Learn about child psychology every day 2: Before the age of 8, you can help your child acquire a goo

Chapter 4 The child became a coward (3)
Whether a child is timid or not is not only related to his own personality, but also related to the stimulation given to him around him.These stimuli will not only affect their daily life, but also affect their mental health and the formation of a good personality.

psychologist advice
As the saying goes: "Once bitten by a snake, ten years afraid of well rope." Everyone has a nervous and fearful reaction after being stimulated. Not only children, but also adults will become timid after being stimulated.Therefore, parents must treat their children correctly after they are "stimulated".But many parents hold the child tightly in their arms when they see certain things and feel timid, coaxing and coaxing the child, and even bring him some delicious and fun things.Parents think that this will calm the child's fear, but in fact it stimulates the child.If your child is sensitive, doing this will only make them more frightened.In addition, there are also parents who laugh at their children as "really a coward" when their children are timid. As a result, they make the children more timid, and seriously affect the children's body and mind, such as poor sleep, digestive disorders, and arrhythmia.

It can be seen from this that if the "scared and stimulated" timid children are not properly guided, it is easy to form a fixed pattern and make the children really timid and fearful.Therefore, parents cannot treat them simply and rudely.

How to deal with children who are timid when they are "stimulated"?

Parents can take some small tricks to help children stay away from "stimulant" timidity.

(1) Give children a psychological vaccination.

The reason why children are frightened at certain times is often because they are not mentally prepared.To reduce the possibility of children being suddenly frightened, parents should tell their children ahead of time what they may encounter.For example, if your child is afraid of loud noises, if you walk by the railway, you should first tell your child: "A big train may be coming in a while. If you don't want to hear the siren, cover your ears first." Of course, it is not to tell your child : "Cover your ears, the train is coming, the siren should scare us."

(2) Skillfully use the encouragement effect.

When a child is afraid of certain things, parents should let the child face these things positively, and encourage them more, and not deliberately avoid something because of what the child is afraid of.If the child is afraid of dogs, he will hide or go around when he sees a dog, and tell the child "the dog is not scary, you can walk over it generously".At the same time, teach children some safety common sense.

(3) Divert the child's attention.

If your child is afraid to go to the bathroom, you might as well tell him: "Help mom get that blue basin, that is the smaller, blue one. Hurry up, mom wants to use it." You say that, his attention It will shift from "fear" to what he is asked to do, "how many to take" and "what color to take", and he will not care about "where to go", "that place is dark", and "how scary".

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Chen Pei

Occupation: Sales Executive

Daughter's name: Yoyo, 3 years old

I am the sales director of a foreign trade company. I am very busy at work on weekdays. I only have time to spend time with my daughter Yoyo on weekends a week. I usually ask a nanny to help.

On the evening of the weekend, my colleague brought his son to my house as a guest.I asked Yoyo to go to the balcony to get toys for the children to play with, but Yoyo cried and refused to take them.I was very embarrassed, and I didn't know how to explain it to my colleague's youngest son, but in the end he went to the balcony to get his favorite toy.

After the guests left, I asked Yoyo: "Why don't you bring toys for the children?" Yoyo cried and said, "There is a big bad wolf on the balcony, and I will come in to eat Yoyo at night." The daughter cried and said.

"Who told you this?" I asked my daughter.

The daughter pointed with her hand: "It's Auntie!"

After I asked the nanny, I found out that every day when she was cooking dinner in the room, Yoyo always wanted to play on the balcony.The nanny is afraid that something will happen to the child, so for safety reasons, she always scares Yoyo that there is a big bad wolf on the balcony.Yoyo was obedient, but she never dared to go to the balcony again.

In order not to make Yoyo feel scared again, I said to her: "Mom will accompany you to the balcony to see if there is a big bad wolf. If you catch it, you must punish it. Why is the big bad wolf always scaring us?"

Yoyo followed me, and every time I went to the balcony, I didn't see the big bad wolf.I patiently told her again: "Auntie doesn't want you to play on the balcony alone, for fear of danger. There is no big bad wolf on the balcony at all. The big bad wolf is far away on the mountain."

Under my guidance, Yoyo gradually dispelled her fear of the "big bad wolf".

4. Will the toilet suck itself away?
——Eliminate children's imaginative fear psychology

When Doudou was 4 years old, his grandmother accidentally fell while walking and broke her leg.After returning from the hospital, my legs often hurt, especially on rainy days.Not to mention the inconvenience of walking, going to the toilet has also become a big problem.In the past, all the bathrooms at home were equipped with toilets, which was quite difficult for grandma.

In order to solve this problem, Dad Doudou replaced the toilet with a flush toilet.

It is convenient for grandma to go to the toilet, but a new problem arises: Doudou dare not go to the toilet anymore.

Ask him why he is afraid, what is he afraid of?He even said very nervously: "Mom, I'm afraid that the flush toilet will take me away."

Why is Doudou afraid of being sucked away by the flush toilet?This fear stems from an "accident".That day, when he went to the toilet, he was still holding the "American soldier" bought by his uncle.Just as he was flushing, the "American soldier" accidentally fell into the toilet and was washed away by the water.Now Doudou quit, and cried all afternoon.

At first, I thought he was unhappy because he lost the toy, so I comforted him and promised to buy another set.But Doudou didn't stop crying because of this, but cried even harder.

What happened to Doudou?
I felt strange, so I asked him: "Doudo, why are you crying? Didn't mom promise you..."

Before I could finish asking, Doudou threw herself into my arms, choked and said, "Mom, I'm scared."

"What are you afraid of? What do you see?"

"Mom, the toilet, it flushed my soldiers away, will it flush me away too? I don't want to poop there..." Doudou started crying again after finishing speaking.

I haven't figured it out until now: why does a 4-year-old child think of himself being washed away when a small toy is washed away?Is it because I have too much imagination and love to think wildly that I have fear?
Case in-depth analysis
Children's imagination is very rich in early childhood, but sometimes they can't distinguish between imaginary things and reality or exaggerate their imagination, they will "tell nonsense", and then develop fear, and become very timid and withdrawn.This kind of timidity belongs to the "imaginative" timidity.Doudou is like this.

"Imaginative" timidity is more common in children around 3 years old.This kind of children will be afraid of many things, and even some ordinary things will become scary under their imagination.For example, a vacuum cleaner that makes strange noises is often imagined by children as a garbage-eating monster; the water waves in a spinning washing machine are often imagined by children as an ugly witch...

There are also children who dare not stay alone in a dark place because their imagination is too rich.Many children cling to others at night and dare not sleep alone, that is the case.They can't do without their mother at night, wherever mother goes, he also goes; when mother goes to the bathroom, he will cry; he always hugs mother when sleeping, and sometimes pokes his head out to look around, looking for someone to scare himself s things.

Children have so many things to be afraid of, not because these things actually hurt the child, but because the child imagines these things as scary things in his mind.

Why do children have "imaginative" fears?There are several reasons.

(1) The effect of negative environment.

Now children watch TV from an early age, and start watching TV or books before they can read.But TV or books will have some horror content, such as matching ghosts and blacks together.When children see it for the first time, they will have a strong visual impact and psychological stimulation, which will lead to fear.If parents don't guide them, children will use their imagination to exaggerate the horror content when they are alone.For example, when you hear thunder, you think it's a trick from a monster.

(2) The imagination is too rich.

Children's thinking ability is in the development stage, and the association ability is very rich.Originally a small thing, children will imagine it as something very scary, such as seeing the black shadow of the curtain on the window sill, they will think of the big bad wolf; seeing the lights on the signal tower in the distance, they will think of aliens. Eyes... When thinking of scary things, the fear in the child's heart will follow one after another, so he becomes an "imaginative" timid child.

(3) Poor resolution.

Range hoods and vacuum cleaners are commonplace for adults, but children think they are dangerous.Because of poor discrimination, children sometimes don't know what is dangerous and what is safe.As long as you imagine yourself in danger, you will naturally be afraid.And as soon as you come into contact with the things you are afraid of in your imagination, you will naturally be timid.

psychologist advice
Docile animals, thunder at night, and strange uncles and aunts may scare children around 3 years old, and even cry a lot.For this reason, many parents feel that their children are too timid, and even very worried that their children will become "cowards" when they grow up.

In fact, parents don't have to worry too much about it.At this age, children's timidity is neither due to personality reasons nor psychological problems, but because children have rich imaginations and always exaggerate the facts, thus mixing imaginary things with reality.

There is an "imaginative" timid baby at home, how should parents treat it?Of course, there are many methods, the most commonly used method is the story method.Children like to listen to stories the most. If you find out what your child is afraid of, tell your child some stories about teenage bravery to inspire your child's boldness, determination and self-confidence.In addition, the following small countermeasures can also be taken.

(1) Let children know more about the things they are afraid of.

What children are afraid of, we must let them know more about them.If the child is afraid of ghosts in the room, parents must tell the child that there are no ghosts in this world.You can also let the child touch some things that are afraid of, such as the child is afraid of the toilet, you can let the child sit on the toilet and touch the switch, so that the child's fear will be weakened.

(2) Take the child to the toilet together to give the child a sense of security.

If the child is afraid of being flushed away by the toilet, parents can take the child to the toilet together and tell the child: "The hole in the toilet is very small, and it will only flush away the dirty things, not the person, because the person is too big to be washed away at all. You can’t rush in. Besides, you didn’t even fall, so how could you be washed away?”

(3) Put something in it that cannot be flushed away by the toilet.

For example, put a discarded doll, coat, basin, etc. in the toilet, so that the child can see clearly that not everything can be sucked away by the toilet, as long as it is bigger and heavier.At the same time, tell the child that you are bigger than a doll and heavier than a coat and a washbasin, so how can you be sucked away?
(4) Tell children more about safety common sense.

Usually, parents should tell their children some common sense of safety. For example, the noises from toilets, washing machines, and refrigerators are normal, so don’t be afraid.For another example, if the child is afraid of thunder, parents can tell the child that although the building is tall, it has lightning protection devices, there is no danger, so don't be afraid.I believe that after the child listens, the degree of fear will be reduced.

Stone of Other Mountains
Mother's name: Li Qiong

Occupation: Store Manager

Daughter's name: Dudu, 3 years old

Our family Dudu used to be quite courageous, daring to catch small animals, and also dared to visit the house of the uncle and aunt next door. Although she stumbled, she was like a little warrior who was not afraid of anything.

But recently, Dudu has become a "coward" because he is afraid of vacuum cleaners.In the morning, I would vacuum the rug before she got out of bed.In the past, she just heard the sound and was not afraid, but that day when she got up to go to the toilet, she saw me vacuum up the peanuts, and suddenly burst into tears.

"Dudu, what's wrong with you?" I hurried over with the vacuum cleaner.Unexpectedly, she cried more and more, and kept hiding in the room.

"What's wrong with this kid?" I asked Dad Dudu next to me.

"Could it be because she's afraid of the vacuum cleaner? I just saw her staring at it for a while." Dudu's father said.

Hearing what he said, I turned off the vacuum cleaner and knocked on Dudu's door.After talking about it, Dudu opened the door and let me in when he saw that I had nothing in my hand.

"Dudu, what's wrong with you? Why are you crying all of a sudden?" I knelt down and asked patiently.

"Mom, I'm afraid that thing will bite people." After speaking, Dudu ran to the door carefully, and glanced at the vacuum cleaner beside him.

If so, Toot is terrified of vacuum cleaners.

"Don't be afraid, Dudu, that thing won't bite. If you don't believe me, ask Dad to take it apart to show you. It has no teeth." After all, Dudu finally agreed to watch from a distance.After her father turned on the vacuum cleaner and saw the garbage inside, Dudu let out a long sigh of relief.I know that she has passed this test.

Sure enough, Dudu was never afraid of the vacuum cleaner again, and sometimes comforted the children: "Don't be afraid, it has no teeth and won't bite."

5. Eat hands when nervous

-Eliminate the child's anxiety

My son Xiaogang is almost 4 years old.Every time she sees a picture of her son, Wang Xiaoli feels guilty, because the child has been fostered by a retired aunt in the community since he was 1 year old.

"Hey, who keeps me busy at work, and often has to work overtime!"

Later, when Wang Xiaoli and her husband bought a house in Beijing, they took their mother-in-law over to help her with their children.In addition, I am not busy with work recently, so I can spend more time with my children.

But recently I discovered that the child has a problem - he loves to eat his fingers, and he keeps saying "I'm afraid".

(End of this chapter)