Amara – Reunion
Chapter 146 - Thoughts In The Shower (1)
Author's note: this is from Seraphina's point of view
- - -
I stood in the shower enclosure and observed my unstable emotions.
I was drifting between the urge to weep, break something, scream, and laugh uncontrollably out of sheer helplessness. How can I be a slave to my memories? Why can't I shake it off?
Scenes flashed in front of my eyes and it all felt real, like it's happening right now, and I was unable to snap out of it. I saw faces, heard voices, smelled perfume from the girls in front of me… the unpleasant scent of fried sausages from the university's cafeteria… uncomfortable heat of the sun during physical education… the chill of raindrops that hit me when I forgot my umbrella and I had to switch buildings for my next class in the second year of college.
The one common thing among all of those was that Duke was not present and I was reminded of his absence in my life.
It was all a lie. No matter what Mona or Aldus said, my memories confirmed that my life after high school was lonely.
That should not be a problem because I was always keeping to myself. Unfortunately, during high school, I experienced the happiness of having someone by my side, and the absence of Duke drilled a painful chasm I was unable to fill.
My conclusion was that I really fell for him and part of me hoped he felt the same or at least a fraction of it. Something. Anything.
Now I know that I was a fool then, and I am an even bigger fool now because I can't forget about him.
It's difficult to let go of good things in life, even if they were a lie, and Duke was the best thing that ever happened to me.
He came into my life unexpectedly on the first day of high school and in the same unexpected way he made his exit on the last day. I need to let go, just how he did.
I wish that I can stop thinking about the ache of Duke's absence, and stay with memories of my happy days with him.
Why can't I be present in this shower enclosure and empty my mind? Do I need to focus on something?
I forced my mind to analyze my newly found ability. That is at least something useful.
Air control.
Harpies.
What the hell, Aldus? How about adding a cyclops's eye or manticore's tail? Replace my feet with hooves and put gills on my neck for a dandy finishing touch!
But I can't blame him. After all, I was dead, and he was conducting an experiment. I clearly remember his surprise and glee when he confirmed that I'm alive; he didn't expect that outcome.
I peeked into his research notes and saw that he had many other attempts of reviving creatures before I came along, each with a various degree of success, but none came close to a sentient being with a functioning body.
I should be happy that he mixed up all those ingredients because something obviously worked.
My feeling of gratitude mixed with frustration and apprehension when I tried to decipher why Aldus named me Seraphina.
He mentioned an ancient fire. Maybe if I burp while angry, I will eject a jet of fire. Or maybe fire comes out on the other end. Well, that would be awkward.
Aldus said that the healing ability was mine. Werewolves heal fast, but I am not one of them. What am I? Or the better question would be, what WAS I?
Dog's saliva help heal wound and cat's purr speeds up mending broken bones, but I don't think it's that simple.
No matter what I was, it got integrated with what Aldus did and he gave me a new life. In more than one way.
The warm water in the shower glided down my body, allowing my muscles to relax, but my mind was racing.
I told myself to drop the topics of what I was and what Aldus did. I will get many answers after the meal when I look into the data that Aldus plans to share with me, and that will save me from a lot of useless guessing.
Late dinner. It's not that I'm hungry, but I am aware that Aldus and the other three guests are eager to see me alive and kicking so I will join them.
I tried to remember what happened before I passed out. Six days. That's a lot.
I remembered the phone call and how I struggled to inhale, like there was not enough air around me and I desperately tried to gather it… things floating around me, glass breaking.
Lazarus was with me, but he is a werewolf with a sturdy body, and he looked perfectly fine when I saw him earlier so I will not concern myself with his wellbeing. My newly found ability didn't harm him, I concluded that much.
Oh, God! I was in the sunroom! Did I damage the wonderful glass mosaics?
Aldus didn't say anything, so I hope that the cost for fixing what I broke is contained to manageable levels. Yes, the damage is minimal because Aldus was more concerned about what caused my emotional overload.
Aldus said that Marius spoke with Mona and followed the trail of information to someone who is close to Magdalena. I can assume that Lazarus told Aldus how I was on the phone before the incident and Aldus took it from there to find out what exactly happened.
Aldus's brilliance and resourcefulness puts me in awe, and it scares me a little as I believe that there is nothing he can't do. It's not wise to be Aldus's enemy.
Aldus figured out that I lost control of my emotions because I got news about Duke. Well, he is aware that Duke's presence is tangled with my past and even though I tried to conceal how much I loved him, I assume that Aldus knows by now. If Duke was not important, I would not summon a storm and unlock another ability. That requires a strong emotional reaction.
Magdalena Thompson, aka Magda. Just the thought of that name makes my insides churn. I remember her as a snobby girl, two years younger. She moved through the school grounds with her entourage in tow, frequently picking on me and always giving me mean looks.
Malicious plastic girls in Hollywood high-school flicks are modeled according to her.
Was she hostile toward me because of Duke? Should I believe Aldus that Magda was pursuing Duke unsuccessfully? Is it possible that she was picking on me because Duke rejected her while hanging out with me?
She never approached me when Duke was around, but then… no one approached me when he was around.
Duke's presence was like an invisible shield that chased away everything bad and I wondered if that was really true or if I was just happy to be with him and I didn't see any bad things.
There are many things I will never be able to confirm, but I must admit I was relieved to hear how Duke is not involved with any woman and that Magdalena Thompson is the one chasing after him.
Is it possible that Duke's words were true and that he has a space for me in his heart?
Ah, I'm back to thinking about him!
---
If you are not reading this at 'W e b n o v e l . c o m', then the content you're reading is stolen! Please support the author by reading this novel from the original source.
- - -
I stood in the shower enclosure and observed my unstable emotions.
I was drifting between the urge to weep, break something, scream, and laugh uncontrollably out of sheer helplessness. How can I be a slave to my memories? Why can't I shake it off?
Scenes flashed in front of my eyes and it all felt real, like it's happening right now, and I was unable to snap out of it. I saw faces, heard voices, smelled perfume from the girls in front of me… the unpleasant scent of fried sausages from the university's cafeteria… uncomfortable heat of the sun during physical education… the chill of raindrops that hit me when I forgot my umbrella and I had to switch buildings for my next class in the second year of college.
The one common thing among all of those was that Duke was not present and I was reminded of his absence in my life.
It was all a lie. No matter what Mona or Aldus said, my memories confirmed that my life after high school was lonely.
That should not be a problem because I was always keeping to myself. Unfortunately, during high school, I experienced the happiness of having someone by my side, and the absence of Duke drilled a painful chasm I was unable to fill.
My conclusion was that I really fell for him and part of me hoped he felt the same or at least a fraction of it. Something. Anything.
Now I know that I was a fool then, and I am an even bigger fool now because I can't forget about him.
It's difficult to let go of good things in life, even if they were a lie, and Duke was the best thing that ever happened to me.
He came into my life unexpectedly on the first day of high school and in the same unexpected way he made his exit on the last day. I need to let go, just how he did.
I wish that I can stop thinking about the ache of Duke's absence, and stay with memories of my happy days with him.
Why can't I be present in this shower enclosure and empty my mind? Do I need to focus on something?
I forced my mind to analyze my newly found ability. That is at least something useful.
Air control.
Harpies.
What the hell, Aldus? How about adding a cyclops's eye or manticore's tail? Replace my feet with hooves and put gills on my neck for a dandy finishing touch!
But I can't blame him. After all, I was dead, and he was conducting an experiment. I clearly remember his surprise and glee when he confirmed that I'm alive; he didn't expect that outcome.
I peeked into his research notes and saw that he had many other attempts of reviving creatures before I came along, each with a various degree of success, but none came close to a sentient being with a functioning body.
I should be happy that he mixed up all those ingredients because something obviously worked.
My feeling of gratitude mixed with frustration and apprehension when I tried to decipher why Aldus named me Seraphina.
He mentioned an ancient fire. Maybe if I burp while angry, I will eject a jet of fire. Or maybe fire comes out on the other end. Well, that would be awkward.
Aldus said that the healing ability was mine. Werewolves heal fast, but I am not one of them. What am I? Or the better question would be, what WAS I?
Dog's saliva help heal wound and cat's purr speeds up mending broken bones, but I don't think it's that simple.
No matter what I was, it got integrated with what Aldus did and he gave me a new life. In more than one way.
The warm water in the shower glided down my body, allowing my muscles to relax, but my mind was racing.
I told myself to drop the topics of what I was and what Aldus did. I will get many answers after the meal when I look into the data that Aldus plans to share with me, and that will save me from a lot of useless guessing.
Late dinner. It's not that I'm hungry, but I am aware that Aldus and the other three guests are eager to see me alive and kicking so I will join them.
I tried to remember what happened before I passed out. Six days. That's a lot.
I remembered the phone call and how I struggled to inhale, like there was not enough air around me and I desperately tried to gather it… things floating around me, glass breaking.
Lazarus was with me, but he is a werewolf with a sturdy body, and he looked perfectly fine when I saw him earlier so I will not concern myself with his wellbeing. My newly found ability didn't harm him, I concluded that much.
Oh, God! I was in the sunroom! Did I damage the wonderful glass mosaics?
Aldus didn't say anything, so I hope that the cost for fixing what I broke is contained to manageable levels. Yes, the damage is minimal because Aldus was more concerned about what caused my emotional overload.
Aldus said that Marius spoke with Mona and followed the trail of information to someone who is close to Magdalena. I can assume that Lazarus told Aldus how I was on the phone before the incident and Aldus took it from there to find out what exactly happened.
Aldus's brilliance and resourcefulness puts me in awe, and it scares me a little as I believe that there is nothing he can't do. It's not wise to be Aldus's enemy.
Aldus figured out that I lost control of my emotions because I got news about Duke. Well, he is aware that Duke's presence is tangled with my past and even though I tried to conceal how much I loved him, I assume that Aldus knows by now. If Duke was not important, I would not summon a storm and unlock another ability. That requires a strong emotional reaction.
Magdalena Thompson, aka Magda. Just the thought of that name makes my insides churn. I remember her as a snobby girl, two years younger. She moved through the school grounds with her entourage in tow, frequently picking on me and always giving me mean looks.
Malicious plastic girls in Hollywood high-school flicks are modeled according to her.
Was she hostile toward me because of Duke? Should I believe Aldus that Magda was pursuing Duke unsuccessfully? Is it possible that she was picking on me because Duke rejected her while hanging out with me?
She never approached me when Duke was around, but then… no one approached me when he was around.
Duke's presence was like an invisible shield that chased away everything bad and I wondered if that was really true or if I was just happy to be with him and I didn't see any bad things.
There are many things I will never be able to confirm, but I must admit I was relieved to hear how Duke is not involved with any woman and that Magdalena Thompson is the one chasing after him.
Is it possible that Duke's words were true and that he has a space for me in his heart?
Ah, I'm back to thinking about him!
---
If you are not reading this at 'W e b n o v e l . c o m', then the content you're reading is stolen! Please support the author by reading this novel from the original source.
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