In your 20s, you must understand the wisdom of success

Chapter 15: Successful Relationships (4)
We can discover one thing: when we praise and praise others, how happy and content they are.In fact, they don't necessarily have the advantages we praise, but we expect them to do it.

Giving someone a reputation beyond reality is like hitting him with the magic wand from the "Cinderella" story, and it will make him look new from beginning to end.

Complimenting others should be realistic and not only achieve the purpose of communication, but also not violate the objective facts.If you really don't understand the other party and cannot achieve ideological communication for the time being, it is better to start with specific things to achieve emotional communication.For example, for subordinates, you can start with the impression you get and talk about the good impression he left on you; for the report that you have not read carefully, you can praise the neat writing or beautiful font.It exists objectively and includes the labor of the other party, so your praise will naturally be closer to reality.

When Mrs. Ruth Hopkins, a fourth-grade teacher in Brooklyn, New York, looked at her class roster on the first day of term, her excitement and joy about the new semester was tinged with apprehension: In her class, there is the most naughty "bad boy" in the school-Tom.His third-grade teacher, as long as someone is willing to listen, will constantly complain to colleagues or the principal.He didn't just play pranks, he got into fights with boys, teased girls, was rude to teachers, disrupted the class, and seemed to be getting worse.The only quality he can redeem slightly is this: he learns his lessons quickly and with great proficiency.Mrs. Hopkins resolved to confront the great question of Tom at once.When she met her new student, she said, "Rose, you're wearing a beautiful dress. Alicia, I hear you're good at drawing." When she said Tom's name, she looked straight at him. Tom, say to him, "Tom, I know you are a natural leader, and this year I'm going to rely on you to help me make this class the best class in fourth grade." She kept emphasizing this for the first few days, praising Everything Tom does and comments on his behavior is indicative of what a good student he is.With a reputation worth fighting for, even a 9-year-old boy wouldn't disappoint her, and he did.

One of the first people in American business to earn more than $100 million a year was Charles Scooper, who was selected by Andrew Carnegie as the first president of the newly formed U.S. Steel Corporation in 1921, when he had only 38 years old.

Why did steel magnate Andrew Carnegie pay Scooper a salary of $100 million a year, or more than $2000 a day?

Scooper said he got paid so much mainly because of his ability to get along with people.Here are his secrets in his own words:

"I think my ability to inspire people is the greatest asset I have. And the way to bring out the best in a person is praise and encouragement. Nothing kills a person more than criticism from a boss I never criticize anyone. I am in favor of encouraging others to work. That is why I am good at compliments and hate to find fault. If there is one thing I like, it is that I appreciate praise more than praise.”

Almost everyone has vanity, which is often characterized by a great pleasure in seeing themselves excel at things they are not sure about and gaining praise from others when they feel that they are not very sure about doing them.When you praise any of these things they are not sure about, you will get the effect you expect.

Earl Gisfield said: "Everyone has their own superiority, at least there is something they think they are superior. Where they know they are superior, they certainly like to be judged fairly by others. But in those who want to be outstanding but do not Where they are confident, they prefer to be complimented by others."

If you want to change a person in any way, assume that he already has this outstanding quality.Shakespeare said, "If you don't have a virtue, pretend you have!" Better yet: declare openly that he has the virtue you want him to have.Give him a good reputation as the direction of his efforts, and he will make up his mind and work hard, instead of seeing your hopes dashed.

art of praise

To learn to praise, you can start from the following points:
1. Grasp the details and praise
Experienced people often grasp the details of someone's behavior in a certain aspect and give them compliments skillfully.This is very easy to win the favor of the other party.In fact, the reason why the other party puts so much thought and energy into the details, on the one hand, it shows that the other party attaches great importance to it, and on the other hand, it shows that the other party hopes that this part of the effort can get the attention and appreciation of others, and can get the due reward and affirmation.Therefore, we should be good at discovering subtle intentions in communication, and praise without losing the opportunity. This will not only bring great psychological satisfaction to the other party, but also deepen mutual emotional communication and spiritual understanding.

2. Pay attention to discover the shining points of others
Everyone has their own strengths, and even the most ordinary people are by no means "worthless".Some people often complain that the other party has no merits, and they don't know what to praise, which just shows that they lack the ability to discover other people's shining points.

3. Advice-style praise

People have the arrogance of "being good at being a teacher", so in many cases, asking others for advice with a low profile and highlighting the other's advantages in this area with your own ordinaryness can play a role in praising others.Proper use of this method can not only successfully praise others, but also leave a good impression of humility and eagerness to learn.

4. Language should be innovative
Praise is the sweetest of all sounds, and praise should give people a sense of beauty.Novel language is attractive and attractive.Simple compliments can be uplifting, but repeated monotonously many times, they can also appear flat, even tiresome.A woman once said that she was tired of being told repeatedly that she was beautiful, but when someone told her that a woman of her temperament should go to a movie and leave a film for the world. At that time, she smiled.

5. Be creative with angles
Each has many strengths and lovable qualities.Praise must be innovative, of course you must have a unique eye, and be good at discovering "sparkling points" and "interesting points" that ordinary people seldom find. Even if you haven't found something newer for a while, you can still change and innovate in the perspective of expression .

For a company manager, you don't have to praise him for his good management, because he has heard this kind of words so much that it has become a boring routine.If you praise him for his piercing eyes and natural and unrestrained demeanor, he will be more moved.

A certain general won many battles, and someone praised him: "You are such a great military strategist." He was indifferent because he took victory in battles for granted.And when the man pointed to his sideburns and said: "General, your sideburns are really comparable to the bearded man." This time, the general smiled happily.

The angle of praise is very important, and praise from a novel angle will get twice the result with half the effort.

6. The way of expression should be innovative
Complimenting others can be innovative and innovative in the way of expression.

There are many ways to express compliments, and it is necessary to choose the most appropriate way for different people, different occasions, and different times.When choosing a way of complimenting, you should not only consider the novelty of the way of expression, but also consider the feelings of the other party and the final effect. If you think comprehensively, you will find the most suitable way of expression.

Keyword perception: praise
Praise is like water poured on roses, it takes little effort but accomplishes great things.It is so easy to say a kind word, and it only takes a few seconds to satisfy people's deep inner needs.Take a look at everyone we meet, look for something to admire about them, and praise them!
(Chapter 8 Listening - Making a Cup of Tea for Others' Souls
People need someone to listen to like they need food.If you take the time to listen to them, you can do amazing things and form lasting friendships.Listening is trying to understand others, and then you can strive to be understood by others.

be a good listener
Many years ago, there was a poor child who immigrated to the United States from the Netherlands. When school was over, he cleaned the windows of a bakery, earning half a dollar a week, and went to the street every day to pick up coal in a basket. Cracked coals.The boy was named Frank, who only received 6 years of school education in his life, but eventually became one of the most successful magazine editors in American journalism.So how did he succeed?
He left school at 13 and worked as a child laborer for $6.25 a week.The life of child labor was hard, with long working hours and little rest time. Even though it was so hard, Frank never gave up the idea of ​​seeking education.Not only that, but he also worked hard to learn by himself.He saved the money from not taking the car and skipping breakfast, bought a copy of "The Complete Book of American Famous People", and read it eagerly.Then, he wrote letters to these celebrities.

A good listener, he encouraged famous people to tell their stories, and he wrote to Admiral Garfield, who was running for president at the time, asking if it was true that he was at one time a canal boy, to which Garfield wrote back give him.He wrote to General Glyde asking about a certain battle, and Glyde gave the 14-year-old a map and invited him to dinner and talked with him all night.He wrote to Emerson and encouraged Emerson to tell about his own life.The boy corresponded with the most famous men in America: Emerson, Brock, Shams, Longpinlow, Mrs. Lincoln, Elgord, Showgate, and Davis.

Not only did he correspond with these celebrities, but he also visited them on holidays, eventually becoming the most popular guest in their homes.These experiences have given Frank a strong sense of self-confidence.The thoughts and deeds of these celebrities inspired his ideals and aspirations and changed his life.

Frank's ability to quietly listen to the other party's discussion is the first principle for him to communicate with these celebrities, and it is also the magic weapon for his success.

If you want to be successful be a good listener.As Charles Lausanne said: "To be interesting is to be interested in the other person—ask the other person the questions they like answered, and encourage him to talk about himself and his accomplishments."

If you want someone to like you, then let the other person talk about his interests, his hobbies, his travels, etc.

Let others talk about themselves, listen attentively, be patient, have an open heart, and show your sincerity, and you will be popular wherever you go.

One evening, Gao Wei went to a friend's house for a small social event.He was sitting in a corner with a pretty lady.The young lady kept talking, and Gao Wei only occasionally interjected a sentence or two.He just smiled and nodded sometimes, that's all.After a few hours, they got up, thanked their host and hostess, and left.

The next day, when my friend saw Gao Wei, he couldn't help asking:

"Last night I saw you with the most attractive girl. She seemed totally attracted to you. How did you get her attention?"

"It's very simple." Gao Wei said, "Your wife introduced Xiaoli to me, and I just said to her: 'Your skin is so beautifully tanned, even in winter, how did you do it? Where did you go? Sanya or Beihai?'”

"'The North Sea.' she said. 'The North Sea is always picturesque.'"

"'Can you tell me everything?' I said."

"'Of course,' she replied. We found a quiet corner, and for the next two hours she talked about the trip to the North Sea."

"Lily called me this morning and said she enjoyed having me with her. She said she would love to see me again because I was the most interesting person to talk to. But to be honest, I didn't say a word all night."

Have you seen the secret of Gao Wei's popularity?It's very simple, Gao Wei just asked Xiaoli to talk about herself.Saying to someone, "Please tell me all this," is enough to keep the average person agitated for hours.

When God created man, why did he only have one mouth but two ears? ——That is to make us talk less and listen more.

embrace other people's words

People love to hear their own voices, and when they want others to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, they need an audience.This is a very subtle narcissistic psychology: I feel happy when someone is willing to listen to it, and feel grateful when someone agrees.

Listening is a big emotional investment you make.Why?Because most people don't want to listen, and listening can heal, as 15-year-old Tony said:

Early that year, I had trouble communicating with my parents.They don't listen to me, and I don't listen to them.It's like, "I'm right, you're wrong".I got home late and went to bed.Go to school after breakfast in the morning without saying a word.

I went to my cousin and said, "I want to talk to you." We drove around town, just the two of us.She listened to me cry and scream for two and a half hours.She really helped me a lot because she just listened to me.She was optimistic that things would turn out well, and suggested that if I worked hard, I could win back my parents' trust.

Later, I tried to see the problem from the parent's point of view.We are no longer at odds, and everything is back to normal.

Listening, this is what we need to do at any time, and it is often the best comfort we can give to our friends who have hurt their feelings.

Being a good listener means being patient enough to force yourself to be interested in others.If you think life is like a theater where you are on the stage and others are just spectators and you are doing your best while others are watching you, then you will become conceited, self-centered, and never learn If you can't listen, you can never understand others!
Listen and see people more, treat them as if they are unique in the world, and you will find that you are better at communicating with people than ever before.

Many people often make such mistakes in life. Once they start talking, it is difficult to stop.In fact, the gains outweigh the losses for this kind of people, because they talk too much, which consumes energy, transmits too much information to others, and may hurt others.In addition, they can't learn more from others. Of course, the problem is not that others are too stingy, but that they don't give others opportunities.

From the perspective of the essence of human nature, each of us is of course most concerned about ourselves.We love to tell stories about ourselves and to hear about ourselves.But, to get people to like you, you have to be a good listener.It is extremely important to know that it is extremely important to listen attentively to what others are saying. Nothing moves others more than this.

Being good at listening will always benefit you a lot.

Keyword insight: listen
Giving others a chance to speak is sometimes more valuable than nagging yourself.It can make you a good listener and help build rapport with others. Good listening is a big step towards success.

(Chapter 9 Promises - A Thousand Gold's Worth
People of integrity are all loyal, that is to say, what they say must mean what they say, no matter how big or small, they keep their promises.If you can't do one thing, you don't have to do it; if you say it, you have to do it.Before talking, let's weigh the weight of "a thousand pieces of gold".

keep a promise
Wang Yuan and Du Cheng are very good friends. They have known each other since they were very young, and they have always kept in close contact.Du Cheng often recommended some books for Wang Yuan, or did some things that Wang Yuan asked him to do, and he never complained when he was called around.The two are very casual with each other, and Wang Yuan feels heartless.Although he is wearing adult clothes, he is actually a child.

Later, Du Cheng moved, and he invited Wang Yuan to his house during the New Year to have a look.Wang Yuan agreed, but it was Wang Yuan's turn to be on duty at the school on New Year's Day, so Wang Yuan called him. He heard that Wang Yuan was on duty, so he asked if he could still go. Wang Yuan said he would come in the afternoon.When Wang Yuan was about to leave school in the afternoon, a friend came to the school and saw that Wang Yuan was about to leave, so he said, "You and I can play table tennis for a while!" As soon as he said it, Wang Yuan's hands felt itchy, so he played with him I played table tennis.This play forgot the time, and when Wang Yuan came out of school, it was almost dark, so he had to go home.

Later, Wang Yuan always wanted to find an opportunity to explain to Du Cheng, but for some reason, it took a long time.The longer the time passed, the less I wanted to mention this matter anymore. I thought to myself, I am not an outsider anyway, so why bother with so many etiquettes?Later, it was gradually forgotten.

When Wang Yuan thought of Du Cheng again, it was because he had something to ask of him.On the phone, Du Cheng was very indifferent to Wang Yuan. When Wang Yuan asked what was wrong, Du Cheng said, "Ask yourself." Wang Yuan tentatively mentioned the incident in the New Year, and Du Cheng said, "You are hopeless. Treat people lightly?" Du Cheng was very angry, saying that he and his wife rejected all the arrangements that day, just for Wang Yuan's arrival, and listened to every sound of going upstairs from morning to night, but in the end Wang Yuan He didn't come, and he didn't even make a phone call afterwards. Wang Yuan's face became hot, and he explained that he never regarded Du Cheng as an outsider, because he thought they were very close, so he just let it go.Therefore, Du Cheng said that Wang Yuan is a person who does not keep his word.

For an ordinary promise, because one party neglects and does not keep it, it leads to the loss of mutual trust.

A person's honesty and reputation are the basis for him to obtain good interpersonal relationships and move towards success, and whether he can fulfill his promise is the main sign of whether a person is trustworthy.Promises are very serious things, and you must not agree lightly to things that should not be done or things that cannot be done.Once a promise is made, it is necessary to do everything possible to fulfill it.Otherwise, as Lao Tzu said: "If you make a light promise, you will have little faith, and if it is easy, it will be difficult."

(End of this chapter)