FBI super mind-reading technique: teach you instant insight into people's hearts

Chapter 9 FBI Says: Everything Starts from the Heart (8)
I participated in many recruitment interviews in the year of graduation, and found a strange phenomenon: almost every interview, if the interviewer takes a look at you and is interested in you, he will stare at you seriously throughout the interview process; if he is not interested in you, the entire interview You will be absent-minded during the process.The same is true for interviews, and it is also true for communicating with people. "One glance at ten thousand years", the first moment of communication often determines the tone of the entire communication process.So if you plan to communicate with strangers, you must pay attention to the first moment of communication, pay attention to the first impression.

Humans are visual animals, especially in such a high-speed social environment.Someone has done a survey and discovered such a fact: In fact, the key to communication between people often lies in the first ten seconds.That is to say, when someone introduces you to a new friend, or a stranger walks in front of you, you will unconsciously make a judgment within ten seconds: do I like this person, how is this person, this What is a person's personality...maybe sometimes a ten-second judgment is not accurate, but a ten-second moment can determine a person's attitude towards another person.

Maybe you will say that this is unfair. It only means that you pay too much attention to the outside and ignore the inside of the person, which will make you lose many friends.However, we have to admit that this is a society that pursues fast foodism. This society has highly competitive competition, and people no longer have enough time to get to know each other slowly when they communicate. It is generated within a few effective seconds, and the instant judgment of these few seconds will determine the tone of the entire communication process in the future, and once the judgment is made, it is often difficult to make major changes in the future.

Someone has done such a psychological experiment, in which two groups of people are given pictures of the same person, while telling the first group that this is a prisoner and the second group that this is a professor, and then let the two groups analyze the photos in each group. person's character.

The first group concluded that the man's deep-set eyes were typical of a man of a ferocious character, and that his high forehead spoke of the prisoner's unrepentant determination.

The conclusion of the second group is: His sunken eye sockets indicate that he has dedicated his life to education, just as profound as his knowledge, and his high forehead is also the image characteristic that an old professor should have ?

Facing the same person, the two groups of people have completely different understandings. It cannot but be said that the psychological suggestion of the first impression is unimaginable.

In psychology, this phenomenon is called the "primacy effect", also known as the "initial effect", which is what we usually call the "first impression effect".The first impression is usually formed instantly based on the other person's superficial characteristics, but because of its strong emotional color, it can leave a deep imprint on people's minds.Many people have the impression that when we get along with someone for a while and then separate for a long time, when we think about the other person again, what comes to mind is often the memory of the first time we saw the other person. The way he looks, not the way he looks when we get along in the future.

From this, it is not difficult to see that the first moment of communication often determines the tone of the entire communication in the future, so when we communicate with people, we must pay attention to the primacy effect, and strive to show a perfect personality in front of strangers, from appearance to conversation. Let the other party "love at first sight" for you.We must know that when interacting with people, there is often such a situation: the impression we leave on the other party in one second may be difficult to change in a year.

find out his ultimate purpose

Who would be willing to help you realize your lofty dream for no reason?If someone is willing, there must be a reason, please try to find out these reasons, the more you find out, the more noble people you will have in your life.

There existed such a group of people in Chinese history, people called them lobbyists.They travel among various countries, not relying on knives, guns or money, but relying solely on their three-inch tongue to win benefits for themselves and their country.Looking at their lobbying, it is not difficult to find a common point: every successful lobbying is because they do not consider their own interests first, but first find out the interests of the other party, put the interests of the other party in front of the other party, and then put clarify your purpose.And that's why they succeeded.

In fact, they are not just lobbyists. In history, no matter whether they are princes, generals, or advisers, as long as they want to achieve a certain purpose, want to get help and trust from others, or let the emperor adopt their own opinions, which time is it not the first time? To find out the reasons that prompt others to help, trust, and adopt opinions, that is, to find the interests of the other party, and then achieve the goal and let the other party do things according to their wishes?

"A Dream of Red Mansions" "Sister Wang Feng takes power over Tikan Temple, Qin Jingqing Dequ Mantou Temple" is a good illustration of this point of view, and also portrays Wang Xifeng's image of "seeking only profit".

The old nun of Tiekan Temple begged Wang Xifeng to help settle the matter of Li Yanei, the son-in-law of the Grand Master in Chang’an Mansion, forcibly marrying Brother Jin. First, he "bribed" Wang Xifeng directly with money, but he made the wrong plan. Wang Xifeng said with a smile: "I don't wait Silver envoys don’t do such things either.”

After listening to Sister Feng's words, old nun Jingxu dispelled the delusion of relying on money to persuade Wang Xifeng to help him with this matter, so he thought of fame and fortune, and sighed: "That said, the Zhang family knows that I have come to the manor to ask for money. , Now regardless of this matter, the Zhang family doesn’t know that they don’t have time to take care of this matter, and they don’t care about his thank you gift, it’s like the mansion doesn’t even have such an idea.”

It was this sentence that reached Wang Xifeng's heart that prompted Wang Xifeng to finally decide to help Jingxu complete this matter.

In fact, it is not difficult to get others to do things according to your wishes. Just like Jingxu, you can find the reasons that prompt the other party to do so. In other words, you need to find the common interests of both parties.Find what the other person wants, take the other person's wishes as the starting point, and then return to your own wishes.Only in this way, the other party will be willing to help you.

This is a very practical trick to achieve your own wishes by influencing others, just as if you want to move the earth, you must first find the fulcrum.If you want others to act according to your wishes, you must tell the other party why the other party is doing this and what benefits it will bring to him, otherwise the other party will not do things without reason.

I remember that in a sales training, the trainer once taught us such a lesson: He told us that first-rate salesmen are people——sales, second-rate salesmen are sales—people, and third-rate salespeople are sales—— Sales.In other words, a real salesperson should first learn to observe customers, then find their needs, and sell their products in a timely manner. Only in this way can they have more confidence in impressing customers.But those who don't know how to sell, but only know how to explain the advantages of the product without distinguishing the target, the result is often ineffective.

Thinking about it now, it’s not just about sales. When we get along with people, as long as we have the willingness to let others do what we want, we must first learn to let the other party find what they want, and then tell them to do what you want. can achieve the purpose.

There is an old saying in China that goes well: Talking is not speculative.If you want to speculate, the most important thing is to find out what the other party wants to hear, and then you can communicate well with the other party, so that the other party is willing to listen to your conversation.Similarly, if we do things, if we want to meet the other party's wishes, we must first understand what the other party wants, and then tell the other party that as long as you act according to your wishes, the other party will get it.

Ask more, observe more, listen more, think what others think first, so that others can do what you want to do.

Overcome the opponent's psychological defense

If a person is full of guard against you, then there is no way to talk about cooperation and communication between you and him.Only when he is relaxed and honest is willing to sit down with you and talk openly, this is the beginning of your success.

Practice a pair of "poisonous" eyes

Human is a kind of animal with strong self-protection. Like other animals, when living in society, especially when interacting with the same kind, he will always use various methods to protect himself.

In order to protect themselves, people sometimes deliberately cover up their true temperament with different clothing, behaviors, and expressions, so as to prevent others from seeing their true self and conceal their truest side.Even in order to prevent others from entering my heart and seeing my truest thoughts, I always set up many psychological defense lines from time to time.

No matter how people pretend on the outside, as long as we carefully observe the other person's language, demeanor, behavior and other details, we can see his true temperament hidden under his appearance.If the other party sets up a psychological defense line for us, if we want to truly understand him, the first step is to break through the other party's psychological defense line and let the other party let go of his guard against himself. much harder than.

Everyone has a defensive mentality, especially when we face strangers, because we are not familiar with each other, we will naturally set up a psychological defense line for each other. This is the function of human self-protection awareness.It's as if the mimosa will immediately close its leaves to protect itself when it encounters external stimuli, just as the hedgehog will erect its thorns when it encounters external touch.And the stronger the awareness of self-protection, the stronger the psychological defense.

How can we overcome each other's psychological defenses and understand each other?

Such a situation often occurs in the sales world. In order to sell products, young salesmen often greet customers as soon as they enter the door, and then introduce products to customers with eloquence and enthusiasm.However, at the end of the day, the young salesperson was so tired that his mouth was dry and his eyes were full of gold stars, but he couldn't sell a few items.Old salesmen are different. Every time a customer comes to the door, they may only nod and say "Welcome to buy", and then observe the customer silently. Then they will always reach a consensus with the customer at the right time with few words .

Some people say that it is because old salesmen have accumulated a lot of experience that they have good sales skills. Young salesmen who have no experience will of course get twice the result with half the effort.This statement is actually correct, because with the accumulation of long-term sales experience, veteran salesmen can "see people" and understand the psychological needs of customers.An excellent salesperson does not lie in how powerful his mouth is, but how "poisonous" his eyes are.

(End of this chapter)