Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 8 Independence and Confidence—A calm woman can only be calm when she remembers not to belittle herself (1)
Beauty can make a woman proud for a while, but self-confidence can make a woman charming for a lifetime.When a woman is full of self-confidence, she will be full of energy and vigor. Even when encountering difficulties and setbacks, she can deal with them calmly and face the setbacks and misfortunes in reality with a positive attitude.Confidence is the inner beauty of a woman. At any time, a woman should accumulate confidence, keep making progress towards the future, and believe that she can make things change in a favorable direction.

always believe in yourself

The mature man bears with himself as well as he bears with others.He doesn't feel miserable living because of some of his weaknesses.In life, some people don't like themselves, they are always overly critical of themselves.Such people have a miserable life because they cannot believe in themselves all the time.

Dr. Smiley Brandon once wrote in a book: "An appropriate degree of 'self-love' is a very healthy expression for every normal person. In order to perform work or achieve some goals, moderate concern for oneself is absolutely necessary."

Brandon was right.If a person wants to live a healthy and mature life, he must "like himself".This does not mean "selfish" self-satisfaction, but a sober and practical "self-acceptance".Such people are not only self-respecting, but also have human dignity.

In a sense, liking yourself is as important as liking someone else.If a person hates everything or everyone, then they must be depressed and self-loathing.Like yourself, believe in yourself, is the basis for a person to live confidently in the world.

There is a woman who is gentle and virtuous, very humble.However, she was married to an enterprising, ambitious, and dictatorial politician.After getting married, the couple's social circle always weighs people by the amount of money they have.In this new environment, the woman's original strengths were perceived as weaknesses.For this reason, she felt very inferior, doubted herself, and even hated herself.

In fact, it is not that the environment has made this woman unable to adapt, and thus caused her distress. The root of the problem is that she has not understood the truth that a person can only act according to his own character and cannot act according to other people's standards. For this reason, She couldn't calmly accept herself and believe in herself.

Many times, we advocate moderate self-criticism, because it is beneficial to a person's growth.However, self-criticism should not be excessive. If a person often exaggerates the degree and scope of his mistakes, then self-criticism will evolve into a compulsive concept, which will eventually make us paralyzed, lack self-confidence, and be unable to gather our strength to make positive positive actions. s hard work.When our words and deeds do not meet the standards of others, the first thing we should do is not to criticize ourselves, but to believe in ourselves.

In my training class, a female trainee said: "I often feel timid and inferior. It seems that others are very calm and confident. I am the only one. As long as I think of my shortcomings, I will feel discouraged and even I can’t express myself freely at all.”

We must realize that everyone has their own shortcomings, the essence of the question is how many advantages you have, not how many shortcomings you have.

Flaws cannot be the final factor in determining a work of art and a person.Even classic works handed down from literary masters often have many shortcomings.For example, Dickens always tried his best to play up the sentimental atmosphere in his novels, and Shakespeare's works are full of errors of basic common sense of geography and history.However, the flaws do not conceal the advantages, and no one will care about these.Advantages are the final decisive factor, so despite some shortcomings, it does not prevent them from becoming world-class literary masters.In the process of interpersonal communication, we often choose to be friends with a person because of their advantages, but feel the real existence of the other person because of their shortcomings.We are always suspicious of a perfect person, whereas flaws make a person more authentic.When others question us, when others criticize us, we must not only be proud of our own advantages, but also not blindly feel inferior because of our own shortcomings.Believe in yourself, I am me, the only me in the world.

In my training class, there is a female trainee who is an absolute perfectionist.No matter what she does, she asks herself to make no omissions.In this way, not only did she feel very painful, but others also felt that she had failed in life.For a very simple report, it only takes one hour to complete it, but she tosses back and forth for several hours, which not only delays her own time, but also affects others; It will involve and explain, causing the originally interested audience to gradually lose confidence and become bored; because she does not want to receive guests without any preparation, she always refuses sudden visits from friends.It is true that she has achieved a form of perfection, but she has destroyed the naturalness, understanding and fun in life.All this stems from her lack of self-confidence.

You know, no one can be in good times every minute and every second. When facing the adversity of life, when you are not so perfect, believing in yourself is the only prerequisite for making everything better.At any time, we should like, respect, appreciate and believe in ourselves, which not only enables us to have a healthy and mature personality, but also enhances our ability to get along with others.

In a speech class, a female student came to me and complained: "This speech, I did really badly. When I stood up, I felt so stupid. Compared with other students, Not only am I not confident and timid, but I am also very clumsy." I laughed off her complaint and said, "You understand your shortcomings very well and express them accurately, but why don't you look at your strengths? What? The reason why your speech is not good enough is because you haven’t brought out your strengths and you don’t believe in yourself, not because you have too many shortcomings.” In my suggestion, this female trainee quickly corrected Her mentality, it turns out, she is excellent.

Get rid of low self-esteem, self-confidence can win the respect of others
In life, many people suffer from low self-esteem for various reasons.Inferiority blinds their eyes, even though their lives are as beautiful as they are in heaven, they feel that the heights are too cold.In fact, it is not that life is unsatisfactory, but that people with low self-esteem cannot see the beauty of life.If we can change to a confident attitude, then even if we treat a stopped clock, we will think optimistically that this clock is on time twice in a day.There are many reasons for people's low self-esteem, such as physical defects, family background, economy and so on.A considerable part of the reasons are completely negligible, and it is people's narrow-mindedness that makes these factors a reason for low self-esteem.For example, some women are troubled because their body is not slim enough, their complexion is not fair enough, and their facial features are not delicate enough. What do these actually have to do with each other? !As long as you are healthy, positive and optimistic, you can have a happy life.As the saying goes, what you are born with will be useful.There is no absolutely perfect person in this world, and there is no one who has only advantages but no disadvantages. Therefore, we should face our own shortcomings calmly and give full play to our strengths and strengths, so that we can live out the best of ourselves.As long as you put your heart into it, you can always find something in yourself that you can be confident and proud of.

Of course, the formation of an inferiority complex does not happen overnight.However, as long as we know ourselves correctly and evaluate ourselves objectively, we will be able to completely eliminate inferiority complex.Life is beautiful. Everyone should be good at discovering their own strengths and strengths, affirming themselves, appreciating themselves, and loving themselves.Only in this way can we improve our self-confidence and improve our self-evaluation.There is an old saying in China, that is, "gold always shines".Maybe it is because of the similarity of the truth. Andrew Carnegie, the steel magnate, once said: "Getting along with people is like looking for gold in the sand. Your purpose is obvious, that is, to find gold. The dirt is just garbage that you don't need to care about. If I see only the dirt in a man, but not the gleaming gold in him, then we will gain nothing. On the contrary, if we keep our eyes on the gold, then one day, we must To be able to find gold under the cover of mud." In fact, not only treat others like this, but also treat yourself like this.Therefore, Andrew once said: "Although I know that I have many shortcomings and shortcomings, I never feel inferior, because they are not worthy of my obsession. I know that the only thing I can do is to overcome them, and then find ways to develop my strengths." My strengths and strengths. Because of this, I have no time to feel sorry for myself because of my shortcomings and shortcomings."

During my lectures in New York, I met a female student named Bonnie.She caught my attention not just because she was 70, but because of why she came to the class.She said she came to class because she didn't know how to spend the rest of her time.

Bonnie used to be a teacher at the school, but for some reason, she lost her job.At the beginning, she was very anxious and felt that she had lost her purpose in life and didn't know what she should do.In order to make ends meet, she had to run around all day.Later, she participated in training courses, gradually built up her confidence, and found several jobs.Among these jobs, what she likes most is telling stories to kindergarten children.Because she had worked as a teacher before, she was very comfortable with the job.She always picks out some stories and puts them on slides.Watching the children listen to her stories with great interest, she is not only happy, but also more and more confident.

Later, at my suggestion, she decided to make this a career.She is full of confidence and confident that she will do all this well.At the beginning, because of her older age, she felt that it might be difficult for her to find a job opportunity and be recognized by others.Today, she sees her age as an advantage, and feels that with her years of teaching experience, she will be able to get better at storytelling.

Perhaps, things are always beautiful in the imagination, but in the process of actual implementation, many unexpected difficulties will be encountered.First of all, for Bonnie, money is a big problem.Because of her advanced age, few people are willing to invest money in her.Bonnie didn't hold back, though.She went around and found the "Ford Foundation", which has always been keen on cultural promotion, and carefully crafted a plan and submitted it to the foundation.As a result, the foundation decided to support her, and many people expressed their support for her.

Most of the ladies are under 70, I suppose?If Ms. Pawnee hadn't had enough self-confidence to hold back when things got tough, thousands of children in America wouldn't be able to hear some of the funniest, most vivid stories in the world.We should also be like Bonnie, full of confidence, overcome the difficulties we encounter, and achieve our own life.

Ladies, without self-confidence, our lives will stand still.In modern society, men still occupy a certain advantage in work. As a woman, if you want to really hold up half the sky, you must get rid of the burden of inferiority complex, face life with confidence, and win the respect of others!

Cheers to your unique self

At first, Will Rogers was silent when he performed the rope throwing performance in the acrobatic troupe. Although his skills were superb, he was unknown.Years later, he shot to fame by virtue of his talent for humor, interspersed with jokes while performing.When the famous drama master Chaplin first started making movies, many directors hoped that he could imitate the most famous German comedian at that time.Although it was a shortcut, it wasn't Chaplin himself.It wasn't until he created his own unique style of performance that Chaplin became famous.Bob Hopper, who spent years in musicals with little success, discovered that he was very good at telling jokes before eventually finding success.Kim Autrey, the world's most famous western singer in film and broadcasting, felt inferior because of his Texas accent when he first debuted. He tried his best to change his accent and become a real city gentleman He also declared himself a New Yorker, which eventually drew ridicule from people.Later, he gave up this futile effort and began to play the banjo and sing western songs from his hometown. Only then did he officially kick off his great acting career and start an unusual life.

Emerson once said in "On Self-confidence": "In the process of receiving education, everyone will eventually find that imitating others is like suicide, and envious of others is ignorance. No matter what he is, all he can do is Keep yourself. A person can only gain something by farming on his own field. Everything must be fought for by oneself.”

Just as there are no two identical leaves in this world, there are no two identical people in this world.In this world, everyone is unique and worthy of pride.We can freely live our own lives, draw pictures that only we can draw, sing songs with unique voices, and be the most authentic and unique selves.For better or worse, your garden must be built only by you; for better or worse, the symphony of your life must be played by you.

Since the beginning of human history, the topic of self-preservation has been discussed non-stop.Not being able to achieve oneself is simply the greatest pain in life.As one of the famous directors in Hollywood, Sam Wood's biggest difficulty is to keep those actresses in their true colors.A person who has been working as a personnel supervisor for many years also said that for job seekers, the biggest mistake they make is not maintaining themselves.As everyone knows, no one in this world is willing to accept counterfeit banknotes, so blindly catering is totally inadvisable.

I also have deep feelings about the eternal topic of maintaining myself. Of course, this feeling comes from my painful experience.At the beginning, I left my hometown and came to New York to attend the American Academy of Drama and want to be an actor.At that time, I thought it was a shortcut to success, and I was proud of myself for discovering this shortcut first.From then on, I began to imitate those outstanding actors, never thinking that I could also become famous by virtue of my true colors.Undoubtedly, imitation ultimately didn't make me famous, because I couldn't have been anyone else.

Although this experience was painful, instead of learning from it, I came up with another shortcut, which was to write a book.Naively, I thought that I would be famous simply by combining the ideas of many writers of the day into one all-encompassing book, so I spent a whole year piecing together various books on speeches.In the end, I found myself doing another stupid thing, because the resulting book was dull and soulless, and it didn't attract the reader's attention to reading at all.

Without hesitation, I threw my year's hard work into the trash can and said to myself to start again.This time, I completely understood a truth and told myself again and again: "No matter how limited your ability is, and no matter what the result is, you must maintain yourself, because you can't be anyone else." Start with observation and experience as a speaker and start writing a textbook on public speaking.In fact, as Sir Walter Raleigh, professor of English literature at Oxford University, said: "I am fully capable of writing a book of my own, even if it cannot be compared with the book written by Shakespeare."

(End of this chapter)