Amara – Reunion

Author's note: this is from Seraphina's point of view

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I need to stop thinking about Duke! I need to stop harboring hopes without any proof.

If there is any proof, that would be in support of how Duke never saw me as more than his friend… and maybe even a friend is a stretch.

Why would he lie to me about seeing other women if he thought of me as his friend? And if I was more than a friend to him, he would not go on those dates. Instead, he would find a reason to find me.  He knew that other than school I had nothing else going on and if he said that he is coming, I would drop everything.

I wish that I can forget numerous pictures of Duke with other women. Were those fake? All of them?

It's obvious that he was dating other girls, and the only question is if he went on those dates before or after calling me and saying how there is nothing happening in his life and that he is focused on finishing his school with the goal of graduating early.

I thought that he was focused on his studies, yet I found out that he was enjoying his time with girls and that was the reason he didn't have time for me. We were not dating, and I had no right to claim him or to be upset, no matter what he did.

But even with all that, some things didn't add up. Why would anyone go to the lengths of fabricating those pictures and sending them to me? Why me?

The only scenario that made sense was how that was the work of my personal bullies from high school who wished to torment me even after we parted ways. All of them went to fancy schools like Oxford or Cambridge, and I hoped that they will leave me alone, but the rumors of me being undeserving somehow reached my college before I did, and I soon found myself isolated. Again.

Who went to the length of pursuing me all the way to college? Was it Magda? Or someone else? I will never find out.

Sure, there is one person I could reach out to and get some answers.

Drago Orsini. Now that I know his name, it would be easy for me to find his contact information and arrange a meeting.

If Duke is single, does that mean that he is waiting for me?

No, no, no! Don't go there! Not again.

I said that I will not think about Duke, but he is bubbling at the top of my mind uninvited.

Ah! When did I start crying again? Or is it possible that I didn't stop crying at all?

This is ridiculous. I need to get myself together. Why am I devastated about losing someone who was never mine? It's all because of those useless memories which made it feel like high school happened days ago and… I dared to dream. But the dream is gone, and I need to face the reality.

There are no indications to confirm Duke is single because of me and there is a chance that he is seeing someone, and it escaped Aldus's investigation.

Why would Duke be without a woman in his life? He is handsome and doing well, I'm confident that there are many women who are eager to be with him.

After all, those photos of Duke and women are proof that he was not sitting at home and rolling his thumbs while waiting for… for what, exactly? Why would he wait for anything or anyone?

We were good in high school and then he disappeared. We kept in touch via phone for some time, but I didn't see him in person after high school and as much as I know, he could be living in Saudi Arabia. Am I supposed to believe a fantastic story that he is some kind of a secret agent? Or maybe that he was forced to make a choice to abandon me against his will? I was not important enough for blackmail and neither was he.

No matter what the reasons are, the end result is that we drifted apart. Duke knew very well that I was unable to visit him, so if he wanted us to meet, he had to come to me, just how he did during high school, but he didn't.

I need to stop thinking about Duke because hopes that he is thinking of me are only going to bring more heartbreak.

Focus on the facts, Serina!

Thoughts about Duke keeping me in his heart are far-fetched. Realistically, the best possible outcome would be if he didn't forget about me and if he considers me as his friend from high school.

But why would he abandon his friend? Maybe my social standing was not good enough. With Duke being a successful businessman, I was of no use and would probably tarnish his reputation, even as a friend.

Yes, we were never more than friends and as much as I hate mental images of Duke with other women (Magdalena included), I have no right to judge him because we were not a couple. It was all just my wishful thinking. From the beginning.

I forcibly dispelled thoughts about Duke. Now only if I could stop the stupid tears from falling, that would be great.

I have no way of finding out why we ended up apart unless I ask him. Do I want to reach out to him and risk getting hurt again? Do I need another slap of reality to confirm how everything special between me and Duke was just my imagination?

Friends. Just friends. Don't be clingy and desperate, Serina!

It's time to let go of false hopes and cherish sweet memories. High school was bearable because Duke was by my side and I shouldn't spoil that.

I repeated over and over again that Duke being single doesn't mean it's related to me. Aldus said that Magdalena is pursuing Duke and spreading various rumors, and that is probably the reason Duke is not dating anyone because Magdalena is chasing away the girls that come near him.

Believing that he is waiting for me is ridiculous and if I continue down that path, I will only end up in pain I'm not willing to experience again.

Every time I told myself to forget about Duke, a piece of my soul got extinguished and I felt myself withering away. But what are my other options? 

Stop crying, Serina. Stop it!

…

I took extra time in the shower as I waited for my tears to stop.

I washed my face with cold water to reduce the swelling and redness of my eyes. Luckily, the cold water did its magic, and I didn't look like a complete mess.

With a little concealer and a forced smile, I appeared almost human. Now only to keep it together and not break down in sobs, and it will be all fine.

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