The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 7 Play tricks in love and hunt down the good man you like (2)
Zheng Wei recently broke up with his girlfriend of three years.Asked the reason, he said that the woman looked at him too much, wherever he went, he really couldn't stand it anymore, so he broke up with her.He said: "I don't ask much, I just hope that she can give me a little freedom. I hope that I can change into sportswear and play a game on weekends, instead of going to accompany her to those crowded supermarkets; I hope to be with my friends She can talk about the mountains without any worries, smoke and drink, instead of her staring at the side, not allowing me to do this, not allowing me to do that.”

Men believe that if you fall in love with a bird, please give it the freedom to fly, to sing, to the blue sky and the earth; to fall in love with a person, please give him a little freedom in living space and privacy. Freedom, give him the freedom of love.

Women should realize that they should never try to bind others with their own love.If you love him, you must first learn to respect him, give him a little freedom in life and time, give him understanding and care, and let him feel your trust in him.

[-]. I will be back

Juanzi's boyfriend chased her hard for a whole year before Juanzi confirmed her relationship with him.However, recently, Juanzi feels that her boyfriend is gradually alienating her. Sometimes she doesn't see each other for a few days, and she doesn't have a phone call.But after not seeing her for a while, her boyfriend would be eager to see Juanzi again.

Men think that no matter how much they love their girlfriends, men still have their own dreams. Sometimes men are afraid of being too intimate and lose themselves, so they need to "defect" a little, but they will come back sooner or later.

What should a woman do?For men, the relationship between men and women in love seems to revisit the memory of the relationship between mother and child.Psychologically, the son has to go through an intimate "dependence period" and "rebellious period".First complete the need to be intimately connected with the mother, and then separate from the mother to show an independent self-space.This is the law of children's psychological growth.The same is true of the love process.When a man enters the role of love, he is subconsciously recovering the need for intimacy. When the intimacy is completed, life will instinctively want to escape the lover and find his own space.This is the psychological interpretation of men who are hot before and then cold, and women who are cold before and then hot. "Intimate defection" is a healthy behavior. To be his lover, one must be mentally prepared to accept his brief indifference and alienation.

A sociology expert once discussed love in this way: "The best gift that people who love each other give each other is freedom. The love between two free people has the necessary tension. This kind of love is firm but not rigid, lingering but not sticky. Love without gaps is terrible, love loses the space to breathe freely, and sooner or later it will suffocate." In the course of life, everyone, big or small, always has a territory that belongs to him alone, recognize, respect and protect this Territory is a necessary factor to maintain a good relationship between lovers.

Lovers should also leave appropriate space for each other and give each other some relative freedom.If you want to live in harmony between lovers, you must accept and respect this free space.A good woman should clearly realize that people are independent individuals, and no one can truly and completely understand another person, even those who love each other.

Love is a handful of sand in your hand, don't hold it too tightly.Smart women know to give each other a relatively independent space, don’t ask about everything, always know where he is and what he is doing, don’t ask him to always be in sync with you, don’t worry about what he doesn’t tell you occasionally , and don't question his friends too much, etc.You may just be out of concern, but he is no longer a child, he can handle many things by himself, and when he can't handle it, he will naturally turn to you for help.Some literature describes two hearts in love as "seamless", but please don't forget: leave some space between the burning wood, and the fire will be more vigorous!On the contrary, if you are completely exposed to the gaze of others all the time, this kind of life may be real enough, but it is definitely not easy.

It's a good thing to be intimate between lovers, but if your boyfriend wants to keep that space, please respect and accommodate it.In such a space, your boyfriend will think quietly, relax completely, or solve some things on your own, and then devote yourself to life in a more positive and confident state, while giving you the same freedom.This "distance" will not affect your relationship. Give each other a little distance and a sense of tranquility, just like taking a lazy nap on a summer afternoon. I believe there will be a higher quality of love and life.

Use "independence" to hunt good men
A woman's independence is not in her words, but in her actions.Only by allowing yourself to be independent can you have true freedom of your own.Smart women know how to keep themselves from being attached to anyone.You know, the more independent a woman is, the more a man loves you.

When women are as independent as men, women are no longer the traditional women, they also have their own lives, and they have the right to fully enjoy life.When a woman leaves men and love behind and enjoys her own life, everything is so beautiful.

In the teahouses and restaurants near the commercial buildings, you can often see similar bright scenes: on the seats by the window, several white-collar women are drinking coke and eating food comfortably, while telling anecdotes about the office, or talking quietly The secrets of the boudoir, their faces are vivid and bright, their laughter is crisp and hearty, and in a relaxed and unrestrained atmosphere, women's thoughts have been fully bloomed.

Women's independence is first of all financial independence, and then love independence.In this way, becoming an image of a woman who is outside the family norms and suspended in the social system may cause fear and threat to men, and finally love.Therefore, modern independent women all take the same path: don't calculate the price and who pays more.Love may reach a certain point, and we will separate.Even so, it should be taken lightly.

They do not exclude love and family in the traditional sense, but they also pay great attention to their own independence and freedom.For women, friendship is mostly relaxed and comfortable, unlike love, which is sweet but full of pain and suffering.

For beauties who are under tremendous work pressure, what they need most when they gather with friends is complete and complete relaxation, rather than sorrow, entanglement and emotional entanglement, which will undoubtedly only increase their psychological burden.Instead of being physically and mentally exhausted under the double torment of work and love, it would be easier to associate with friends of the same sex you trust.

Women sometimes think that a girlfriend is more important than a boyfriend. The reason is that they will quarrel and break up with a boyfriend, but a girlfriend can always be relied on and trusted. You can talk to her when you are most depressed, and you can share with her when you are sweetest. .The tense life makes the women who work in the cubicle more eager for emotional communication, and friends of the same sex are the only people who are willing to share emotional experiences and life details with them.

So, what exactly does it take to be an independent woman?
[-]. Diversification of social groups and social methods
When women enter a wide social network, they can gain more warm friendship from friends of the opposite sex or same sex, which makes them more powerful to face unstable marital relationships.

[-]. Improve personal life skills

A woman must have the ability to face various life situations and be able to bear all the challenges in life alone.Many are usually defined as men's chores, women should learn to take care of themselves.Because there is no natural reason for the gender division of housework, but it is completely a gender convention.Women are actually no worse than men in any respect.At the same time, we should also take full advantage of the socialized housework system, which makes celibacy easy.

[-]. Create an independent, independent and self-improving life
Only when a woman is truly economically independent and has an equal status with a man in social and personal life, can she calmly face the precarious marriage, and even have the ability to refuse marriage.

[-]. Abandon the idea of ​​relying on men
Women have long been indoctrinated to depend on men, including spiritual dependence and life dependence.Marriage is regarded as finding a "dependence" by old-fashioned women.As a woman in the new era, she should firmly believe that others are unreliable, and the most reliable is herself.

[-]. Stop viewing marriage as an indicator of success or failure in life

In the past, marriage was once the most important indicator of a woman's life.But today, marriage can only be used to measure a woman's marriage, and it is no longer even the purpose and destination of a woman's love relationship.We still have a persistent longing for marriage, but marriage is no longer our only sustenance of happiness.

I believe that by updating the concept and doing the above five points, a woman will definitely be able to successfully capture the prince's heart, and she will be happier as well.

Use "refusal to sacrifice" to hunt good men
The famous writer Liang Xiaosheng said: If I were an ordinary woman, I would remind and admonish myself again and again—never love a man with all my heart.If you use 1/3 of your mind, you will not be considered a failure to them. Use the other 1/3 of your mind to love the world and life itself, and use the last 1/3 of your mind to love yourself. People who do not love themselves have no self-esteem, only love Only people who are their own can get the true love of others. Any woman who loves a man with all her heart must pay for all her self-esteem, and a woman who has lost her self-esteem, the most proud marriage status is nothing more than the most proud vassal of a man .

Due to the influence of thousands of years of traditional thinking, many women will think that: they must pay more efforts for this family, otherwise they will not be able to get the love of their partners and the stability of their families and marriages.But in fact, it is just the opposite. The more a woman lives for herself, the easier it is to have a husband who loves her more and a happier married life.However, if you "sacrifice" what you own for the sake of your family, husband, in-laws, and children, you will face more belittling and accusations.

In many cases of passive divorce of educated women, we found that such intellectual women have many things in common: they are deeply influenced by the traditional culture of "men are strong and women are weak"; At the same time, it has a strong dependence.Most of the husbands they found were unknown at first, and the conditions were even worse than them; They are good at socializing with friends, and they can tolerate their husbands interacting too much with other opposite sexes; they trust their husbands so much that everyone knows their husbands are cheating, and they are still defending their husbands.

When choosing a mate, women should try their best to follow the law of choosing a mate from the same origin and matching the same family, so as to minimize the conflict of cultural values ​​between each other and reduce the cost of marriage adjustment.Don't be obsessed with "find someone to love", but give priority to developing yourself. In today's era, the value of a woman should be mainly reflected in her social value, and at the same time, she should fulfill her duties as a wife and mother.It is necessary for every woman who enters the besieged city to master some ways of marriage adjustment.

If a woman continues to have her own life after marriage, has her own relationships, and pursues her own studies and careers, at this time, the husband must convince himself: "It is meaningful for my wife to do this." Otherwise, it is equivalent to Prove that the husband himself is a fool and married an irresponsible wife.Just because no one likes to be an idiot, the husband must try hard to explain how good his wife is, so that he will feel that he has "earned".Basically, as long as neither party is too egotistical and can coordinate well on common things, neither party will feel that they have suffered a disadvantage.

If a woman adopts another method: sacrifice herself to complete the family, at this time, the husband has to face an emotion-guilt.At first, the husband will be very grateful or cherish his wife's dedication, but as time goes on, this feeling will gradually fade.Then, the man will continue to feel guilty, and at this time, he will subconsciously defend himself.It is very likely that he will feel that "these things are what women should do", or else he will belittle his wife's status, thinking that she can't do anything, so he has to stay at home obediently.If the wife is submissive, the problem will be even more serious: the husband will vent his emotions on the wife, and as time goes on, in order to avoid his own guilt, he will belittle and blame the wife even more.In the end, once the wife becomes a "useless person" in the eyes of everyone, the husband will feel very embarrassed about it.And the wife will feel extremely wronged.

Such a perspective is quite different from the secular viewpoint, but it is an irrefutable truth.Marriage is an interactive relationship. If one party is recognized by the society, the other party will also be inspired to fight upward.

Therefore, almost every noisy family has a "great victim".Moreover, the more thoroughly the victim sacrifices, the more chaotic the family will be.Especially for a woman, if she chooses to give up everything for the sake of the family, then the family will completely give up the woman.

The gender roles are reversed, and it is exactly the same.Therefore, neither man nor woman can hold high the banner of "I want to give you happiness", and then deprive the other party of the right to work, the right to social development, and impose the obligation to do housework.

The light of happiness can only shine in each other's sweet knowing smiles when both men and women face the dangers of society together, struggle for survival together externally, and create a living situation together internally.

In short, women must also have their own circle, and they cannot sacrifice themselves entirely.The more restrained a woman is, the easier it is to treat marriage and taste the taste of happiness.

(End of this chapter)