The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 19 A Man's Heart Has Thousands of Knots (2)
The Western proverb says: "Only God and the beast like loneliness." Human beings are inherently group, and a normal person always desires to live among the crowd, communicate and communicate with others, and is afraid of loneliness and loneliness.As Balzac said: "People have a fear of loneliness. Among all loneliness, spiritual loneliness is the most terrible." Men are constantly pursuing their own careers, and they are in the glory of their careers, but this Not only can't dilute or dispel his loneliness, but it makes it stronger.There are both internal factors and external factors mainly caused by age and family changes.

In recent years, a mighty "manly movement" has emerged in the western world, trying to analyze and answer those questions about men.The researchers pointed out that we have so far ignored the fact that in today's society, boys have too little contact with their fathers, and there are no men who are mentors and friends around them to help them grow into a qualified man.Girls have very natural contact with their mothers at home, and most of the teachers in kindergartens and primary schools are women, which makes it easy for girls to establish deep friendship and intimate relationships with the same sex.Boys grow up in a lack of role models of adult men, so they can only fabricate a man based on the image in the film and television media, and act according to this fictional image to prove that they are worthy of a man.However, because he still does not understand the inner world of a man, he cannot achieve real growth in the process of imitation.As a result, although he has the appearance of a 5-foot boy, he is wrapped in a fragile childlike heart.

In order to hide his inner fragility, he had to learn to pretend so as not to lose face.This kind of pretense is forced, it makes men closed and lonely, and women rarely understand this loneliness of men.Its catastrophic consequences may ultimately be reflected in their married life, father-son relationship, physical and mental health, and social behavior.

In the process of relating, men seem to be restrained from beginning to end. They don't want others to know their weaknesses-frustration, anxiety, disappointment. or, causing them to lose interest and respect for themselves.At the same time, they are unwilling to share the joy of their victory with others. They are afraid of arousing competition, jealousy, or showing arrogance and being criticized by others.In fact, it is this sense of loneliness and rejection of others that exacerbates a man's emotional crisis.Women must understand this, and learn to prescribe the right medicine, and actively help your him get out of the quagmire of loneliness.

Don't say it's bitter, don't say it's tired——Men's stress psychology
The biggest difference between men and women lies in the way they respond to stress and emergencies.When the pressure comes, men will not only breed anxiety in their hearts, but also become more and more concentrated and become lonely and silent.Women are increasingly overwhelmed and emotional.Men make themselves comfortable by solving problems, women make themselves comfortable by talking.

Mr. Liao is 36 years old this year and is a salesman of an insurance company.Because he is diligent and smart, he quickly stood out among his colleagues, and his performance was gratifying. He became a key member of the same group of employees who joined the company. His boss valued him very much and planned to promote him.On the eve of the assessment, Mr. Liao believed that his achievements were obvious to all colleagues, and he must be the one in charge of the vacant position, so he did not carefully prepare the relevant materials for the assessment.When the results were finally announced, he was surprised: the new supervisor was a colleague whose performance was much worse than his.It turned out that Mr. Liao did not prepare the assessment materials and was deemed to have automatically given up the opportunity for promotion.

The former colleague at the same level became Mr. Liao's boss at this time, and he had a good performance but stayed in the same position. Mr. Liao felt very annoyed and depressed, and could not sleep peacefully at night.Gradually, he smiled less at his wife, and he didn't bother to help his wife with housework.In response to this change, my wife frequently asked Mr. Liao what happened recently?But Mr. Liao always told his wife "it's all right".Mrs. Liao couldn't figure out how ugly she was, she even suspected that her husband was having an affair, and later sent someone to secretly follow Mr. Liao!
Psychologists point out that when a man is in trouble, worry, or sadness, he never tells what troubles him. He begins to be silent and alone unless he needs help from others to solve the problem.Otherwise he will isolate himself and gradually become indifferent, inattentive, unresponsive, and absent-minded.If he cannot find a solution to his problem for a while, he will do something to forget about his problem.When the pressure is really great, he will do some challenging things, such as sports competitions or mountain climbing, expeditions, etc., to reduce and relieve their tension.At this time, men cannot care and love women.Because his mind is already occupied with problems, once the problems are solved, he can immediately return to the relationship between the sexes.

When it comes to how men handle stress, many women don't understand.In reality, it is often the case that when a man is silent, a woman tends to think badly about the situation.Because a woman is silent because she has been hurt or she doesn't want to talk to someone she doesn't trust or is close to.Therefore, the sudden silence of the man makes the woman feel insecure.They expect men to talk about their problems as frankly as women do. When he refuses to communicate with her, the woman feels resentful, and when he reads the newspaper or hangs out, she feels insulted. harm.

Women are born emotional animals with rich and delicate emotions, they are prone to various emotions and feelings, and they are good at describing them in words.When women feel stressed, they want to communicate their inner feelings with others. If their feelings are understood and paid attention to, the oxytocin in their body will increase, thereby achieving the purpose of decompression.Women's stress response mechanism requires the participation of other people, otherwise the best decompression effect cannot be achieved.But it is not easy for men to give effective help to women.

While it's hard for a man to read a woman's emotions and help her de-stress, it's not that hard for a woman to help a man de-stress: because men's de-stress comes in the form of shifting gears, as long as they do something light-hearted or get some sleep. The purpose of decompression can be achieved.That said, women can help men de-stress simply by relaxing with them or by giving them their own space.In fact, it is not difficult for women to do this. Women just need to restrain their curiosity and stop asking what happened to men.Furthermore, women can also tell men a few tips for decompression.

1. Cry when you want to cry
"A man doesn't cry easily" is wrong in a psychological sense. When you are overwhelmed by pressure, you might as well vent it in time.

2. Slow down at work
If you feel very nervous, it is best to put down your work immediately, take a break, arrange your work and rest time reasonably, and you may do better.

3. Evaluate yourself correctly
Don't put forward unrealistic goals for yourself, you should set the plan within your ability, organically unify long-term goals and short-term goals, and do what you can.

4. Pay attention to cultivate a good attitude

Strengthen psychological cultivation, develop the habit of doing psychological analysis by yourself, and communicate more with your spouse or relatives and friends.

Finally, it is worth mentioning that women's spiritual encouragement is more helpful to men. Women's encouragement often gives men great strength, allowing them to get rid of psychological pressure and rebuild their confidence.Men most hope to be recognized by their beloved women, which is an important criterion for them to measure their self-worth.

Men always think their wives are better than others

——Men's "ugly" wife psychology
There is a popular saying nowadays: a wife is better than others!If you think about it carefully, there are really many phenomena in this world that have made good explanations for them: big money brings Xiaomi, extramarital affairs are rampant, extramarital sex is rampant, and even the virtual network society has a phenomenon that can be found in "Ci Hai". Unknown words are: extramarital online dating or extramarital online couples.Why is my wife always good to others?After careful consideration, I found that there is a lot of knowledge in it.

1. Distance creates beauty

After a man and a woman get married, they get along with each other day and night, live together in a circle, and see each other without looking up. After a long time, the novelty will gradually disappear.And when a man looks at other women, he is full of curiosity and freshness just like he looked at his own wife.The reason why it is fresh is because there is a certain distance, like looking at flowers in a bit of fog, hazy, seemingly clear, what a woman captures when looking at other men is only a superficial phenomenon, and cannot see the real thing .This obscurity can produce a kind of beauty.The beauty of distance can also be used to explain the phenomenon of online dating.Many people who have experienced online dating say: Online dating is "death to light".It means that starting from the superficial, once the substantial distance is gone, it will lead to the death of online dating.

As the saying goes: A little farewell is better than a newlywed.It is also said that distance produces beauty, and I believe that many friends who have come here have a deep understanding.

To use an analogy: Husband and wife are like a book to each other. When you start to get it, you are full of interest, forgetting to eat and sleep, and read it tirelessly.When you finish reading, you know the plot of the story, and you know it well, you will throw the book aside.In contrast, a newly published book is sure to intrigue you.It is the most popular metaphor that other people's wives and husbands always look better than their own.

2. Different angles of appreciation

Men appreciate their wives from a completely different perspective than those of other women. Men look at their wives from the perspective of their husbands. Men always hope that their wives are perfect and superior. .There are also some men who want their wives to be "a lady in the hall, a 'slut' in bed, and a nanny in the kitchen."When men look at other women, they mostly observe them from the perspective of friends, colleagues, and classmates. They must be courteous, friendly, and gentlemanly in every way. The women who have passed are all beautiful.Starting from this kind of thinking, seeing other women is of course extremely cute, gentle, considerate, and charming, but I feel that my wife lacks demeanor.In short, this kind of "perfection mentality" often regards the length of a man as short as that of his wife, so he feels that his wife is not satisfactory.

3. Different mentality

When a man and a woman first get along with each other, they often long for each other's trust, affection and even love.So they flatter each other, and intentionally cover up their own shortcomings, and try to show their superiority.Originally, this woman was the "Hedong Lion Roar", and at this moment she would speak softly and tenderly; she was originally a "Donghai hag", and she would be charming and graceful at this moment.A wife is different. She wants to live at home with you every day, neither pretentious nor pretentious, neither concealing nor needing to conceal.Coupled with the burden of life, chores, bumps and bumps, quarrels are inevitable.Once a person's mood is affected, he will become more and more disgusted with his wife's shortcomings, and everything will look unpleasant. When he thinks of other people's good points, of course he will say that other people's wives are good.And women are not good at coordinating their own favorable factors, and will blindly compete with those who should not compete with them. They love to compare other people's husbands with themselves, and often compare the strengths of other husbands with their own weaknesses. , Comparing more and more, the more I think about it, the more I feel "worse", and I will never forget to vent my troubles on my husband after returning home.

4. Psychological illusion
When couples have been together for a long time, they will have the mentality of "living in the orchid room for a long time without smelling its fragrance". There is a factor of psychological saturation here.I am used to the advantages of my wife.For example, the taste of braised pork is delicious, but if you eat it every day, I believe you will get tired of eating it, and you will even lose your appetite in the end.This kind of psychological feeling makes it difficult for you to feel the beauty even if you are with Xi Shi every day.Every couple is united because of love. Before marriage, you will definitely feel that your wife is the cutest person in the world, better than anyone else, so you mobilize all your wisdom to pursue it.It is just a psychological illusion to feel that a wife is inferior to a human being after marriage.In all fairness, it is your wife who shares weal and woe, who shares weal and woe, who stays with you in life and death, and who is still your wife when you are most difficult and need help.

5. The primitive opposite-sex attraction between men and women

Contact with other opposite sex outside of marriage, the most fundamental thing is the mutual attraction between men and women, this is an instinct.A famous psychologist in the United States said that the best object for a man to confide in is a woman, and the best object for a woman to confide in is a man.Therefore, we can always find in the chat rooms on the Internet that couples of men and women seem to be well-matched, diving into the water and chatting.Of course, the same sex can also chat, but it is far less deep and lengthy than between men and women.

6. Husband and wife get along for a long time, it is inevitable that there will be some bumps
All human beings have shortcomings of one kind or another, men are like this, and women are no exception.As a wife, in the symphony of firewood, rice, oil, salt and pots and pans, the complicated housework makes her feel unhappy, especially nowadays men have many shortcomings, such as smoking and drinking, playing cards and gambling, and often returning home late at night, etc. Of course, women Will say a few words.Furthermore, nagging is a woman's nature. If it is during a woman's menstrual cycle, women will treat trivial matters as small as pinpoints as watermelons.The man then sighed: How could he marry such a fierce wife? Look at how good a certain woman is!But it’s different for women outside of marriage. Other women don’t need to live with you, don’t have to worry about eating, drinking, and messing around. Being with you is the most wonderful time, so there’s nothing to nag about. There is no basis for conflict.If the woman is your lover, the words spoken will drive you so captivated that a man will go through fire and water for her.And the lover will accept your flaws too.

A typical example is: your wife will throw your lighter out of the house, and your lover will give you a lighter.

If you marry another woman to you, it won't be long before you will sigh the same thing again.In the eyes of other men, your wife is excellent.The words of the famous Soviet educator Suhomlinski are very reasonable: "When young couples create happiness together, when the delicate and most solid human wealth is cultivated in ordinary mutual care, then love is eternal. At that time, it is impossible for this person to be stronger than his wife (or husband).” I don’t know the true face of Lushan Mountain, but I only live in this mountain.May all the couples in the world respect each other as guests, love each other, and reach the state of "the music is very deep", and the husband and wife sing along. You will say: your wife is better than yourself.

Sometimes a man's strong posture is fake
- Men's inferiority complex
Although men are the "superior" gender, men are strong, and they are terribly conceited, but men also have low self-esteem.Men's low self-esteem often comes from the following reasons:

1. Doubt about self-abilities

No matter how great a person's ability is, there are things he can't do.The key is to believe in your own abilities and judge all setbacks and failures rationally.The occurrence of inferiority complex is not all due to lack of ability, but the restrictive factors of objective conditions should be seen.Otherwise, you will be timid because of doubt, and then you will feel inferior because of timidity.

Among the many factors that men doubt, the most terrifying thing is the lack of confidence in their own sexual abilities.

The performance of sexual ability is directly related to the psychology of the initiator and the sex appeal of the recipient; if a man lacks confidence in his sexual ability deep down, he will have psychological obstacles, and this obstacle will directly hinder his sexuality. the exercise of his sexual abilities.After a few unsuccessful sex lives, this timid doubt can turn into a heavy mental burden and inferiority complex.Once a man lacks self-confidence in major abilities such as sexual ability and creativity, he will completely forget his sense of gender superiority and fall into the quagmire of inferiority complex.

2. Fear of career failure
Men pay more attention to the sense of achievement than women, so they have a much stronger fear of failure than women.That's exactly what happened: there are ghosts who are afraid of ghosts!The more you are afraid of failure deep in your heart, the more neurotic you will appear, and the more likely you will make mistakes.

Women are not afraid of failure, the difference is that women can easily find an excuse to excuse themselves while feeling inferior.And men belong to the gender that cannot make excuses, the gender that dominates society and takes care of the family.Failure, for a man, is extremely frightening.

3. Fear of being rejected by women

Men open up a road to the future for themselves through self-struggle and independent struggle.Although sometimes hesitant and timid due to doubts about their abilities, more men dare to fight bad luck in more situations.

What men are really afraid of is women.Men are most afraid of being rejected by women.Whether you are asking a lady to dance or courting a lady, you are afraid of being rejected.

The most damaging thing about being rejected by a woman is being rejected sexually.Once a man is directly rejected by a woman when he is unbearably passionate, he is likely to suffer from impotence from then on, and in severe cases it can lead to loss of sexual ability.

The inferiority complex that arises after being rejected is generally difficult to eliminate through reason, and it often takes a long time to restore the self-confidence of a man.

(End of this chapter)