american tragedy

Chapter 55

Chapter 221
Words cannot express how Roberta felt that evening, for it was a sincere and infinitely painful love, the kind of love that is most difficult to bear when one is young.In addition, along with love, there are all kinds of fantasies about Clyde's economic and social status. These fantasies are rarely caused by his intentional fabrication, but mostly caused by his inability to stop others' speculation and gossip.Her own family, herself, were so unhappy that there was no hope for anything but him alone.But she quarreled with him, and he walked away angrily.But on the other hand, isn't it worrisome that he's pushing her down the path of debauchery, which is bound to cause trouble? Wasn't she brought up to think it was wrong? What should she do now What should I do? What should I say?

She took off her clothes slowly and preoccupied, and climbed onto the big old-fashioned bed without a word, thinking like this in the dark room.

"No, I won't do it. I won't do it. If I do, I'll be a bad girl. I shouldn't do it for him, even if he scares me, he demands it from me, he himself You should be ashamed." But at the same time, or after a while, she had to ask herself: what else should they do in this situation? They really have nowhere to go now. Go, the statement is clearly true.How unfair it is to have such a rule in the company.And, besides this stipulation, the Griffiths must have considered it demeaning for him to be so involved with her; and if the Newtons and Gilpins heard of it, and knew who he was, they would I will definitely see it that way.If this news reaches their ears, it will definitely be bad for them.She must not do anything against him, not at all.Then it occurred to her that she should find something else to do, and that would solve the problem.However, in this way, she will not see him for a whole day.He was seen only at night, and by no means every night.In this way, she discarded the idea of ​​looking for another job.

She thought again that Clyde would go to the factory at dawn tomorrow.What if he didn't talk to her? Absolutely impossible! It was ridiculous! Terrible! The very thought made her sit up in bed.Clyde watched her fantasies come to him with indifference, indifference, and it was maddening indeed.

She got out of bed at once and switched on the electric light hanging in the center of the room, and walked over to the mirror hanging over the old-fashioned walnut dresser in the corner, and stared at herself.It seemed to her that she saw dark circles under her eyes.She felt numb and cold, so she shook her head helplessly and frantically.He wouldn't be so vile and shameless that he couldn't be so ruthless to her at this point, would he? Ah, if only he could understand how difficult and impossible it was to ask her! Oh, if it would be morning soon, and she would see his face again! Oh, if it was another night when she could take his hand, take his arm, feel him around her.

"Clyde, Clyde," she called softly, "you wouldn't do that to me, would you? You couldn't."

She walked over to an old-fashioned, battered, stuffed chair.This chair is in the center of the room, and beside it is a small table with assorted books and magazines, including The Saturday Evening Post, Munsell's Magazine, Popular Science Monthly, Baby's Horticultural Magazine. wait.In order not to think of those maddening, tearing thoughts, she sat down with her chin in her hands, and her elbows on her knees.But painful thoughts still rushed in, and she felt a little cold, so she took a long wool scarf from the bed and wrapped it around her body, then opened the flower catalog, and then threw it aside again.

"No, no, no, he can't do that to me, he won't." She would never let him do that.Ah, he had told her more than once that he was mad for her, that he was madly in love with her.How many fun places have they visited together?

At this moment, she was not aware of her actions at all. She stood up from the chair, sat down on the edge of the bed, put her elbows on her knees, and rested her chin on her hands. Look around in the dark to see if there is a hint of dawn.At six o'clock, 06:30, the sky was faintly bright, and it was almost time to get up, but she still didn't sleep, she sat on the chair for a while, sat on the edge of the bed for a while, and stood in front of the mirror in the corner for a while.

She had, however, come to the definite conclusion that she must find a way of keeping Clyde from her, which must be prevented at all costs.Surely she could find something, or do something, to make him love her as much as before, even if, even if... oh, even if she had to promise him to come here now and then, or go somewhere else, For example, looking for a room at some other boarding place, she could try to arrange in advance that he was her brother or something.

But it was another state of mind which ruled Clyde, and this, if rightly recognized, that is to say, the whole suddenness of his character, his obstinacy, his surly ill-temper, To be infallible, one must look back at his life in Kansas City, at the days when he flattered Hortense Briggs in vain, and at having to give up Rita. , but got nothing.For, although the present conditions and circumstances were different from those of the past, he had no moral right to accuse Roberta of any injustice like Hortense's treatment of him.

However, even if this is the case, there is another fact that he cannot fail to notice, that is, girls, including all girls, are obviously stubborn, wanting to defend themselves, always keeping a certain distance from men, even Didn't Ratterer often tell him that he rides on men, hoping to force them to do them work, and they don't pay them back at all? He's a complete fool when it comes to dealing with girls. , too weak, too impatient, and immediately revealed his true self, letting them know that he had a crush on her.Rattler told him that Clyde is handsome and has a lot of "capital". Unless the girl really loves him very much, why should he follow after her? His words, his words of praise , He was very impressed when he heard it.However, he was even more anxious now because he had suffered great defeats against Hortense and against Rita in the past.But what had happened to Hortense and Rita was now in danger of being repeated.

At the same time, he wasn't completely free from self-blame.He also thought that by doing so, he was obviously entering into an improper relationship that would be very dangerous in the future.He wondered vaguely that if what he wanted was a relationship which, on her part, was regarded as an evil thing by her prejudice and upbringing, then he would have given her Some kind of excuse, what request will be made in the future, if he ignores it, maybe it will not be easy? Because, in the final analysis, the offensive party is him, not her.Based on this alone, and the things that may happen because of it, wouldn't it be possible for her to ask him more than he is willing to accept? Does he really want to marry her? In the bottom of his heart, there is still a thought that is revering, That is, even at this moment, he was still saying to himself that he would never marry her, that there were noble relatives here, and he could never marry her.Since this is the case, should he make this request again? If he makes it, will it prevent other people from making such a request in the future?

He didn't really have a clear idea of ​​what was going on in his mind, but roughly.But there was so much charm in Roberta's character and figure, though there were warning signs or something like that in him, which seemed to suggest that it would be dangerous for him to insist on his demands.But he kept saying to himself that unless she allowed him to go to her room, he would part ways with her.The desire to possess her still dominates everything about him.

The first union of the sexes, whether married or not, involves a struggle, and this struggle begins the next day in the factory.Neither said a word, for on the part of Clyde, though he thought he was passionately in love with Roberta, the relationship had never been too deep, and his inherent selfishness, ambition, and pleasure-seeking character, this He is determined to persevere, absolutely refuses to give in, and wants to dominate all other desires.He was determined to pretend to be at a disadvantage, and unless she gave in and could satisfy his wishes, he would never be friends with her again.

Therefore, when he came to the printing room in the morning, he pretended to be very worried about something that had nothing to do with the previous night.However, with his attitude, besides failure, he was not sure of any results.Deep down, he was still frustrated and awkward.Then he saw the lively Roberta, pale and dreamy, yet so lovely and so lively.This does not guarantee that he will win soon or in the end.He thought he knew her character well by now.So he had only one thought, enough to take a little courage from him, and that was that she might give in.

When she stopped looking at him, he kept looking at her.At first, she just looked at him repeatedly when he was not looking at her; then she realized that whether his eyes were looking at her or not, but he was always wandering around intentionally or unintentionally, she was relieved.But she still couldn't find the slightest trace of greeting her.And what made her especially sad was that instead of ignoring her, he paid attention to other girls.It's not obvious, but at least it's done on purpose.This is the first time since they fell in love with each other.The girls had always been attracted to him.She had always had the idea that they were waiting for their time, and that they would be willing to let him dictate if he showed any sign.

At this moment he was standing behind Rosa Nikofrich.Her rather plump face, with its snub nose and small chin, was turning towards him.He was talking, but what he said obviously had nothing to do with what was going on, for they both smiled disinterestedly.After a while, he came to Martha Bardaro again. The French girl's arms, which were bare from the shoulders and armpits, were very close to him.Although she was strong and fat, and she smelled strongly of a foreign girl, she still had the characteristics that men liked, and Clyde was trying to flirt with her.

Then came Flora Brent, a very sensual, not ugly American girl whom Roberta had seen Clyde want to get close to before.Even so, however, she had refused to believe that Clyde would be interested in any of these girls.Clyde was by no means that kind of person.

But now he didn't even look at her at all, and he didn't have the time to say a word to her, although he said so many nice things to those other people and gave them so many good looks.Oh, how sad! Oh, how cruel! How she despised those people who winked and tried openly to snatch him from her.Ah, what a terrible thing.He must be against her now, otherwise, he wouldn't be like this, especially after they had a relationship of love, kissing, and so on.

Time passed too slowly for both of them.Neither Clyde nor Roberta were heartbroken.For his dream, he is fanatical and eager, unable to bear waiting and disappointment.All ambitious men, whatever their character, have this chief characteristic.He was afraid of losing Roberta, or of bending to her will if he wanted to regain her.This thought tormented him all the time.

On her part, it was not the question of whether she should give in or not (for, at this point, it was almost the least of her worries) that tore her heart, but that once she had complied, she could Could Ryder be content with some kind of intemperate relationship in the room? Or could she not? Go on as his friend, or not? Because, any further, she wouldn't say yes, never.But such a dilemma, his indifference to her pain, was too much for her to bear for a minute, let alone for an hour.Later, when she finally complained that she had caused it all, she went into the lounge at about three o'clock in the afternoon, found a piece of paper on the floor, picked up a pencil stub beside her, and wrote a note:
Clyde, please don't get angry with me, okay? Please don't.Just make sure you look at me and talk to me, okay? I'm sorry about last night, really, I'm... so sorry.Tonight at 08:30, if you can spare the time, please wait for me at the other end of Elm Street, okay? I have something to tell you, you must come.Also, please look at me and tell me that you will definitely come, even if you are very angry.I will never let you regret it, you know I love you.

your unfortunate roberta

She was in great pain, eager to ease the conflict between the two of them.She folded the paper, went back into the workshop, and walked over to Clyde's desk.He was at the table right now, fiddling with a few pieces of paper.When she walked over, she hurriedly stuffed the note into his hand.He raised his head immediately, his dark eyes were still cold, and the pain, anxiety, dissatisfaction and determination of the whole day were mixed in his eyes, but when he saw the back of Roberta walking forward and this note , his heart immediately felt relieved, and a burst of indescribable satisfaction and joy immediately came out of his eyes.He opened the note, and immediately felt a faint but warm light bathing his whole body.

Besides, Roberta returned to her table with a nervous look in her eyes.But she saw Clyde gazing at her with a triumphant but subdued look in his eyes, smiling and nodding his head in ready assent.She suddenly felt her heart swaying, as if the blood that had been stagnant due to the contraction of the heart and nerves suddenly began to flow again.All the dry swamps and embankments in her soul, and the dry creeks, rivers, and lakes all over her body were immediately filled with the infinite and abundant power of life and love.

He promised to meet her, and they were meeting tonight.His hands will wrap around her waist, kiss her like before, she can look into his eyes, they will never quarrel like last night again, ah, as long as she can do it, never again Stop quarreling.

(End of this chapter)