Chapter 37

I sat in bed from three o’clock till morning, when the increasing palpitations drove me to return to my room and take my medication. I got out of bed and removed the disc.

I didn’t notice there were two packs of cigarettes behind the book-like thingy in the drawer when I took it. 

I’d never seen Zhou Chen smoke, and I’d never smelled smoke at home. Was this his?

During the night, the human spirit was usually at its most vulnerable. I couldn’t help but assume that if this wasn’t Zhou Chen’s, someone had slept in it and left their cigarette behind.

Was it his ex? Did they live together?

My heart became filled with an indescribable tanginess. 

Zhou Shen was thirty-one years old, and his love life was anything from dull. The idea that he may have told someone else that he loved them made me sadder than the fact that I ran into Qi Shu when he was sleeping with Wen Ziqing.

But who was I to judge his past…

In a trance, I went downstairs, and Mr. Butler was tidying up the flowers and plants on the balcony. I met him and wished him a good morning, and then I couldn’t help wondering if Zhou Chen had brought someone back here.

Mr. Butler was taken aback and stated that he had never done anything like this before, and he wondered how I could have thought so.

“I found two packets of cigarettes in his room,” I explained.

“That should be Sir’s,” He smiled with relief, with an expression of “What’s wrong with me”, and said, “Sir used to smoke once in a while, but he suddenly quit one day. When I asked, I found out it was because you’re not supposed to smell second-hand smoke because of your heart disease.”

Zhou Chen… smoked? I had no idea, eventhough we’d known each other for so long. And he just stopped since second-hand smoking was bad for me…

I was still speculating about his past here… 

I was overcome with shame and guilt, followed by intense yearning.

Zhou Chen did not specify how long this work trip would go, but I feel that if I did not express my desire for him to return, he would continue to be “busy.”

I decided to leave him alone till the afternoon because it was seven o’clock in the morning and already midnight in Cologne.

I returned to the room after taking the medication and drinking a large glass of water, ready to deal with the traces of my shifting so as not to be detected by Zhou Chen. 

Unexpectedly, I picked up a book.

I said it was a book, but it was more like a diary, hefty and leather-bound.

On the first page, there was a photo of me as a kid, maybe about five or six years old, swinging in a local park.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

There was a line of words from Zhou Chen. 【Finally found him.】 

Ktlr kjr tlr vljgs?

C ofk qjufr ijafg mbcolgwfv ws rerqlmlbcr.

【I’m wondering if returning to the Song family would be good to him. After all, Song Zhiqian is his biological father, and robbing someone is not a smart idea at this time. It’s a little troublesome.】

【I went to meet Xiao Yu quietly today. He sat outside the piano area, looking miserable, sobbing, twitching, and not daring to make a sound. 

I didn’t hold back when it came to comforting him. He’s a nice small boy. Even while he was crying like this, he didn’t forget to say thank you gege.

It would be great if I were his biological brother. I wasn’t going to let him be wronged any longer.】

【Hurry up and grow up, so that you can choose the life you want when you grow up.】

【The little guy finally got the message that the piano wasn’t for him.】 

【Wouldn’t it be a little ostentatious to ask Herman Evans to teach him directly? It’s better to pick a teacher in China. Nothing else is important; all they need is a good attitude and patience.】

【Teacher Zhao said that Xiao Yu was the most talented student he had ever brought up.

 Of course. My little friend is the best.】

【Commemorating the first time the little musician performed on stage.】 

【Recently busy writing papers that I haven’t been able to see Xiao Yu in a long time. Suddenly found that he grew a lot taller.

The cute little friend became a handsome young man.】

【Xiao Yu went to high school and didn’t understand mathematics at first. Little fool.】

【He likes Qi Shu… I think there’s something wrong with me because I’m feeling jealous.】 

【No, you watched him grow up. Are you crazy?】

Mgbw tfgf bc, atf mbcafca ijafg yfmjwf j yla vloofgfca.

【Don’t disturb his life.

Don’t interfere with his choices. 

Don’t do anything you shouldn’t do.】

【Xiao Yu’s happiness is the most important.】

【Don’t be impulsive.】

【Put away all your crazy thoughts. 

Never, never hurt him.】

【If anyone’s gonna be imprisoned, it’s gonna be me.

He should be free.】

Time stopped four years ago. Zhou Chen wrote the last sentence before going abroad. 【Goodbye.】 

Ktf vljgs kjr pjw-qjmxfv klat qtbabugjqtr. Mgbw sbecu ab wjaegf, tf tjv cfnfg wlrrfv j qfglbv.

P rtbeiv tjnf yffc oglutafcfv, yea lcrafjv P ofia gfilfnfv.

Pa ujnf wf rbwf mbegjuf, rb P abbx eq atf qtbcf jcv qtbcfv Itbe Jtfc’r cewyfg.

The call instantly connected, and there were a few rustling sounds on the other end before Zhou Chen’s somewhat fatigued voice came through. “Xiao Yu?” 

“Sir…” I didn’t turn on the video, in case I looked nervous. “Are you done… When will you be back?”

“I…”

He appeared to be contemplating on how to respond to this question before settling on the safer option. “We’re almost done. The exact timing of return is yet to be decided.”

“What’s the problem?”  He probed. 

I mustered the courage to say, “I miss you,” all the while clutching the corner of his diary.

Zhou Chen’s breathing clearly slowed for a moment before he said, uncertainly, “I thought you didn’t want to see me…”

“I do,” I said, interrupting. “…Please come back.”

“Don’t you blame me?” 

“I didn’t hold it against you. I just did not really know what to do…”

My voice trailed off nervously, anticipating how my next words would affect the situation.

“Now I know. I want to see you.”

He remained silent for a few seconds before asking, “See me, then what?” 

For a second, I wasn’t sure what he meant, but then I understood he probably needed a concrete answer.

“Then, disturb your life, interfere with your choices, and do all the things you should… and things you shouldn’t do,” I muttered as the lines from the journal emerged in my thoughts.

Sure enough, his breathing suddenly became disordered. “You saw?”

I didn’t want to hide it from him anymore, and said, “I saw it.” 

“Xiao Yu,” Zhou Shen became serious. “I don’t want your shock, awe, moved sentiments, or anything else. Everything I did was because I was willing, not because I wanted you to respond; I won’t go back until you understand this.”

“It’s not like that!” Afraid of his misunderstanding, I blurted out, “Not moved; do you think my heart beats quicker when I’m around you because I’m sick?”

Help… What am I saying, ah…

Zhou Chen was obviously stunned, but I still bit the bullet and went on. 

“You still don’t get it… I let you hold hands, hug, and sleep in my bed, and you still don’t get it…Now you don’t want me to respond, but why didn’t you say that when you kissed me la..”

“But you pushed me away…” Zhou Chen was still confused.

“Can’t I be nervous? In that situation, you didn’t say anything, and then all of a sudden… how do I know if you’re just drunk and being promiscuous…”

I couldn’t keep going. My face was about to collapse. 

“If I had been drunk and behaving promiscuous, I wouldn’t have stopped there,” Zhou Chen stated as he calmed down before me.

“….” I couldn’t outspeak him. “So will you come back?”

“I’m looking at the tickets.”

“No, Do that tomorrow. Sleep first.” 

“Not sleeping anymore. “He said, “Going back to see you.”