The Subconscious Mind and the Sixth Sense

Chapter 52 The Most Sensitive Nerve—Induction (6)
Eyes are the windows to the soul, actions are the expression of ideas.When the distance is close, a person's words and deeds will inevitably reveal the truest thoughts in his heart.Compared to other people, these thoughts are a threat, something that people don't like, so they will only see your flaws, shortcomings, and disadvantages.On the contrary, when the distance is far away, these instinctive selfishness will be hidden in oneself, and compared to the other party, what is presented to them is a perfect, noble, and beautiful side.

World management authority Jim Collins once said: "No matter what method the fox wants to use to murder the hedgehog, the hedgehog only needs to shrink back, and the fox has nothing to do." If you keep an appropriate distance between the environment and people, then no matter when, you will have the initiative to influence others to do things for you.

When two people who have conflicts see each other on the road, why do they detour and avoid each other from a distance?When two good friends see each other on the street, why do they still call each other's name after a long distance?

The above phenomenon is actually the psychological distance between people at play.Because when two people have conflicts and quarrels or become enemies, the psychological distance is relatively far away; when two people know each other, fall in love or become bosom friends, the psychological distance is relatively close.When the psychological distance is far away, you can't help shouting or don't want to see the other party; when the psychological distance is close, you will naturally whisper or want to get in touch with the other party.

A well-known psychologist said: "Everyone has their own psychological 'territory'. Only when you are really close, the relationship will be better; if you are far away, the relationship will be invisible, and it will not be easy. Influence." Just imagine, would a person who has conflicts with you and is wary of you in everything, accept your opinions, opinions, suggestions and do things for you?Obviously not.On the contrary, a person who is close to you and even regards you as a confidant, best friend, or buddy, will he refuse any request you make to him or ask him to do something?Certainly not.

A person's attitude towards things, solutions, and principles of life are often the key to determining psychological distance.That is to say, positive attitudes and measures such as reasonableness, decentness, tolerance, and generosity can shorten the distance between hearts, while negative attitudes and measures such as haggling, small-mindedness, and holding grudges can often hinder the distance between hearts. .

There are identity distances between people, such as body, age, and seniority, as well as social distances such as position, wealth, and fame. In addition to these, there is also the distance between hearts.But it is the distance between hearts that can play a decisive role in the process of influencing people.Because the distance between the heart and the heart is close, the other person will have an intimacy with you, and then like to talk to you.No one will refuse a suggestion and request from a person who really thinks from his own perspective and thinks for himself.

Whether it is the distance in time or space, it is possible that they cannot find a common language, nor can they understand each other's thoughts, difficulties, opinions, and opinions.When you don't know anything about the other person's current situation, you can't exert better influence.

When an employee has something to ask for leave from the boss, if he just makes a phone call to ask for leave, the boss will usually express his reluctance on the phone, or even refuse to approve the leave.But if you ask the boss directly for leave in advance, he will usually act indifferent.

During the negotiation, if the negotiator keeps going around the corner and does not get to the point, the other party will think that he is insincere, and then show unwillingness to have further conversations with him.But if you talk directly to the other person, the other person will behave more positively.

As is the case with many things in life, too far away will lose its attractiveness.If one wants to influence the other party to accept one's point of view, opinions, and do things for one's own sake, then the distance between them must be shortened, because the influence cannot be exerted if the distance is too far.

Although the saying that "distance produces beauty" is widely circulated in society, emotionally, distance sometimes does not produce beauty, especially in the process of affecting people. On the contrary, most of the time, because of the relatively long distance, the beauty Gradually disappear.

American psychologist Bossard once conducted a survey of 5000 engaged couples, and found that the proportion of couples who separated in two places eventually got married was very low.It can be seen that the degree of love is directly proportional to the distance.Therefore, before single friends sigh "I can't meet the right one", why not look for it among colleagues and friends in the company?The possibility of love happening around you is extremely high.Moreover, in modern society, there is no shame in being a "rabbit eating grass by the side of the nest".

The long distance makes it easy for people to feel strange and lonely, and influencing people requires constant communication and communication to be effective.Just like feelings, sometimes you need an affectionate look, a warm hug, and a bit of tender concern, which cannot be replaced by a few words.Whether it is the distance in time or space, it will make it difficult for each other to have a common language, and it will not be possible to understand each other's thoughts and difficulties.When a person knows nothing about the other party's recent situation, why should he influence the other party?
In order to effectively influence each other, people will habitually treat each other well, and even get close to each other.But no matter who the other party is, and no matter how deep the friendship between you is, you must maintain an appropriate state, in other words, you must master a "degree".Psychologically, "degree", the dividing line that measures the success and failure of a thing, is attributed to the law of distance.There is an old saying: "The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water." In life, we should also uphold this principle when we get along with others.As long as you grasp the essentials of the distance law and respect others, the freshness and beauty will naturally be maintained for a long time.

Empathy: feeling the feelings of others

[If you have empathy and put yourself in the other person's position, point of view, feeling, and difficulty, then there will be more understanding, tolerance, care, and consideration between people. 】

Confucius once said: "Don't do to others what you don't want yourself to do to yourself." This sentence is extended to "pull yourself to others". On the one hand, don't impose on others what you don't like or the treatment you don't want to accept; on the other hand , You should promote what others like or the treatment you are willing to accept according to your own preferences, and try to share these things and treatment with others.Such a person possesses a sense of empathy.

Humans are complex animals, and their thinking and emotions are even more intricate.This creates the complexity of human communication.And because everyone is an independent individual, everyone has a tendency to "separate" from others after birth, so that they can show their uniqueness.It is this kind of discrimination that causes incomprehension and communication barriers between people.Everyone wants to speak out their own reasons to stand firm and prove their correctness to others, but they ignore the voices of others; everyone is eager to express their most urgent spiritual feelings, but they cannot hear the inner voices of others.As a result, a huge barrier is gradually formed in communication, and people deviate from each other and go farther and farther.There is a lack of trust between people.

Empathy is the antidote to this problem.It is like a lubricant. When a person encourages others to speak out their inner suppressed, confused, struggling and other thoughts, experiences, feelings and behaviors without any scruples, that is empathy at work.It makes the person you communicate with feel supported, depended on, safe, and empowered to face difficult situations in life.

Empathy, allows positive energy to be accumulated to take responsibility for life and the courage to move forward.Make the communication parties actively establish a relationship of trust and trust.In fact, each of us, whether it is gaining the trust of others or trusting others, is the establishment of a warm interpersonal relationship and the voice we most desire in our hearts.

Everyone longs to be understood and accepted.When a person feels understood and accepted, it is possible to truly understand and accept others.The root of people's problems comes precisely from being "misunderstood" and "not being accepted", not that the problem has not been resolved.People's greatest pain comes from not being understood, and those emotions such as loneliness, fear, anxiety, tension, and worry that no one understands.These bad emotions can hinder people's ability to solve difficult problems.Therefore, the pain caused by bad emotions is far greater than those bad things themselves.

People who lack empathy will only impose their opinions on others domineeringly and arbitrarily.Those authoritarian dictatorships have always been self-respecting, without regard for the feelings of others.Looking at those rulers who listen to the voices of ministers and people, they often create a prosperous world.

A person with empathy will first put aside his own opinions or advice, and be able to calm down and listen carefully to other people's ideas.When others express their opinions, they will also try to make the other party understand that they have fully understood his ideas, and constantly verify during the communication process whether their understanding is correct.Doing so is the greatest respect for people, and it is easy to gain the full trust of the other party. "Trust" is the warmest house in the world, it will gather more hearts under the same roof and create a harmonious interpersonal relationship.In this way, empathy has become the basis of trust between people, and it has also become a good way for people to heal their hearts.

Tracing back to the origin of the concept and term "empathy", it was created by Rogers, an American humanistic psychotherapist.He defines "empathy" this way: the state of empathy, or being an empathetic person, is being able to enter into another person as if you are that person while maintaining your own position , to understand exactly what he feels and what he says.That is, to be aware of another person's happy or hurt feelings, and to understand why it happened, but at the same time to realize that it's just "as if" happened to me, but it's not really me. experience.If this "as if" quality is lost, then the state is "identification" rather than empathy.

The feeling of "as if" is the meaning of empathy.Empathy involves a wide range of aspects, and can be easily regarded as understanding others.Empathy is being able to step into and feel at ease in the world that the other person is aware of.Since we want to enter the perceptual world of others, we are required to have sensitive and delicate nerves to be keenly aware of the perceptual meaning expressed by others in every moment of change, as well as the fear or anger he feels at every moment, Mild or confused; and put aside personal judgment for a while, to experience the lives of others, to realize the meaning of inner feelings that he is not aware of, without immediately challenging it, because it will make him feel stressed.

This often happens between friends.A person who is suffering in his heart is constantly crying to you about his feelings. At this time, he desperately longs to be understood.After talking about it, no matter whether his friend really listened to it or not, he only hoped to hear "I understand", and his mood would be immediately relieved and much more enjoyable. "I understand", just two words, can exert a magical effect, which is the energy radiated by empathy.

Temporarily put aside your own views and values, and enter his world with an unbiased attitude.In other words, let yourself go.Only those who feel safe enough about themselves, that they will not get lost in those strange and strange worlds, and who can return to their own world at any time under their own will can do it.Perhaps this interpretation of empathy articulates that it is complex, demanding, and intense—and at the same time subtle, gentle—a way of being.

Empathy makes people a trusted friend in the inner world of others.It is a relatively abstract psychological concept, but it is very simple to explain. It refers to the practice of putting yourself in the shoes of others and comparing your heart with your heart.When conflicts or misunderstandings occur, if the parties can put themselves in the situation of the other party and think about it, it may be easier to understand the original intention of the other party and eliminate the misunderstanding.

The so-called "empathy" refers to the ability to understand the emotions and thoughts of others, understand the positions and feelings of others, and think and deal with problems from the perspective of others in the process of interpersonal communication.Simply put, empathy is a way of thinking from the standpoint of the other party. More generally, empathy is empathy.This is the truth that is often heard in life, "People have the same heart, and the heart has the same reason".

There is no fixed formula to follow in the relationship between people. We must start from the perspective of caring for and understanding others, leave space and room for others when doing things, think of others when misunderstandings occur, actively reflect on our own mistakes, and be brave. Take responsibility.As long as we have empathy, we can avoid many complaints, blame, ridicule and sarcasm in work and life, and everyone can work and live happily in an environment full of encouragement, understanding, support and respect.

In the event that has already happened, regard yourself as someone else, and imagine what kind of psychology caused you to have this behavior, thus triggering this event.Because I have accepted this kind of mentality, I have also accepted the mentality of others, so as to forgive the occurrence of this behavior and incident.It's the same as "Do not do to others what you don't want yourself to do to yourself".

Even if your own views are different from others, if others do not agree with you, you cannot judge that the other party must be wrong; try to think over and over again, carefully look at it from other angles, and focus on things instead of people, and you will find your original determination Not necessarily quite right.Because what happens to "me" and what happens to "he" will have great differences and consequences.There is always a reason for what other people think and do.

Sometimes people may measure the impact on people and things, try to understand other people's way of doing things, style and actions, and then adjust their own reactions, which is the expression of "empathy".Even if the original approach is changed or the original intention is dismissed because of this, it does not mean being assimilated, but understanding and respect.

There is such a story with profound meaning.

A large solid lock was hung on the gate, and an iron rod was unable to pry it open after a lot of effort.When the key came, his thin body got into the keyhole, and with only a slight turn, the big lock opened with a "snap".The iron rod asked strangely: "Why can't I open it with so much effort, but you opened it easily?"The key replied: "Because I know his heart best."Everyone's heart is like a locked door, no matter how thick you are, you can't pry it open.

No matter how thick your iron rod is, you can't pry it open.Only by understanding empathy can you turn yourself into a delicate key to enter the hearts of others and understand others.Otherwise, even if you are as powerful as an ox, you still cannot open the locked doors of other people's hearts.

This enlightens us that no matter what kind of problems we face in interpersonal communication, we can find solutions more easily as long as we learn to put ourselves in the shoes of others, empathize with each other, and try our best to understand and value other people's ideas.Especially when conflicts or misunderstandings occur, if the parties can put themselves in the other party's situation and think about it, they may be able to understand the other party's position and original intention, and then seek common ground while reserving differences to eliminate misunderstandings.

To give another example, both the boss and the subordinates actually desire to be understood. However, the reality is that most of the conflicts between the boss and the subordinates are caused by mutual ignorance.The boss thinks it should be done this way, but the subordinates don't think so.What's worse is that when the opinions of the boss and subordinates conflict, if both parties only know how to express their own ideas, the other party will probably think that they do not get the respect they deserve and cannot continue to communicate.

If things go on like this, the estrangement between the superior and the subordinate is getting deeper and deeper. Whenever there is a disagreement, both parties will immediately deny the other party's opinion like a "conditional reflex".Conversely, if the boss first considers the subordinate’s starting point, or the subordinate first considers the boss’ starting point, the two parties will be considerate and understand each other, the probability of conflicts and conflicts will definitely be reduced a lot, and work efficiency will definitely be greatly improved.

Empathy itself is nothing new. "If you live in a high temple, you worry about the people; if you live far away, you worry about the king." When you live in poverty, you can understand the hard work of some wealth owners and work hard for them; when you own wealth, don't forget Be sympathetic to the poor, cherish the moment, and give more support to them.When you are an employee, you should also consider the difficulties of your boss or superior, and give them more support and understanding; Some care and encouragement.When you are a child, you should understand the hardships of being a parent; when you are a parent, you should understand the innocence of your child...

"How you treat others, others will treat you." This is also a classic interpretation of empathy.This timeless law of success applies everywhere.

Therefore, think about others in everything, and think from the standpoint of others.In real work and life, if you have empathy and put yourself in the other person's position, point of view, feeling, and difficulty, then the relationship between superiors and subordinates, colleagues, husband and wife, parents and children, Between salesmen and customers, there will be more understanding, more tolerance, more care, more consideration, and the relationship between them will be more harmonious, more harmonious, and more warm!
A heart of empathy will win you the most beautiful and warm feelings in the world.

(End of this chapter)