Amara – Reunion

Author's note: this is from Seraphina's point of view

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I was aware that Aldus wanted me to try moving the gauge on the spiky device by controlling my pheromones, but I wanted to know first… "How was your mission with Lazarus?"

Aldus's face tensed for a moment before he answered: "We found them."

I realized that it didn't go well for the rogues.

Aldus has a soft spot for rogues because he is aware of their circumstances. If Damiano didn't fall, those werewolves would not be rogues; they would belong to a big pack that gives them structure and purpose.

Aldus told me that most of the rogues are youngsters in their teens and if not for their abnormal strength and bloodlust that stirs at the time their beast awakens, they would be no more than rebellious teenagers. It depends on the individual how long it will take to adapt to sharing the mind with a new ferocious presence and during that time, werewolves are prone to violence and sometimes they are not different when compared to wild animals.

A true Alpha is a beacon for his pack and the werewolves who are currently acting as pack leaders don't have enough power to influence the new generation to stay on the right path.

In a way, I felt sorry for them and I knew that Aldus felt that way too. Aldus didn't want to hunt them, he wanted to save them, but many rogues were not willing to listen, knowing that they crossed the line and they will always be seen as murderers. In a way, they were not wrong.

Aldus gestured toward the spiky device, reminding me that he wants to see the results of my practice. Was I even practicing it? I guess I will find out.

I put the device in front of me and I sat in the lotus position. The device showed 5 on its scale.

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, heartbeat, the feeling in my gut that forms when I'm scared, and I tried bringing it out. At some point, I opened one eye and peeked at the instrument to see that didn't budge from that number 5.

I exhaled in defeat. "I guess there are no results that I can show you."

Aldus patted my head and smiled a little. "This is not something you can rush, Serina. Take it easy and be persistent." He moved away from me and checked the time. "Freshen up before dinner. Since you remembered more things, don't forget to write down anything that might be important. I will see you downstairs."

Aldus used to ask me to write down everything I remembered from my past, yet lately, he relaxed that into me writing only what I deem important. I wondered if that is because he already knew everything there is about me. That was quite possible.

I watched as Aldus walked out of my room and a warm and fuzzy feeling filled my chest. I was disappointed that I was unable to make the gauge move, but Aldus told me that it's OK. He accepted my failure and encouraged me to keep working on it and I knew that he was the second person in my life who accepted me for who I am.

I thought about things that I remembered. Was anything important? One of the main pieces was still missing, Duke's name, but I knew that it's only a matter of time before I remember it.

I went to the bathroom and saw that I'm low on shower gel. Reaching in the storage cabinet where extra supplies are stored, my movements halted as I saw feminine products. There were panty liners, scent-free feminine wipes, sanitary napkins, and tampons. I am familiar with all those products, but what hit me was that I didn't use them since I came here.

Considering how long I am here, how come I didn't have my period? I remembered waking up in Aldus's lab in Venice with tubes attached to my body and I wondered if Aldus did something. Did he remove some of my organs? Or what if I'm pregnant?

I rushed to get ready because I will ask Aldus about this over dinner…

…

"No. I didn't remove anything. Why are you asking?" Aldus looked at me curiously.

"Uhm… I'm here for a while and…", I found it difficult to talk. I would prefer to discuss my lady-parts with a lady-doctor, but Aldus is the only one who knows my condition, so I don't any choice here. "I didn't have my period."

Aldus's brows furrowed and I knew that he was thinking about something. Eventually, he spoke. "We will go to the lab after dinner, and I will examine you."

I remembered one thing. "What about me playing the piano?"

"That can wait."

I realized that thinking about the piano at this time was silly. Of course, it can wait. I was looking forward to showing my skills to Aldus and maybe playing a duet, but there are more pressing topics.

"Do you think that something is wrong with me?", I asked while looking at my abdomen, like I can see inside.

"I don't know as I didn't check your reproductive organs.", Aldus responded honestly. "I was focused on what is important for sustaining your life…"

I understood that my ovaries and uterus were not important to Aldus, so he never checked. Was something wrong with me from before I died? I couldn't find anything in my memories, but it's possible that the information I was seeking was in one of those obscured patches that are still inaccessible.

"Tell me about what you remembered…", Aldus asked. As usually, he was entertained by my stories and the dinner passed without me noticing.

In Aldus's lab…

After an ultrasound and several other tests, I didn't get any answers.

"Everything seems fine.", Aldus said.

"But it's not working.", I reminded him.

"Is that a problem?"

I paused. Is it a problem? It's not like I wanted to have babies or something, and not having a period is actually a blessing, but I was not happy with the thought that some part of me is defective, no matter how useless it was.

As if he can read my mind, Aldus asked: "Are you concerned that you will not be able to bear children?"

"I don't know.", I admitted. "I mean… I don't want to have kids and I'm not sure if I ever thought about it. I don't seem to be parenting type. But why are parts of me not working?"

Aldus let out a long exhale before he thought of something… "Some creatures have their reproductive functions dormant until the right conditions are met."

"Right conditions?"

"The mating season, air temperature, stress level, food stock… it can be anything. Some creatures indulge in carnal pleasures for centuries without bearing an offspring and when the right conditions are met, it happens."

I saw the logic in that, but… "How do I know if I am one of those creatures or my organs are just not working?"

"You don't.", Aldus said bluntly. "You are the first of your kind, so there is no one you can use as a reference. If it's meant to happen, it will." He saw me frowning and he added: "When you want a child, let me know. I have partial success with cloning, and I can resume that research if you wish."

"No, no, no…", I said in panic. I was unable to take care of myself. Adding a baby would be catastrophic. If it's cloning, it will be a mini-me who is equally troublesome, if not more. Babies and little kids get scared all the time. Having one with the power to unleash pheromones that cause a riot is a recipe for disaster.

"I don't want to have a baby. However, I'm upset by the fact that I can't have one. That's all.", I clarified.

Aldus visibly relaxed. It seems that he was not excited about the idea of a baby either.

"I can understand that sentiment. Knowing that I can't do something is what is pushing me to try harder…", his voice trailed away, and he looked at me with a frown. "Please, don't sleep around and have babies just to prove that you can have them."

I could not believe that he said that! But then I saw that he was genuinely concerned, and I burst into laughter. "You will be a wonderful grandfather."

Aldus's lips twitched. He was not amused, but that only made me laugh harder.

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