mermaid toe dance

Chapter 20

Her pajamas were accidentally torn off by him, and her naked body was completely exposed in front of him. She suddenly became angry and slammed the door away.He was left standing outside the door, at a loss, as if his heart had been hollowed out suddenly.

The night is very silent, he is very empty, like this silent night, it seems that something has fallen asleep unconsciously.

She rushed into her room, thinking of his expression when he saw her body just now, her hands hugged her tightly, her nails were embedded in her skin, and she was in pain.This unintentional exposure made her suddenly realize a problem.

There was a flash of strangeness in his eyes, which was an indescribable feeling.Even if it was short, she was still captured by her sensitivity.She remembered a scene from the past, and suddenly found it funny and ironic...

……

That night, she came out of Shen Ruiqian's house with a weak body and informed Gu Yun that she would be his girlfriend.At that time, Gu Yun's excitement was uncontrollable on the phone.After hanging up the phone, she walked along the road while waiting for Gu Yun to call to pick her up.

While on the road, she was bothered by one thing.

The only thing is clean.The more he cares about her, the more she fears that he cares that she is no longer a pure and flawless flower.

She held him back when he picked her up and dropped her off at her door.

"Gu Yun, there is something I must tell you."

"what?"

"You know that I have been in love with Shen Ruiqian."

"Ah."

"You know his university is not in the same city as mine."

"Ah."

"You know I see him often."

"Ah."

"Every time I go, I stay with him in the hotel. So...do you understand?" When she said this, she didn't dare to look up to see his expression.

In fact, love seems very simple, it only needs two people to be happy.But in fact, love is very fragile. It needs to meet many conditions, many of which are very subtle. As long as there is one inconsistency, it will take a lot of thought and cost to make up for it, or it will fall apart directly.

In fact, her heart is very complicated.On the one hand, she hopes she doesn't mind, so that she can feel that even if she is not innocent, someone will love her.But on the other hand, she was afraid that he wouldn't mind, because if he did, he would really be a powerful medicine for her to heal the pain left by her previous love, just like drugs.She couldn't predict how much the consequences would hurt her and Gu Yun.

However, Gu Yun gently held her shoulders and said: "I love you, I love you, no matter what you become, I only love you."

She smiled, but it was very mechanical, and she didn't know what she was laughing at that time.

.........

But now she knows.When he saw her body just now, the emotion that flashed in his eyes was called "pity".It's a pity that you are not a pure and beautiful woman, but it's a pity that you were someone else's woman.

It's ridiculous, isn't it?

She lay on the bed and finally made the final decision.

When she woke up the next morning, Gu Yun was no longer there.It's fine if he's not here, she thought, and wrote him a letter.

"Gu Yun:
Maybe when you read this letter, you can guess what I want to say.

I want to tell you why, if you want, please read it.

First of all, sorry.I don't love you, really.I know it's cruel, but I don't want to be cruel to you forever.You know who I have in mind.You also know that when I said I love you, my heart was hurt.You and I both know it well, but we didn't say it out, so I will take it as your default that I can fall in love with you.

As you know, in the beginning, I struggled.I'm trying to love you, I don't know if this can bring you comfort.I tried my best to understand your preferences, you have many, but in the end I found that I still only remember all his small features, sorry.Or, love is just an instinct. It is not something we have done since we were young.I paid, but, sorry.I tried to train myself to love you, but in the end only found out how deeply my love for him was.Or, it's just that the habit of loving him is so ingrained that sometimes, I find myself missing him as much as I used to.

However, I later figured out that our relationship was wrong from the beginning.The well-known thing is that you love me deeply and passionately, and you have persisted for so many years and paid silently for me.However, this means that in our love, the contribution of both parties is very unequal.I love you mostly out of gratitude.do you know?Maybe it's because we've been friends for so many years that I don't want to break my face, and I don't want to let your love fail.At first, I was grateful.I used to hope so earnestly that the touch between us could turn into love, a love that is inseparable from each other.But in the end, I found that it is better to forget each other in the rivers and lakes.

Bowl.

Actually, what I want to confess is that I am sorry for you.I regard you as my healing medicine.Because I've heard people say that the best cure for a broken relationship is to get into a new one.I have worked hard for a long time, but there is still no way to get rid of the memories he brought me, so I thought of this method.Later, I often felt that my relationship with you was like taking drugs for me.I let you take care of me, take care of me, and take me away from unpleasant memories.But the final result was much more serious than I expected.Because the symptoms are not the root cause, once the backlash, I have nowhere to escape.

When you kissed me, when you hugged me, when you fed me, even though I didn't want to, there was something inside of me that I felt when I was with him.I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I don't want to hide it from you any longer.My subconscious compared you to him and you lost.

Do you still remember the time when you carried me a long way?That time, I bought a pair of nice high heels.It's a pity that it has nothing but good looks, the size doesn't fit well, and it bites feet.After walking for a while, I got big blisters on my back heels, but there was no place nearby that sold slippers.So you carried me up to the stone pier by the roadside, you turned around and bent your back to me and said, "Come on, I'll carry you on my back."

I'm not light. After walking with me on your back for more than an hour, you were so tired and sweaty that you sat directly on the grass.

do you know?Shen Ruiqian is like those high heels that don't fit well.Even though I couldn't put it down, the pain forced me to give him up.And you, appeared when I needed it most, and saved me from all suffering.However, in the end, you still had to let me go.Because I can't stay on your back forever.I need to walk independently and what I need is a good pair of shoes, not a forever back.

Sorry, sorry I don't love you, sorry I'm cruel.

My unscrupulousness is all based on my love for you.In fact, after I have been hurt, what I should do most is to heal myself instead of hurting you.But everything has happened, and I have no way to turn history back.I can only stop myself in time at this moment, so as not to cause more unforgivable consequences.

Or, I am no longer worthy of your forgiveness.

But, in fact, you still care.You care that I used to belong to someone else, don't you?So, you deserve better girls.Goodbye, or, gone.

Good luck!
sorry!
Zhang Nuanxue. "

After she wrote the letter, she took it to the post office on the street and mailed it.At that moment, everything was calm.

It was two nights later when he received the letter.

He locked himself on the balcony of the dormitory and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes.In the smog, he saw the self she left on the letter paper, which was very similar to his handwriting, handsome and elegant.

He seemed to see her at first.The words on the letter are merciless, because I really love you, you are willing to hurt me like this, aren't you?
"If life is only as it was first seen, why is the autumn wind sadly drawing a fan, waiting for leisure to change but old people's hearts, but old people's hearts are changeable."

How I want to go back to the time when I first met you and see you carefree and happy.It's a pity that there was a three-year gap between us when we didn't see each other.In just these three years, the fate of our life has been severed.

Forget it, let's go.

He let go of his hand, and the letter paper wobbled and fell on the bottom of his eyes that had not been completely extinguished, and was ignited by the fire.In this small flame, his first love finally turned into ashes. Her every frown and smile, followed by this moment, was locked into the deepest iron box in her heart and thrown into the deepest dark corner of the ocean of thoughts. .

Zhang Nuanxue took a long-distance bus back to Ningcheng.

At a certain intersection, the surrounding vehicles rushed to and fro, and the crowd gathered and dispersed, as if everyone had their own goals and were busy.Only her, this time I really don't know where to go.

The feeling of loneliness has never been so real, she squatted down in the noisy crowd...

(End of this chapter)