Li Yinhe talks about sex

Chapter 60 Gender Differences in Love and Sexual Relationships
Gender differences in the relationship between emotion and sex The gender differences in the relationship between emotion and sex are manifested in the fact that men place more emphasis on sex than emotion, while women place more emphasis on emotion than sex.

There seem to be gender differences in the relationship between love and sex.This difference is manifested in the fact that men place more emphasis on sex than affection, while women place more emphasis on affection than sex.That's the general impression people have, and it's the impression I get from my surveys.I think if this is true, it must have something to do with the double moral standards of men and women in Chinese society (as in many other societies).It seems that only men are allowed to have non-emotional or even sexual acts with strangers, and it is degrading for women to do the same.When this point of view is taken to an extreme, some men are more likely to accept sexual relations without affection, as if this will not affect their moral image.

In China and many other countries in the world, the differences in sexual behavior patterns between men and women were once manifested as: men consume more pornographic materials than women, more prostitutes, men's tolerance and feelings for various sexual activities The degree of interest is higher than that of women.For example, men are more tolerant of various types of sexual relationships than women; more men ask for sexual activities than women; The proportion of men in sexual relations is higher than that of women; the proportion of men who assume that others are interested in sex is higher than that of women; the tolerance of men to coercive sexual relations is higher than that of women.

The biggest difference between men and women in terms of sexual concepts is their attitude towards casual sexual relationships, such as the attitude towards "one-night stands" without emotional investment.Men consistently approve of such relationships more than women.In most societies, men tend to separate emotion from sex, while women are raised to equate emotion and sex.Women are educated that sexual relations are human-centered, and sex and emotion are inseparable; men are educated that sexual relations are body-centered, and the goal of sex is physical satisfaction.Many women believe that premarital or extramarital sex is acceptable only if they are in a relationship;

Some people use a seemingly scientific statement to explain this difference between men and women. They say that because there are many sperms and only one egg, men have a biological urge to pursue multiple sexual partners; Watching closely for a subject, waiting to be conceived.In various cultures, there are many views and statements about men's need for multiple sexual partners. They all try to find a biological basis for men's behavior of emphasizing sex and despising love.Although modern science has long since rejected this seemingly scientific theory of impulsiveness in the form of physiology, there are still many people in the general public who believe that it is the biological differences between men and women that determine the differences in their behavior patterns.In fact, in my opinion, regarding the relationship between emotion and sex, the differences in behavior and concept between men and women cannot be explained by biological reasons at all, but can only be explained by the shaping and construction of men and women by society.To put it more clearly, this difference between men and women is the product of patriarchal culture for thousands of years and the product of double moral standards between men and women.

I said that the difference between men and women's attitudes towards love and sex is not the result of biological structure, but determined by social and cultural factors, which is evidenced by the findings of anthropological research: if the difference is determined by physiology, it should be applicable to all However, some anthropological studies have shown that in a certain primitive tribal culture, the sexual concept of separating sex from emotion is popular, and both men and women hold this point of view: sexual activity has nothing to do with emotion; It is an experience of pleasure and entertainment, and as essential as food and water, it doesn't matter who gives it to you as long as you get it, although you naturally appreciate the person who gave it to you.Yet, with a few such exceptions, the sexually ruthless stance has always been viewed negatively, both ancient and modern.Since the idea of ​​procreation as the only legitimate reason for sex became obsolete, people have turned to the idea of ​​mutual affection as the only legitimate reason for sex.Unfortunately, this new reason and standard of sex only applies to women, not to men.In other words, women are more likely to comply with this new standard, but men are less likely to buy it.

In terms of the relationship between emotion and sex, there is one of the most "pioneering" concepts that has nothing to do with gender differences, and that is the concept of giving a positive evaluation to the separation of emotion and sex.Only with people like Foucault who cannot be measured by conventions can this kind of concept enter the room in a dignified way.In Foucault's famous "extreme experience", he once praised the experience of "sex with a stranger", he said: "When you meet people there, each other is just a body, a body for mutual union. , the body that produces pleasure. You are no longer imprisoned in your own face, your own past, your own identity.” Of course, this view is shocking even in Western society.But Foucault is no ordinary person.As mortal beings, we can only sigh in admiration for his "experience".

(End of this chapter)