Chapter 36

I found Xiao Fei’s lawyer. Fortunately, he’s had a steady job at the same firm all these years.

The lawyer informed me that Xiao Fei’s will was drafted by himself, and that the appropriate legal documents were backed up. After reading them, I found no issues. 

Then I inquired if Xiao Fei had stated anything regarding the more than one hundred letters. The lawyer stated unequivocally that he had not done so, and that letters and other documents would not be notarized on purpose.

I couldn’t get anything further from the lawyer, so I had to take the letter and the will to do a handwriting appraisal.

I scheduled an appointment with Wen Yan while I waited for the results.

I forgot to ask him what he said about Zhou Chen on that particular day. When I think about it again, I always get the impression that something is amiss. 

However, Wen Yan’s stance was ambiguous. Obviously, he neither wanted to lie to me nor tell me the truth.

“In fact, there are signs of a variety of things. Even if I don’t say anything, you’ll always know.” He said. “Before I saw Zhou Chen’s way of getting along with you, I always assumed he was the kind of person who was approachable but indifferent.”

Approachable but indifferent? Indeed, I also felt this way at the beginning of our encounter.

“He is really nice and friendly to everyone, but he maintains very nuanced boundaries that make it hard to go any farther,” Wen Yan pondered carefully. “Taking the liberty to add that before then, I always felt he was cold-blooded.  He was not like Qi Shu’s cold-bloodedness. Qi Shu would be furious and have emotional ups and downs, but he wouldn’t.”

“Zhou Chen… cold-blooded…?” These two words didn’t sit well with me.

“Yeah, so I was shocked when he was interested in your academics, because he was never nosy,” Wen Yan said, smiling. “I now understand that his coldness is reserved for those of us who are insignificant.”

Instead of removing my doubts, this just added to them. “Why… What makes me so special?”

Wen Yan appeared hesitant. “I don’t know… Oh, yeah, I have one more thing in mind,” he remarked, shaking his head. 

“What?”

“I asked Zhou Chen about his plans before traveling overseas, and he stated he would stay in China; yet, not long after that, he, too, abruptly flew abroad; now that I think about it, it appears that it was not long after you got together with Qi Shu.”

I could hear Wen Yan implying that this may have anything to do with me.

However, the question remains: why? 

Wen Yan claimed that he was unaware of any new developments. He and Zhou Chen were not acquainted enough to ask about one other’s personal matters.

The one certainty I had all day was that Zhou Chen had known me since I was a child, yet I had never met him.

Zhou Chen contacted me in the evening, as usual, and questioned what I had done today. I stammered that I had gone out to dinner with Wen Yan, but he didn’t press more.

I could tell he wasn’t in a good mood and appeared exhausted, but I hung up quickly after making so many blunders. 

I went to obtain the handwriting evaluation report the next day. The will and the letter,

When I got the answer, I was at a loss for what to do next.

I was aware that I was not a bright person with lousy logic. Finding out this thing in an orderly process these two days was already a fantastic exceptional performance.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

But it’s funny that, despite this bizarre occurrence, I haven’t felt any fear of Zhou Shen. 

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Four years ago, when I was 18 and Zhou Shen was 27, he learnt about Qi Shu and me and chose to travel overseas. (This one was debatable) 

Six months ago, when I was 22 and Zhou Chen was 31, he came to my aid and saved my life when I was on the verge of death courtesy of Qi Shu.

If this year’s meeting wasn’t an accident, what else did he do that I wasn’t aware of?

For the first time, I was upset because I was too foolish to recognize the truth when it was there in front of me.

Zhou Chen was nine years my senior. I was still a primary school kid who knew nothing when he became an adult. How did he know who I was? 

Wait, nine years…

“When I was nine… For a long time after that, I felt that people all over the world were deceiving me. I even got seriously ill because of my mental health.

“When I was sick, I met some people and other stuff in the hospital, which changed my perspective.”

Nine years old. Fell ill. Hospital. 

…I wasn’t that stupid after all.

It wasn’t difficult to figure out which hospital Xiao Fei had gone while pregnant. What was challenging was tracking down Zhou Chen. I changed my mind and asked Mr. Butler if he was familiar with the hospital where I had the surgery. He told me an address, and sure enough, it was the same as Xiao Fei’s.

I asked him if he was sick, would he also go to this hospital? “Yes, the atmosphere, amenities, and privacy of this hospital are extremely nice,” said the housekeeper. He used to come there for every headache and fever he had as a child.

I think I could be sure. 

Zhou Chen’s “some people” was probably Xiao Fei.

I thought we met in the hospital for the first time, and we really did.

More than twenty years ago, when I was an embryo.

I was instantly relieved that Zhou Chen was on a business trip at this time. How could I question him about it if he was only across the room? 

Or maybe I should keep pretending I didn’t know. There must be a reason he didn’t say anything. If there had been any negative recollections in the past for so long, if I would take the opportunity of asking, that would certainly embarrass him.

But even if I didn’t ask, on the one hand, my acting abilities were too terrible, and on the other hand, my curiosity was too intense, and I’d probably break down sooner or later.

Help. This is making me crazy.

I had been troubled all day, and as night arrived, I ultimately succumbed to worry and restlessness. 

Zhou Chen used to chat to me at this time and read to me before going to bed to calm my nerves. I could only wander about the house like a lost antelope now that he wasn’t home.

I gradually became unsettled and depressed.

Inexplicable self-pity enveloped me once more. I began to consider the dribs and drabs of mine and Zhou Chen’s relationship. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t performing well in anything.

If he sought me, took care of me, and treated me well because he cared about his old friend, then his love wasn’t genuine love. 

When he realizes this, he would no longer like me.

I’d be abandoned once more.

When I realized I’d had such thoughts, I knew it was bad for me.

Before there were abandon, there would be support. In my heart, I had deemed Zhou Chen to really be my own home. 

This wasn’t a good sign.

What was more frightening was that, despite knowing this, I opened the door to Zhou Chen’s room anyhow.

He’s not here, so it’s alright if I absorb some of his scent, right?

I wasn’t strong enough, but I was weak enough to let go of my dependency. 

But, at the very least, I was sober and sinking this time.

Zhou Chen’s bed was a little bigger than mine, and as I slid into his quilt, all my anxiety magically disappeared, as if he were beside me.

I sighed brusquely, thinking that he must have purposefully used gentle tactics to capture me, making me inseparable from him.

It was all his fault. How could he call taming as love? 

I slept off and was woken in the middle of the night by sudden heart palpitations. I opened the nightstand drawer unconsciously to look for the medicine, but I didn’t touch the familiar bottle.

When I turned on the light, I realized this wasn’t my room.

The drawer was open, and within was what seemed to be a thick book with two discs on top.

My conscience informed me it was impolite to touch other people’s belongings, but when I noticed the label on the disc, I involuntarily took it up. 

The label was very simple; a small fish drawn with a pen.

Xiao Yu…

I paused for a beat before inserting the disc into the projector. If it had been Zhou Chen’s adult film collection, it would have been far too embarrassing.

Fortunately, it wasn’t. 

The screen went black for a few seconds and a small stage appeared. I listened to what the announcer said.

“Next, please enjoy the cello solo, ‘Kol Nidre’, brought to you by Xiao Yu from Class 9 of the third grade.”

Class 9 of the third grade? Oh, I remember. This was my graduation recital in high school.

The curtain rose, revealing my fifteen-year-old face, much fresher than it was now, with a solemn look and an indescribably comical hint of baby fat. 

The footage, which was maintained by the school for archival purposes, was in high definition. When the camera moved across the audience, I noticed a familiar face.

I went back to pause. It was Zhou Chen.

He looked significantly different in his twenties, with sparkling eyes and a schoolboy demeanor that reminded me of one of the college’s school grass that was hung on the front page of the forum everyday.

Zhou Chen sat in the front row, his eyes full of brotherly relief and approval as he smiled at me on stage. 

I wasn’t surprised he came to my graduation ceremony after these two days.

The footage proceeded till the following one, which was of my high school graduation celebration three years ago. As the baby fat receded, I appeared to have grown taller, my hair had grown longer, and my eyes appeared to have gotten larger on the video.

Zhou Chen reappeared in the front row of the auditorium, his appearance drastically altered. He had a mature, solemn demeanor and was dressed impeccably; he also wore spectacles.

His glance at me was no longer as uncomplicated this time, but there was an enigmatic undercurrent seething. I felt my heart beat faster just by looking across the screen. 

What was going on…

I couldn’t seem to fool myself.

A thousand words could not express how much that stare from nowhere meant.

The first disc only had two videos, but the next one still showed me — all of the competitions and concerts I’ve participated in since I started learning the cello were there. 

Zhou Chen did not appear in the video this time, because he took the video.

I seemed to hear his voice again.

“Don’t love him anymore. ”

“I’ll outlive you by one day.” 

“In the vast sea of people, there is someone who belongs to you.”

“Love has nothing to do with sympathy, or possession.”

“It might not make sense to you, but I love you. ”

I used to think that no one loved me. 

I thought the road was barren, and I was walking on it alone.

I thought that all meetings in the world were for the end; with the curtains drawn, bidding farewell to fate.

It turns out that I had just overthought.

After the curtain came down, there was someone waiting for me.