to other people, then this game can be used to develop into a business, so that others are willing to pay for it, and you make money.

If you get stuck in the middle of a game, you haven't found an outlet for your creativity and productivity.If you find these exits, you won't be stuck.Of course, sometimes you will definitely stagnate, feel that there is no progress, and your confidence is frustrated, but you can hold a game attitude, keep trying, and keep moving forward until you pass the level.

Adults who are distracted and find themselves stagnant when starting therapy can find activities that allow them to tap into their creativity.Everyone needs an outlet like this, especially the distracted.This is when a person has what it takes to live a fulfilling life.Once you find the right outlet for your creativity, it will be easier to direct the energy to the right place.Don't say you can't find it, it's negative thinking at work.Find someone who believes in you to think with you, find the source of the problem, and don't give up trying, and you will definitely discover the "hydraulic power plant" of your brain.

When we say, "The distraction wasn't my fault," the emphasis is on early progress in treatment.It is during this stage that we see the most dramatic changes in the distracted, especially when the medication is working, but most adult distracted people stay put, or even regress, by the end of treatment.

If you regress, don't despair, it's a normal process.At this time you should go back to the original clinic, or see other trusted professionals, you may be stuck in SLIDE.

These letters stand for:

S: Attack yourself (self-attack);

L: attack life (life-attack);

I: imagine the worst situation (imagining the worst);

D: unwilling to face (dread);

E: escape (escape).

attack oneself
When something bad happens, you feel disappointed and your soul is thwarted.Like when your proposal didn't go through, or someone didn't call you back.It might not be a big deal, but you do care.You attack yourself with all kinds of bad words, calling yourself ugly, stupid, etc., and these words slowly destroy your soul.

attack life
Not only are you attacking yourself, you are also attacking life, and you will feel that life is born to be painful, that life is a bad thing, or that it is abused.

imagine the worst
Because you feel like life sucks, you recall all the painful things that happened to you.You keep recalling and deepening negative thinking.

unwilling to face

As a result, you will naturally feel powerless, because your spirit and strength are exhausted.

escape
Once in this state, you feel extreme pain and want to escape.You don't care about anything anymore, and your avoidance will make you make bad decisions.Drinking too much, doing whatever you want, saying the wrong thing, pissing off people you don't care about, hurting loved ones, destroying friendships and love, etc.You just want to escape, so you get stuck in a vicious circle, which gets deeper and deeper.

The secret to avoiding this vicious circle is to end the problem in the first stage of "attacking oneself" and the second stage of "attacking life".Distracted people tend to have powerful imaginations, so the third stage, "imagining the worst," must be avoided.Imagination is one of our strengths, but it can sometimes spell disaster for us.In attacking itself and life, imagination becomes an inner demon that gnaws at us and destroys us.Once you start imagining, it becomes difficult to stop.Try to train yourself to identify what triggered the first two stages, maybe a negative experience or something.Usually, if these stages develop too quickly, it is not easy to interrupt them.Therefore, we have to prepare in advance and find things that will cause you to react negatively (such as weighing, reading the newspaper, talking to someone, etc.).If you feel uncomfortable, downcast, dissatisfied, envious and jealous every time you finish talking with a certain friend, then you'd better avoid seeing this person, stay away from him, or prepare to eliminate "discomfort" (such as cursing him in my heart, or taking a walk, shopping, making a phone call, etc.).

If you can't bear to look at the numbers on the scale.When you get up, go to the scale and find that the number is bigger than yesterday, you have about five or six seconds to save yourself from negative thinking.Seeing that number makes your brain go crazy.You look down at your fat body, you hate it so much.You hate yourself for making your body so big.This is when you need to think fast.Prepare a sentence or an intention in advance to counter your negative thoughts.like me.I hate being weighed.Here's how I prepare: If I get hit by a number on the scale, I brush my teeth hard.It doesn't sound very helpful, but it will give me a few seconds to calm down, and I can temporarily turn my attention to my teeth.Then I'll deliberately think about my kids, or something I'm looking forward to doing next, or something I've been quite proud of lately.These thoughts and images are like a talisman that protects me from negative thoughts.Although I will still be unhappy, I will still make up my mind to eat less, and I will still feel bad about my body, but I will not be trapped in bad emotions and negative thinking, and I will not SLIDE anymore.

You also need to prepare your own amulet.Sometimes, SLIDE will last for days, weeks, or even months.At this time, the situation is even worse, and you must rely on the help of experts or psychological counselors.Don't wait until your boss fires you or your lover wants to divorce you.Don't say to yourself: "Look, life is so bad." Keep your "talisman" ready at all times.It could be your religious beliefs, it could be someone you love or someone who loves you, or it could be a precious memory of yourself.When you are in a happy mood, think carefully, prepare your own "talisman", and keep it in your heart for emergencies.

Inability to concentrate is not scary

What if you really can't concentrate?What if your attention is all about going where it wants to go, and you don't want it to go where it wants to go? "If you can't concentrate, then you must not work hard enough!" From childhood to adulthood, teachers, parents, partners, friends, partners, bosses, etc. have said this.Everyone thinks that as long as you are subjectively willing to concentrate, you can concentrate.This is so wrong!Willpower does not allow a person to force himself to concentrate any more than willpower enables a nearsighted person to see clearly.

Subjectively wanting to concentrate is certainly one of the necessary conditions for concentration, but it is not the only one.It's hard to concentrate, no matter how much you want to, if you're preoccupied with other things; It can also be hard to concentrate; if you just broke up and your girlfriend fell in love with another boy, and your heart is filled with sadness and resentment, it can also be hard to concentrate; if you are very sleepy, or a part of your body hurts , you can't concentrate.From ancient times to the present, everyone has wondered why they can't concentrate when they want to concentrate.Only in a certain period of time, in a short period of time can focus, no one can always focus on one thing.You can force yourself to pay attention, but sooner or later it will break down.It's a bit like holding your breath, no matter how long you can hold it, you can't help but breathe.Once you find that you are no longer focused, you can also remind yourself to refocus your attention.The problem is that you have to realize that you are no longer focused before you can focus yourself.If your mind is already thinking about other things, it may not even notice that you are no longer focused.

Most people suffer from the inability to maintain sustained concentration, especially the distracted, who cannot maintain concentration for long periods of time.When I first started my practice, one of my patients was a poet.The poems he wrote are very popular, but even the best poems need a market and profit, so he has to find a job to support himself.He likes driving the school bus because he likes little kids.One day, he went to drive the school bus to pick up the children from school as usual.When the children are all here and ready, he still drives according to the scheduled route.He thought about his poems while driving, so that his mind was full of his poems, and he forgot to stop at the station.When he drove all the way to the garage and turned off the car, he realized that all the children were still in the car.Fortunately, he is popular, and the school did not expel him for this mistake.Distracted people are sometimes so engrossed in doing one thing that they forget who they are and where they are.It's not that we don't have concentration, but concentration will keep running around.Our minds are not empty, but filled with random thoughts.Our attention will not listen to our own words, it will go where it wants to go.

The goal of treating distraction is not to stop the brain from functioning, but to train the brain to listen to us better.We don't need to keep our minds completely quiet. If there is no random thinking, then creativity and inspiration will not occur.Ideas and inspirations don't come regularly and on time, they just pop up without warning.Impulsivity is one of the characteristics of distracted people, so distracted people are more creative than average people.

(End of this chapter)