Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 2 The child became a coward (1)
Everyone has their own personality traits and psychological characteristics, and so do children.Some children are very bold and are not afraid of anything; while some children are very timid and are afraid of everything. A bug or a pot of water can make them cry.Children are timid, sometimes due to a lack of security, sometimes due to instinctive reactions, and sometimes due to stimulation. Therefore, parents should not treat timid children simply and rudely, but must understand the reasons and then prescribe the right medicine.

baby safety test

Do your children feel safe enough?Please do a test based on his (her) usual performance:
1. Do your children dare to play in collective places, such as community parks?

A. dare B. dare not
2. Will your child take the initiative to say hello to the children?
A. Yes B. No
3. Does your child dare to sleep alone at night?
A. dare B. dare not
4. In the kindergarten, does your child often hide in the corner alone?

A. not often B. often
5. Does your child refuse to go to school or to see the teacher?
A. will not B. will

6. When there are guests at home, is your child still as lively and laughing as usual?

A. Yes B. No

7. When encountering small animals, does your child often back away in fright?
A. occasionally B. often
8. At night, is your child afraid of the dark?

A. not afraid B. afraid

Test Results:

"Super timid" baby: In the test answer, when item A appears 1 or 2 times, it means that your child is likely to be timid and insecure.Parents need timely, appropriate and correct guidance and transformation.

"Timid" baby: In the test answer, when item A appears 3 to 5 times, your baby has a tendency to be timid.But parents don't have to worry too much, they should observe the baby for a while.If the child is still so timid, the mother must take action.

"Super safe" baby: In the test answer, when item A appears 6 to 8 times, mothers don't have to care too much, because your baby is neither timid nor lacking in security, and is a very normal baby.

1. Fear of bugs

——What is behind the timidity

In the eyes of his family, 3-year-old Guoguo has always been a "bold" child.Why does the family think so?Because whenever the firecrackers are set off during the Spring Festival, Guoguo’s elder brother will hide in the room in fright, but Guoguo can stand aside and watch his father set off the firecrackers.Usually, Guoguo can go to the store downstairs alone to help her mother buy things, and she is not afraid of dogs.Therefore, the neighbors praised him for his boldness and bravery.

But many people don't know that Guoguo also has a "timid" side - she is afraid of small animals like bugs.Mosquitoes, flies, or small molluscs in trees can make him cry.

I remember one time, Guoguo's mother took him to the park to play.While playing, Guoguo suddenly screamed, and then burst into tears.Guoguo's mother thought something was wrong, so she hurried over to check, only to find a small grasshopper on his foot.

"Mom, I'm afraid. Mom...I want to go home..." Guoguo cried as she dragged her mother home.

"Guoguo, it's okay, mom is here. This is a little grasshopper, it won't bite you. Let's play for a while, shall we?" Mom tried to calm Guoguo's emotions.

"No, Mom, I want to go home, I want to go home..." Guoguo pulled her mother's hand vigorously, her eyes full of fear.

In desperation, the mother had no choice but to go back with Guoguo.But the children who were younger than him in the park were chasing the grasshoppers and playing without feeling scared at all.

Why is the bold Guoguo so afraid of bugs?Guoguo's mother was a little puzzled.

Case in-depth analysis
No matter how daring a child is, there are things to be afraid of. This is a normal psychological reaction to unfamiliar environments or things.The bold Guoguo is afraid of bugs, because he has a nervousness or fear of bugs.

Almost every child has something to fear.Some children are afraid of car horns, some children are afraid of lightning and thunder, some children are afraid of small animals, some children are afraid of strangers, and some children are afraid of doctors and syringes.Once seen, the child will have a fear response, such as panic, screaming, withdrawal, pain, calling for help, evasion, and even confrontation.These behaviors of children are usually considered timid and worthless by parents.

really?In fact, children's fear is not because they are naturally timid, but a very normal phenomenon in the growth process.Research by psychologists has found that in early childhood, more than 90% of children are more or less afraid, and 40% of children have at least one fear.It can be seen that fear is an inevitable feeling of growth.

Why do children have this mentality?From the perspective of children's growth characteristics, children aged 1 to 3 are trying to distinguish "me" from "things other than me", and are learning how "me" gets along with the surrounding environment.Because children are young and have poor discrimination ability, they will feel nervous and afraid of some unfamiliar environments and objects before, and naturally they will be afraid of the dark, water, and heights accordingly.In fact, this is just the child's incompatibility and unfamiliarity with the surrounding environment or things.These phenomena are not fixed as a pattern, but will continue to disappear with age.Therefore, this kind of timidity can be said to be "instinctive timidity".

In addition to this reason, what other reasons can cause children to have tension and fear?

(1) Adverse environmental effects.

Most of the children nowadays are only children. Parents not only love their children, but also try their best to protect them from harm, so they rarely let their children go out.In addition, children in cities often live in high-rise buildings, and their living environment is relatively closed, and they are less exposed to strange environments and strangers.When children see unfamiliar environments and people, they will naturally feel nervous and fearful.

(2) Due to the strengthening reaction.

The parents of some children are timid, or afraid of certain things, and show it in front of their children. For example, parents are afraid of bugs and scream when they see bugs.Children are already afraid of bugs, but the behavior of parents leaves the impression on the children: "Mom is afraid, it seems that this thing is really scary." Scream when you see a bug, or hide in fright.

(3) Excessive alertness.

If a child has something to fear, it means that the child has the vigilance to avoid harm.With this kind of vigilance, children will be harmed less.Why do you say that?The simple point is that newborn babies do not have the awareness of fear or are not obvious, so they don't know what fear is at all.

psychologist advice
Fear and tension are the most common reactions for human beings to protect themselves from harm.It is quite normal for children to have fear or nervousness about dangerous objects, unfamiliar things and the environment, such as Guoguo in this article.The child is young, and for him, small things he has never seen before are dangerous, so he is nervous and afraid.And for the familiar, he is bold.This shows that the child has begun to establish a "judgment" mechanism in his heart, and he has begun to think about what will hurt him and what will not.But if the child is too nervous or afraid of something, parents should pay more attention to it.

Why pay more attention to it?This is because too much tension or fear is not good for children's mental health.Psychologists have found that if the fear in childhood and childhood is not actively guided, the child may develop serious psychological problems or obstacles when he grows up, which will affect the growth of the child's personality.For example, the child becomes timid and withdrawn.From this point of view, it is necessary to correct the child's fear in a timely and appropriate manner.

How should this situation be handled?
(1) Learn more about animals that are afraid.

The reason why children are afraid of small animals and bugs is because they know too little about these things. If they know more, they will naturally not be like this.Therefore, if parents want to help their children eliminate their fear of small bugs and animals, they must let their children know more about these things.For example, you can watch "Animal World" with your child and explain it to him while watching.When you see a tiger, tell your child its habits and what it likes to eat, etc., so that he can gradually understand what animals are like.

(2) Bring children in close contact with insects.

In order to help children eliminate the fear of small animals, parents can often take their children to the zoo, encourage him to touch tame animals, feed them food, and watch them play (but remember to pay attention to safety).If your child is afraid of bugs, you can take your child to the park to catch bugs, or you can take your child to the suburbs and the Insect Memorial Hall.Only when children understand these animals, will they not have inexplicable fear and panic.

(3) Skillfully use the desalination effect.

In some parks and amusement parks, we often encounter such a situation: when parents see some small bugs crawling on their children, they will scream to help the children drive away or trample those small bugs to death.It is understandable for parents to protect their children, but this approach will strengthen the child's fear.If parents find bugs on their children, it is best not to show too much concern, just take them off quietly.In psychology, this method is called desalination.Don't exaggerate or strengthen things too much, and it often has better results.

(4) Let the children accept it slowly.

From fear to acceptance, the psychological transformation takes some time, even for adults, let alone children?The child is still young and slow to accept things. Therefore, when the child is found to be afraid of these bugs, and even has a nervous expression and screams, parents should not be anxious except to explain and demonstrate to him, and give him enough time , let him accept it slowly.You can't label a child a "coward" as soon as you see a child scared.

Stone of Other Mountains
Father's name: Yang Kun

Dad's Occupation: Photojournalist

Son's name: Pengpeng, 3 years old

I am a photojournalist, but also a photography enthusiast. I always like to go to the wild to shoot some scenery in my spare time.Once, I came back from shooting in the field. As soon as I got home, my son jumped up and asked me to hug him and tell him a story.I put down my things casually and picked up my son.But Pengpeng, who was so excited, suddenly yelled and pushed my shoulders repeatedly, trying to break free from my arms.

What has actually happened?The wife, who was also puzzled, came over and said after looking at it, "Isn't it just a little bug? Is it because of this that Pengpeng is afraid?"

Logically speaking, it wouldn't be so, Pengpeng is a brave little guy, and a bug scared him?
His wife asked him, "Did you see that little bug and get scared?"

Pengpeng's eyes were still fixed on my shoulder, and while sobbing, he replied: "Yes, Mom. Is it biting Dad?"

That's it!

I got the little bug off my body, put it in my hand, and told Pengpeng: "Look, Pengpeng, this little bug will become a beautiful little butterfly in the future. It won't bite people. Look at Dad. Put it in your hand, it didn't bite Dad, right? Come and have a look, touch it!"

At first, Pengpeng was still very scared.But with my encouragement, he took a closer look, and then told me to throw it away.In order to completely dispel Pengpeng's fear, I took time to accompany him to the Insect Memorial Museum to let him learn more about insects.

After learning this knowledge, Pengpeng is no longer afraid of these little bugs, and even has an interest in research.When the children around are afraid of these little bugs, he will comfort them, which makes us very proud.

2. Afraid of seeing water

——How to guide children who dare not try?

The summer weather in Beijing is very hot, especially on sauna days, which makes people breathless.Yuanyuan's mother found a swimming pool for children when she was shopping in the supermarket, so she bought one and wanted Yuanyuan to have a swim.

When she got home, Yuanyuan's mother couldn't wait to take out the swimming pool.Dad Yuanyuan inflated it, filled it with water, and soon a swimming pool took shape.

"The weather is so hot, let Yuanyuan learn to swim quickly. Look, there are swimming rings delivered." Yuanyuan's mother can't wait to let Yuanyuan enjoy the comfortable feeling of swimming.

"Our family Yuanyuan is afraid of water, does she dare to go swimming?" Yuanyuan's father was a little worried.

"I don't know, hurry up and take her to see!" Yuanyuan's mother gave Yuanyuan's father an "order".

Soon, Yuanyuan was "invited" out of the room by her father.But when Yuanyuan saw the swimming pool, she immediately shrank back.

"Yuanyuan, come and swim, it's fun and cool!" Yuanyuan's mother said.

"Yeah, Yuanyuan, didn't you say that the weather is very hot? It won't be so hot after climbing into the swimming pool." Yuanyuan's father was also beside her to cheer her up.

However, Yuanyuan's eyes were full of fear, and she hurried back to the room to play with the Barbie doll.

"Yuanyuan, come out quickly, it's cool." Yuanyuan's mother followed in, reaching out to pull Yuanyuan.Unexpectedly, instead of coming out, Yuanyuan began to cry, crying, "Mom, I don't want to swim, I'm afraid..."

"What are you afraid of?" Yuanyuan's mother asked knowingly.

"Water, I'm afraid of water..." Yuanyuan cried louder and louder.

Why did Yuanyuan, who was afraid of water, dare not try it?
Case in-depth analysis
Around us, many children are as afraid of water as Yuanyuan in this article.These children often show that they are afraid that their parents will take a bath, cry when they see the bathtub, or hide when they hear their parents ask her to take a bath.If their parents took them to the park, these children would not dare to stand by the lake and play in the water.

If the child's body is normal, fear of water is considered a heart disease, which is what psychology calls "hydrophobia".The reason for this disease is that children have a fear of water.

(End of this chapter)