The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 8 Deciphering the truth hidden behind men (1)
Men make a clear distinction between love and marriage

A man will choose love with a very rational attitude. Even if he loves someone emotionally, but when he knows that she is not a good wife, he will give up her and find another one suitable for home life.A man thinks that falling in love and getting married are two different things. Many times, the fundamental reason why he delays getting married is that he thinks that the woman around him is not the good wife he imagined.

Men have a kind of "love is love, marriage is another matter" idea.

Once, 3295 single office workers were surveyed, and a "survey on life awareness" was held.Among these men, there are a total of 26 people aged 29 to 991.Regarding the "relationship between love and marriage", about 22% of them said this - love does not necessarily lead to marriage, nor does it necessarily presuppose marriage.

If it was a man in his teens or twenties, it would be fine to say such things.It's amazing to say it from the mouth of an office worker who is of marriageable age!In other words, one in five men has this kind of thinking.This in the end is why?Do all men want a clear distinction between love and marriage?

First, when it comes to love affairs, men always think that the more the better, they think this way - "If you have to get married every time you fall in love, no amount of money will be enough." No wonder they want to separate love from marriage.

Second, for men, falling in love is something they wish for.As for marriage?That would take them no interest at all.

For most men, marriage is not a "goal" but a "result" - young women, it is best to remember this idea of ​​men.

Men are very enthusiastic about the love process, however, they don't like being "fixed" there.They like to keep pursuing new things, and their temperament is like a hunter who is constantly active.On this point, Amway Dapmela said it very thoroughly-"Once in love, men like to camp there, but women like to build a home."

In the 21st century, the way of falling in love seems to have changed a lot, and women who like excitement and speed seem to have increased a lot.Having said that, marrying the woman he loves is still an exciting thing for men.It's just -- rejoice to rejoice -- that's where the subtleties lie.

American humorist James Saba wrote: "Any man, when he gets engaged, thinks that if he can wait another 24 hours, he may find a more desirable woman. "

Third, the reason for separating love from marriage is that there is a "self-righteous" idea in men's hearts.That is, "What you want from your love partner is nothing more than a warm atmosphere; but what you want from your marriage partner is an assistant on the rough journey of life."Naturally the conditions will be different.

In terms of falling in love, the first requirement must be a beautiful woman, rich in topics, quick-witted and flexible, and good at socializing... In short, it is best to be a woman who can feel happy when contacting her.What would happen if you married such a woman?Because they cannot take responsibility for the family and lack the spirit of hard work, they are not suitable.A woman who can be a wife must be healthy and have a strong sense of family, and it is best to know how to maintain the family's economy.

These are the wishful thinking of men.However, it is not unreasonable for men to have such ideas.At least from these words, women who want to enter the wedding hall can have a general understanding of what conditions they must meet, and it is really necessary to study them with humility.

What needs to be pointed out in particular is that some men promise to marry with children, although they are responsible, they are not happy.Because, the so-called responsibility is not necessarily responsible to the woman, sometimes it is only responsible to the child.Moreover, agreeing to get married out of responsibility, this sense of responsibility is too heavy, it is difficult for people to be intoxicated in the joy of marriage.If he really loves you, he will marry you without forcing a marriage; if he doesn't love you, forcing a marriage with his son may succeed, but the effect of happiness is short-lived.

No equal sign can be drawn between otaku and honest man
If we pay a little attention, we will find that many men laugh at themselves: "I am an otaku" and "I am really an otaku".The meaning of these words is usually "I stay in the house every day and stay at home" or "I play games, go to BBS, and play computer all day long", etc.With the widespread use of people, the definition of "house" has been directly associated with the usage of the Chinese word "house = home".

Ever since the term "otaku" became a buzzword, the man who stays at home all day, does not leave the house, seems to have a "salted fish turnaround", and has suddenly become a popular candidate for many women.

Regarding this phenomenon, Wu Ruoquan, host of Taiwan TV and radio programs, once pointed out that "otaku" is just a noun, which does not imply praise or criticism.So, in the minds of many women, why is the image of an "otaku" often associated with an "honest man"?After careful analysis, the possible reason is that they don’t like to groom themselves, and they don’t like to dress themselves up in a way of “attracting bees and attracting butterflies”; moreover, they seldom communicate with people face to face, so they are not good at words; they rarely have contact with the opposite sex Therefore, when in contact with the opposite sex, it will show a blushing and shy expression...

Due to the above factors, "otaku" greatly improves the chances of extra points in love.In fact, "otaku" is like all kinds of characters in the world, some are positive, some are negative; some are kind, some are cunning;For this reason, Wu Ruoquan strongly advised all girls, it is best not to equate every "otaku" with "honesty"; and don't think that "otaku" must be very safe because they are "honest".Otherwise, like woman A and woman B, they will feel disappointed in their respective "honest otaku".

Female A's boyfriend is a typical nerd, and she felt very at ease with him in the early days of the relationship.Although his shortcoming is that he doesn't understand romance, compared to other men who love to play, he is really more peaceful.He doesn't know how to eat, drink, whore or gamble, or go to nightclubs to pick up girls. When he is busy with work, he spends his spare time watching videos or playing online games online.

However, it was this man who reassured girl A, but finally disappointed her!It turned out that when he was in a bad mood, he would go online to chat with crushes. The list in the chat tool was full of women who could ask him out for a one-night stand at any time.What makes people even more angry is that these stealthy incidents all started after he said "good night" to woman A. If he hadn't been a guilty conscience and revealed his words, it would be really difficult to find out that he actually So carefree.

There is also an uneasy type of "otaku", like B's boyfriend, who is completely out of touch with the real world, and almost all his daily needs are carried out online, and he is often deceived.Buying a laptop computer was attracted by unscrupulous manufacturers with clever marketing tricks, and it was thousands of dollars more expensive than buying it from the store.Investing in stocks using the Internet to place orders, I accidentally manipulated the mouse several times, clicked on the wrong column, and changed "sell" into "buy", and lost a lot of money.

He is indeed very honest, but he is so honest that he is almost stupid, which makes B girl feel sad.His character and personality are not bad, but because he stayed in the virtual world too honestly, he was a bit derailed from real life, and it didn't seem to be a serious defect that had to be broken up. Without a good reason, he fell into a tangle.

It can be seen from the above that they are also "Otaku", but there are still differences. They do have cute places, but also have troublesome problems. Only by restoring their original appearance as "men" or "ordinary people" can we objectively Treat and get along with.

So, in real life, if a woman happens to meet an "otaku", how can she get along with him?
Countermeasure [-]: If you like the sense of security brought by an otaku, then you can't just relax your care and consideration for him.After all, it's not you who keep a man at home, but the computer and the Internet.Therefore, understand the things that men are concerned about and are interested in, communicate more in your spare time, and express your opinions and opinions on these things.If your man is a "genuine" otaku, then he will be touched by your support and attention to him.

Countermeasure [-]: Don't give up the romance that you could have had by acting together because of his house.You can make love at the right time, ask to have a meal or watch a movie together.Notice!To highlight the importance of two people being together, not just to accompany you.Cherish the chance to be alone and make you important in his spare time.

Countermeasure [-]: Participate in his otaku life, maybe a lazy hug from Lai behind him is enough.And for things like online shopping, you can give your own opinion, as long as it is reasonable, I believe an honest nerd will not refuse.Especially when you encounter a place where you are not satisfied with it, learn to participate instead of complaining and blaming blindly.

Countermeasure [-]: No matter what kind of otaku he is, treat him as a man and an ordinary person, and learn to appreciate his reality, but he cannot be completely blinded by his appearance.Be careful!You know, carelessness is a big taboo for women in pursuit of happiness.

Countermeasure [-]: Do not easily label men who like to surf the Internet at home as "otaku"; even if you meet a man who claims to be "very otaku", don't have a good impression of his personality, words and deeds just because of the term "otaku".There are many kinds of men, and there are also many kinds of "homeboys". As the saying goes, "the same rice can raise all kinds of people!" If a woman wants to observe a man, she must observe and appreciate it from multiple angles, so as to have a comprehensive understanding, so as not to be "" Looking at flowers in the fog and watching the moon in the water".

Big men are not necessarily reliable
The phenomenon of big men is inseparable from the influence of China's thousands of years of feudal remnants of "men are superior to women".In the old society, women had no social status. If you marry a chicken, you will follow the chicken, and if you marry a dog, you will follow the dog. All power of life and death is in the hands of men. "The horse bought by the married daughter-in-law can be ridden by me." The husband can run amok, but the wife can't be angry at all.Today, although the phenomenon of big men has changed to a great extent, traces of this brand can still be seen among individual men.

A big man is not necessarily reliable.Usually, people with male chauvinism have supreme power in the family.Everything has an attitude of "I have the final say", and women are not allowed to interfere in matters big or small, and they can never lower their noble heads.No matter who is right or wrong, "what I say is right".Machismo, essentially, is a man who feels he is better than a woman and therefore wants more power (and if so, he should also take more responsibility).In layman's terms, I just listen to Lao Tzu, and Lao Tzu will support the sky falling.Excessive male chauvinism is actually sexist psychology.

Specifically, the frequent manifestations of machismo in the family are:

——He has the final say on all major and minor matters, and his wife has no right to make decisions, speak, or even know;

—he is always right and his wife is always wrong;
——He does not do housework, does not look after children, and is unwilling to go shopping with his partner;

——When he was angry and angry outside, all the grievances he suffered were made up for by his wife, who was his punching bag;

——He is the master, his wife is the servant, and the wife should take care of all the housework, and he is used to sitting back and enjoying the benefits;
——Outside, he yelled at his wife to maintain his man's "dignity", and his wife could only swallow her anger;

——He domineeringly asked his wife to treat him well, but he himself did not pay;
——He himself had an affair, but he did not allow his wife to have any legitimate relationship with any man.

However, male chauvinism is also a term that has both advantages and disadvantages.

The main advantage of masculinity is that such men usually have strong self-esteem and self-confidence, have the courage and creativity of typical men, are strong in planning, act decisively, and dare to act.They often play a pivotal role in society, units, and families.Although this type of man may show dominance occasionally, he can provoke the burden of life and bring happiness and security to the people around him; With a tolerant and generous heart, he will not haggle over every detail with his partner for trivial matters. He takes protecting family members as his own responsibility, and at the same time has his own principles and responsibilities. He will not pamper his partner without limit, and he will not deliberately treat his partner's shortcomings. Show favoritism, point it out earnestly, and persuade others with reason, so you can gain the respect and conviction of your partner.If you have a child, you can establish a tall and strict father image in front of the child, which will have a positive impact on the child's acquired education and can cultivate the child's independent character.

The male chauvinism of the new era, while removing the old disadvantages, maintains the inherent fortitude and responsibility of men, which is what macho chauvinists are commendable for.Specifically, this kind of male chauvinism often manifests in the family as follows:
——He thinks it is his duty to take care of his wife and children, and it is his fault that his wife and children are cold, hungry, and wronged, and he will feel sad;
——He didn't let his family worry about him, and he carried it alone when he was wronged outside;

——He does not take the initiative to provoke a war against the family, he convinces others with reason, he knows that quarreling cannot solve the problem;

——All the mistakes are said at home, even though he refuses to accept it verbally, he will accept the suggestions of his wife and children in his heart;
——Although he doesn’t talk about his love for family, he will put his wife and children in his heart;

- He will give constructive advice on the life of his wife and children, but will not force them;
——He is stern and selfless, and will never tolerate and condone the bad behavior of his family members;

—He is magnanimous, reassuring to his family, and trusting in his wife and children.

——Manly, a role model for children;

——Treat your friends generously, cherish every friendship, and even go out of your way to help your friends.

Having said so much, in fact, in short, there are two types of modern "male chauvinism": one is commendatory; the other is derogatory.The commendatory meaning is based on respecting women, and men endow themselves with a sense of responsibility; the derogatory masculinity is arrogant, authoritarian, and arrogant, ignoring the value of women, and requiring women to obey him in everything.As everyone knows, everyone is an independent individual, and it is impossible to blindly obey others.

Regarding the right and wrong of a man's machismo, the woman has the most say.The same is "male chauvinism", but the two realms are far from each other.The "male chauvinism" advocated by women is a gentle and considerate management style, not a condescending oppression and domination.Furthermore, as a woman, if you oppose derogatory male chauvinism and require men and women to achieve equality in power, then you should not overdo it and hope that men will take on more responsibilities and obligations.Only in this way can we move towards a happy life.

A good temper is not the same as a good man

Li Ying and Xu Yong are a pair of lovers, and they are still high school classmates.When Li Ying was chatting with her sisters, talking about Xu Yong, she said: "Before he entered high school, he was already in a rage when he didn't lose his temper. Because he was spoiled by everyone at home, he couldn't control his anger. But I don't know when and what happened. Let him change. Since he went to high school, he left the family's "young master" life and lived in a group—maybe this is the answer. After high school, he began to fall in love. He never lost his temper, not because he suppressed himself. , whether his classmates tease him, tease him, or tease him, he always responds with a smile. After graduating from university and working, he gets along with his colleagues in harmony. It is a miracle that he can have conflicts with him. Therefore, he The image in front of me is also gentle and gentle.”

So, as a man, is having a good temper an advantage or a disadvantage?This question needs to be looked at in two parts.

Generally speaking, good temper as a virtue refers to being just right.Such a good-tempered man can reasonably control his emotions, knows how to tolerate and understand others, and often makes others feel very gentlemanly and self-cultivated.This is a very rare advantage.Usually, such a good-tempered man will be more gentle, considerate and meticulous to his lover, making women feel happy and sweet.However, there is a "degree" in everything.If a man is too good-tempered, he tends to become very useless when encountering things, and even becomes a big softie who has no principles and no opinions.

In other words, to determine whether a man's good temper is an advantage or a disadvantage, the key is to see where his principles are.If a man has such a good temper that he can be bullied by others, he will inevitably appear cowardly.No matter in any occasion, as long as at the critical moment, he can still advance and retreat in a gentlemanly manner, and can decide things rationally, he is a model of a good temper and a good man.Women need to figure this out.In short, a good-tempered man is not the same as a good man.However, a man with a bad temper must be a bad man.

Bad-tempered men are usually more impulsive when they encounter things.When facing many things, such people often only rely on their own perceptual knowledge to deal with problems, which is very bad.So, what are the reasons that lead to a man's bad temper?
1. Narrow-minded
This type of man likes to be fussy about everything, and if someone slightly offends him, such as accidentally stepping on his feet, or accidentally spilling water on his clothes, he will not forgive him, and he will lose his temper and even yell at him.Some are too demanding of others, and if they fail to achieve their goals, they will get angry.

2. Too much vanity

Some men try to maintain their dignity and authority in every aspect of life. Once someone offends him and hurts his face, he will get angry and lose his temper.

3. Excessive pressure
(End of this chapter)