The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 18 A Man's Heart Has Thousands of Knots (1)
The masculine gene hidden in the blood—the heroic complex of a man
Almost every man will like the martial arts mode of fighting with swords and saving beauty in dire straits.It is inconceivable for a man to grow up without a few people whom he admires and admires.For example, Guan Gong, a typical Chinese hero, is admired by many men for his masculinity, majesty and righteousness.This kind of person is his "hero".The divine friendship between a man and a "hero" is not only for worship, but also for "becoming like that hero himself."This is the man's hero complex.

A hero's character has at least three points, namely strength, intelligence and imagination.These three aspects are reflected in a male power, which is invincible.In fact, the masculine genes are always flowing in the blood. In layman's terms, it is the male instinct. Survival of the fittest and survival of the fittest.Every generation of boys has models of manliness for them to imitate.The quintessentially manly man has an inexhaustible capacity not only to endure pain, but to withstand any emotional shock.

The face of the heroic man is constantly changing.In ancient times, men engaged in hunting, which was a war with animals.Later, men learned to conquer other tribes and other countries. It was a war between humans.Although times are changing, and we are now entering an age of peace, these qualities about a heroic man are as constant as the orbit of the earth.There is a war inside every man, looking for an opportunity to become a hero.

Sister Lin, who is sick and weak, is the most beautiful woman who can arouse men's desire to protect. The classical image of being sick and talented and holding Xi Shi's heart is usually symbolized in literary works and life. In this kind of love, men do not fall in love with For such a sad and pale woman, it is better to say that she falls in love with the satisfaction brought by her strong performance.So they need a woman to achieve, to provide a place to use.Men enjoy the gaze of being admired, recognized and admired, so that they can move forward vigorously and vigorously.What they rely on may be the courage of love, or it may just be their ever-expanding desire to conquer.

And men always think that feminism who shouts about independence is just the occasional dissatisfied whining of sexy kittens.Men are not confused by beauty and lose their ability to think, but regard themselves as a holy savior to save the beautiful "lost lamb".Going straight to win a pure angel is not as much fun as turning these black girls into white angels.Often the tragedy of a woman is that she can't help but fall in love with a prodigal son, and she still thinks that she is the terminator of the prodigal son.As for the man, he knocked out his teeth and swallowed his blood, changed his face, started anew, and after 20 years he will be a hero again.

The famous psychologist Schacht once explained the phenomenon of heroes saving beauty in this way: people's emotional experience requires two cognitions, one is the cognition of the current situation; the other is the cognition of their own physiological awakening; they work together The result makes people have the corresponding emotional experience.This kind of emotional experience makes men fascinated and intoxicated. Very few people can dream come true and become heroes, while most of them sleepwalk all the way and finally become Don Quixote, still wandering and working hard in the world.

Men have a strong desire for "social recognition".The so-called "social recognition" seeker is a term coined by a psychologist named A. I. Katz, which means the desire to obtain satisfaction through the respect or praise of others.Once this kind of desire is brought into play in the attitude of striving for improvement, it will bring the unique drive of men, which is really appreciated... However, it is a pity that most men still have the childlike self-display desire.As a result, tend to boast in ridiculous ways.For example, he often moves out which school he graduated from, likes to sit on a huge swivel chair, and even uses his chin to point people around.

Generally speaking, the greater the character, the less boastful he is.Because his achievements have been recognized by the public, he no longer has to show himself in a self-boasting manner.Moreover, no matter what others say, he is still calm and unmoved.As far as the company is concerned, almost all the superiors and the high-level personnel in charge of management are able to treat people with an open mind (there are inevitably exceptions) and serve people enthusiastically.However, the doorman is not.They often yell at people like this: "Hey! Where are you going... You can't go in without my permission."

As far as government agencies or tax offices are concerned, arrogant people are often low-level personnel.The reason why they appear arrogant is nothing more than showing off their existence to the outside world and hoping that the public will recognize it.In ordinary days, the supervisor who always looks down on his superiors and lacks self-confidence likes to domineering over his subordinates.And the subordinates who have been wronged all the time, when they return home, they use their wives as a punching bag-it's like this endless cycle.

Dissatisfaction with the desire for social recognition must find a "spill outlet" in order to pour out the dissatisfaction in the heart.Because of this, sometimes dominance is a response to feelings of inferiority.Even if not to this extent, it is associated with a lack of self-confidence.

A truly great man not only does not bully the weak, but protects them.At least, the so-called arrogance must contain elements of "bluffing".For example, senior employees who have never been to college and feel inferior, especially like to trouble new employees who have graduated from college.As far as international relations are concerned, the smaller the country, the more domineering it will be in order to save face.These are nothing more than the performance of self-display desire.

According to the different personalities of each person, there are also different types of domineering ways.

First, exaggerate your own strengths and strengths.This kind of man has a hysterical character, and it is more common in men who love vanity. "When I was your age, I did that kind of work in a day."To boast of his talents like this.If you don't have enough talent to show off, you'll say, "My watch is from Omega!" and show off your possessions instead.Juggling with car keys over the bar counter is a favorite of the lesser-known street folks.

Second, the so-called picky type of people.This kind of introverted theoretical man likes to accuse each other of his shortcomings.Many men with failed and split temperaments also belong to this type. "So... I've reminded you over and over again... Do you think you can dismiss this matter just by saying 'I'm sorry'?" As he spoke, he slapped the table vigorously, showing an arrogant manner .There are even some people who are simply picking bones from eggs, often finding faults and saying: "The characters you write are like ghost symbols! This 8 looks like a 3! You have to pay attention!" There are too many such situations.

Third, the domineering and humble type.This kind of man is more common in introverted and emotional men, who are conceited and lofty. "Where... I don't have that ability (pretending to be very humble)... But, thanks to you..." Then he said one by one what he was proud of. "I'm really ashamed that you praised me like that..." If you are ashamed, why say it?
However, the most pitiful and ridiculous thing is that he lacks the ability to show off, so he has to use his voice as a dominance.Talking in a "megatronic" tone, laughing full of air and attracting attention, is the so-called heroic type of jokes - also known as "statesman type".

Precisely because men have the arrogant mentality of being a hero, it is easy to fall in love with a woman who complains to him.Smart women often act like a baby ingeniously to satisfy their heroic complex.Xiaoxue is a happy woman who is doted on by her partner.She once taught her girlfriends the way of happiness with such earnestness: "Probably when we were in elementary school, the teacher taught us "If you don't sweep a house, why sweep the world?" "Although a man is very tired from "sweeping the world" outside, it is necessary and necessary to let him sweep a little "chicken feathers" in the house. Or say after dinner one day that you don't want to wash the dishes today, he will naturally do it happily. He will realize that this is the responsibility of the family, and he will proudly think that this is the care of you, and he will treat you more Compassionate and cherish the jade." Look, this is a little trick to take advantage of a man's heroic complex and prescribe the right medicine to obtain happiness.

Why do men sometimes look like children——Men's naughty psychology
Are men really as mature and brave as society presumes?In fact, many men, including very successful men, have their naive and fragile side, and in some respects they resemble children.As one woman put it: "All men are children. Once you know that, you know everything about men."

1. Treat your wife like your mother and be willing to be your child

"What is marriage? It's an old woman handing over her son to a young woman to manage", this is what an old editor said after he had just finished his son's marriage.Men regard marriage as a continuation of their Oedipus complex.Consciously or not, they compare their wives with their mothers. "It's far worse than my mother", this is the dissatisfaction that many men often experience.Many of them don't care about everything in the family as soon as they hand over the money they earn, and even their wives have to prepare the bags for business trips.The clothes were dirty, and the wife had to urge her to change them many times.What they feel happiest is not to hug their wives by themselves, but to lie in their arms and let their wives caress gently like their sons.

The first condition for many men to choose a mate is to be gentle and virtuous, and to be able to do housework. The purpose is to find a woman who will continue the devotion of a mother, while still maintaining his original role as a son.We often see that a man may be tired of his wife's nagging, but rationally he feels it should be taken for granted.While the wife is involuntarily playing the role of mother, the man is free to play the role of son.

2. Relying on his wife but unwilling to be restrained

Many men are as dependent on their wives as children are on their mothers, but like children they try to be absolutely free.They make up all kinds of lies to do what they want while their wives are at home.Once the wife went out, after a few days of full freedom, they lived in a miserable state: no one cooked food, no one washed the clothes, and the house was a mess.They flipped through the month cards and hoped that their wives would come back soon to take care of their own lives.Most middle-aged men are more eager to have extramarital relationships.They neither want their wives to abandon them, but also want to get rid of their wives' shackles and surveillance.They see themselves as superchildren who want their wives to treat their affairs like permissive mothers—turning a blind eye to them.

They fantasize about their wives as a forgiving, relaxing, selfless mother who can still bring them delicious hot meals when they come home from an affair.No matter how long the delay is, they always hope that their wives will be waiting for them at home.If they return home and find that their wives are not there, they will feel uneasy and lost, just like children will not be grateful that their mother is not at home no matter how long they play, so as not to be scolded.Men are more dependent on women than women are on men.According to statistics, the annual death rate of divorced men is three times higher than that of divorced women; the suicide rate of unmarried men is more than four times that of unmarried women.

3. Willful and reckless

Men are like children, they pay more attention to interests and hobbies, and they will ignore everything as long as they are happy.Smoking is harmful to everyone, but most men don't see it.Some men in their 40s have the coughing tone of an old man in their 60s, but they will not correct it after repeated admonitions. It is not until there is a black lesion on the X-ray that they are shocked and regret it, so they throw away the cigarettes that have been with them for many years.Men often sit at a table for 4 people. When they play mahjong, they are immediately refreshed and free from all diseases. They work all night, regardless of their health and tirelessness. The story, prepare to get away with it.It's like a child who suddenly remembers that his mother will punish him severely after being playful!The biggest consumers of alcohol are men.When a man is in pain and boredom, he drinks his sorrows away; when his friends get together, he will drink until he is agitated, until he foolishly crosses the road.Men who die from alcoholism are not uncommon.These are very similar to the phenomenon that children eat "delicious food" until they get sick.

4. Sophistication is just a mask
Men's psychological instability has to be hidden in patriarchal culture, because men who want to rule society must be stronger than women.They should be strong and aggressive, decisive and steady, fearless in the face of danger, mature and experienced.But this excellent quality is not innate.Under the requirements of this patriarchal culture, men's psychological instability is always suppressed rather than weakened.When they are going well, when they have a little hope, they think things very simply and forget about it; when they encounter a little setback, they tend to be depressed or give up on themselves.This situation has not changed even today when men and women occupy half the sky.

We often see a few men bragging together: "My friend works in the Central Committee. He worked under me before, and we have a good relationship. That time he called specifically to say, just say something, don't Be polite. I’m not looking for someone, I’m looking for something I can’t do.” “That time when our leader arranged a job for me, I pushed him back with a few words. Later, he didn’t dare to tell me what to do again.” They talked Talking about feeling better, talking about being great, I completely forgot that I was still standing on the ground.

But when they are in a difficult situation, they often rely on their wives for comfort and persuasion, so that they can regain their courage.When a man is a little unhappy, he will drink to relieve his sorrow.Many men will become depressed and cynical after experiencing several setbacks.Many hermits in ancient times were ambitious at the beginning and stood in the world with the attitude of saving the world, but it didn't take long before they "picked chrysanthemums under the eastern fence and saw Nanshan leisurely", showing the detached attitude of a hermit.

Loneliness is the shackles that bind men——Men's lonely psychology
When it comes to loneliness, people tend to think of the elderly most easily: when people are old, their spouse is dead, their children are not around, they are alone, they have nothing to do, they live a bleak life, and they are often accompanied by only kittens and dogs... So , the whole world is paying attention to the problems of the elderly.However, the loneliness of young and strong men is often ignored by people. In fact, their loneliness is more terrible.Some people may wonder: they have a career, a family, and they are in the prime of life, so where does loneliness come from?In fact, men's loneliness is innate and common.

Loneliness is a state of existence and a state of mind of a person.According to the psychologist Fromm, loneliness can be divided into external loneliness and internal loneliness. The former is called "physical loneliness" and the latter is called "spiritual loneliness".Fromm pointed out that spiritual loneliness is as unbearable as physical loneliness, and it can even be said that it becomes intolerable only when physical loneliness also has the meaning of spiritual loneliness.

The researchers point to loneliness as one of the three shackles that bind men (the others being forced competition and a lifelong fear of showing affection).Psychologically speaking, men are animals that are very afraid of loneliness and loneliness.Single men go out for a drink every night or sleep at a friend's house not because they like to drink or be very good with friends, their real reason is that they are afraid of being alone.So married men have every reason to believe that they should no longer feel alone and lonely.So when men lose track of their women or when they come home late or not, they panic like a naked nun in a busy city.If a woman's enemy exists in the surrounding world, then a man's enemy exists within the psychological defense line that the man himself has tried his best to build.

Men are busy with families and careers.Caught in his own world, with little time to communicate with others, men find themselves feeling very alone, as if they are on an island.In society, the competition is unprecedentedly fierce, the relationship between people is becoming more and more indifferent, and there is often a sense of vigilance between them. Successful men have a feeling of being invincible; men whose careers are not going well will inevitably feel frustrated and Depressed feeling.It can be said that they are the kind of "spiritual loneliness".

With the growth of age, it means the completion of personalization and the stereotype of self-awareness. Young and strong men have stronger independence and sense of responsibility than old people, so their spiritual loneliness is also stronger, especially It is the outstanding intellectuals and creative talents among those men, whose loneliness is often more profound.

Yang Zikai is the manager of a large shopping mall. He said that he doesn’t have any close friends and he doesn’t want to have too many contacts with his subordinates. relationship of any emotional color".He felt it was inappropriate to reveal his true feelings to another person.In real life, it's not surprising that a man doesn't have a soulmate.Many people admit that they don't have a close friend with whom they can completely trust and confide in.However, most of them seem to think that this phenomenon is normal and acceptable.

(End of this chapter)