Fall in love with school, no longer tire of learning

Chapter 9: Reasons for Weariness of Studying (3)
Reasons for Homeschooling

For example, the negative impact of the family environment, family breakdown, divorce, parents' lack of enthusiasm and attention to students' education, parents' education methods are too harsh and rude, and the gap between parents' high expectations of students and students' actual ability, etc.Among them, the strict and unrealistic expectations of the educational methods tend to make students feel tired of learning.

Regarding the issue of family education, the educator Makarenko said a classic sentence: "Give everything to the students, sacrifice everything, and even sacrifice their own happiness. This is the most terrible gift that parents can give to students."

Makarenko
The difference between early childhood education and adult education is huge.

From ancient times to the present, Chinese people have never lacked wisdom, but there is no doubt about our lack of innovation, adaptability and competitiveness.Parents are the first teachers of students, but if our teachers have suffered from a mentally violent education method since childhood, and the old ideas have not been updated with the development of society, when the great responsibility of education falls on them again How dreadful will our treatment be when

The principle of early education: ability is better than intelligence.

Because the only child accounts for a large proportion, an important feature of family education is that emotional factors overwhelm rational factors.

An only child is loved and cared for by four grandparents and two parents. The student is at the core, surrounded by too much love.It is easy for them to develop into those who are seriously lacking in personality, such as "only know how to be loved, but not to love others", "advanced physical development, but lagging behind psychological maturity", "advanced consumption, lagging behind morality", "too much dependence, too weak ability" and so on. people.

Our students, under the training of school teachers, have not fully established independent personalities and abilities.This is not the fault of the parents, but the tragedy of Chinese family education.

All kinds of love, all in one.Parents are eager for their children (daughters) to become successful, but they cannot grasp the laws and methods of teaching their children (daughters) to become talents.

Perhaps this problem cannot be entirely blamed on Chinese parents, because many parents are still struggling to survive.But one thing is for sure, that is, today they think it is good to be an official, so they tell the students to study hard and strive to become a high official in the future; if they think that writing books will make money tomorrow, they will buy a bunch of literary works and let the students study hard; "Supergirl" is very hot, so they send students to special classes and art schools like going to the market...

Of course, the quality of parents themselves is also very different, and the corresponding practices will also vary to varying degrees.Even so, there is no doubt that Chinese family education lacks vision and phases in the future education model and education direction of students, or has behaviors that focus on one thing and lose another, and make changes day by day.

Even, this phenomenon has two extremes.

(1) The parents completely enslave the students, that is, the parents say what they say, and tell you to go east, but you dare not go west.

(2) Parents let students "grow wild" regardless of whether they ask students.They never tell you to go east or west, so you can beat the dog or chase the chicken at will.This is true of many families who stay behind and do not stay behind.But in any case, the consequences of completely ignoring or overemphasizing family education are not satisfactory.

In addition to doting, strict Chinese parents ignore non-intellectual factors such as students' emotions, which has also become a terrible educational misunderstanding.In this regard, many parents, according to their way of thinking, severely strangle the non-intellectual factors such as psychology, emotion, will and interest of young primary school students. From the age of three or four or even earlier, parents begin to order students to learn Chinese characters, read Tang poems, Recite Song Ci and practice arithmetic without taking into account the playful nature of students.Blindly learning dead knowledge, blindly commanding education, and leaving non-intellectual factors such as students' self-esteem, self-confidence, persistence, and innovation ability behind.

In addition, although some parents' awareness of education has increased, they can only express their love and concern by giving them almost overwhelming material support in life because they do not have enough time and energy.

Finally, social factors are numerous and complex, and the control of family education has been greatly reduced, especially in terms of sex education, which has become a stumbling block to the smooth growth of students.

parental vanity
There are problems with education in China, which many people feel empathy for. Behind this is not only a systemic problem, but also has a lot to do with the traditional concepts of Chinese people.In summary, there are two main issues:
(1) Chinese students do not have a clear and correct learning motivation and motivation, which is mainly caused by conceptual problems.

(2) China's education is not humane enough, trying to turn the human brain into a computer, which is caused by the system.

Chinese students have been forced to learn many things since they were young, and most of them don't know why they want to learn or what is the use of learning.If there is, it is just to study hard blindly, just to get a good grade in the exam, to get praise from parents and teachers, and envy from classmates.

In this way, such a wrong learning consciousness is gradually formed in the students' consciousness-studying for the exam and working hard for vanity.In the end, it directly caused the decline of Chinese students' hands-on and practical ability.

Whose fault is this?Parents, teachers?Wrong, none of them, this is the product of traditional Chinese culture and backward ideas.

Chinese parents are often driven by vanity, hoping that their children will become dragons and their daughters will become phoenixes, which makes them very demanding on their children.Excessive forcing instead of rational guidance has caused tremendous pressure on my children.

Extremes must be reversed. "Poor parents in the world" is sometimes a compliment, and sometimes it is ironic.Who made parents so tired?Is it because the children are disobedient, is it because the children are not up to date?Probably yes.But what makes them disobedient and not concentrate on studying?It's yourselves!
There was once such a bad student (of course he is too embarrassed to say that he is a good student now), who spent his primary school days with a group of gangsters.Fighting, skipping classes, making trouble, etc., have basically been done, and as a result, I didn't even take the primary school graduation exam.Because my uncle was the principal of a middle school, I was lucky enough to continue my studies in junior high school.

When he was in junior high school, he was still the same at the beginning, but he was much more obedient than when he was in elementary school, and he no longer mixed with those little guys.It was not until the second year of junior high that he realized the importance of reading and concentrated on reading.In the third year of junior high school, he became a top student in the school and became a role model for everyone to learn from.

His uncle was very happy, he publicized and praised him everywhere, he was mentioned in conferences and meetings, and asked those students who were poor in reading to learn from him!But during the senior high school entrance examination, he missed the key high school and only entered an ordinary class in an ordinary high school.The loss and frustration are beyond words!Yet he overcame these emotions.Through hard work, he entered the top class again. In the third year of high school, he once again felt the pleasure of being a role model.Finally, he successfully squeezed through the single-plank bridge and stepped into the gate of the university. He is really a lucky one among misfortunes!
I heard that many of his gangster friends in elementary school went to prison, and many of those who were outstanding at that time did not finish middle school; few of his role models in junior high school were as lucky as him, and many of them only passed the exam. junior college; and those competitors in high school are also behind him.

In this regard, he has a lot of emotion:

"I thank myself, and I am even more grateful to my family, especially my parents! I thank them for their tolerance, their enlightenment, their support, and the principles of life they taught me!
During the winter vacation this year, I had nothing to do, so I practiced calligraphy and pen calligraphy, and wrote articles!When my mother saw me working so hard, she showed a satisfied smile and said, if I worked so hard in elementary school, I don't have to work so hard now!

I just smiled and said nothing.Because I don't regret it.At that time, I didn't study hard because I didn't know the use of reading, and I was tired of hearing the nagging from adults.How can a student of that age have the ability to think so far.The only thing they know at that age is what they like.Unfortunately, what they like is considered boring and useless by adults.In this way, students are deprived of the right to pursue their interests, and instead are forced to do what their parents think is good.Yes, what adults find useful is really useful for students when they grow up.If students can study hard, they will definitely be able to avoid a lot of suffering in the future!However, parents, you should also know that they are still students!They shouldn't have the minds of old people so soon!Give them a little more freedom, let them feel that childhood is colorful instead of gray when they grow up and recall their childhood! "

Parents who are unfavorable to students' emotional development

Tutoring has a great influence on students. Parents should create a relaxed family environment for their children and don't nag their children endlessly.Parents' estimation of their children's learning status should be objective and their expectations should be reasonable.Correctly guide students' learning, establish lofty ideals, shape their own personal value, how to self-psychological adjustment, bear setbacks, cultivate self-control ability, etc., and accept the way of excellent parents who pay equal attention to teaching and teaching, and understand blindly spoiling, beating, corporal punishment, indulgence We should cooperate with schools to help students eliminate their weariness of learning.The following are 4 types of parents who are not conducive to the emotional development of students.

1. Materialistic parents

Such parents only care about satisfying their children's material needs and do not care about their children's personal feelings.Some parents said that during this period of time they dare not refuse their children, they can buy whatever their children want and eat whatever they want.However, they often do not pay attention to the way they speak. Sometimes they will tell their children: "If you fail in the exam, don't blame us, it is your fault." Comfort yourself.

2. Parents controlling students

This type of parent loves to do everything. They want their students to spend all their time studying and not have a moment to relax.A mother said that when her child entered the house, put down his schoolbag, and chatted about the life and study on campus that day, his father yelled at the student to study.

This father belongs to the controlling parent who arranges everything. The children must always focus on their studies according to his requirements, and spend every minute on their studies. All work and rest are aimed at learning.The father's controlling behavior was strongly resisted by the students. The child cried and quarreled with the father angrily, and then fell asleep crying without reading a book, while the father was shaking with anger.

No matter how experienced and proficient parents are, they cannot take the college entrance examination instead of their children.Every parent hopes that students can get good grades in the college entrance examination, and every parent loves their students very much, but when the behavior of parents runs counter to the original intention of loving students, it is difficult to create a good learning environment for students .The same is true for the college entrance examination. Parents are advised not to impose their wishes on the students.Parents should have a correct understanding and evaluation of students, fully respect students' opinions, and believe that students have enough ability to arrange their own college entrance examinations.

3. Parents who put face first

Such parents hold a negative and repulsive attitude towards their children's individuality and freedom.There was a father who was an excellent leader himself. When his child's "one model" grade was only enough for three lines, which deviated greatly from his expectations, he said angrily: "Why do I have such a useless son like you?" .” The son burst into tears.Parents doing this will make children lose confidence.

4. Parents who keep spinning top

Such parents themselves are emotionally unstable and allergic, and often change with the changes of their children.No matter what the children say to their parents when they go home, the parents immediately follow the topic like a "top".A candidate told his parents that his grades fluctuated up and down, and he was worried that he would not perform well in the college entrance examination.Parents immediately became anxious, what if the college entrance examination catches up with the child's worst performance?The mother was tearful, as if the child had really failed the test, which aggravated the child's nervousness.

The fault of "overprotection"
In the office building of the Shenzhen Women’s Federation, the psychological counseling hotline is often overwhelmed by these parents. Most of the parents report that their children have serious problems recently, and they often cry and refuse to go back to school. Why?

Experts said that although the "school start phobia" is related to the long holidays and the lazy and irregular life of students, parents' "overprotection" is also one of the important reasons.

For example, the parent Mr. Wang said: The child is especially attached to his mother. When we were going to send him to kindergarten, he said that if I don’t go to kindergarten, the kindergarten teacher will beat me. Maybe his mother or grandmother said so.

What are the consequences of "overprotection"?In addition to weakening students' self-reliance, it may cause them to seriously rebel.

Before Xinxin went to kindergarten, she was taken by her grandmother. She has poor hands-on ability, slow movements and strong dependence.Parents take less care of their children because of their busy work.She was very unwilling to study in kindergarten and often deserted.Xinxin couldn't concentrate in class. She never took the initiative to speak. When the teacher asked questions, she just kept her head down and didn't speak, and she even shed tears or lost her temper.According to the hospital's test, the student's intelligence is not problematic, because the sensory system is out of balance, Xinxin can't concentrate on studying, and her poor study makes her lose interest in learning.When others are studying, Xinxin likes to play with the buttons and lace of her clothes the most, and looks very happy.Sometimes I saw her eyes looking at the teacher, but her eyes were empty, as if she was wandering.She is very slow in manual work, does not do well, and loses her temper easily.

Expert analysis: the students are overprotected, resulting in low ability, not only poor mobility, but also "rust" brains.Those with poor abilities will be ridiculed by their peers and criticized by teachers, so they will feel inferior and shrink back. They will hide from whatever they can, and they will not do it if they can. If this continues, they will not be able to develop their abilities in all aspects.This is by no means a simple refusal to learn, but a poor ability to survive and a low level of socialization.

Expert advice: to deal with this student's problem, the most important thing is that the parents should be "lazy". Whatever the student can do, even if she can't do it well, let her do it by herself. Parents can guide her and never arrange it instead.To be able to bear it and not interfere, even if the students ask you for help.When students do anything, they must always focus a little bit of attention. After completing one thing, they can always increase their self-confidence. In this way, they accumulate slowly. Over time, self-confidence, attention, and ability problems can all be improved. Change, this is real and tangible education.If parents can't do this, don't blame the students, because this is the parents' problem.The next generation is eager to care for the students. When it is necessary, it is best to ask grandma not to ask about the students' education.

(End of this chapter)