FBI super mind-reading technique: teach you instant insight into people's hearts

Chapter 10 FBI Says: Everything Starts from the Heart (9)
Yes, veteran salesmen can always find out from a bunch of potential customers who is the customer who will actually make a transaction through subtle observation, and then carefully find out what the psychological defense line of these different types of customers is, and finally make a sharp breakthrough .But the inexperienced salespersons use needles indiscriminately, making customers "ridden with holes" and exhausting themselves.

Breaking through the opponent's psychological defense must be targeted, and you must learn to analyze the psychological characteristics, interests and hobbies of different people.Of course, there is another very important point in this, that is, learn to be sincere.

Why do people set up psychological defenses against strangers, even relatives and friends around them?The reason is very simple, because of trust issues.Because we don't trust each other and are afraid of being deceived and hurt, we choose to set up one or even several lines of defense between each other.The higher the degree of distrust, the stronger and tighter the line of defense.If we learn to treat each other with sincerity and let the other party feel sincerity, the other party will naturally choose to trust you and approach you.

If you face others sincerely, it will be a very easy thing to open up the other person's psychological defense -- take the first step of understanding the other person.Fu Lei, a famous translator, once said, "In my life, I always confess first, second, and third. Going around in circles and evasively make people suspicious."He has always believed that as long as a person is sincere, he can always move people.

Psychological research has found that there is an implicit and closed side in the depths of people's minds, but people paradoxically hope that there is someone who can understand themselves and tell their truest thoughts to someone they can trust.So if you want to truly understand each other, you must learn to open your heart and let others see your sincerity.Only in this way can the other party let down their guard and loosen the line of defense, allowing you to see his true inner world.

The gap between pride and low self-esteem
There are no great men in life, everyone is an ordinary flesh and blood body, so many people are actually not as difficult to contact as they appear on the surface.If you learn to read people's hearts, you can communicate with anyone in the world on an equal footing and establish friendship.

Some people say that pride and low self-esteem are a pair of twin sisters, and the common point that gives birth to them is self-centeredness.Conceited people often feel that they are worse than others in every way, so they will compare with others everywhere, and whenever they encounter that they are not as good as others in the comparison, they will have an inferiority complex.Inferiority is the opposite of conceit. People with low self-esteem always feel that they are inferior to others in comparison, and they are often very unconvinced. They feel that fate is unfair and give good luck to those who are better than themselves.

Conceited people will always stare at those who are better than themselves with a pair of proud eyes, and if they stare at them, they will suffer from "pink eye disease", giving birth to an inferiority complex that they are not as good as others.

Because of their own superiority, conceited people always want to be the envy of everyone and the focus of everyone's attention.Once they find someone who is better than themselves, and find that someone has taken away the eyes that should have been projected on them, they will become inferior, even jealous, and then want to take that superiority as soon as possible. for oneself.

Qing Shizong Aixinjueluo Yinzhen, also known as Emperor Yongzheng, was already outstanding before he succeeded to the throne, with both civil and military skills, and many political opinions were praised and paid attention to by Emperor Kangxi.Yinzhen also considers himself talented and ambitious.He was adopted by Concubine Tong Jia since he was a child, and his biological mother, Concubine De, favored his youngest son, Brother Fourteen.At the same time, Emperor Kangxi deeply loved the first prince born to the late Empress Hesheli, who was the second elder brother of the prince at that time.

In this situation, the fourth elder brother Yinzhen has a deep inferiority complex under his conceited appearance.With low self-esteem, he always compares himself with the prince, his half-brother, and all the brothers around him who can attract Emperor Kangxi's attention, and in order to make himself better, he always strictly demands himself.

In the eyes of Emperor Kangxi, even in the eyes of the crown prince and fourteenth elder brother Yinzhen envied and envied, the fourth elder brother Yinzhen was actually very good.However, the conceited fourth elder brother Yinzhen, who later became Emperor Yongzheng, could not even get rid of the inferiority complex of "one is not as good as others" in his whole life.

In fact, the tougher people are, the weaker they are.It's like a hard stone, which can be crushed with a hammer if you find the right point of force; it's like hard iron, but if the temperature in the furnace is high enough, it can be turned into molten iron; People, the more outstanding and conceited they are, the more they have low self-esteem that penetrates to the bone. They are not as great and strong as outsiders imagine.

Most conceited people are excellent and live surrounded by praise for a long time, but they also have inferiority complex from time to time, fear that they are not good enough, make a fool of themselves in front of others, or fear losing this superiority, losing the attention of everyone, thinking that this Just lost self-esteem.

Conceited people always imagine themselves as the most perfect person, and at the same time realize the gap between themselves and this perfect image from time to time, so they are often troubled by low self-esteem.Self-confident people look great, even omnipotent, to outsiders, so they always see themselves as omnipotent.And once they realize that they cannot be as great and omnipotent as others think, they will be afraid of being looked down upon.

Those conceited people, in order to eliminate the inferiority complex that may appear from time to time, they always use various "musts" to strengthen themselves, "I must be the best", "I must be noticed by everyone", "I must not make mistakes. any mistakes", "I must..."

Under the oppression of various "musts", they treat everything with enthusiasm, but once they encounter setbacks, they will easily become depressed and discouraged, until they completely deny themselves, become inexplicably inferior, and even go to extremes.

Humans are elastic animals, and conceited people always like to stretch themselves tightly in order to strive for strength.Little do they know that if they stretch themselves tightly, they will easily break.Once it is broken, it will be irreversible, and it will even produce the mentality of "I have nothing to redeem", so that I hate myself for being powerless, hating myself for not being perfect, hating myself for being useless, and thus completely denying myself. feel.

Remember, there are no great people in life, we are all ordinary, and excessive conceit will only make us feel inferior.

Letting go of your defenses is the fastest way to get close to someone
A hedgehog with hard spines all over its body will shy away from anyone who sees it. Who would like to take a step closer to this dangerous little animal?When encountering things, we should first consider our own problems. This is always the first principle of our life and work.

Anyone who has picked roses has had this experience.When you are afraid of the sharp thorns of the roses, you wear gloves to pick the flowers, which makes it easier to be pricked.If you take off your gloves and approach the roses carefully, you will not be injured when picking them, and you can pick whole roses.

Similarly, I remember when I was young, my friends and I once caught a hedgehog. At the beginning, everyone thought the little hedgehog was so cute and very fun, so they stroked the little hedgehog gently with their hands.And the little hedgehog also seems to be spiritual, treating every little hand that reaches out "gentlely".At this time, a parent passing by after get off work saw us touching the hedgehog with our hands. He was afraid that we would be stabbed, so he loudly reprimanded us to stay away from the little hedgehog, and then ran over to grab the hedgehog. Got it.

From this incident, we can draw such a lesson: If you want to successfully approach others without being hurt, you must first let go of your defenses.

I have a colleague named Leng Yan, just like her name, she is an out-and-out cold beauty.The colleagues are all a group of girls in their twenties, chatting together all day long, but Leng Yan has never participated in it.The communication between Leng Yan and her colleagues consisted of greeting each other like a routine every day, as well as some intersections at work.Colleagues always looked unreasonable when they saw Leng Yan. At first, they thought it was indifferent, but gradually they began to feel disgusted.

"No one owes her", "Who are you showing that stinky face to?", "His face is gloomy all day long"... These are everyone's comments on Leng Yan. Of course, everyone understands that Leng Yan did not provoke her colleagues. any one of them.However, everyone seems to have made a deal, and they are getting farther and farther away from Leng Yan, and even start to feel defensive towards her.

A chance later changed everyone's perception of Leng Yan.On this day, a new girl named Xiao Xi came to the company who just graduated from college.Because Xiao Xi has just arrived and has a very lively personality, she is very warm to everyone.A few days later, everyone discovered a strange phenomenon. Xiao Xi got along better and better with Leng Yan, who never interacted with others, and Leng Yan, who never smiled, always greeted Xiao Xi with a smile.

Everyone didn't understand what was going on, so they went to ask Xiao Xi.After listening to everyone's words, Xiao Xi smiled and said, "Talk to her! You haven't said anything to her, so how can she talk to you?"

The relationship between people is actually very delicate, just like the relationship between Leng Yan and her colleagues.If everyone didn't mind the indifference of Leng Yan's attitude at the beginning, and held grudges against her, and later even developed a defensive mentality, then why did the relationship between them become stagnant?And when we get along with people, if we are defensive from the beginning, how can we get close to each other?

I don't know if you have the experience of going to a party, it is very easy for this to happen at a party.People at a table eat and drink together. If everyone can let go and chat together, the atmosphere will be very cordial. Even after the meeting is over, these people will establish a close relationship.If no one speaks, the people at this table will soon disperse, and they will be no different from strangers afterwards.

Similarly, when friends quarrel, if one person can take the initiative to let go of their grudges and approach each other, then the two will soon reconcile as before.If neither of them can let go of their defenses and keep stalemate, the two will become more and more unfamiliar with each other, and in the end they will only lose this friendship.

This is the first-mover advantage when dealing with people: letting go of your defenses is the fastest way to approach others.

The relationship between people is actually a game. If we all try our best to defend others, others will try their best to attack you and set up the strongest defense against you.As a result, one side may win, but it may also lose both sides.But if we put down the defense and play a friendly match with the opponent, the biggest gain will be the happiness of getting along with the two sides of the game, which is not what the defense can get.

Letting go of your defenses is the fastest and most effective way to get close to others.

(End of this chapter)