The Subconscious Mind and the Sixth Sense

Chapter 28 How Strong is the Psychological Radiation (4)
"Following what you like" is not a difficult task.If you want the other party to like you and make the other party interested in you, one thing you must pay attention to is: cater to the other party's interests.Otherwise, interpersonal communication will not be so smooth.In real life, some people only care about their own hobbies, are blindly enthusiastic about doing things they are interested in, and do whatever they want.Once one's own interests conflict with others, as mentioned above, an obstacle is set up for each other's communication, which affects the coordination and communication.It brings to mind investing, which is all the rage these days.In fact, interpersonal relationship is also a kind of "investment". Just like what people usually call "emotional" investment, to some extent, it means starting with things that the other party is interested in, gradually gaining the other party's favor, and then achieving harmony between the two parties. The purpose of getting along.

A man and his friend met unexpectedly on the road.This person is a football fan, just finished watching a football game, excited!His friend is a fan, just enjoyed a concert, emotional!They couldn't wait to vent their excitement and joy.

"Have you watched the World Cup? It's really exciting!"

"I just saw the concert and it was absolutely amazing!"

"Maradona's footwork is awesome!"

"It's amazing! Madonna's voice is divine!"

"Maradona passed the ball slightly higher..."

"It's not high at all. That kind of voice really makes people linger." The man sang after finishing speaking.

Another person said angrily: "The concert is not interesting at all."

The friend retorted: "Football games are boring. The whole field is full of people running around a ball. It's so boring!"

In this way, they began to quarrel and broke up unhappy.

At first, they were each immersed in joy, eager to pour out their hobbies to each other, but regardless of each other's feelings.As a result, senseless disputes arose in order to maintain their respective interests, thereby destroying the relationship between them.

In the jungle of human nature, everyone's personality is different, and likewise, everyone's interests are also different.If you want others to cater to your interests, you must pay attention to the interests of others, and let your hobbies and interests temporarily retreat, you can become a popular person, a well-liked person, and at the same time maintain your relationship. relationship between.

Dale Carnegie once said to a friend that he often went fishing, "I like to eat bananas and strawberries, but when I fish, I don't put bananas and strawberries on the hook, because fish like to eat earthworms."

This enlightens us that in interpersonal communication, there is an urgent need to study the objects of communication.In addition, good etiquette is also very important to the success of a relationship.Good etiquette is an organic combination of an individual's external image and internal cultivation. It can not only add points to personal cultivation, but also promote communication and create a harmonious interpersonal environment.Successful people are well aware of this truth. Some people define success as: success = 15% knowledge and skills + 85% interpersonal relationships. "Etiquette is the cheapest thing in the world that can get the most benefits." Napoleon Hill, a famous master of success, said this sentence, although it is a bit straightforward, it is very reasonable.

From the perspective of interpersonal communication, etiquette is an indispensable lubricant, and it is also an effective way of communication and communication skills.For etiquette, it also includes both internal and external aspects.Appearance, speech, communication skills and other factors constitute the external performance of etiquette.

Plath once said: "Charm has a mysterious quality that makes people face, calms anger, and is charming. It is not like a faucet that is turned on and off. It bursts suddenly. It is like a thread that is skillfully woven into the character. It sparkles. Shining, bright and bright, everlasting."

Charm is not a quantitative concept. For different people, the effect of a person's charm is not the same.Someone once liked a writer because he liked his articles, and even admired his small clerical mistakes, and loved him very much.Therefore, some people think that charm is as incredible as "popular elements", which can attract other people to make more emotional, time and material investments in it.This also just confirms the law of attraction in human relationships.

Typically, attractive people tend to be humble and self-disciplined, not competitive.Quickly accepting new knowledge, new ideas, and full of pioneering and innovative spirit are a rare talent advantage, but if this advantage is mistaken for the capital of pursuing fame and fortune and grandstanding, it is easy to become arrogant and competitive. misunderstanding.

In social situations, no matter how rich your own knowledge and sharp eloquence, you should always strictly restrain yourself with a humble attitude.In this way, not only will your personal prestige and image not be affected, but it will also enable you to gain good popularity.

A professional woman has been working for a long time. Although she has a good relationship with her colleagues in the company, she still has troubles every day.She always takes other people's pain as her own pain.I think it's my duty to be nice to others, but it's a favor to see others look good to me.When she is with friends, she will try her best to help if the friend is unhappy or encounters any troubles.If she can't provide effective help, she will be depressed by herself, and her mood will be extremely bad.

She also told herself over and over again in her heart: Others will solve their difficulties, and there is no need for her to suffer too.However, as soon as someone else has something to do, she forgets everything, and is more anxious than the other person herself. If she doesn't do it well, she will make the other person feel disgusted, and she herself feels very tired.

In interpersonal communication, someone would care too much about a friend's affairs as she did.When a friend encounters difficulties, she is more worried than her friend; when her friend makes mistakes in handling affairs, she feels more guilt and self-blame than her friend.Because of the lack of effective interpersonal communication skills, they will not properly judge the degree of connection between the incident and themselves, and the possible impact of their actions on the other party, and then unknowingly destroy their own interpersonal relationships.

In addition, the language in interpersonal communication is also very particular.When speaking in a gentle and gentle manner, don't speak out to hurt others. "A single mistake can be ridiculed by thousands of mouths."In order to avoid hurting others, you should think twice before "speaking".Good at empathy and respect for others.Just imagine, if your "golden words" are spoken to you by the other party, will you feel happy or resentful?Such empathy will gradually get rid of this unwelcome problem.

Respect for others is not only a code of conduct for a person, but also a reputation image in interpersonal communication.No matter what you do, if you don't respect others, your image in people's minds will be greatly reduced first.

The kindness you do to others, others will definitely repay you with the same weight; and the bad things you do to others, according to the law of subconscious operation, the bad things will inevitably fall back on you.This is because when you are doing something that harms others and benefits yourself, the subconscious mind will record his mental behavior and react according to the mental intention or motivation.Therefore, never underestimate the role of the subconscious mind in relationships.How you want others to treat you, first of all, you have to treat others like this.For example, if you want the other party in communication to keep promises, then you should also be a person who keeps promises.

Commitment is a virtue of human beings, and perhaps people have forgotten that they have it, just like forgetting the existence of the subconscious mind.I dare not confirm it, so the promise quietly disappears in people's consciousness. The real promise is the respect for the conscience, which is the expression of true love for oneself.

A "promise" is a promise to others, a promise made to others, which must be fulfilled, that is, keeping promises.Loyalty and trustworthiness are the foundation of Lishi.In ancient times, due to inconvenient transportation and underdeveloped communication equipment, people who went out had to rely on couriers to send letters home, deliver messages, and even send items.Between each other, there is no contract and no witnesses. Even if you travel through mountains and rivers, eat and sleep in the open, you must fulfill the entrustment of others. This is the power of "commitment".

In interpersonal communication, the power of "commitment" cannot be ignored, and we should be more grateful.With a contented and grateful heart, even in dark days, you can feel the light, happiness and joy.

A girl, when she was studying, her mother always prepared meals and served them in front of her.Whenever she comes home from school, she can have delicious meals.However, she didn't take it seriously.Later, after the girl graduated, she packed her bags and embarked on a job hunting journey.After running around for several months, she finally found a job in a city other than her hometown, and she had to wash vegetables and cook by herself after work every day.It was only when she was hungry, tired, and exhausted that she realized how happy it is to have someone cook for herself every day!

She realized what happiness is.When I got home again, when my mother brought a bowl of hot soup, she couldn't help crying.Happiness is so close and ordinary, it is around us, but we can't realize it, let alone have a grateful heart.Many times, we ignore the ubiquitous help from others in real life.

For a long time, mothers have always asked girls to write a thank you note for gifts given by others. Even if they are not interested in the gift, they must try to find its shining point.The girl has only now realized that this is not only about being grateful, but also an indispensable etiquette in interpersonal communication.

When gratitude becomes a habit, we will appreciate the good things in our actual life more and not take them for granted.Psychologists have done related research, write down the things you are grateful for every day, and write down at least 5 things. People who can do this are relatively healthy physically and mentally.

Start now and write down 5 things you are grateful for every night before you go to bed.These things can be big or small, from a meal to a conversation with a good friend, from work to faith.During this time, you may repeatedly list some things. In addition to the repetition, in order to keep the emotional experience fresh each time you recall it, while writing them down, imagine the experience and feelings of each event. .The method of repeated memory used here is the most basic law of subconscious operation.

When you can do this and stick to it in the long run, then the subconscious mind will receive the message you are sending and make you a grateful person.The important thing is that when you become a person who knows how to be grateful, the people you come into contact with in interpersonal communication also have this kind of noble emotion towards you.

Franklin was one of the founding fathers of the United States.When he was young, he visited an old senior's house as a guest. Franklin walked into the small hut where the senior lived with his head held high. As soon as he entered the door, there was a "bang" sound on his forehead, and his forehead was bruised a lot. Piece.The old man came out to greet him with a smile and said, "It hurts, right? You know? This is the biggest gain from your visit to me today. If a person wants to understand the world and understand human feelings, he must always remember to bow his head." Later, Franklin This has always been my motto.

Being low-key is another inherent quality of interpersonal communication.Being low-key is not only a kind of character, a kind of demeanor, a kind of self-cultivation, but also a kind of mind and wisdom.Being a low-key person can not only protect oneself, integrate into the crowd, and get along with people in harmony, but also accumulate strength secretly to achieve career quietly.Low-key people, they look at everything in the world with a peaceful mind, behave open-mindedly, neither arrogant nor crazy, and easily win good popularity for themselves.

Have you ever thought about this question: Why do some people scramble to chase after the same star, while others show disdain?Have you ever had the emotion of "hate"?Psychologists have long discovered that disgust is a human instinct.Count your own side, there will always be people you hate.

Why is there such a psychological phenomenon as "disgust"?Relevant scholars have found through research that people often hate others for no reason, on the one hand, it stems from their own psychological defense mechanism.Everyone has a character that they don't like or can't accept. In order to protect their self-esteem, they transfer this "self-hatred" to others.For example, your parents' education requires you to suppress your emotions from an early age. When you grow up, you may feel disgusted with people who are emotionally numb.This feeling is the truest mirror of your own psyche.Furthermore, disgust can also be seen as a deep self-protection mechanism.When people encounter some things or scenes that make them feel threatened, they will adopt the emotional reaction of "disgust" to escape out of the instinct of fear, which is called "hate tightening reaction" in psychology.In fact, certain people and things make us feel threatened, and thus produce a feeling of "disgust", because they have some advantages over us in some respects.

No matter which of the above two types you belong to, once it is put into social life, it may become an annoying emotion.It reduces life satisfaction and makes enemies in relationships.Therefore, let go of the negative feelings in your heart, use the power of the subconscious mind to turn "disgust" into "appreciation", learn the strengths of the other party, and the subconscious mind will reward you with a wonderful experience of "turning decay into magic". This is the true meaning of interpersonal communication!
(End of this chapter)