How can I chat?

Chapter 10 Cultivating the Spirit of Fun
Rules of improvisation: The purpose of improvisation is to entertain the other actors and the audience and create interesting situations.

Remember that extremely boring person you chatted with at a dinner party?Maybe never remember.

The human brain is so amazing that it only pays attention to things that deserve attention.And most people actually live a monotonous life day after day.We talk about the grass growing taller, the paint peeling off again, or watching the clock on the wall tick by.Remember how many times you went to the bathroom today or yesterday?won't remember.Because, who cares?

If you ask someone to tell a story, they'll pick something exciting, entertaining, something different from their usual life experience.Otherwise it would be boring.

They tell thrilling stories about being in a car accident, surviving a flood, or other shocking, scary, or unexpected personal experiences.

The human brain can store only so much information, so it is constantly compiling and integrating our experiences.

Improv actors know this, and they strive to create entertaining situations in every performance.Otherwise, if the entertainment effect is not achieved, why should the audience watch their performance?Why do actors still do improvisation?

Improv is committed to entertaining each actor and audience.

Great entertainment requires a high level of emotional engagement.This is something to keep in mind, because once you have the ability to put a lot of entertainment into your chat, the skill of improvisation will make you a more popular chatter.

Remember, the main purpose of people chatting is nothing more than the following three: to get entertainment, to get happiness, or to get all kinds of practical information. If you want to choose one, please choose entertainment.Why?Because, even if you are an encyclopedia-like existence, if you just blindly share and instill useful information to others, you will not leave an impression at all.

When it comes to entertaining, there's nothing like having a flesh-and-blood human being right in front of you, changing tones, expressions, gestures, and body language.Yes, you can play a DVD to watch an entertainment show.However, the live entertainment of chatting often has better results.Because you're more susceptible to being involved emotionally.You are no longer just a passive spectator, but become part of it.This dynamic process of coming and going makes face-to-face chat the most vivid and profound of all communication methods.

Well, don't miss out on the chances you might create or be entertained in the chat!
Here are a few tips to keep in mind to help you use the fun spirit to get better at chatting.

don't be too serious
The key to keeping a chat entertaining is to not take it too seriously.This is not a brain game.When chatting, you're not there to prove anything, but to make people happy to be around you.

Chatting has a completely different goal than a speech or a conversation with a set agenda.The latter tends to be more serious because it serves a specific purpose.But it also tends to make the content feel lifeless and one-sided instead of vibrant and enjoyable.

This type of speech is bound to fit a particular time and occasion.And if you're just trying to master the art of chatting and being a more interesting and playful person around others, then take it easy.

Here, the key to chatting is to have fun with each other.Don't preach or prove anything, otherwise, the other party will eventually feel bored and the chat will become unpleasant.Moreover, the other party will often treat you as a boring professor or scholar.More often than not, they just don't like you and don't want to talk to you.

Imagine that your whole goal in chatting is to make him laugh, make him feel good, or make him feel special by showing your enthusiasm and interest in the other person.

Try telling a joke first to create a relaxed atmosphere - even a bad joke can let people know you want to lighten the mood, and sometimes it can be a relief.

The more pressure you put on the chat, the more serious and intense the chat will become.

skip bland topics

To be an interesting chat partner, you have to learn to avoid mundane topics.

In chatting, it is easy for people to fall into misunderstandings and talk about some very academic, technical or boring things, and finally, the chatting stops abruptly.And in many cases, by the time you realize it, it's too late.

Instead, you should try to think outside the box.Make an effort to spark a conversation and steer the conversation in a more interesting, provocative or controversial direction.

People who are good at chatting will always look for the vivid emotional signals of the other party, so as to control the content and direction of the chat, so as not to let the other party be distracted.

As mentioned earlier, the purpose of chatting is not to dump a lot of information on the other party, but to let them walk away thinking that you are interesting and worthwhile.This is the difference between a recreational chat and an academic lecture.

How to add fuel to the chat?

There are many methods, such as: deliberately playing a different tune, comparing something to the plot of a Disney movie, asking some personal questions, quoting lines or lyrics from movies to answer questions, changing the subject completely, talking to yourself about the confusion in life, based on what you see Ask some hypothetical questions.

Once you get into the mood and treat chat as entertainment, it becomes easy.

If you find your chats snowballing with nonsense questions and answers, just go ahead and say, "Wait, why are we chatting about work outside of work? How are you and your new girlfriend going?" It won't make the other person feel better. Disappointment.Even if they want to talk about work, they want to talk more about their personal life and new girlfriend.

Don't worry too much, afraid to talk about certain topics
People often end up ruining chats by being overly cautious and carefully avoiding many topics.

The problem with this style of chatting is that it consumes too much energy, and you don't have the energy to add interesting material to the chat to keep the chat going.You will eventually become exhausted trying to avoid the other person's sensitive topics, and the chat will die.Irrelevant topics are bound to be boring.

To get around this, really just face up to the sensitive topic and don't be afraid to bring it up.

At the very least, the other person will have to respect you for your willingness to talk about things they don't normally talk about.You will be memorable for your boldness.You will stand out among those who spend all their time and energy avoiding sensitive subjects.

In general, people are a little too sensitive these days.Or to be more precise, always feel that others are too sensitive.

In my work, I am often asked sensitive questions.And every time I was asked: "I hope you don't mind if I ask..." I didn't mind.

The topic is far less sensitive than you think.I don't mind opening up, and others have never asked too much about my privacy that I don't want to disclose.Most think the same way I do, so don't be afraid to ask about things you have doubts about.

Can I ask about my personal life and relationships?If it's just gossip, that's what people like to talk about.

Is it okay to ask people where they stand on controversial or sensitive topics?As long as you don't get into arguments with them, people love the chance to get their point across.

Can they be asked to speak freely about anything?Everyone likes to complain or vent, even if they don't want to admit it.

don't hide your personality

The last resort guaranteed to kill your small talk is self-defense.You hide your personality because you don't know how others will treat you, how they will respond to you, or how many people will like you for who you are.

But this is absolutely not advisable.People talk to you because they feel that you are different from other people, and they can get some different insights from you.If it is for the same views and perspectives as others, why don't they just chat with others?

So, show off your personality and idiosyncrasies, which will attract those who really like you and drive away those who don't.Why bother with people who don't understand your quirks?Be yourself, interact with like-minded people, you will be freed from all kinds of restrictions, speak freely, and have endless fun.

Don't be afraid to put your personality center stage, because it's the only thing that sets you apart from the crowd.

Try to take it easy on yourself, and use the chat as an exercise in creating an interesting situation.See how ridiculous and funny you can make chatting?
practise:

Get a friend, sit down with them, and get them ready for a game.Then, ask them questions you'd never dare to ask, such as: sex, relationships, sex, politics, religion, family, sexuality, fear, flaws.

Whenever you ask one of these questions, what does the conversation that ensue look like?People shared their opinions.With those perspectives, it's impossible not to have interesting dialogue.See how their views are reconciled with yours, and how they embrace them in the end.

People are actually more open than you think on many topics, and they often have a lot to say, which can make the conversation happy and enjoyable for both parties.

(End of this chapter)