A Wave Of Desire

~~

Ocean

~~

I think that I was in a bit of shock right now. Did I really pull Makai to me and kiss him like that? Did I really declare to pretty much the entire school that Makai and I were dating and then do something so ballsy as to kiss him in front of literally everyone?

OH MY GOD!

I cannot believe that I did that! I cannot believe that I had been so forward and open with it in public. Then again, after I did it, there had been a lot of cheering from everyone else around us. The team and several other people from the school were all cheering us on. Literally, the only ones still acting like they had a problem with it at all were Brit the Bitch and Justin the Jackass. They were the only ones that were 'appalled' by the display that I had given them.

Well, I guess I didn't need to hide my relationship with Makai at school anymore. Now that they all knew the truth, there was no use hiding it. I guess I could call him 'babe' in front of everyone now.

Wait, scratch that, I would be way too embarrassed to do that. I am sure that my face would turn about thirty different shades of red if I did that in front of even one other person, let alone everyone else at school. And, OH GOD! But what if Makai called me baby in front of the others? That would probably be just as bad. GAHH!

"Just what is going through that head of yours?" Makai asked me as he suddenly appeared in front of my eyes. That was a feat in and of itself, since I was currently cradling my head and moving around like there was something seriously wrong with me.

"I..I..-, n..n..nothing." I shook my head, unable to actually answer that.

"Really? Because it looks to me like you are having some sort of meltdown." He laughed at me and pushed on my shoulders gently to make me sit up a little more and look at him.

"R..really, i..it's nothing. I..I..I was j..j..just thinking a..ab..about today, th..that's all." I chuckled nervously as I thought about it all. 

"Yeah, I figured that much out by myself." The smile that was on his face and the light in his eyes told me that he was happy with the way that the day had gone.

"Y..y..you're not mad? About th..this afternoon, I m..mean." I was a stuttering mess and I knew that made me look like an idiot in front of the man that I loved.

"Not at all. I am happy that you kissed me in front of everyone. It meant that you loved me enough to show it to all of them." He was beaming at me with eyes so full of love that it made me squirm.

"W..well, honestly, I..I actually did it b..because I was f..fed up with the way J..Justin and Brittney were treating us." I felt bad because he thought it was love and not anger.

"Yeah, but you were only fed up because you love me and wanted them to stop besmirching the two of us."

I hadn't thought about it that way at all. He was probably right, to be honest. I just never really thought about it yet. At that moment, the doorbell rang and I looked up, fear in my eyes.

"That will be the pizza that I ordered. I didn't think that any of us would be in the mood to cook tonight, so I ordered out for a few to tide us over." I smiled at him, he was always so considerate of people, especially me.

Makai walked over to the door, and I turned to look at Ben. He was grinning like he thought today had actually been a good one. Well, to be honest, today had definitely been better than the others, even if I did have my head slammed against a locker and had to punch Justin in his ugly face. It really had been pretty nice.

"Oh?!" I heard the shock and surprise in Makai's voice when he opened the door. I am guessing it wasn't the pizza like he thought it was.

"Uh, uhm, c..can I talk to Ben? Please?" That was a voice that both Ben and I knew well. Ryan was at the door.

What was he doing here? What did he want? And most of all, how did he know that Ben was here?

OK, I guess that last one wasn't too hard to figure out. He had been coming here every day this week. It was only natural for Ryan to think that Ben was here today as well.

"I'll ask him." Makai said and started to step back from the door.

"It's OK. I'll talk to him." Ben said as he stood up. I think that he was thinking about leaving the living room where we were, but he couldn't bring himself to actually walk toward the door.

"Come on in." Makai said as he backed away from the door and gave Ryan the room to come inside.

The three of us were now watching with curiosity and disbelief as Ryan walked into the living room. He didn't walk up to Ben, but he was looking at him.

"Uh..uhm, B..Ben, c..can we go talk, i..in private?" Ryan seemed to be having trouble getting those words out.

"No." Ben's answer was immediate.

"What?" Ryan clearly hadn't been expecting that. "B..but-."

"I will talk to you, and I will listen to what you have to say. But I will do it with Kai and Ocean in the room. I don't know if I want to be alone with you right now." There was pain in Ben's eyes. He was still hurting, that was easy to see.

"I..I guess I deserve that." Ryan hung his head in shame when he heard what Ben had to say. "I earned that. I really did. I was an idiot and I want to say that I am sorry."

Ryan looked up then and I could see the raw emotions that were in his eyes. I could tell that he had thought a lot about what he had done, and he had obviously come to some sort of conclusion.

"I don't believe you." Ben just shook his head at Ryan's words.

"B..but it's the truth." The pleading in Ryan's voice almost physically hurt to hear.

"How am I supposed to believe that?" Ben took a step back and away from Ryan as he spoke. "You basically made me feel like an abomination for having loved you. If none of this stuff with Ocean and Kai had happened, then I never would have told you. I would have been content just being around you and seeing you be happy. But now you know and now you are disgusted with me." Tears were streaming down Ben's cheeks now as he let out what he had been feeling.

"No, I am not disgusted by you. I swear that I'm not. I was just surprised and shocked. I was upset that you hid it from me for all those years. I felt betrayed because you kept a secret that big from me and never told me. It wasn't that I was disgusted. I swear that I wasn't." No matter what Ryan said, no matter how many times he shook his head, I could see that Ben was not going to believe him.

"You just want to end the feud. That is all this is about." Ben took another step away, but Ryan took a step toward him, chasing after him. "You don't need to worry, Ryan. I won't fight with you. I won't argue with you. I won't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. You can just go back to ignoring me like you have all week. There is no need for you to pretend now. Just because the whole school knows about Ocean and Kai doesn't mean you have to pretend to be friends with the other gay kid on the team. Just don't worry about it, Ryan. Be friendly during practice and swim meets but that is all. You don't need to push yourself to go above and beyond that."

Was it just me, or did Ben sound like he was feeling a little more traumatized than I expected him to? I guess the things that Ryan had said to him had really hurt him. Just seeing these two looking at each other, the pain in their eyes, it was enough to make me feel physical pain and a tremendous bout of sorrow. Come on you two, communicate and work it out. You have to.

"Ben, please, listen to me. I swear, you have the wrong idea. It's not-."

"No, Ryan, I don't. I heard you loud and clear. I heard how angry, disgusted, and pissed off you were. I also heard everything you didn't say. The things that you implied when you skipped two days of school just so you didn't have to see me. When you didn't call or text me back. When you went out of your way to make sure that we weren't anywhere near each other. I understood exactly what it all meant." Ben was not holding anything back now. He had opened the dam and it was all flooding out.

"No, you don't! You don't get it at all." Ryan was sounding angry again, just like last time.. Only this time, it sounded like he was angry for a different reason.