Astrum Irae

Many lust for immortality so they don't have to return to the void. However, just as many are content with living once, and consider passing on their lineage as immortality.

I stood atop a suspension bridge, contesting the Grim Reaper in a staring contest. Before either could blink, a car swerved off the road and stopped. A little old woman whose face resembled a prune stepped out, face contorted in conflict. She asked me what, exactly, was I doing. I honestly replied to her relief. Since I was only contemplating jumping, she seemed to think she could persuade me one way or another. Little did she know, I was rather not welcoming of outside input at the moment. She got mad at me for my strong choice of words, got back in her car and sped off.

I sulked and sat down on the ledge. I was busy contemplating what lay ahead of me in the future, and what exactly I was gonna do to keep myself going. Since I was a lazy, irresponsible prick, I typically found myself too depressed to be motivated to do work, or having too much fun to pay attention to what was going on around me. I was also caught up in the bad habit of drugs and alcohol. Because of my habits, I had run into a dead end. I was forsaken by my family, as they didn't like housing someone who should've moved out long ago. In my lackluster community college, my cognition was horrendous. My sole solace was simply my dog. She had been with me for what seemed like forever, but nature prevails over humans, and she passed on, leaving me stranded in a hurricane. I had gone to a counseling session to work out these hostile emotions clawing through me, but they were full of shit. So, I found myself trapped in a room with the walls collapsing.

For the past 2 months, I had been homeless, and at this moment, I had nothing on my person except a backpack with some random things inside. I genuinely felt that my life was truly at a dead end.

Another car came to a stop due to my presence. I was curious about its owner, but I found with horror it was a police car. I panicked and slipped off the edge. Just before I smashed into the water's surface, I heard a voice unleashed with sorrow. I felt true rage for the buffoon who had put me in this situation. Just before I screamed back, I was battered into a broken being by the barrage of water I had fallen into. My thoughts were torn into shreds in an instant by the imminent threat of death. I couldn't move a muscle, nor push out a single sound from my lungs. All I could do was scream to the heavens in my mind. My lungs were punctured, bones crushed, brain bleeding, and my very skin was swollen and purple. Despite all of my body's shortcomings, I pleaded, bargained, and begged for a second chance- a hero to save me. I died without mercy from the gods nor the river. I finally lost consciousness when my head slammed into a submerged rock as I floated downstream.

In mere moments, I found myself rising up from a sticky, black, viscous material. My body was just falling up and up, with no end in sight.

I contemplated for minutes, about what was going on and where I was. I was sure I died, and yet, I had a physical body. A body that I couldn't see due to the lack of light, but I could feel.

I was momentarily bewildered, as my mental state seemed to be that of when I was taking my medicine. I was cured in death, just like that.

I kept thinking about things to keep myself entertained. Things like if I really should have killed myself, what I could have done better in life and basic post-death things. I kept thinking and questioning, regretting my decisions. The more I thought, the less I could answer. As time kept marching on I felt my very thought process slow and turn to drool.

I eventually turned my brain off subconsciously from boredom. I tried to sleep earlier, and couldn't. I suddenly awoke with a jolt just to find that I was still locked in a never-ending loop. The small bit of rest returned my train of thought, though.

I just kept going up, and up, and up, and up. I started wondering if I had ever even existed on Earth, and this was all just a trick into making me think I was someone else.

I kept flying until I had forgotten everything about myself except that I had ended my previous life with my own hands. I tried to kill myself in every way I could see fit. I had lost all sanity; going insane from the passage of time. From biting off my own tongue to clawing out a hole in my neck to causing multiple amputations in hopes of once again bleeding out, nothing would end my suffering- only further enhancing it.

I would just feel the pain and suffer the effects, except for actually dying for a couple of minutes. The main problem was that no matter how many years passed, I could never get used to the pain of dying. The unbearable amount of agony involved in dying once was inflicted to me by my own free will hundreds of thousands of times. I eventually gave up on escaping, on finding the secret answer to getting out and took a long deserved rest, I just let myself go slack and closed my eyes.

After that point, I no longer recognized myself as anything. I just was. I had no history or future except for that prison and accepted my fate to be confined there forever. I waited for years.

I no longer had enough consciousness to be disgusted with myself, or the situation I was in. I didn't have an opinion on anything for years.

Just like that, I found myself in a void. Not the deep black void I was previously trapped in, but a miraculous white space that was devoid of everything except what appeared to be my consciousness. I had no body, yet I was there. I could only explain it as my consciousness, as nothing else could explain the sensation. Being there, looking around but nothing more.

It took me about 20 seconds to understand I was now sane. I had no idea how, nor could I remember much from when I was locked in a constant vertical free fall. It was around this moment when [ It ] appeared. I had no clue what [ It ] was. A pinkish apparition, the size of an apple, was just there. I couldn't tell if it was a vain entity and wanted to emphasize itself with this heavenly space as scenery or it simply lived in this absolute nothingness.

"You've arrived."

Its voice was rather annoying, and better yet, everywhere at once. It must've been some sort of telepathy. The sensation could be compared to as if I was listening to a voice recording with earbuds.

"The fuck?"

I couldn't retort with any words of value.

"You've been traveling here for about 76 years now. Of course, your mind was long gone so I simply restored your mind from before, then implemented fake memories of what happened."

It's high pitched, screeching and hoarse voice ravaged my earbuds, despite bypassing them completely.

"Alright. Let's say I accept that statement. After all, from my own memories, you seem to be telling the truth. Then what?"

"You have arrived in an alternate world. One where magic exists, with possibilities and opportunities and vast as the Pacific. Since you've died, I've taken the liberty of transporting you here for the small fee of a condition. Said condition will be further elaborated on when you wake up."

I figured that earful was deliberately painful, as every syllable seemed to be more obnoxious than the last. Despite the seemingly impossible task at hand, the pink apparition still delivered.

It didn't make any sense to me, and yet, I felt compelled to obey and trust my savior, even though I truly felt disdain for its voice. However, sheer human instinct prevailed and my doubts remained unconquered.

"Isn't this literally a deal with the devil? I'm feeling a bit nervous here."

"Rightfully so. I'm not really a devil, though, so please be at ease."

This was my chance, a chance to start anew in a world that I like, not one I was forced into. After pondering about it for a few seconds, I decided that this was beneficial to me, and something I deeply wished would be true. My desire took deep root in me, and all questions faded into oblivion.

"Good luck, you'll see me down there," it continued.

"Wait what the-"