FBI super mind-reading technique: teach you instant insight into people's hearts

Chapter 8 FBI Says: Everything Starts from the Heart (7)
Later, when Vic was talking about the experience, he was asked, "What do you want from that man?"

Yeah, what did Vic want?What else can he get?Will the speed of express delivery be accelerated?Or get a few stamps for free?
Obviously neither.If we do everything from the selfish point of view of what we can get, we will not be able to bring any happiness to others.

In fact, everyone needs to be affirmed by others, because these affirmations can give people a sense of existence, and praise is the best form of affirmation.Appropriate praise to others does not require money or effort, and it can bring happiness to others, inspire them, and win others' favor for you. Why not do more of this kind of thing? some?

Say what other people want to hear, even if it's just a lie
When encountering things, people first think of themselves, followed by people related to themselves, and then others.This is human nature, almost instinctive.This is a major principle of understanding human nature, and it is also the knowledge you need to master to communicate better with people.Therefore, white lies are sometimes helpful rather than harmful.

People first care about themselves, not you
I remember once reading such a story, a little boy was fostered by his uncle and aunt because he lost his parents since he was a child, but his uncle and aunt didn’t love him and treated him like a slave all day long.In order to go to school, the little boy not only endured the beating and scolding from his uncle and aunt every day, but also took care of all the housework at home.After holding back for more than ten years, he finally passed the university of his dreams and left the house of his uncle and aunt.

Because of the lack of love since he was a child, the boy in college and after work always tries his best to care for others, even if he sacrifices himself, he will always think about others.However, no matter how much he cares about others and considers others, others always show indifference to his efforts.

Later, the boy unfortunately got into a car accident and disappeared from the company without a sound.Regarding his disappearance, his colleagues didn't seem to be concerned at first. It wasn't until four days later that a female colleague who had been concerned by the boy noticed that he had disappeared from their world for four days.

In the end, colleagues finally found the boy who had been lying in the hospital for four days without any care.When everyone stood by the boy's bed and listened to the boy's story, they realized that the boy had been waiting for the same love.

Knowing this, we understand the key to human nature. When we communicate with people, we can grasp the psychology of others well.Talking about what others want to talk about and say what others want to hear is very beneficial to the establishment of a good relationship between the two parties.

When we talk to others, as long as we can find the right topic and talk about what they want to talk about, they will naturally be willing to communicate with you.And you ask them to do what you want, and they feel that they can get what they want from it, and they will naturally be willing to help you.

So how do we do it?

First of all, we must learn to analyze things objectively.

Although it is not easy to put others first before oneself at all times, one must know how to let go of oneself at the right time in order to survive in society and communicate with others.

Secondly, we must truly understand what others want to hear, what they want, and what others think through listening and observing.

People are interested in themselves first, not in other things. People always pay more attention to themselves than others.Therefore, when interacting with others, if you want to catch people's hearts, you must find other people's points of interest, learn about what others are interested in, and talk about what others are interested in.

Finally, after understanding other people's interests, you must also learn to subtly make the other person feel that you regard the other person as important, and subtly satisfy the other person's desire to be recognized and understood.

To do this, please remember that when interacting with people, you must learn to listen more, not express, or be generous with your praise, learn to pay more attention to everyone, and learn to shift your attention from yourself to others. on the other side.

To thrive in relationships, just remember to start by getting the other person to talk about themselves, and you will have more and more friends.

why is he lying
If you were given the ability to see through all the lies in the world, wouldn't you desire to have it?Of course, this book cannot give you this ability, but this book will tell you that people with this ability will suffer in life because of "truth or happiness, never both".

In the American drama "lie to me" ("Don't Lie to Me"), the protagonist Lightman is a genius psychologist. With his analysis of micro-expressions and his familiarity with human nature and psychology, Lightman can see almost all lies in the world.In the play, he once said a very interesting line - "truth or happiness, never both", which means that truth and happiness cannot have both.

This is true on TV, and even more so in life. Sometimes the truth and happiness are like the fish and bear's paw in front of you.You cannot have both the fish and the bear's paw, and likewise, truth and happiness cannot be had at the same time in many cases.So, when facing the truth and happiness, if you need to choose, do you choose happiness or the truth?
I once read such a novel, which tells the story of an old man who suddenly suspects that he has a terminal illness one day, so he is depressed all day long.After the son learned about his concern, in order to reassure him, he took him to a friend's hospital for a comprehensive examination.

Two days later, the son went to his friend's office to get his father's test report, and the friend put the two test reports in front of him.He told the old man's son that out of his friend's morality, he prepared two test sheets for his friend, one called happiness and the other called truth.After listening to the friend's words, the old man's son resolutely took away the test sheet called happiness.He knew that his eighty-year-old father needed happiness more than a truth that would bring him more pain.

Ten years later, when the son told his father that he had lied to him before his death, the father smiled and said softly: "I have been very happy for ten years, haven't I? I lived for another ten years, better than the doctor It's expected to be longer, isn't it?"

Someone once asked such a question: "What is the purpose of life?" The answer is actually very simple. Whether you are a high-ranking official or a commoner, whose life is not pursuing happiness?The same is true in the face of happiness and truth. Some people pursue the truth all their lives, but live in pain all the time.Some people are confused all their lives, but they are happy all their lives.Happiness is the most important thing in a person's life. Sometimes what matters is not that he is lying, but why he is lying.Why should we cling to a painful truth if some lies are not malicious and have no serious consequences?
Lies are not terrible. In modern society, with the advancement of science and technology and the improvement of people's knowledge level, it is actually very simple to identify lies.With a $20 CD or a $12 online course produced by Professor Ekman, you can quickly debunk other people's lies.But as Ekman said, the truth and happiness cannot have both. It is unknown whether the truth will bring you pain or happiness.

Xiao Feng in Jin Yong's martial arts novel "The Eight Parts of the Dragon" has been searching for the truth all his life, but what happened?Xiao Feng was squeezed out by martial arts people, and the woman he loved the most was killed by his own hands inadvertently. In the end, he had no choice but to commit suicide to settle all right and wrong. What about Song Ci in "Washing Injustice"?When facing the truth and happiness, you have also tortured yourself, whether you are persistent in finding out the truth of the case?We are not heroes, and we don't have to bear the responsibility of finding out the murder case. We are just ordinary people, so why not make life easier?
However, everyone has a curiosity-seeking mentality, and they don't like being deceived by lies, so it is rare to be confused.It is a good thing to be aware of the details, but when we choose to be aware of the details, we must also learn to clearly analyze the other party's motives for lying.If you can't be so confused, you have to learn to digest the pain behind the truth after knowing the truth.

Someone once said that sometimes a lie is worth much more than the truth.A lie can get you what you have been looking for all your life, but a truth can take everything away from you.So, when we find out that he is lying to us, why not first think about why he is lying?If the other party's lies are just to make you happy, wouldn't the value of the lie be equivalent to too much truth?

Playing stupid without violating principles is also a weapon to defend happiness
Are lies really hideous?Maybe you don't know, sometimes a lie is necessary, and a lie can be very beautiful and touching.This is a white lie.If you understand this, a liar will also appear to be so valuable that we can't say no to it.

We are often told that we must be honest and trustworthy when we get along with others. Honesty is the most valuable quality, and it is not good to lie to others.However, one day, we suddenly discovered that not all lies are bad. There is a kind of lie that is more commendable and beautiful than honesty, and that is white lies.Because sometimes a white lie is not against the principle of acting stupid, it is a weapon we use to defend happiness, and it is something more precious than honesty that deserves our hard work.

Sometimes a lie doesn't necessarily mean betrayal or anything.Lies are bad, but white lies are someone's good intentions.If a white lie is expressed out of respect for the other party and consideration for the other party, rather than hurting, then it does not only mean deceit, but also a kind of affection, a hope that things will be successful, it is just A way to make things work out.

Lies represent hypocrisy, hypocrisy, and deceit. However, white lies have another kind of beauty because of their good intentions.Even sometimes we have to admit that white lies are needed in life.

In the story "The Last Leaf", although the terminally ill girl was deceived by the green leaves carefully painted by the old painter, she recovered miraculously.In the movie "White Lies", the small Polish shopkeeper Jacob keeps trying to fabricate the news of the victory of the Soviet Red Army to give the desperate Jewish compatriots the courage and hope to live.He is a respected liar, and he tells people with white lies: Everyone can have a Schindler in their hearts.

If lies can fight disease, if lies can fight tyranny, if lies can make people happy, then why don't we pretend to be stupid and accept such lies?When a friend who is seriously ill is lying on the bed sadly, not thinking about eating or drinking, we say to him: "It's okay, buddy. The doctor said you will be able to play with us soon." A white lie of ours can make a friend Peace of mind, happiness, and being able to express your best wishes to your friends, why not do it?Similarly, when we are seriously ill, when we hear such comforting words from our friends, we know that what our friends say is a white lie to deceive us, and it is untrue, but if we deal with it happily, we can act stupid in front of our friends and give them peace of mind. A lie, is it not a comfort to a friend.

A white lie is beautiful, and a white lie also has the power to "turn decay into magic".A white lie is not a deception with ulterior motives, a trap that is carefully managed, or a scam that puts people in a desperate situation... A white lie can change a person's attitude towards life, save a dying heart, and make a person's mind heal. Send Qingming.White Lies is a beautiful story that never fades and never fades.

A long time ago, there was a girl who was born blind, and her world was only dark.But the girl was always happy because her mother told her that she was the most beautiful girl in the village.But only those who can see know that the girl is ugly, but she has never heard it.In a blink of an eye, the girl reached the age of marriage, and the mother found a boy with a broken arm from a neighboring village to be the girl's husband, and told the boy that she had only one request, and that was to always tell the girl that she was the most beautiful in the village.

The boy obeyed the girl's mother's request and married the girl.On the wedding night, the boy whispered in the girl's ear what the girl's mother had told her. After listening to the girl, she lowered her head shyly and said, "Mother told me you are the most handsome boy, aren't you?" The boy looked Looking at the shy girl, he took her hand and answered, "Yes!"

Under the white lies of boys, girls live happier and more confident lives than before they got married.Soon, the girl became pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful son.When the son was sensible, the boy told his son: "Son, you have to remember that your mother is very beautiful, and she will always be the most beautiful mother in the world."

A girl is happy all her life. Her happiness is a castle built by her mother, husband, and son with white lies, and she is a proud princess living in the castle all her life.

Yes, honesty is a good character, but in real life, we have to learn to lie in many situations.White lies that don't violate principles can make our lives better, and those who love us and those we love, and make our stories more touching.

Knowing people is the prerequisite for proper employment
If we can learn to know people's strengths, avoid people's weaknesses, make the best use of people's talents, and make the best use of them, it will be like a person who can skillfully manipulate his hands, feet, and seven orifices, and we can move freely and smoothly in society.

Knowing the Hero with Smart Eyes

Looking at history, it is not difficult for us to find that knowing people and doing good things is related to the prosperity and decline of a country in any dynasty.In the same way, whether a person's life is up or down is also closely related to whether he can know people, whether he can properly employ people and deploy interpersonal relationships.Just imagine, if we don't even know the most basic situation of a person before we appoint him, what can we accomplish?I am afraid that even the best plan will fall short.

As the saying goes, the ruler is short and the inch is long. Everyone has special strengths that cannot be learned from the surface. Only after we really understand a person can we make full use of their talents and make them contribute the most to the realization of our wishes. the power of.

Zhuge Liang in the Three Kingdoms period could be said to know people with insight, but he made an irreparable mistake when he left Qishan for the second time-appointing Ma Su as the main general to guard the street pavilion.

Ma Di, history has evaluated him as mediocre, who only knows how to talk on paper.However, in the eyes of many people at that time, Ma Di was a rare counselor.In flattening the Nanman, Ma Di said that attacking the heart should be the first priority; when the Wei State appointed Sima Yi to lead the Yongliang troops, Ma Di offered another plan, suggesting that Sima Yi's military power should not be captured by attacking himself by using countermeasures; A rare strategist.

When Zhuge Liang, who is good at employing people, handed over the important task of guarding the street pavilion to Ma Di, why didn't Ma Di give full play to his outstanding talents as always and live up to Zhuge Liang's great trust?The reason is actually very simple, because Zhuge Liang made a very low-level but fatal mistake.Before Zhuge Liang appointed Ma Di, he did not do the most basic homework of knowing people.

History can prove that Ma Di is not as mediocre as those historical commentators assert, but he also has to admit that Jieting fell because of his talk on paper.In fact, if Zhuge Liang was able to know people and then be good at his duties at that time, then I believe that there would be no later beheading Ma Su with tears, and there would be no sad and lamentable personal fate of having to do everything himself until he died of exhaustion.

Ma Di is indeed a rare talent, but as Jiang Wan, one of the four heroes of the Shu Han Dynasty, praised, Ma Di is only a "smart man", not a general.It was because Zhuge Liang failed to realize this point, failed to know Ma Su well, discovered his talents, and regarded him as a strategist, but mistakenly used him as a general to defeat the enemy on the battlefield, which led to his death. The tragic fate of two people.

From this, it is not difficult to see that it is not difficult to use people, but it is difficult to know people.

So how can we know people and then do good job?Since ancient times, people have often lamented that talents are rare, but in fact it is not. What is difficult is not that talents are rare, but that it is not easy to know people.

To know people, you must hold an objective attitude, and don't judge a person one-sidedly.

Just imagine if you meet a person you hate very much, and you always look at him with colored glasses out of selfishness, then you believe that all you see in your eyes are his shortcomings, how can you let him go?Not to mention Shanren!
To put it another way, if you "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", I believe that even if you use people as well as Zhuge Liang, you will make the mistake of using Ma Di.

As the saying goes, "Lu Yao knows horsepower, and time sees people's hearts." While knowing people, one must always maintain a rational heart, and don't act emotionally because of the length of time.Time does not mean understanding, and understanding does not necessarily mean that it can be achieved after a long enough time.We must remember that people should not be judged by their appearance, and that the most important thing to know people is to comprehensively examine them.

There are very few generalists and all-rounders in this society, but as long as you learn to know people's strengths, avoid people's weaknesses, make the best use of people's talents, I believe your communication activities will be much smoother.

The first moment sets the tone of the entire relationship
Job hunting or networking, in fact, only a few seconds.If you win these few seconds, maybe you can win many unexpected opportunities; if you lose these few seconds, maybe you have to do a lot of things to make up for it.

I remember when I was in the second year of college, in the first class of job hunting planning for college students, the old teacher told us that in fact, every time you apply for a job or be a good person, sometimes it only takes a few seconds.At that time, everyone didn't understand the deep meaning of the old teacher's words, and the old teacher saw that everyone was not in the mood for class, and didn't explain too much to us. He just smiled slightly and said: "I believe you will have a personal experience in the future." I understand."

(End of this chapter)