This thing about me becoming a girl

Didn't realize it, how pathetic.

From the perspective of Mariko Sawamura, compared to other reasons, Kitajima Crow feels that it is more likely to be born from the sidelines.

After all, this kind of concept cannot be formed overnight, and Shimada Sakura also said before that she is like this in Kunichi.

But this is not to say that she has no self, just that her personality is flawed.

For most of us, we always think about problems according to our own thinking mode, and we may have the same or similar thinking mode for different things, which is probably why different people have different conclusions about the same thing .

Just like everyone has their own personality and different flaws, but Sawamura Mariko's flaws are a bit strange.

The thinking mode determines a person's actions, just like she can persist for so long for many years, it must be because she really thinks this is the right thing in her heart, but she may not have added too much self-judgment.

It's like not thinking about it seriously, not accepting information from many aspects of society for comparison, and making a second judgment, and simply believing that it is right.

There are basically many judgments about values ​​in a person's life.

The first time was the teaching from parents when I was a child, and the second time was when I came into contact with kindergarten after having basic values ​​and came into contact with new cognition.

After a new understanding is generated in a new and unfamiliar environment, these acquired cognitions will be constructed on the basis of the original values, filled with new content, and full of the inner self.

For example, you have to go to school, you have to listen to the teacher, and you are not allowed to lift girls' skirts.

These are just the most superficial cognitions I have come into contact with after leaving the family for the first time.

And as we grow up, every time we encounter new cognitions, we will choose whether to absorb and fill the values ​​that have formed, or just treat them as something we know and not generalize.

This kind of judgment will be made many times in a person's life, and it will be caused by many situations. In short, once encountering something that impacts the world view and values, he will make this judgment, and then the change of thinking mode will affect your behaviour.

And Mari Aoi Sawamura gave Kitajima Crow the feeling that he had only made a judgment once, and it was simply confirmed.

Because she really seems to be the right thing to do, so she has to do it, and because it is the right thing, she does it.

But when asked why it was correct, she couldn't answer it, but she still believed it very firmly.

It's like never thinking about it seriously, not making new fillings to balance the balance between rightness and self.

There is no need to accept new cognition, the current cognition is already complete, and the right thing should be done, there is no reason.

Then slowly, slowly, I kept doing these correct things without thinking about it, and I couldn't get what I could receive in the process of doing these things.

That's why I was able to be as serious as I was at the pension agency before, without distracting thoughts, and also without emotional numbness.

Actually speaking, Kitajima Crow thinks that the unusual thing about Sawamura Mari Aoi and Mari Aoi is that she is doing the right thing, but she can't tell why it is right.

That's enough.

It's like having received some rough indoctrination, only knowing what is correct, but not cultivating interest and feelings for these correct things.

It's like when your grandma told you when you were a child that if you didn't go to bed early at night, monsters would come and take you away, and then you foolishly believed it, and quickly covered yourself with a quilt.

But grandma didn't say what kind of monster it is, and why you want to catch children who don't sleep. In short, you only know roughly that if you don't sleep, you will be arrested anyway.

When I grow older and come into contact with new cognitions and judge again, I will know that grandma is a lie, there are no monsters at all, even if there are, they will not arrest you just because you don't sleep, it is to satisfy your greed.

And Mari Aoi Sawamura is like that child who has no second judgment, still thinks that if he doesn't sleep at night, he will be arrested, but he doesn't know the reason behind this, and he hasn't thought about it, he just thinks so .

This is very unrealistic, especially in today's ever-changing society, it is impossible for people to maintain the cognition of the first judgment no matter what.

Unless, these words are unquestionable to her.

Similar to the gods who tell you very seriously that the earth is actually twist-shaped, even if it is unrealistic, they will believe it, and they will not even think about it.

Even if the gods tell you later that I was joking, people will still doubt it.

But obviously, there are no gods in real life, and you can't see them.

So these indisputable words were basically spoken by someone she absolutely trusted.

And it should have received this kind of education at a very young age.

It's not that she doesn't have a self, it's just that she has a flawed personality, and her thinking mode is too simple, and she probably only uses a certain fixed method to determine her actions.

And this kind of defect has a big problem, for example, if there is a problem with the person she absolutely trusts, then she will also go astray along with it.

Obviously, this was deliberately guided by someone, otherwise this kind of personality would be difficult to form.

And it is impossible for the person she absolutely trusts to not understand the concept of Mari Aoi Sawamura, but without correcting it, it can prove a lot.

Kitajima Crow withdrew his gaze from the window and looked at Sawamura Mari Aoi.

She didn't have the kindness to tell Sawamura Mari Aoi about this, it was very troublesome, and she wouldn't listen to it.

After all, this has long been her self, and outsiders cannot change it.

Unless there is some stimulus that can reverse this concept, or there is something wrong with the undoubted person for her, it is possible to change.

But if used well, it can be regarded as a good pawn.

It's just that he doesn't know how much he has feelings for Shang Shanmu and how important his position is in his heart.

If it's heavy, that's fine.

Let's bury a primer first.

"Do you like drawing?" She turned her head to look at Mariko Sawamura, and said calmly.

Hearing this, Mariko Sawamura looked back from the roof of the car, looked at Kitajima Ya, and was stunned for a while, as if she didn't know why she asked such a question, but she still shook her head.

Seeing this, Bei Dao Ya said, "Don't you like it? Actually, I really like drawing."

Then she said: "Drawing my favorite color on a piece of white paper, drawing my favorite thread, and finally creating a favorite portrait, I am very happy with the feeling of creating an object." of."

After speaking, she took out the notebook from the single gray cloth bag, opened a blank page, and began to draw lines slowly with a pen, while Mariko Sawamura leaned over and looked at it, wanting to see what she was going to draw.

Bei Dao Ya talked while drawing.

"Actually, I think many people who love paintings also think this way. Even if they dispose of countless waste paintings, they want to catch inspiration and shine on the top of their heads, but when they finally see the birth of a picture scroll created by themselves, they must have infinite thoughts in their hearts. of satisfaction.

But not all are the same, and some people don't paint for that.

They have a certain purpose, be it profit, or fame, or something else. In a word, for them, the picture scroll that is finally born is just a way to obtain these things, it is just an intermediate process, and it is important to use it and discard it. behind.

I have always felt that such paintings have no soul. Only by creating with heart and irrigating with enthusiasm, will the final result be an amazing art full of soul. "

At this point, she stopped the pen that was scribbling lines on the notebook, and the thing she wanted to draw was completed.

Sawamura Mari Aoi took a serious look, but didn't quite understand, and then looked at Kitajima Crow with a calm face, wanting to hear her explain what the painting is about.

In the notebook is a human figure that was roughly drawn with only a few strokes. It is empty and nothing but long hair. It should be a girl.

Beside her is a tree with the same rough outline. There is a rope on the tree to help the girl's hand. The sun in the sky is very black with a pen, and there is no white space between the pages of the notebook.

Just like the paintings of kindergarten children, it is simple and rough, but there is no Dong Zhen in the paintings of kindergarten children, but a bit strange.

Bei Daoya pointed at the girl on the notebook and said softly.

"You know, that kind of soulless painter is like an irresponsible parent, or an elder, who can fulfill his own purpose in favor of sexual education when he grows up with his child, or just ignore it, In the end, the poor child became a defective product.

And those painters who paint with heart are like those gentle parents or elders who are in charge, watering their children's growth with love, strictly demanding their words and deeds to set an example for their children, and doing everything they can, so that Children who grow up will become works of art like scrolls. "

Sawamura Mari Aoi still doesn't understand, if she has an expression, she must be very confused.

What do you mean?Why are you saying this all of a sudden?Don't know what to do?

But she still touched her chin, and nodded as if serious. After all, Bei Daoya said so seriously, if she didn't express it, it would be too disrespectful.

"You're right, right, right...yes!

Instead of writing on a note, she spoke to show she was listening.

At this time, the platform where Bei Daoya was going to get off arrived, the tram stopped slowly, and with a "click", the door opened.

Kitajima Crow stood up, and Sawamura Mari Aoi also stood up. She hadn't arrived at the station yet, so she just sent it off.

After getting out of the car, Kitajima Crow did not leave immediately, and turned to look at the tall and expressionless Sawamura Mari Aoi in the car door.

"Let me introduce myself again, my name is Bei Dao Ya."

Bei Daoya lowered her eyes, her expression was dull, and the night wind made her hair and skirt sway slightly.

"Maybe one day, or soon, you will remember this name deeply."

The car door was slowly closed, and Sawamura Mari Aoi said, "My name is Sawamura... Mari Aoi."

The car door was closed, and the tram started to move gradually. Mariko Sawamura stood at the door, looking at the thin and frail figure who was still standing there with lowered eyes and hadn't left yet.

Finally, as the speed of the car increased, the figure was no longer visible.

112. Mom's birthday

In the apartment, the North Island Crow and the North Island Crow sat opposite each other at the dining table and had dinner. The kotatsu, which was too warm for June, was finally removed today, leaving only a clean brown low tabletop .

The reason is that the North Island crow finally started sweating after eating yesterday, and his face was hot and humid.

Bei Daojiu on the dinner table was still looking at the bowl in front of Bei Daoya with food.

Today's meat is Bei Daojiu's self-confident cooking, secret technique. Roasted Pork with Ginger Sauce!

She has put a lot of effort into this dish!Quite good at it!

As for the taste and appearance... I will not describe it in detail, I am also quite hungry.

"It's delicious! Come, Xiaoya!"

She said it was one piece, but in the end she picked up a full set of chopsticks and put them into Bei Daoya's bowl, with a joyful smile on her fair little face.

"Eat, eat, eat!"

Looking at the tired slices of meat on top of the steaming rice, I had to change the way of eating slowly.

Bei Daojiu, on the other hand, looked at the Chewing Bei Dao Crow with a contented face.

"Meow meow meow~"

"Meow meow meow!"

There are two cats, one big and one small, next to the dining table, they are flour and grapes.

Baimian screamed softly, while Putao wanted to jump on the dining table a little restlessly, but was pushed down by the Beidaoya who was right next to him.

The grapes can already jump up and down, very lively, and the skin is not good. They always like to get under the sofa, and when the North Island crow comes home and sits on the sofa, it will jump out and bite the North Island crow's leg.

Bei Daojiu cleaned it up a lot for this reason.

Bei Daojiu bent down, stretched out his finger in front of Putao with a serious face, and shook it.