The all-powerful wife of the wealthy family

Chapter 180 Letter to Heaven
Fortunately, the man never touched Xiao Qi after that night. Xiao Qi lived in her own world, reading other people's stories and thinking about her own past.

The ice and snow began to melt one after another, the road became more and more muddy, and the weather showed signs of warming up, but Xiao Qi found that her body was getting more and more uncomfortable. She thought that something she didn't want might still happen.

The cousin took Xiaoqi to see a doctor, and after the two registered, they went to the outpatient clinic to queue up.

Suddenly, a middle-aged man stood up bravely, took out a long knife from his backpack, and stabbed at the doctor and nurse in white coats. The blood on the white coats was abnormally dazzling, which seriously stimulated Xiao Qi's heart. Nervous, Xiao Qi rushed over and kicked the middle-aged man's waist fiercely. The man fell to the side of the wall unexpectedly, and the long knife fell to the ground with a crisp sound. Xiao Qi bent down at the fastest speed Picking up, when she got the knife and just stood up, the man punched her on the left side of the face. Xiao Qi tried her best to balance her body so that she would not fall down. Enraged, Xiao Qi clenched the long knife with both hands and pointed towards the man's face. The chest and arms were cut off, and the people next to him didn't know how to intervene. Fortunately, the security personnel from the hospital arrived quickly and took the man away.

After Xiaoqi calmed down, she saw the doctor.

Sure enough, although it was only once, unfortunately a new life was created.

"Are you going to want it?" asked the cousin.

"No."

In this way, the operation was performed on the same day, and when signing the contract, Xiao Qi suddenly found out that it was April Fool's Day. Was this a joke for her? Life is a comedy, the characters are crying, and the audience is laughing.

He Meiling's birthday is April [-]st.Xiaoqi wrote in the notebook: Happy birthday, I am still here, but you left.

In May, Xiaoqi's grandfather passed away peacefully.

In June, Xiaoqi's grandmother also left in loneliness.

Let's get together in the kingdom of heaven, it must be very beautiful there, or else you're all gone.

Heaven must be beautiful.

In July, the man and Xiao Qi divorced, and Xiao Qi returned to the old house.

In August, Xiaoqi returned to Guanzhou with the hair that He Meiling had left for her. This lock of hair was a gift from He Meiling to Xiaoqi.

After getting off the train, Xiao Qi cut off a strand of her own hair, and tied the hair of the two into a beautiful knot. Didn’t they say that the hair would be a wife? Xiao Qi put the hair back into the original test tube, and buried it in the train If you stand in the soil next to the platform, then you can marry your hair as a wife.

Xiao Qi walked through those familiar streets, the streets and alleys that left their footprints, and then she walked back to the avenue home from the hospital, the red-roofed house was still so conspicuous.

Counting the traffic lights dedicatedly: 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24... Xiao Qi silently counted, 23, 22, 21...

Xiao Qi walked over suddenly, too fast, too fast, so fast that the driver had no time to react, with the piercing sound of brakes, just for a moment, Xiao Qi fell like a fresh green leaf in love with the earth, saying A warm melody is playing from the sound system at the entrance of the barber shop next door: The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you slowly, and collect little bits of laughter along the way, and save them for later chatting slowly in a rocking chair...

The car bumped Xiao Qi into the middle of the road. Xiao Qi thanked the driver. This position happened to be able to see the red roof of "Cai Fu Lai", their happy nest.

The red roof glistens in the setting sun, like a photo with soft light, like a sought-after work in a photography exhibition.

Xiao Qi closed her eyes contentedly, and when she opened her eyes again, her eyes were full of white, moving white, and busy white figures, she couldn't see clearly, couldn't see the flashing expression clearly.

Xiao Qi tried hard to open his eyes, looking for something, but fortunately, He Meiling appeared with a smiling face, warm and bright.

He Meiling approached slowly, gently took Xiao Qi's hand, if you want to leave, just take me with you...

However, He Meiling finally let go of Xiaoqi's hand.

When Xiaoqi woke up, there was a strange man sitting beside the bed, and he saved her.

This strange man was Guan Beisheng, Guan Beisheng who had lost Jin Shuo.

**
Guan Beisheng stayed in front of Xiao Qi's hospital bed for many days, during which time he signed for Xiao Qi to receive a letter.

After Xiao Qi woke up, Guan Beisheng opened the letter and showed it to her.

Xiao Qi cried after reading it.

Tears flowed quietly from the corners of his eyes.

"Can I take a look?" Guan Beisheng asked.

Xiao Qi put the letter on the white quilt and nodded slightly.

Guan Beisheng picked up the letter and saw that the handwriting on it was very beautiful. There was no signature on the signature, but it indicated the newspaper's issue number and date.

This is a story about a lush past between the sender and Xiaoqi.

**
broken guqin;
Broken pieces of chess;
Endless, endless chase game;
missing picture;
The memory cherishes you in the prosperity;

——No matter where you go, I will wait for you at the center of the circle.

I stumbled through the entrance examination. Although high school is another hell, the lively atmosphere of the new semester is still very exciting. Sun Yi has great expectations for the classmates who will be together for three years, and his appearance makes my heart beat people, she prayed.

Maybe God just woke up naturally from sleep, and he was in a good mood, and immediately granted Sun Yi's wish, walking towards a sporty girl who was two or three fingers taller than him, with neat short hair, simple sports clothes, and clean sneakers. A face with not very rich facial expressions walked towards him.

"This class?" Sun Yi pointed to the class sign at the door and asked with a harmless smile.

"En..." A nasal voice answered the question, and the girl with a shoulder bag flashed into the classroom.

Not enthusiastic enough, a little dull, Sun Yi concluded depressingly.

Then also walked into the classroom, sat in the back row of her, wanted to strike up a conversation, but was preempted by a boy behind him, "Hey, Xiaoqi, you are also in this class, what a coincidence, I will take care of you in the future Brother."

Talking about the two walking out shoulder to shoulder, Sun Yi felt mixed feelings, hesitated for a moment, and found a seat near the window and the back row.

Maybe it was fate, when the teacher re-adjusted the seat, he actually moved her to his right. The secret joy at that time was simply indescribable.

Glancing at the name in the corner of her book, there was a single character "百", written in an unusually chic and elegant manner, which didn't match the introverted and indifferent appearance.

Xiao Qi closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep, so Sun Yi carefully looked at her, thinking that school has just started here, she should be full of energy, and seeing her complexion is also very good, probably because she is afraid of being disturbed, so she pretended to be asleep.

Sun Yi didn't say much, wondering if she might be a kindred spirit, if she also likes sisters, it would be great, but don't think too much, Sun Yi told himself like this, so as not to be too disappointed when it happens, After all, the probability is still very small.

After thinking like this for a while, I flipped through my phone for a while, and fell asleep on my stomach.

Soon, they found a common hobby - playing basketball.

There are not many girls who like to play basketball, and those who can really play basketball are even rarer, but even so, these two female Kobes met together.

At noon or after self-study class, they would go to the playground to play a game. Xiaoqi's skills are very good, her movements are beautiful, and her shots are accurate. Sun Yi's love for her deepened. Looking at Xiaoqi's face Sweat slipped from the corners of the inner eyes, like beads like beans, shining in the bright sun at noon, and tossed and cleared under the reflection of the sunset, which made Sun Yi's heart palpitate, and he almost couldn't hold back the surging passion in his heart.

But reality made Sun Yi calm down.

The evening self-study in the first year of high school is relatively loose. The two often skip classes together to go to the school cafeteria for extra meals. On the way, they will inevitably fight and quarrel. Without a trace, he ran out of the oppressive Jiaotong University, let loose a laugh, and shouted loudly.

However, wild beasts are often hard to escape from the hunter's hands. Once, when they were full of food and drink and went back to the classroom, they were caught by the dean.

The two pushed back and forth, and finally Xiao Qi completed this painful task.

With four thousand words, she was forced to write everything, such as being sorry for her parents’ upbringing, ashamed of her teacher’s expectations, ashamed of her party’s cultivation; she was ashamed of stepping on the flowers and plants on campus...

Sun Yi held up the written review draft and read it sentence by sentence, laughing so uncharacteristically that everyone could imagine how dark Xiao Qi's face was without describing it.

"As a reward for you, please go online tonight."

"Don't go!"

"Please don't go? It's rare for me to go tonight...you don't want to go."

Sun Yi ended the conversation in disappointment. When school was over at night, Xiao Qi followed Sun Yi out of the classroom, and said slowly after Sun Yi: "I will accompany you."

"You're so fucking dead!" The two scuffled together again, implicating many innocent classmates around them, and getting countless white eyes and contempt.

Why don't these two girls look like girls at all?It was wild.

Xiao Qi brought Sun Yi to an Internet cafe that he didn't frequent frequently, there weren't many people, and there were many empty seats to choose from, the two of them naturally sat next to each other, Sun Yi thought to himself, God blesses this situation.

All kinds of thoughts were flying in his mind, and he couldn't keep up with the rhythm in his actions. Sun Yi caught a glimpse of Xiaoqi playing a mentally handicapped single-player game. I dare say that this little girl is really here for company.

Sun Yi was overjoyed for a while, she had to take the first step, she couldn't let this night go to waste, she pointed to her screen to show Xiao Qi a MV, Xiao Qi was a little nearsighted, so she leaned over and stared at the screen without squinting.

Xiao Qi's hair dangled in front of his eyes, and the smell of shampoo stimulated his sense of smell, making Sun Yi hot all over, and he just wanted to seek some sense of touch.

This face, the face that appears in front of my eyes every day, is only a few centimeters away at this moment, and I can kiss it with just a small movement. When Sun Yi finally made all the preparations, someone called out behind him. "Xiaoqi! You're here all night too..."

The uninvited guest came over and exchanged a few pleasantries before leaving in a sensible manner.

Xiao Qi continued to play his own single-player game again, and Sun Yi was struggling to explore new opportunities. At two or three o'clock in the morning, Xiao Qi said that he was sleepy and wanted to sleep for a while. It might be a bit cold, so he curled up on the computer forward.

After a while, the sound of even breathing came. Sun Yi stretched out his hand to caress Xiao Qi's hair, and slid it along the back of his ear to his neck. Cool hands woke up.

Xiao Qi seemed to sense something, but pretended not to know, and asked casually, "Are you sleepy?"

"Not sleepy, go to sleep." Sun Yi found that her voice was unnatural, a little hoarse and stiff.

Xiao Qi leaned against Sun Yi's shoulder and fell asleep again. Maybe it was a little cold, but Xiao Qi would lean against Sun Yi's side to seek some warmth. Sun Yi sat like a rock until the early morning. What kind of torrent is surging in her heart, only she knows clearly.

In the early morning, a shallow long rainbow reflected in the south, slowly floated up, and the color gradually became clearer and brighter. I don't know when her mind will be as clear as this rainbow. It didn't take long. Another endless loneliness.

The days passed in such a simple and peaceful way, and soon entered the tense second year of high school.

Not long after the mid-term exam, due to the provocation from the neighboring class, Xiaoqi and Sun Yi selected the main players of several classes, and played a basketball game at noon under the sun. After the game, they were all exhausted and almost collapsed.

Sun Yi looked at Xiaoqi's pale face, and wanted to go over to greet him, but the words that came out of his mouth changed his taste: "What's the matter, wife, I can't stand it anymore, isn't it quite capable of fighting?"

Xiao Qi ignored the iced mineral water handed over by Sun Yi, turned around and went back to the classroom.

Sun Yi kept watching Xiao Qi walk away and disappeared from sight, thinking about Xiao Qi's slightly unsteady footsteps, and murmured in his heart, it seemed that he was really tired.

The evening self-study has already started, and everyone has gradually entered into a state of deep thinking. Xiaoqi looked at the empty seat on the left, and shook his head helplessly. He was suffering from heat stroke after playing at noon. The data, even more headaches, so Xiaoqi lay down on the table and continued to rest.

Halfway through the evening self-study, the teacher couldn't bear it any longer, and went back to the office to chat. This is Sun Yi holding an ice watermelon that was still dripping, looking at the teacher's back, he was really relieved, and was worried all the time. As for the teacher's speech, it's all saved now.

"Hey, wife." Sun Yi consciously patted Xiao Qi on the back.

"Get out!" With the voice, the watermelon fell straight down and hit the ground, the red soil was dazzling, and the black watermelon seeds also flew happily all over the ground. Sun Yi's movements were stiff and he kept holding the watermelon, and there was no reaction for a while. What happened over here.

At this time, Xiao Qi also stared blankly at the disembowelled watermelon.

Xiao Qi just waved his hands away, just like usual, he didn't expect Sun Yi to have watermelon in his hands, and frozen watermelons would only be sold half an hour away from school, thinking of everything Sun Yi had done for him, Xiao Qi felt very guilty and wanted to say "I'm sorry" but couldn't say it.

Watching Sun Yi throw the broken watermelon into the dustbin, watching her wipe the floor with a mop, she turned around and said heartlessly, "Look why you are so excited, there is no more watermelon to eat now."

"Who told you not to say hello?"

"Are you sure it's my fault?"

"Don't call me wife after I told you, who is your wife?!"

"Hehe..." Sun Yi felt quite uncomfortable, and didn't want to say anything more, so she started to bury her head in her homework. To be precise, she pretended to be serious about her homework.

Sun Yi felt that the drifting bottle filled with thoughts, wishes and blessings was ruthlessly smashed halfway.

Sun Yi began to find various reasons to ask for leave, and tried every means to skip class, just to avoid meeting someone, but even if he disappeared, Xiao Qi's shadow became more and more clear.

What I thought was emotional pain turned out to be a long-lasting intolerable struggle.

I have to go to school, Sun Yi often keeps silent all day when he returns to school, but Xiao Qi teases in a strange tone: "Are you willing to come to class?"

Sun Yi ignored him, and after sorting out the books, Gu Zi continued to "hibernate" on his stomach.

Soon, Sun Yi keenly heard that Xiaoqi tore a piece of paper from his notebook, then wrote something randomly, wrote a few words and crossed them out, stuffed them into a ball on the desk, and then tore off another piece of paper, repeating over and over again. After three classes, she put the paper folded into squares into Sun Yi's hand holding the phone.

Sun Yi heard Xiaoqi's deliberately amplified footsteps and walked out of the classroom, unfolded the note, and there was only one sentence in it: "I didn't do it on purpose, I'm sorry, let's get along well in the future."

After writing a sentence for so long, Sun Yi felt that Xiao Qi still cared about her very much.

Xiaoqi returned to the classroom with the bell ringing, carefully paying attention to Sun Yi's expression, but luckily the atmosphere gradually eased.

During the class break, the two of them resumed some of their previous squabbles, and when they were having fun, Sun Yi asked playfully, "Do you like me?"

"En?" Xiaoqi stopped her movements, do I have to face this question? I like you, but I can't accept this circle.

"Do you like girls?" Sun Yi asked in a low voice.

"You're the one who likes younger girls!" Xiao Qi couldn't control her voice, and the students around her began to focus their attention on this side.

"I'm not!" Sun Yi remembered the scene many years later, but couldn't recall how he passed by the teacher in a panic, and how he rushed out the door in a panic.

After that, Sun Yi didn't go to school very often, and basically asked for leave and skipped classes intermittently.

Once, Xiaoqi seized the opportunity and said to Sun Yi: Don't skip class, okay, sitting alone with no one to talk to is quite boring.

Sun Yi smiled, but didn't answer, what did he think of himself? ,

But after that, Sun Yi didn't skip class anymore and didn't ask for leave again, and found that Xiaoqi really started to study seriously.

When the results of the monthly exam came back, Xiao Qi was hit hard. His hard work didn't produce much effect. Sun Yi saw Xiao Qi staring at the test paper, and joked, "What's the use of studying so hard? Not as high as mine?"

"You are all fake!"

"Fake ones are taller than you!"

"roll!"

Sun Yi's heart was cold for a while, she was afraid that Ming would work too hard and she would not be able to keep up with her pace, and she was still looking forward to going to a university with Xiao Qi, studying the same major, and living in the same dormitory.

What worries Xiao Qi the most is not the grades themselves, but the fact that she hopes that her hard work can infect the heartless girl beside her who just dozes off every day. There will be great progress, and she hopes that Sun Yi will have a good future.

Such good intentions, when will Sun Yi understand?

It's a pity that neither of them understands the other's mood.

Sun Yi went to play with a depressed mood. This time, he didn't call Xiaoqi as usual, but at this time someone came to find fault with him. He looked arrogant and spoke extremely vulgar and unpleasant words. It got worse and she repeatedly said that she was fouled by thugs.

"Do you have fucking hands? Which eye of yours saw that I hit you?" Before the other party could react, he continued: "So what if I hit you? Today I fucking don't like you, I'll hit you, what's the matter?"

Sun Yi became more and more angry, grabbed the opponent by the collar, and gave him a right uppercut. The opponent fell unsteadily and fell to the ground, and Sun Yi kicked him twice.

She has never been afraid of boys' teasing and provocation.

He was so arrogant at the beginning, but he turned out to be a melon.

Sun Yi rolled his eyes at him with disdain, and felt a gust of wind as soon as he turned around, and then his face was sore, he tentatively touched his nose, his hand was stained with a lot of blood, and at the same time, he saw a black foot just in front of him.

Sun Yi relieved his anger but was also injured. Xiao Qi felt distressed when he saw it, and immediately went to the infirmary to get some sterile cotton and medical patches. While helping Sun Yi to treat the wound, he kept nagging, don't behave like a villain in the future. , don't be too impulsive, a hero doesn't suffer from immediate losses, what can you do for a girl, etc., Sun Yi didn't listen much, just stared at Xiao Qi blankly.

The smell of burning mugwort outside the window mixed with the volatile smell of disinfectant water freezes a warm picture at this moment.

After tossing and tossing for a while, Sun Yi was tired, tired, and sleepy. He slept on Xiaoqi's elbow for a class, and he woke up full of satisfaction.

After a while, school is over, and the students are packing their textbooks and bags, preparing to leave school.

Sun Yi was sitting by the wall, seeing Xiao Qi tidying up slowly, she hurriedly asked her to get out of the way, but Xiao Qi was still not in a hurry, just refused to let her out and let Sun Yi go out. After a few pushes, Xiao Qi suddenly stood up, fixed Sun Yi's face to the wall with both hands, and placed one hand behind Sun Yi's head carefully. On the wall, she was about to kiss him, and seeing that there were still students who hadn't left the classroom, Sun Yi wanted to push Xiaoqi away in a panic, but she didn't know whether it was too little force or she didn't want to push away this opportunity.

Slowly, Xiao Qi's face was getting closer and closer, and the students who hadn't left started to boo, just in front of him who was separated by a few sheets of paper, Xiao Qi paused, stopped, and said badly: I want to what, go.

Then he stepped aside, and Sun Yi drifted home covered in cold sweat.

After spending the whole night, I couldn't figure out what Xiao Qi's intentions were, was he just playing around?

Thinking about it, Sun Yi still smiled foolishly. Although he didn't get to kiss him, it was enough.

Sun Yi constantly builds himself up mentally.

The days flew by in Sun Yi's comfort and disappointment. From the day the school started, Sun Yi cherished every day of the three years of high school. She kept hopeful and disappointed, and then saw hope after disappointment.

This is a cruel torture, but she is willing to suffer such pain.

She didn't say that it wasn't that she didn't have the courage, but that she was afraid that she wouldn't get love and friendship, so she didn't dare to take risks easily.

She wrote such a passage in her private diary: After the awakening of gender awareness, my confusion, my weakness, and my hesitation made me acquiesce that I was different from the public.Of course, I don’t feel ashamed. After all, I have always done my own way, but I have been suppressed for a long time. After all, I must bury the words in my heart and keep them well. If I expose them, I will never recover.I have liked, loved, and so infinitely approaching love, infinitely approaching holding hands, but that is just infinitely approaching, not an equal sign. If I suppress it for a long time, I will continue to doubt myself and my ability. I like it, I love it, I give it, even if it can be taken back equally?It's a pity that I don't have it, so I only have depression, it seems that I didn't pay so much, it's just that I know how warm and cold I am in my heart.

After all, time still has to move forward relentlessly according to the laws of nature. After the college entrance examination, the grades will come down quickly.

Sun Yi was accepted by the first choice and went to BJ.

Xiaoqi was dropped out of the first choice by a few points and went to Guanzhou.

Although the two places are separated, their connection has not diminished at all, as if they have grown up suddenly, and they have more sympathy for each other. \
On the eve of Xiaoqi's birthday, Sun Yi sent her a text message: I like you for a long time.

Xiaoqi replied: I like you too, but it may not be the kind of liking you expected.

Sun Yi looked at the phone, his eyes dimmed. ,

At this time, the phone vibrated again, and the screen displayed: But, I love you for a long time.

That night, Xiaoqi wrote a long letter to her parents in heaven.

Dad, Mom:

How are you doing there?You have been gone for so many years, and I have grown up too.

For so many years, I haven't sent you any messages. It's my daughter's fault.

Just because there really isn't anything particularly good to tell you guys.

These years, I have had a hard time, and I don't want to pour my troubles on you.

After you leave, I am no longer the person you know, and I am no longer the child who makes people feel at ease and makes parents proud.

Fortunately, I am a lucky child. After you left, I still have many relatives. They all treat me very well, love me very much, and have high hopes for me. I understand their hard work and love. But maybe it's because of me, I often refuse to communicate, refuse to communicate, I can't explain my psychology, but these many years have been spent like this.

Even if you do it all over again, nothing will change.

Over the past ten years, I have been full of resentment, full of resentment, and even anger towards everything around me.

I blame everyone, and sometimes even curse those who have helped me and who have done my best.

Including myself, I once hated myself and despised myself.

But at the moment, I forgive it all, including myself.

Dad, I hated you so deeply. You were a shadow in my childhood. After the accident, you gave me another gray sky.

I am a person who is good at remembering the past. It can be said that I like to miss the past, or it can be said that I am used to being immersed in the past and unwilling to wake up.

Many people have very vague memories of their childhood, or even no memory at all. They basically have no impression of things when they were young, but the earliest I can remember is about two years old. I hope it is pleasant. In fact, It is something I don't want to remember.

No way, alive, there are too many things backfired.

My childhood memories started when I was two years old, and the memories are full of the smell of alcohol. The pictures in the memories are a pair of smelly socks on the baby’s face, and the silent tears and forbearance of the young mother.

In front of you, I dare not cry when it hurts, and I dare not cry when I am wronged, because you do not allow children to cry.

I am so afraid of you, a daughter is so afraid of her biological father.

One year when you celebrated your birthday, I hesitated for a long time in my room, how to say happy birthday to you, maybe it was a little shy, more maybe it was fear.

Even if I did nothing wrong, I still dare not, the word you and fear are too closely connected in my feeling.

I don't remember whether I said "Happy Birthday" or not in the end, and it doesn't matter.

Now every year on October [-]nd, I will silently say "Happy Birthday" to you.

At that time, I was about ten years old. One day after dinner, my cousin and I were playing in the bathroom. I seriously complained to her, why you gave birth to me, you shouldn’t give birth to me!

My cousin immediately stopped me, she said, can't say such a thing.

She probably can't remember it anymore, but I still remember it very clearly.

At that time, I already saw that there was too much pain in life, and this pain was mainly felt indirectly from my mother's pain.

Mom, what an optimistic woman you are. You are always full of passion for life, and you believe that life will get better and better. All the hope and strength of my life are given by you. In the first 12 years of my life, the only Faith is to let you be well, let you enjoy life, and let you live happily.

I asked myself to do everything well, and I did it.

That tenacity and persistence all come from faith - the faith that loves you.

I still deeply remember that once when we went shopping, you were looking at a small light-colored suit, and the waiter shouted in disgust: Don’t touch it if you don’t buy it!You didn't say anything, and there was no change in your expression. You just looked at the clothes next to you naturally, and I felt my little hand in your palm feel a little cold for an instant.

I gave the saleswoman a hard look, and swore to myself, when I grow up, I will definitely buy you many, many beautiful clothes, but I will definitely not buy them from such low-quality people.

I firmly believe that I can do it, and I will make you live a very, very happy life.

But at that time, I was still a primary school student, and I could only watch you get given an injection by an old-fashioned woman who sold the same goods across the street. Changing TV programs, I can only study hard and comfort you with perfect grades.

Your strength comes from me, and my strength comes from you.

But, you left without a sound, without leaving me a word, I can still give you strength, but where is the source of my strength?
I haven't made you a good life, I haven't bought you a nice dress, I haven't cooked you a good meal, I haven't done your laundry, I haven't had time for anything Do, and you hurry away.

My spiritual support is gone, and my motivation to work hard is gone.

Anything else can't arouse my fighting spirit. This is a reality that cannot be changed.

This is the root of my decadent life, not an excuse for me, but a fact.

Your hasty departure has left me with too many regrets, the son wants to support but the relative is gone.

Dad, the morning you came back from abroad, I was awake, I heard the knock on the door, I heard you and grandpa and grandma talking, I heard your footsteps approaching me, you all thought I was asleep Yes, but I didn't, I thought about it and yelled "Dad", and then threw myself into your arms, but in the end I didn't do anything.

What is between us?
After entering junior high school, my grandparents took me to move, so that more relatives could take care of us. I arrived in a completely strange city, my beliefs disappeared, my friends disappeared, and my childhood familiar That piece of heaven and earth also disappeared, those dragonflies, those flowers, those hillsides with fragrant earth, those gray walls painted with graffiti, those bushes that drilled through...

My heart is empty, I have no support, I will do what they want me to do, of course, I will not do it with my heart, I am holding a thread on my hands and feet, where to sign the thread, Wherever I go, completely passive, completely unconscious, too many feelings have disappeared in my memory.

I don't even know what my long-cherished wish is, I don't know if I express something it will make a difference, but I don't say anything, I live every day negatively.

Until one day, I couldn't hold back any longer, and I refused to take another step into the campus. They could only apply for a one-year suspension of study for me. During the first half of the suspension, I wandered around, and in the second half of the year, they arranged to enter a borrowing school. I was asked for my opinion, and although I didn't want to go, I had no reason to refuse, so I went.

There is a place where I can't integrate even more. I am lonely, helpless, and I feel extremely cold in my heart.

Several times I went home on my own initiative, but they persuaded me to come back.

I'm so desperate, I'm stuffing all the food down my esophagus, stuffing all the empty corners, I'm feeling out of breath, I can't breathe, I think I have to hurry home, I don't think I can collapse here The unfamiliar street finally made it to the bus station. The exhaust of the busy car hit me in the face and into my nose.

Suddenly, all the food rushed out of the body.

The suffocation disappeared and I could breathe again.

Leaving the filth of that place behind, I quickly left there.

I tried to make myself sick, standing in the sub-zero air in unlined clothes, shivering and taking a shower with cold water, but I still didn't get sick, drank expired milk on the bed in the dormitory, and only had diarrhea overnight, that night , I shuttled back and forth in the cold corridor, and almost fainted in the bathroom, but I didn't really faint. I didn't take medicine, but I was fine the next afternoon.

I jumped off the top bunk unprepared, hoping to break my leg or hurt it somewhere. I tried twice, and my leg was still fine. Maybe I was too wild when I was a child. Although I always had a cold and a fever, It is still a wild grass with tenacious vitality.

I have a strong desire to get out of there, I want to go home, I can't find any way, I can only buy a paper knife for [-] cents from the school grocery store, new, very sharp, I skipped gym class Staying alone in the dormitory, I didn't think much about it, so I cut my arm lightly. I didn't think about the consequences, but I just made that action subconsciously, an action I wanted to get rid of.

There was a lot more blood than I imagined, but I didn't feel any pain, and my heart was indescribably relaxed. To be honest, at that moment, I felt the long-lost happiness.

I clutched my wound and climbed out of bed, I saw the blood all over the ground, and felt extremely excited.

I trotted all the way to the first floor and went to the hospital alone.

After taking anesthesia, stitches, and staying in the hospital for a night of observation, I returned home the next day as I wished. I lied to them that it was a small accident, and I was too careless.

It seems that this is an act of self-harm, but I want to tell you that this is an act of self-protection, because if I don’t do this, and stay in that place that makes me desperate, I will probably choose to die. Seek relief.

(End of this chapter)