How can I chat?

Chapter 5 uses concrete descriptions rather than open-ended questions

A rule of thumb for impromptu drama: Never ask someone to answer broad questions, as this can feel burdensome and may interrupt a joke.

We ask questions because they just happen so naturally.

People explore the world by asking questions and thinking about what we see and hear.

But if you want to keep the chat going happily, asking questions, especially open-ended ones, can put the conversation in jeopardy.

Remember, a good chat requires a smooth flow of conversation back and forth, without hindrance.When the two sides talk, the topics come to mind naturally, without limitation.And non-stop questioning will cause the other party to interrupt their thinking, force them to think deeply, deviate from the current thinking, and smoothness will be impossible.

Open-ended questions force the other person to think

The negative impact that open-ended questions "what do you like to do for fun" on the flow of the chat is staggering.

The other party had to think twice because of this.Answering an open-ended question takes a lot of energy.The more open-ended the question, the more energy it consumes.Because it's purely forcing the other person to drop what they're doing and figure out an answer.

So, let's think about it, how do you generally answer the question "What do you like to do for fun?"Uh... I like to go for a run and watch a movie once in a while.

So, relatively speaking, better questions would be "Have you seen any good movies lately?" or "Have you watched the latest Toy Story?"

Or: "Have you been working out lately? I love going to the gym."

The biggest downside to asking open-ended questions is that you give the other person the burden of keeping the conversation going.On the contrary, the above two specific questions are easy to answer and will lead the chat to a certain topic.

Open-ended questions are overwhelming, instead of sharing equally the burden of moving the conversation forward and working together to create a smooth chat.This can make the other person feel unbalanced and feel like the burden of the chat is on their shoulders while you just sit around and ask questions.In the end, chatting becomes an annoyance rather than an enjoyable one.

As expected, when the other person felt that they were being interrogated like a prisoner, they began to use very short answers.And, the answers get shorter and shorter until the conversation bogs down.Asking too many questions can break up a pleasant, collaborative atmosphere and make the chat stutter.In the end, the chat will also become difficult to continue and stop abruptly.

the more specific the question, the better

When it comes time to ask questions to move the conversation forward, ask specific questions.

Why are open-ended questions bad for chatting?The reason is that they require a lot of interpretation work from the other side.The other party has to look through the appearance to judge the real meaning of the problem.The other party has to dig deep into the information before they can answer.

Open-ended questions often come across as too general and, as a result, get short answers.This, for both parties, will increase the burden.

So, the more specific the question, the better.Specific questions are easy because they generally require only one piece of information from the other party.When the other party provides this information, the party who asked the question can comment on it.This is much better than just asking an open-ended question for the other person to explain.Specific questions allow the conversation to flow smoothly.

Specific questions also allow you to steer the conversation forward based on the other person's specific responses.You can read the other person's emotional signals from it, and then use a specific question to bring up the topic.

"Do you like playing basketball?" Throw a simple true-false question like this one, and you'll have a clue for the next topic.Or if you want, you can continue to dig deeper based on the answers.Rather than interrupting the conversation or overburdening the other person, asking such questions will make it easier for both parties.

Or, to be more specific, "Did you like playing basketball in high school?" That's a much easier question to answer and will make the chat flow a lot more.

An introductory statement is better

It is better to use introductory statements than to ask questions.

When using declarative sentences, you are actually adding content.This will make you appear to be giving information and contributing to the overall conversation.

You're adding to the conversation rather than taking it.When you simply ask a question, you are asking for and receiving information.The advantage of declarative sentences is that you can still ask questions, but in a friendlier way.Declarative sentences that contain information make it easier for the other party.They either agree or disagree with an explanation.In other words, you state something and make them feel like they can contribute to it, rather than embarrassing them.

A specific question like "Do you like that painting?" is better than an open-ended question like "Do you like art?"

And a declarative sentence with the same purpose can be "That picture is really nice." Or "You like that picture, don't you?".

As another example, "That movie was all about explosions and nothing else." is better than "Did you like that scene in that movie?".

Similarly, "This coffee is amazing!" is better than "Do you think this coffee is strong?".

Declarative sentences do the same thing as forcing your chat partner to answer a question, but in a lighter, subtler, more conversational form.Introductory declarative sentences are more conducive to creating a smooth flow of dialogue than questions, and clear the way for the other party to speak freely.Declarative sentences have exactly the same function as questions, but they are more relaxed and natural, without the feeling of being interrogated.

In short, declarative sentences are more conducive to the interaction and dialogue between the two parties, because it does not require the other party to think too much, and it can increase the smoothness of the chat.

practise:

Find a friend to chat with.When chatting, you are not allowed to ask questions, but find ways to use declarative sentences similar to the above example to get a response from the other party.

Suppose you watch a movie.Talk about how great the movie is and how much you love the characters in it.Regardless of whether the other party makes a yes or no answer, the dialogue will continue from this.

(End of this chapter)