How much love has become a cloud of smoke

Chapter 38 In this world, there are some dream beauties out of reach (3)
If it wasn't for Chen Jiayan, I would have become a murderer.I'm not afraid of killing people, but I know that the reason why Chen Jiayan tried so hard to block that knife for me is that he doesn't want me to become a murderer.

He is never right.I was lying on the bed, turned over and saw Chen Jiayan sitting on the sofa with a book spread out on his knees, he quietly turned the pages with his right hand, the scene was very beautiful like a painting.I know that the person I hurt the most is not myself, but Chen Jiayan.I used to suspect that he didn't love me, but it turned out that he didn't even want to die for me.I used to think he was cruel and cruel, but I injured this cruel and cruel man, and maybe even lost a left hand.I was always stupid and selfish, thinking that as long as he was by my side, I didn't know how much he gave up and how much he would give up to stay with me.Chen Jiayan, I'm sorry.

All of this is my fault.Although Jiamin is delirious, she is right in saying that it was I who made Chen Jiayan into what he is now.Without me, he should be better off, he may meet better people, and he doesn't have to become his father's dog wolf. The future is bright, let alone doing things he doesn't like, and his life will not be in danger.

Just without me.Maybe all of this is just telling me that I should leave Chen Jiayan. Although there are 1 reluctances in my heart, I don't want to hurt Chen Jiayan anytime soon.That would make my life worse than death.

I looked at him for a long time, and the thoughts in my heart were going back and forth, but he didn't know it. He just turned around and looked at me suddenly and said, "Why aren't you asleep?"

I shook my head, looked at him and said, "Chen Jiayan, I'm sorry." He stopped flipping through the documents in his hand, smiled slowly and said, "It's nothing, and it doesn't hurt too much." I knew he was lying to me.I tried my best to smile, lifted the quilt and said, "Come and lie down with me, okay?"

He put the book on the sofa and sat sideways on my bed. I knew that his left hand was injured, so I deliberately avoided that side and leaned on his right arm and said, "Chen Jiayan, do I make you worry?"

He raised his hand to smooth my hair and said, "One thing, you look so thin." My tears flowed down unconsciously and fell on him, and I said, "Chen Jiayan, I miss Ah Huang."

He whispered in my ear: "When you recover, I will take you home." In fact, it is really not difficult to deceive someone sincerely, or my acting skills are not that bad.When I started eating, I was really reluctant. The words "食不味味" fit my head perfectly, but I still had to pretend to be delicious, which was really hard work.

I really admire those actors who eat the same food over and over again, and still make a delicious appearance. It's really painful.

But I have to eat for two reasons, one is to reassure Chen Jiayan that I am recovering, and the other is that I need strength to leave here alone.

The day I left was a normal night.At that time, I had already returned to my home with Chen Jiayan.My father was willing to let me go because he was afraid that people from the Long family would continue to visit me, which would affect my recovery. Secondly, he really believed that I had let go of the burden in my heart and gradually recovered.Even an old and cunning person like him was deceived by me. I really have some talents of Meng Junshan's daughter.

After eating, I added another meal to Ah Huang.It behaves very well these days. It doesn’t make noise or pick dog food. I don’t know if it’s because Chen Jiayan made it difficult when I was away, so I occasionally give it a chicken chop, and it can get excited. Tears filled my eyes.

Chen Jiayan can't write with his left hand. I didn't know he could write with his right hand.He smiled and said: "Because I practiced playing drums when I was young, I can use my left and right hands." I really don't know Chen Jiayan, you can also play drums?It can be seen that there are really many things about you that I don't know.

It's a pity that I won't have the chance to know again in the future.I brought red bean paste to him, and he frowned.I know it's too much to feed him red bean paste every day these days, but the problem is that no one will cook red bean paste for him after I leave.I want him to eat more and store up more energy, so that if he has any unhappiness in the future, the red bean paste will be enough to resolve it.Another reason is that I secretly put some sedatives in the red bean paste.The doctor prescribed it to me. I know it is not easy to prescribe Chen Jiayan the medicine.But if the previous 20 bowls of red bean paste are all right, you won’t doubt that the No.20 bowl is right?After all, Chen Jiayan is an ordinary person, how could he think that No. [-] would have a problem with a bowl of red bean paste.

I thought about whether to write a letter, the so-called leaving a book and leaving.But I thought about it for many days and still haven't decided what to write. Should I tell him to take good care of himself, or should I tell him to take good care of Ah Huang?Should I tell him to remember to go to bed early every day and not to read documents all night, or should I tell him not to do anything unwilling to do with my father in the future?

In fact, what I want to tell him the most is that I love him.I love him so much that leaving him is really a difficult task for me. Many nights I took the sedative and didn't know whether to take it myself or put it in red bean paste for him.Many nights, I obviously put the sedative in, but I didn't have the courage to leave.

When I look at the people around me sleeping soundly, I always want to take one more look, one more look, and the sky will dawn.

I know that the problem with my father has not been resolved, and Long Jintang is determined to hit me. I don't know what kind of drama will be staged next.I think Long Jintang's determination can be regarded as reassuring Mr. Long.But in fact, he also pushed himself to a dead end after all.

When I walked like this, he stepped on the ground, and I don't know how this matter will end.I just hope I don't hurt the people I love again.I hope that if I leave, this matter will come to an end, and Chen Jiayan can also unload a burden, Chen Jiayan, you can go back to your original life, and you don't have to always do things you don't want to do for me.

In the end, I took nothing but the red bean bracelet.I didn't look at the clock when I went out, it was dark.Ah Huang squatted at the door and watched me. After I went downstairs, it ran to the balcony to watch me again. I told it not to bark.Sure enough, it didn't bark, but it kept staring at me. I turned my face away angrily, raised my hand to stop a taxi, and then heard it barking ignorantly.

Vol.3
I actually have no roots in this city. Apart from the orphanage and the apartment I rented with Ai Ai, there is no other place I can go.And these two places will be found by them soon, so I finally decided to go to a place that I could hardly think of-the Dean's hometown.

The dean's hometown was in a very remote Xiaowei village, and after his death, his sons and daughters buried him in their hometown with his granddaughter Yuanyuan.

I suddenly felt that the dean was very happy, at least after he died, he could still be with his most beloved granddaughter in his life.

And even if I die, I can no longer be with Chen Jiayan.When I was young, I went to his hometown with the dean. Many people mistook me for Xiao Yuanyuan and were surprised for a while.When they grew up, they separated, but they still treated me like the dean's granddaughter.The people in the orphanage don't know where the dean's hometown is, so unless the dean entrusts Chen Jiayan with a dream, he must not be able to find it here.

The first person I met in Wai Village was Mrs. Gui, the distant niece of the village head, and I settled down at her house without shame.In fact, Mrs. Gui doesn't know me very well, but she sees that my face is not good, so she insists on making all kinds of nourishing soup for me every day.I did not bring a lot of money. I originally planned to pay the rent, but now I have to pay the food expenses. I am afraid it is not enough.

But Mrs. Gui didn't ask for it. She just said that if I wanted to, I could help them sort out the old documents in the ancestral hall.I am naturally [-]% happy. When I have something to do, I don't think too much.Copy some rosters every day, teach those people how to use computer software, and live a very simple life.

When I am free, I will go to the dean's tomb and talk to him.

Tell him what I can't tell anyone else.For example, I really miss Chen Jiayan.

I wonder how he is doing now?I originally planned to wait until I was better, get a new passport, and then I would leave this city and go to any place where there are many people and others can't find it.But it's only been a week, and I just miss Chen Jiayan like this, thinking that if he appears at the entrance of the village now, I will definitely rush to him without thinking about my own safety.

I'm really worthless.When I left, his hand hadn't healed and he couldn't write.These days when I'm not here, I don't know how his hands are doing?Is someone taking care of his daily diet?Did Ah Huang make any noise? How would he react when he found out that I was gone?

I should obviously tell him not to look for me, but I know it's useless to tell him.I just hope he knows, just look for it, don't look too hard.But if he just looks for it and stops looking for it, I will be very sad when I find out.Will he meet other girls who have already forgotten me?If he met, what was the girl like?Do you treat him well, can't stand his weird temper?
A drop of water fell into the soil. I thought I was crying, but found that it was raining.However, that piece of rain did not fall on me. What fell in front of my eyes was not rain, it was indeed my tears.Above my head, a blue sky bloomed, and someone stood behind me with an umbrella.A gray plaid shirt, a black jacket, and blue jeans covered in mud.

"Since you miss him so much, why don't you go back?" Gao Tianming looked at me and sighed, "He even gave up his life just to find you."

(End of this chapter)