How can I chat?

Chapter 2 Learning Chatting Skills from Improvised Drama

Hearty chats don't just happen for nothing.

Maybe, once or twice, you just happen to have a great conversation with someone.But after all, this is a rare thing, and it won't happen every time.So, how hard can you make it so that you can talk with anyone and anywhere?
This is difficult to achieve without adequate preparation and planning.

But the plan here is not to rehearse the script in advance and prepare questions in case there is an embarrassing silence.If you pre-set the flow for the chat, this is wrong, which may instead dig a big hole for yourself.

Here's the plan that's really needed: In order for chat interactions to be deep and effective, it's important to have a general understanding of what constitutes a pleasant chat.

A good chat is essentially a lot like improvisation.Ideally, it will cover all the basic techniques of improvisation described in this book.

Those who have seen improvisational drama performances will find that actors love to call themselves "players".They would rather see it as a sport than a performance.It's important to understand this.In this way, what you see on the stage is a cooperative process-everyone is helping others, all are constantly working towards a common goal, and they are flexible and self-sacrificing in order to achieve the goal.

If none of the techniques in improv are similar to the way you chat and interact in your life, it's time to re-examine your communication style!

These skills take a lot of practice, and some improv actors spend years developing their craft—wit, wit, and conversational wit don't happen overnight.

Natural and smooth
The impromptu drama actors follow the trend every time they perform, and they have zero expectations about what theme the dialogue drama should go towards.This kind of mentality will bring openness and flexibility, and pleasant chats will be able to emerge as the times require.

The improv actors don't have any "agenda", they just create new ideas with ease by teasing each other.And their words always coincide with the audience and other drama actors.

If you have expectations about how the chat will go, or if you want to steer the chat toward a topic, any chat progress will be interrupted.Flexibility and the ability to adapt to other people's emotions is essential for pleasant chatting.

It's the difference between a robot reading aloud mechanically and a thinking human actually talking.

emotional tone

Whether the tone of a drama actor can match the emotions conveyed by others is the key to distinguish the success of a drama.

Drama actors often express emotions and feelings candidly, and other actors are responsible for responding to them in order to better interact.It's so simple, but we often overlook it in our daily chats.

Once you understand the emotional state of the audience and other actors, you have a template for what to do and when.

To understand the emotional state of the other party, you have to see the emotional boundaries given by the other party, and cater to the hints he sends and what he wants to talk about.Once you gain insight into this information and figure out what tone is appropriate, you can target your target.All it takes is a little insight, and a willingness to let go of your own blueprint for chatting.

Once you're clear about these boundaries and what you can and can't say, you'll be able to make it easier for others to feel comfortable and relaxed when they're with you.

When watching a play, the audience must be relaxed and happy, because they know that they will not encounter any unpleasantness-the emotional interaction and feedback between the actors of the play are smooth and natural, and will not leave any suspense for others.Even if an awkward situation arises, it will be handled pleasantly by them.And bad theater actors completely misread the emotional state of the audience, making them increasingly bored and fed up.The audience becomes indifferent, as if they heard nothing.

How similar it is to everyday chat.How embarrassing and unpleasant it would be if the other person conveyed anger or sadness and we ignored it.We think they're acting weird and uncaring, while they think we're indifferent and insensitive.

Catering to the emotional state of others is actually very simple, but it is also ignored by most people in practice.

make fun

People mostly like to chat with interesting people.After careful analysis, the benefits that people get from chatting are very limited, and entertainment is one of the main points.

Guess what the improv performers are up to?For their love of dialogue and the enjoyment they get from it.They make fun of themselves while entertaining people.They just create a fun atmosphere that makes the audience happy, and you can tell they're happy by the look on their faces on stage.

If you can create a fun atmosphere in your conversations, people will enjoy being around you more and will be more open to opening up.The more likable a person is, the closer he is to the knack of chatting.

This is human nature.

The key to creating a fun atmosphere is to ditch the standard interview questions, not to filter, and to think outside the box.A whole chapter later elaborates on this idea in detail.

there is no right and wrong
Successful improv actors know that there are no right answers.

All they're after is creating a chatter-like atmosphere
If they create an atmosphere of collaboration and pull together, they can be sure that no matter how they perform, they will be supported.In this relaxed environment, they dare to take risks and make high-risk and high-yield attempts.They don't have to act in a rigid manner.Because they are sure that, with the support of other actors, they will not hit a wall, or fail.

If you want to get better at chatting, remember you're not debating.There is no such thing as right or wrong.What you're after is to create an atmosphere of pleasing collaboration.Getting the other person to like you is your goal.And if you are constantly arguing, disputing, convincing the other person, or trying to change their mind, this goal may be difficult to achieve.

The other person may not know you're trying to create an atmosphere, but you're helping them work toward the same goal—more effective interaction.Everything else is just an episode, everything still points to the same goal.

The magic of improvisation

If you want to be able to speak witty words without thinking, be good at telling jokes, and know what to say when chatting, then improvisation is the best way to exercise.Chatting is a skill that takes practice, so it's time to keep practicing.

Socializing and chatting are so unpredictable that many people are often overwhelmed by it.What if you encounter an embarrassing situation, or the other party doesn't like you, thinks you are awkward, or doesn't care about your jokes?
These concerns have forced some people to form a rough script in their minds in advance, trying to make the chat more predictable and relaxed.But things backfired.Once you use a template, just one detail doesn't match the template and the chat takes a hit.You will become more confused.

It is not advisable to have a preset script, and there is no such process that can make our every chat proceed smoothly step by step.We have to realize that every moment in the chat is emotional and we have to learn to adapt.

Perhaps it is more appropriate to understand the improvisation here as a situation-based social interaction method.When you understand the emotion and context expressed by the other person, it is like having a signpost, a compass and a map.With their help, it will be easier to speak without thinking, isn't it?
(End of this chapter)