Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 3 The child became a coward (2)
Generally speaking, children have more or less "fear" in their infancy.As their understanding of the world increases, from ignorance to initial understanding, their fears or fears will also increase.Children of different ages are afraid of different things. For example, when they are [-] years old, their fears increase, mainly auditory fears, such as the sound of cars, thunder, and animal cries; The sudden oncoming truck, the darkness of night.

Children at this time, because their psychological awareness has begun to develop and have a certain basis for thinking, they will judge which things are safe and which things are not.Now that he has the ability to judge danger, it will inevitably lead to the timid situation of "not daring to try" in children.Dare to try if you feel safe, and dare not try if you feel unsafe.Such children are usually "beaten to death" by their parents - my children are timid and afraid of getting into trouble.

In fact, there are many reasons why children seem timid and dare not try new things.

(1) In the instinct of self-preservation.

For children, the process of understanding the world is also a process of constant contact with dangerous things, such as falling when learning to walk, choking water when taking a bath, etc.When the child faces a new environment and strangers again, these existing experiences will make the child not only very cautious, but also very worried, so he behaves timidly and retreats.This is a child's instinctive self-protection behavior. For example, some children only eat the food they are used to, wear the clothes they often wear, play with familiar children, etc.; but they will instinctively reject unfamiliar things.

(2) Leave a psychological shadow after trying.

In life, many children are very curious and always like to try some things. For example, they find it fun to see their parents cutting fruit, so they also use a knife to cut it, but they cut it in their hands.This is because the child was hurt as a result of the attempt, so the child developed a fear of this kind of thing.

(3) Discomfort creates resistance.

What children are afraid of may be related to the discomfort they experienced when they were exposed to such things before.If a child is afraid of water, it may be because the water rushing down from his head made him breathless when taking a bath in the past, resulting in resistance.Therefore, when parents let their children take a bath again, the children will cry loudly and stubbornly refuse to go.

In addition, some psychologists believe that the main reason why children have fear and dare not try new things is that the central nervous system is too sensitive to external stimuli, and its response exceeds the proper limit.Why are children so sensitive?This is not only related to the personality of the child, but also to the mother's excessive tension and anxiety during pregnancy, as well as dystocia and cesarean section during childbirth.

psychologist advice
Children are afraid of new things and dare not try, which is an experience in normal child development and a healthy response of children.From a psychological point of view, this is a reaction of fear, and it means that the child does not have enough psychological preparation and self-persuasion to accept the sudden situation.Of course, children have fear, which is also related to parents' overprotection.Some parents are overprotective, which makes the child's psychological endurance limited, and the heart is fragile, timid or inferior.This situation occurs more often in children aged 2 to 5.Some children still dare not try some ordinary things after school.

Usually, fear will be alleviated with the improvement of children's ability and age, but if the fear is severe and persistent, anxious, crying, and sensitive, it is an abnormal reaction of maladaptation, and a professional psychologist should be consulted for treatment.

In order to prevent children from becoming more fearful, parents must pay attention to the way of education.In daily life, do not reprimand children loudly, because children are easily affected by conditioned reflexes.The louder a parent reprimands a child, the more nervous or fearful the child may become.

In addition, for children with fear, parents should give priority to guidance.If necessary, the following methods can be used to help children eliminate their fears.

(1) Conditioned reflex method.

If a child is afraid to try certain things, such as entering the water, parents can use conditioned reflex to correct the child's fear and encourage the child to try to do what he is afraid of.For example, you can sprinkle water on your child, play water splashing games with your child, and gradually eliminate your child's fear of water.Yuanyuan in the case is afraid of water, so her parents should not force her to go swimming.But you can raise a goldfish for your child, or buy some beautiful pebbles, aquatic plants, etc. and put them in the water to guide the child to touch the water and reduce the fear of water.

(2) Improve children's psychological pleasure.

Children are bolder when they are happy and in a good mood.Therefore, to make the "dare to try" children bold, you can increase their psychological pleasure before letting them try something.For example, when swimming, choose a comfortable place, such as an open-air swimming pool.The water there is warmed by the sunlight.When the child feels comfortable, he is no longer afraid of going into the water.

(3) Demonstrate the desensitization method.

When you find that children are afraid to try certain things, you have to understand that the reason why they dare not do them is because they suspect that these things will bring them harm.If the parents can try it in person at this time, dispel the child's inner concerns, and give the child "positive positive imitation", it is estimated that the child will try it boldly.

For example, to correct the child's fear of water, you can take the child to the swimming pool to watch others swim, take the child to row a boat, and then slowly carry the child into the water, water the child, and hold the child to float on the water... so that the child gradually approaches Water, children will change from being afraid of water to loving water.

(4) Do not set up psychological confinement for children.

What does it mean to set up psychological confinement for children?Simply put, it is to set some rules for children and tell them what they can try and what they can't.For example, we often hear similar words from parents around us: "This is mutton, you have never eaten it." "This is a balance beam, you have never played with it before." "This orange is sour, not the sweetness you like." Yes." Parents doing this will only discourage children from trying.Therefore, when children want to try some things, parents should try to let go and let the children know which ones can be played and which ones are not fun.Of course, this is under the premise of ensuring the safety of the child.

(5) Don't doubt your child's ability to try.

Many parents always habitually ask their children: "Do you dare to try it?" On the surface, parents are thinking about their children and let him judge for himself, but in fact, this sentence is tantamount to telling the child: " The thing in front of you may be dangerous, if you want to try it, you must have enough courage." In this way, some timid children will inevitably shake their heads and refuse to try.And when they meet again, they will instinctively refuse.

Once the bad habit of "not daring to try" is formed, the child will lack the spirit of adventure and innovation.Therefore, as parents, when helping children avoid some potentially dangerous things, they should also give their children as much freedom as possible and encourage them to try new things bravely.

Stone of Other Mountains
Father's name: Peng Gang

Occupation: Private business owner
Son's name: Jia Xin, 5 years old

Although our Jiaxin is a little man, he is very timid.The most important point is that he dare not touch the water.

On summer weekends, I took him for a walk in the park and saw many children playing by the fountain.I also encouraged Jiaxin to join in: "Jiaxin, play bravely, as long as you don't fall, there will be no danger."

Hearing what I said, Jia Xin, who was eager to try, flinched back and shouted to go home.

"What's going on here? Did what I said just now frighten him?" I was thinking as I walked back.

Suddenly, I stopped and told Jiaxin: "Xinxin, Dad still wants to play by the fountain, it is cooler than at home. Can you go with Dad? If you are afraid, just stand by the side and look at Dad Let's play, okay?"

Jia Xin didn't speak, and there was obviously fear in his eyes, but he heard that he didn't have to go in to play, so he followed.

I went in alone and played games with other children.Jia Xin was watching from the side all the time, his eyes fixed tightly, for fear that I would slip away.After a while, I heard Jia Xin calling me: "Dad, I... I want to play too... Can you hold me?"

My goal has been achieved.

Although he was very worried at first, he would tremble when the fountain water fell on him.But gradually, this kind of situation became less and less, especially driven by the children around him, his interest became more and more intense, and he played very happily.

With this experience, his fear of water has decreased a lot, and he even went swimming and fishing with me several times.

3. Don’t dare to go to the bathroom alone
——Reasonably guide stimulating and timid children
After dinner, Tongtong's family sat on the sofa and watched TV.After watching for a while, Tongtong started to "make trouble".

"Mom, I want to pee." Tongtong said timidly.

"Go, no one is stopping you, hurry up, go to bed early after peeing, and go to kindergarten tomorrow!" Tong Tong's mother didn't take her eyes off the TV.

Seeing that her mother didn't pay much attention to her, Tongtong ran to the other side of the sofa and said to her father, "Dad, I want to pee."

Tong Tong's father felt a little strange, turned his head and said to him: "The bathroom is right there, the door is open, you go pee, you don't need to report to me."

Unexpectedly, a few minutes later, Tongtong was still standing behind the sofa, with a grievance on his face and tears streaming down his face.

"Tongtong, what's wrong with you?" Tongtong's mother felt very strange, "Are you feeling unwell?"

"No...I want to pee..." Tongtong said while crying.

"It's been so long since you peed, why don't you go to the bathroom?" Tong Tong's father also turned around.He obviously felt that something was wrong.

"I'm afraid... I don't dare to go...Mom, can you go with me?" Tongtong took her mother's hand vigorously and dragged her to the bathroom.

"Why doesn't Tongtong dare to go to the bathroom? He used to go there alone?" After Tongtong went to bed, Tongtong's father asked Tongtong's mother.

"I don't know either. Could it be that you found a mouse in the bathroom yesterday and frightened him?" Tong Tong's mother tried her best to recall and said, "I really can't think of any other reason besides this reason. He's so scared of the bathroom."

The next day, his mother asked Tongtong why he dared not go to the bathroom, and his answer was exactly: "There are mice in the bathroom."

Why is Tongtong so timid?
Case in-depth analysis
Children behave differently when they are timid, and there are many reasons for it.Tongtong's timidity is not born with it, but appears after being frightened and stimulated.This kind of timidity is only limited to the fright and stimulation that have been received, so it belongs to the "stimulating type" timidity.

Among children aged 2 to 7, "stimulus type" timidity is more common, because at this time children have certain judgment and obvious memory, and can remember small things in life.For example, some children become afraid of dogs after being chased by them.

If the child is timid, when he sees something he is afraid of, he usually has rapid breathing, rapid heartbeat, tense expression, shrinking back or hiding.When children are "stimulated" and see something they are afraid of, they usually have these manifestations.Be careful if you see this behavior in your child.

So how does the child's "stimulus" fear arise?What are the reasons that make children nervous and afraid when they are stimulated?Often, the formation of "stimulant" timidity is inseparable from his experiences and inappropriate parental upbringing, which establish a very strong relationship between the stimulus (e.g., the dark, the doctor) and the response (the manifestation of fear). contact.When the child sees the corresponding stimulus, he will immediately produce a specific reaction.Some children start to be afraid of going to kindergarten after being beaten by kindergarten children; some children become afraid of ghosts after being frightened by their parents, "If you are not obedient again, ghosts are coming".

Now, let's analyze the reasons.

(1) Had an unpleasant experience.

Driven by curiosity, children around the age of 3 have a strong desire to explore, and want to see and touch everything.When children "explore" the world, accidents often occur: they fall because they play with water, and get scratched because they catch chickens... Once these accidents occur, children will realize: "These things will hurt me." Coupled with the advice of parents or people around: "Don't do this again in the future", the timidity of the "stimulant type" will become more obvious.

(2) Personality is sensitive and stimulated.

Some children are very sensitive, and a word an adult says unintentionally may irritate him, resulting in timidity.For example, some parents inadvertently mentioned that there are many spider webs in the bathroom, and sensitive children will start to be afraid: "Will the spider bite me when I go to the toilet?" "Will the spider bite me like a cartoon spider?" Cobwebs tying me up?"

(3) Improper education methods.

When getting along with their children, many parents do not understand their children’s psychological characteristics, and often use inappropriate ways to get along with their children. For example, when their children are disobedient, some parents often scare their children: “If you don’t eat well, the police uncle will come and arrest you soon.” You took it away." "If you don't go to bed before 9 o'clock, the big bad wolf will take you away." The purpose of parents is to make children obedient, but this way, the seeds of timidity are quietly planted in children heart.For example, when eating, you will think of the police uncle; after 9 o'clock in the evening, you will think of the terrible big bad wolf...

(End of this chapter)