american tragedy

Chapter 54

Chapter 220
In the weeks that Roberta moved, after a few dates with Clyde, Roberta and Clyde found that there was still work to be done, mostly about what the two of them thought of the room and how it would be used.Although Clyde didn't want to admit that his mentality towards Roberta was different from that of ordinary boys' respect towards girls, but since she moved into this room, he couldn't help but feel hopeless.

This kind of desire cannot be removed no matter what, it can be said that it should not exist, but it is in line with human nature, that is, to go one step further, to have a closer relationship with Roberta, and to control Roberta. Berta the whole person.But what kind of man was he? By marrying, and living that traditional, long-term way of life after marriage? Until now, he had never explicitly considered it that way.Because, when he flirted with her, or any girl of that class who was not up to the Griffiths in social status (for example, Sandra Finchley or Bettina Cranston), he He definitely wouldn't think of marriage, this is mainly because of his newly attached relatives, their status here is very high.What would they think if they found out? Before he came here he wasn't that kind of person, but now he always thinks he's higher in society than someone like Roberta. Of course it is cheaper.And, here are those who knew him, at least in part, who could speak to him.On the other hand, her character was very attractive to him. In a short time, he dared not say that she was not worthy of him, or that he might not be happy after marrying her.

Another incident complicates matters when they are married.This means that autumn with cold winds and frosty nights is approaching, and it will be October [-]st.A fairground not far from Lycurgus, which was open until mid-September, is almost completely closed now.As for dancing, unless it was okay to go to the dance halls in various nearby cities, she was very displeased with these places, and it was impossible to go, so this kind of entertainment had to be temporarily abandoned.As for Lycurgus' church, movie theater, restaurant, etc., due to Clyde's status here, how can people see them together in such a public place? The result of their discussion is that they cannot go.So now that she was free to act, there was no place for them to go unless there was an adjustment in their relationship that would allow him to visit her at the Gilpins.However, he knew that this was something she would not even consider.At the beginning, he didn't have the courage to bring this up.

About the sixth week after she moved, they were standing at the end of a street one night in early October, the stars were bright and the weather was so cool that the leaves on the trees were beginning to fall off.This season Roberta is always wearing the winter coat with green stripes on a white background that falls to the hips.Her hat was brown, with a brown leather trim that fitted her well.They kissed again and again, as passionately as they had been since they first met, and now even more passionately.

"It's getting cold, isn't it?" said Clyde.It was eleven o'clock in the evening and it was very cold.

"Yeah, that's what I see. I'll have to wear a thicker coat another day."

"I really don't know what we're going to do, don't you? There's nowhere else to go, and it's not fun to walk the streets like this every night. See if there's a way I can go to Gilpin's every now and then. How about coming to see you? It's not the same as the Newtons' home."

"Ah, I know that too. But they use that sitting room every night until 10:30, or eleven o'clock. Besides, their two daughters are always in and out, always until twelve o'clock. , and they are always at home, I don't think there is anything I can do at present. Besides, I remember you said that you don't want people to see people like me with you, and if you come, I have to introduce you to them."

"Oh, that's not what I meant," said Clyde boldly.He felt that Roberta was cautious, and that if she really loved him as much as she said, she should be easy with him.He said, "Why can't I come and see you now and then? You don't have to let them know, do you?" He took out his watch, struck a match, saw that it was past 11:30, and showed her the watch for a moment. "There won't be anybody there by now, will there be?"

She shook her head in disapproval.The thought not only frightened her, but repelled her.It was audacious for Clyde to mention this sentence.Moreover, the idea itself contained those thoughts and those strong impulses that she had secretly dreaded in the past.Although all of this existed in her heart, she was still unwilling to accept it.There's something sinful, mean, and horrible mixed in with it.She wouldn't do it—that's for sure.But at the same time, in her heart, the mastery of desire that she had always suppressed, that she had always dreaded, was throbbing and impelling her to do it.

"No, no, I can't let you do this. It's not right, I won't do it, maybe someone will see it, maybe someone will know you." Her moral sense was suddenly so strong that she subconsciously wanted to break free from him embrace.

Clyde realized how strong this sudden resistance was, the desire to possess and the fear of not being able to possess it made him hug her even tighter.More than ten kinds of excuses to seduce her poured out of his mouth "ah, who else will see us in such a late night? There is no one of any kind. As long as we are both happy, why can't we stay there for a while?" "Nobody's going to hear us. We don't have to talk too loudly. Even in the street, there's no one around. Let's go to the other side of the house and see if anyone is there."

She used to keep him within half a block of the house.At this time, she not only objected hastily, but also firmly, but this time Clyde was very stubborn.Roberta, who had always regarded Clyde not only as a lover but as a superior, was a little afraid of him and could not stop him from going past, and they stopped only a few feet from the house.Nothing could be heard except a dog barking.There was no light in the room at all.

"Take a look, there's nobody there," said Clyde firmly, deliberately trying to reassure her. "Why can't we go in and stay for a while if we like? Who's going to know? We don't have to be loud. Besides, what's wrong with it? That's what people do. A girl takes a boyfriend to her house if she likes it." Sitting in the room for a while, it's not something terrible."

"Oh, is it? Well, maybe you people aren't afraid. But I know what's right, and I don't think it's right, and I won't do it."

Roberta's heart beat with pain and confusion as Roberta said those words, and she said them with a stubbornness such as he had never seen before.He himself never thought that she would treat him like this, which surprised her.If she still talks in such an attitude in the future, maybe he won't love her as much as he does now.

Clyde's heart immediately darkened.Why did she do this to him? She was too careful, she was always too timid to enjoy life a little bit or to find joy.It wasn't like that with the other girls, like Rita, and the other girls at the mill, and she pretended to love him.He hugged her and kissed her under the tree at the end of the road, but she didn't refuse.However, as long as it is a little more secretive, or more intimate, then she will not agree.What kind of girl is she? Will she look like Hortense Briggs again, like her tricks, like her evasive? Naturally, Roberta is not like her at all. , but she is always so stubborn.

Although she couldn't see his face clearly, she knew that he was angry, and she had never seen an angry like this before.

"Well, then, if you don't want to, you don't have to," he said, in a icy tone, "and I can go elsewhere. I've noticed that you don't want to do anything I want to do." Do it. What shall we do in the future? I want to know what you think, we must not walk on the street every night!" His tone was very gloomy, and it also foreshadowed the bleak future. When the two of them used to quarrel, he never Not as tempered and harsh as this time.Moreover, what he said about going elsewhere made Roberta both shocked and frightened. In this way, her own psychology changed almost immediately.He must have seen girls all the time in his own world! Girls in the factory who kept ogling him! She'd seen them do it, and they did it all the time.That Rosa Nikovlitch, so vulgar, but also pretty, and that Flora Brent, and that Martha Bodarrow, hey! It's shameful to be chased by those vile and shameless people.However, also because of this, she was deeply afraid that he would have the idea that she was too difficult to deal with, unlike the experienced and courageous people he was used to in high society, so she took her The target shifts to one of them, so that she will not be able to catch him.The thought frightened her.Her original stubborn attitude immediately turned into pleading and persuasion.

"Oh, Clyde, don't be angry with me, will you? You know, I'd do it if I could. I can't do such things here. Don't you know? You Surely. Oh, they will find out. How would you feel if someone saw us, or recognized you?" She first took his arm with one hand in a pleading gesture. , and then hugged his waist again.He also realized that despite her opposition so fiercely just now, she still loved him very much, to the extreme. "Please don't make such demands on me," she said in a pleading tone.

"So, why did you move out of Newton's house?" He asked angrily, "If you don't let me visit you occasionally, then I don't know where we can go in the future. There's really nowhere else to go."

The thought made Roberta hesitate.Their relationship obviously cannot be restricted by traditional boundaries, but at the same time she feels that she absolutely cannot agree.That was so unruly, so immoral, so bad.

"I thought I moved," she said weakly and softly, "just because we could go somewhere else on Saturdays and Sundays."

"But where can we go now on Saturdays and Sundays? Everywhere is closed."

It stumped her again what had stumped them both.She just said aloud resignedly, "Oh, if only I knew what to do."

"Oh, it's easy enough if you want to. But you've always been like that, and you just won't."

She stood there with the evening wind stirring the dry, rustling leaves.What she had always worried about him was clearly now on her.With the good education she had received in the past, could she do what he said now? There were two forces struggling in her heart, which made her hesitate.These two forces are equally strong and equally urgent.On the one hand, she wanted to agree, even though it was painful in terms of morality and social perception, but on the other hand, she didn't want to reject such ideas, which seemed to her to be bold and improper.But, notwithstanding her latter thoughts, she felt, because of her mad love for him, that there was nothing to do but beseech him meekly.

"I can't, Clyde, I can't. If I could, I would, but I can't, it's not right. If I could, I would, but I can't."

She raised her head to look at his face, and saw the paleness of thoughts and feelings in the dark night. She wanted to see if he could understand this truth, understand her, change his mind, and agree with her.But this apparent refusal made him angry.He is absolutely unchanged now.It all looked to him like the series of failures he had suffered in courting Hortense Briggs.Let me tell you, he can't stand anything like that now.He could find a lot of girls now, and if she wanted to, well, let her do it, but not him.He had plenty of girls now, and they were much better for him.

Seeing her angry, he shrugged his shoulders, and then turned away from her, saying, "Oh, if you think so, well, well." Roberta stood there petrified.

"Please don't go, Clyde, please don't leave me," she cried suddenly and mournfully.Her obstinate look, her courage, changed very pathetically and drastically at once. "I don't want you to go. I love you so much, Clyde. If I could, I would. You know that."

"Oh, of course, I know, you don't need to tell me," (this was prompted by his past experience with Hortense and Rita.) He turned and broke free from her arms, walked briskly down the street in the dark.

The change in estimate stunned Roberta.She yelled, "Clyde!" and started to give chase.All she wished was that he would stop and let her beg him one more time.But he didn't look back, just walked forward quickly.The only way she could do now was to catch up with him, and if necessary, grab her Clyde by force.She chased after him for a while, but she found that this was the first time in her life that she begged and begged, and wronged herself like this.Thinking of this, she suddenly stopped, because the traditional education she received in the past ordered her to persevere to the end, not to be so self-deprecating, but her various desires for love, mutual understanding, and friendship ordered her She was in hot pursuit.But the traditional ideas that had always been instilled in her were so deep-rooted that, despite the pain in her heart, the struggle between these two forces finally became an even situation.She just stopped, thinking that it was not good to go forward, nor was it good to stop. Their beautiful love suddenly broke up like this, which made her neither understand nor bear it.

Pain tormented her heart, and her lips grew pale.She stood there dumbfounded, unable to utter a word, not even the name "Clyde."All she thought was, "Oh, Clyde, don't go! Clyde! You stay!" The distant footsteps and echoes gradually became indistinct in her infinitely painful ears.

For the first time in her life she was dazzled by a sudden shock of agonizing love.

(End of this chapter)