How can I chat?

Chapter 3 begins with "Yes, and..."

Rules of improvisation: Begin your response to someone else's proposal, idea, or topic with a "Yes, and..." so that you echo while enriching the topic and keeping the conversation flowing.

If you want the conversation to flow smoothly, you have to grasp the power inherent in the possibilities.

When chatting, you should not think about what to filter out, what to avoid, and what to treat as taboo or downplay certain topics.

Instead, keep saying "Yes!" and let the conversation develop naturally as the conversation progresses.As long as you're not in a formal meeting like an interview, any direction is possible and reasonable.

When you adopt a "yes, and" mindset, you are collaborating with the other person, you validate the points and themes they present, and you enrich them with them—this keeps the chat going, keeps the person interested, Make the interaction flow smoothly.

In the end, what this chapter is about is how to identify where the other person wants the conversation to go, and then follow their ideas to lead the conversation there.

For example, if the other party talks about the Middle East policy, you can't show no interest and change the subject because you don't want to talk about this topic.You can start with "yes, and" and, in addition to talking about Middle East policies, you can also add their impact on African economies.

As another example, if the person is talking about their favorite pizza, you can respond by saying, "Yes, and there's a restaurant around the corner that makes the best pizza."

For another example, if the other party complains that the air conditioner in the meeting room is too cold, you can answer "Yes, and it's incredible that those salesmen are all wearing short skirts."

When chatting, you can bring the other person into the conversation by talking about (as in the first example) the policy in question plus its economic consequences, rather than simply rejecting the other person's topic and telling them you want to talk about something else.Similarly, if the other person talks about a new scientific discovery, you can talk about its commercial prospects.

In this way, you bring the chat into a deeper and more complex level of analysis, instead of avoiding it and talking about other things.This not only shows your intelligence, but also highlights your emotional investment.

Bringing the conversation into the analytical plane implies the importance attached to what the other person has said.At the same time, by touching on other areas, you also express an interest in digging into the details of the other person's topic.This not only allows the chat to continue to advance, but also allows the chat to develop in the direction you want.

An added bonus is that the feeling listened to and acknowledged by the other person will make them more willing to chat with you.

"Yes, and..." enhances affection
When you start with "Yes, and..." you're always sending the right emotional signal to the other person.No matter what they say, you agree with it.You become a trusted ally.

You may not always agree.But the beauty of "yes, and..." is that even if what you say later doesn't support them, at least you sound like you do at first.

This creates a pleasant context where the other person has reason to believe that you understand them.At the very least, you create an opportunity for mutual understanding to be felt.

For example, when people are angry or sad, they often just want to vent their anger and be heard.And "Yes, and..." naturally meets their needs.You also instantly become "an excellent listener," empathetic and empathetic.

Contrasted with "Yes, but..."
"Yes, and..." is an excellent tool because it brings the other person into the conversation on a deep level, while also enabling you to present your ideas to the other person.

This will bring you closer together.At the very least, it makes it possible for the other person to feel that you understand them.

However, if you use "Yes, but...", you immediately appear argumentative, as if you are arguing with the other party or trying to correct them.Chat thus becomes a "power struggle".You become an enemy instead of an ally, trying to take control.

As mentioned earlier, impromptu drama performance is to achieve a common goal.It calls for interaction, cooperation, and acceptance of whatever is explicitly laid out by others. That's what "Yes, and..." is about, and "Yes, but..." is the opposite.

Understanding the difference between the two is crucial.What you want is to give others the impression of chatting and interacting together, rather than rushing to argue or deny the impression of others.

There are no right or wrong answers to chat, only things that help or hinder chat interactions.

Your "agenda" and goal is to create an atmosphere where the other person trusts you and sees you as a friend.And "yes, and..." can make people feel heard, recognized, and that you're willing to talk to them about anything they bring up.

There are a million different ways a good chat can go, and you have to be open to all the possibilities.

practise:

Consistently agreeing with someone is not easy, especially when you're not actually agreeing and you're just doing it to keep the chat going.

Call up friends and chat with them.Just answer them with "Yes, and...".When you get used to it, ask them to talk about the topics and content that you don't like.This will force you to think deeply, giving you the creative edge to exercise and find the positive side of any topic that is mentioned.

(End of this chapter)