Bestfriend With Benefits

Blushed, face warmer, heart fluttering. That's how I feel when I kiss her or whenever I think of the moment we kiss. I can't sleep, I miss her. That's all I want to say.

It's been my late 2 hours laying on the bed, I tried to stop playing game for a while because my eyes hurt. I tilted my head, looking at my phone on the bedside table. What am I thinking? Am I waiting for Tiere or Caroline? But today, I feel like I want to meet Tiere so bad. I stretched my arm to reach my phone, looking at the time in my phone screen 23.00

Should I go and meet her?

No, it's too late.

She might have gone to bed, she told me she is tired drawing all day.

Should I text her?

No

Should I call her?

No

She is tired, Ryan. Stop bothering her.

I put my phone aside, at the same time it pinged. I took back my phone immediately, heart beating faster, curious of who replied my text. My heart melts when I saw Tiere's name on the screen.

"Hey" she texted.

"Hey" I text back.

"Whoaa. Lucky guess, you haven't sleep"

"Yea.. I was about to call you"

Wait, Ryan. What have you done? 

"Oh I see. Anything important?"

"Yes?"

"No, I mean. You just told me, you are about to call me right?"

"Oh, no. It's okay. I was about to ..." I type and it pinged again. "Woaw, you practiced a lot, do you?" she texted before I send the message, so I delete them. "Ummm, practice?" I asked.

"Practice a lot before you date Carol, dummy"

Recently I think of Tiere a lot, especially when I don't feel wrong kissing her. It keeps on bubbling inside my head. Should I talk about anything else?

"Oh hey, I just remember" I said.

"Yes?"

"I mean I always curious, do you still practice Thai Boxing?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA" she replied with all caps lock, "Yes" another text.

"Oh..."

"Twice in a week. 7- 9 in the evening"

"Oh.."

"Why do you ask? Curious? Yeaa, I am a pro. So there's no bruises anymore. But I skip the class 1.5 months cause that time I still...you know.... Hwe..... hwee... for Calvin..." she puts a cute cat sticker crying in the chat room.

"I start practicing like about 2 weeks ago" she continued.

"Oh I see..."

"Then, do you need me to come over? To sing you a lullaby my dear?"

"Oh, it's late Tiere. Don't"

"Haha, okay. I mean, if you need me, then I'll be there, Ryan"

"Thanks, Tiere"

She is just really kind, care, and truthful. Sometimes I feel bad while Caroline talks about her, in the negative way. Cause I know Tiere very well, even sometimes I still can't believe she worked in a pub, but well she gave me a "no choice" reason which is understandable.

"Goodnight, Ryan" she added.

"Bye.. Goodnight Tiere"

I smile when I text her. It's funny cause.. I don't know.. it's hard to explain myself. I mean, I am a grown up man with no experience about woman. Please stop thinking about Tiere. But still, I'm either sad or confuse, cause Caroline didn't even text me, like maybe telling me how she's doing. I texted her in the afternoon, ask her how's she doing? Can we meet this Sunday? Before she leave? But no reply. She didn't even read my message. Am I important to her? Like how Tiere cares a lot about me?

***

Early in the morning, lucky cause I can see another sunrise from the balcony. Watching the colorful sky while the fresh morning wind blew. I feel like inhaling blooming flowers in the garden, so refreshing and calming.

My phone pinged, found Caroline text:

"Hey, Ryan. I am so sorry. I am so busy so maybe next 2 weeks like I promised? I mean I will tell you the exact date"

"Oh ..okay Carol. Safe trip!" I replied.

Then she didn't text back.

I gaze back at the morning balcony, stretching my body, neck, arms, and legs. I skipped gym for about 2 weeks. I should go to gym today since I woke up early. I grab my gym bag with new towel and a water bottle inside. The gym is inside the building, so there's no reason for me to be lazy.

As I finished my activity, I went back to the changing room. Open the locker and then at the same time my phone pinged again, found Tiere's text. I'm so happy whenever I see her name on my phone screen.

"Hoi! Wanna eat Udon?"

"Sure!"

"2:15 okay?"

"Okay Tiere" I replied, "See you at 2:15"

"See you" she replied.

I clicked my phone lock and smile again, then my phone pinged again.

"Ryan" from Caroline.

"Yes?" my heart beats faster, again...

"Wanna meet for a while before I take the flight?"

I haven't prepare anything for the confessions. Should I? No No No, too rush.

"Oh, sure" I replied.

"See you at 12, at Bermuda Café"

"See you!" I replied.

So, gonna eat twice huh, Ryan? I stared at my bouncy tummy, damn. I'm sorry lord! But I have no choice, I can't choose. Both of them are important to me. Stay calm, Ryan. I leaned my body on the lockers, thinking..

Gonna drive to Bermuda Café and arrive at 12. Then, gotta go at 2, cause Bermuda Café and Sakura Udon aren't that far.

***

I arrive on time. I lift my hand to check the time. It's 11.50. Chit chat and eating lunch wouldn't take too much time. I clicked the handle to lock my car, stood in front of the greenish design cafe. I pushed the door as it jingles, then some waiters greet me "Selamat Siang", at the same time Caroline waves her hand at me.

"Hey" I smiled. She is wearing suit and tight pencil skirt, a true career woman. "Hey" she replied me with a very sweet smile which melts my heart. "So, gonna take the flight soon?" I asked.

"Yep, gotta be so soooo busy" she added, rolling her eyes. 

"Oh, so have you ordered?"

"Not yet" she raised her hand up to call the waiter. The waiter walks toward us, he seems new. He is wearing a long –sleeve white shirt with an apron, and a name tag "Budi".

"Selamat Siang sir and ma'am. Welcome to Bermuda Café" he said as he pulled out a note from his light green apron.

"Nasi Padang and Cold Aqua" I ordered.

"Spaghetti Sambal Matah and Ice Tea" Caroline ordered.

"Okay..." he said as he wrote down inside his empty note.

"Nasi Padang, Spaghetti Sambal Matah, Cold Aqua 2"

Caroline quirked her eyebrow, "Cold Aqua 1" she said.

"Okay. Nasi Padang, Spaghetti Sambal Matah, Cold Aqua 1" then he clicked his pen.

Caroline flared her nostrils, "Hey" before he leaves.

The waiter turned his head, "Yes?"

"Do you have ears?" Caroline asked, at the same time I froze, confused and shocked. The waiter named Budi went pale, then a senior waitress came over and bend her body "Sorry, ma'am" she said. The waitress name "Jessica" take over the notes and gives her a friendly smile "Can you repeat your order, ma'am?"

Caroline's expression turned sarcastic, "Nasi Padang, Spaghetti Sambal Matah, Cold Aqua and Ice Tea. Please note that. The new waiter is too dumb. He is not suitable for this job" she stated, turns out became so bossy.

There's a difference between Caroline and Tiere. Caroline can be so so sarcastic and bossy sometimes, she doesn't care about how people feel with her pungent words against people. Tiere is a cheerful lady, shameless and calm. She never mad at anyone like how Caroline did.

Is this what they call as "ilfeel"? Indonesian's teenagers, back to my school time tends to use that words. "ilfeel" is abbreviation from "ilang feeling" or when we have no more feeling toward something. For example when we like a person, but when the person turns out to be really dirty, we feel nothing anymore or "ilfeel". But my feeling towards Caroline isn't gone like what I just mentioned, I mean... sometimes it's fading away slowly, but then turns back like the first time. Is this also a dilemma?

The waitress called "Jessica" then bend her body and say "Thank you" then she walked towards the kitchen, calling the waiter name "Budi" to the kitchen. I feel bad for that dude. Caroline did nothing wrong, but I can't imagine how that dude called Budi felt.

We talked about many things until we finished our lunch.

I stared at my watch at some time when we were talking, it's 2. Then, I stopped her "Carol, sorry. I think I have to leave. Tiere is..."

She grabbed my hand looking at me in puppy face. "Do you want to leave me? Now? I'm going out of town until the next 10 days".

I bit my lower lip and nod, maybe Tiere will understand if I'm 15 minutes late. She is not gonna angry, right? Tiere is very understanding.

Then, another 15 pass away. I cut her off and say "Carol, I am sorry.. I mean.. I've made an appointment with Tiere. I think I should get going"

Caroline frowned, sad and pouted, "Please, Ryan?" begging.

Time by time passes away, I don't even realize it's evening already. Then Caroline stop talking, she held her phone, put it on her ear. "Halo?"

I stared at my watch, with eyes popped up wide. Jesus Christ! It's 5 o'clock. Tiere must be really angry. Caroline tapped her phone and give me a kiss on the cheek. "Ryan... gotta go.. seeyou" she said, and left.

I stood up abruptly, paid the bill and run to the place where I parked my car. Cold sweat rushing down from my head, it soaked the clothes on my back like a map of some foreign land, my heart pumping faster making an irregular heartbeat. I grabbed my phone and call Tiere but I can't reach her. Her phone's off. Did her battery drain or something? I found 4 unread messages. She texted me at around 2 something:

"I'm here! at the usual table"

"....hey.."

"where are you?"

"....hello?"

It took around 10 minutes to arrive at the Udon Restaurant. I rushed through the entrance, my head turns left and right like typewriter, looking for her. But she has left, I don't see her anywhere.

"Sir? Do you...."

I leave before the waitress finished her words, it's kinda rude but Tiere is all I care about right now. Is she angry? I walked towards my car, looking down and upset. She must be angry. I start my car and plan to stop by her apartment.

I walk anxiously through the hallway and stopped in front of the door with numbers 606. I looked up, rest my head on the door. All of sudden, Tiere opened the door and I almost fell. It's going to be so embarrassing if I did.

"Ryan?" she looks startled.

"Tiere?"

"Tiere!" I hug her tightly, make her confused.

"What happen, Ryan?" she asked.

"Uh...." I grabbed her shoulders and bend my body a bit to catch her eyes, "I'm sorry" I frowned. "I mean, I did want to see you on time. But Caroline won't allow me to go".

Tiere sniffed a smile and I am so relieved at the same time, "It's okay" she said, sincerely.

"Tiere.. are you.. sure.... you didn't.."

"It's fine, Ryan" she cut me off. "I am really okay" she gave me a smile.

"So, can I come over, Tiere?"

"But..."

"I'm sorry" she cut me off, sniffing another smile and lifted her head up "Just, need..... a little me time" she said.

"Oh, okay.. so.." I spoke awkwardly, "Gotta go, then" I added.

"Bye Ryan" she waves her hand, "Bye".

When I turned my body back looking at her, she has gone. She never did that to me, she looks sad all of sudden which makes my heart shattering into pieces. This is weird, when she said no and won't allow me to come in. I feel a little bit disappointed, or.. maybe like thousands of questions of why Tiere won't allow me come in? Why she didn't angry at all? Why she's acting like there's nothing happen? Why she looks sad? There's a lot of questions inside my head when it comes to Tiere.... I think I am going crazy about her...