Li Yinhe talks about sex

Chapter 59 Love

Chapter 1 Love, Marriage, Sex and Morality
Love is a feeling in the human heart. If it reaches the point where it needs virtue to restrain it, will it still exist?
Morality varies with different time and space conditions. Although it is difficult for people in a specific time and space to accept or even imagine, it is true.For example, in ancient China, it was against the moral standards of the time for men and women to meet and hold hands before marriage; but in today's China, dating before marriage has become a common practice and no longer violates today's morals.Another example is that cohabitation before marriage is already the choice of half of the residents in the Nordic countries, which does not violate the local moral standards, but in our society, the social moral standards do not approve of cohabitation before marriage.

Since moral standards vary with time and space but are not immutable, what is the most reasonable and most humanistic moral arrangement in my mind when it comes to love, marriage, and sex?
There are three different situations:
In the first case, sex without love or marriage.It involves neither the exclusivity of love nor the promise of fidelity in marriage, so it can be completely arbitrary and has no moral issues involved.

The only constraint on it is the willingness of both parties. If one party is not voluntary, it may cause harm and even constitute rape.

In the second case, love happened.Love is exclusivity, and it seems to me that besides being a defiant passion at first, it is also a desire to stay together forever, and therefore it cannot tolerate infidelity.If one party's feelings are transferred, then the other party will become unrequited love, which will inevitably lead to a breakup.If there is love, then we will unite, and if there is no love, we will divide. This is the logic of love since ancient times. This logic is not outdated even in modern times, and it is still a very avant-garde standard.An interesting example is: the divorce law of our country used to regard emotional breakdown as a sufficient reason for divorce, so it was regarded as the most avant-garde standard by people in other cultures in the world.

It is worth mentioning that in some love relationships, the two parties may agree to separate love and sex. Due to some specific reasons, the two may not be harmonious sexually, but they are still willing to maintain a love relationship, so one party may be allowed Solve sexual problems in other ways.The key is the knowledge and consent of both parties. If one party does not know or agree, it may damage the love relationship.It is said that love will require loyalty ("morality"?), but if the two parties agree otherwise, this "morality" code can be broken.In fact, is love and morality really related?Love is a feeling in the human heart. If it reaches the point where it needs to be restrained by morality, will it still exist?
In the third case, there is a marriage relationship.In a marriage relationship, in addition to the possibility of love between the two parties, there are also economic interests mixed in, so marriage ethics requires loyalty.Sex outside of marriage may bring illegitimate children, which threatens the economic interests of the parties to the marriage, so it is against the morality of marriage; sex and love outside of marriage may also cause economic losses to the other party who has a marriage contract Spending the common property of both parties) is also against marital ethics.Marriage is a promise and agreement between two parties to maintain a one-to-one relationship. If there is a third party outside the one-to-one relationship, it violates this prior promise and agreement, and also violates the loyalty and morality of marriage.

In a marriage relationship, there is only one case where an exception can be made without violating the promise and agreement of loyalty, and that is the re-agreement between the two parties within the marriage.A typical example is virtual sex activities on the Internet.At present, many couples allow each other to participate in virtual sex activities on the Internet. The premise is that both parties have informed consent. Such a new agreement will not threaten the marriage relationship. Its nature is like a video game to these couples. , is an entertainment item, it does not cause real world damage.A step further—and even rarer—is an agreement that separates sex from marriage.Some couples have been separated for a long time due to some special reasons, biological reasons, etc.) agree to allow the other party to have extramarital sexual relations with a real third party on the premise of not terminating the marriage contract. This can also be regarded as an exception and does not involve morality. question.

To sum up, there is no one-size-fits-all moral code when it comes to love, marriage, and sex. We can only try to find the moral arrangement that is most in line with human nature, not to punish anyone, but to bring Damage is minimized.

(End of this chapter)