Casual Heroing

“So, Joey, what do you think?” Julia asks me with a hopeful smile.

“You want me to help Domitilla improve her magic so she can enter the Nine Towers Academy?” I state out the terms with a frown.

“You owe us,” Agostina remarks from the side.

“Agostina!” Julia slaps her sister’s shoulder.

“No, no. It’s true. I’m just not sure why you would send her there. [Archmages] and all that business stink to high heaven. Why don’t you just let me tutor her?”

“Isn’t that what we just asked?” Julia says.

“No, I mean, like, let me tutor her. Indefinitely. If she wants to learn magic, I can probably teach her more than those [Archmages]. Plus, I think I might need something like my personal clique of [Mages] and soldiers for the war. It would be a nice starting point.”

All three women look at me as if I just spoke Arabic.

“The war?” Julia asks with a frown.

“The same idiot who almost blinded himself with a [Light] spell wants to teach my niece, claiming that he’s better than an [Archmage]?”

Meanwhile, Lucillus and Antoninus have made their way back with Master Lakaris.

“Joey,” the usually taciturn guard intercepts me. “Do they know why Lucinda ran away?”

The three women stare at me, even more confused.

Raising my hands and sighing, I surrender myself to explaining everything.

“I taught Lucinda some of my insights into magic. She thought they would be valuable enough to run away and get an [Archmage] apprenticeship or something like that. The thing I taught her was the most basic among the things I know. I would teach Domitilla, no problem—as long as she signs a magical contract with me, guaranteeing the safety of my knowledge.”

Don’t be naïve, student. Even if you want to share your knowledge, which is admirable, you should take measures to protect it. In the wrong hands, it could do a lot of harm.

“Why don’t you duel me, then. If you can show me—”

“Nah,” I interrupt Agostina immediately. I agree with Lord Juler, but I’m not dueling anyone just to prove my capabilities. “My father used to say that some opportunities are based on faith. So, if you believe in what I’ve shown you so far, I’ll take Domitilla as an apprentice and teach her better than any stupid [Archmage]. I can swear on a truth-stone that my current knowledge and resources can probably give her the most solid magic foundations on the continent. As long as she swears it on her magic not to reveal my secrets, I’ll not bind her in any other way. She won’t have to do any menial tasks for me, by the way. I have Lucillus and Antoninus for that.”

Two pairs of eyes look murderously at me, but we both know they make a bunch of gold every day by just walking around, fetching people, and chatting them up.

“I agree!” Domitilla jumps to her feet, making her massive front jiggle perilously.

“Domitilla!” her aunt looks ready to smack her.

“Come on, Agostina! Joey has been praised by many Gold-rank adventurers so far. I think the boy’s hiding big secrets. If he’s that strong, it will definitely benefit Domitilla. If he isn’t, it’s not like she was going to the Nine Towers Academy anyway. Her talent sucks.”

Wow, that’s some maternal love.

“Stanimal, can you help me with the—”

Ask your [Druid] instead of me, and I’ll have your soul ripped to pieces, Joey Luciani.

“Nah, on second thought, I’ll just draft the contract myself, and then we can all take a look at it together.”

“Man, this place is getting crowded, by the way! Lakaris, my man! Let’s go chat about this architecture stuff that you like so much!” I add right after.

“Where? We already ate—”

“The pet store!” I pump my fist in the air triumphantly.

“The pet store?” the great Goblin [Architect] asks.

“The pet store!” I reply.

“Yeah, he wants to go the pet store to pick an animal,” Stan adds.

“You want to discuss it while we are in the pet store?” Lakaris looks ready to have a stroke.

“On the way there, too! I’m feeling good today! Come on, giddy up!”

I look at the procession of people starting to follow me, and I take a note of a big absence.

“Yo, Princess Laura, are you coming?”

I see her hesitating before crossing gazes with Stanimal and reluctantly stepping forward.

“I don’t like animals,” she adorably twists her nose.

I have at least three very dirty comebacks that I shall keep to myself.

As we are all going out, I hear Agostina speaking to her sister in the distance.

“Didn’t he mention a war?”

…

“So, I want it white; jot it down,” I tell Lakaris as soon as we are out of the bakery.

“What, pray tell, would you like to be white?”

“The thing!” I gesture in the direction of the bakery.

“What thing?”

“God, the thing. What did you come to build? A bakery, a district, a castle? Whatever it is, I want it white.”

Lakaris keeps up a surprisingly fast pace, despite his shorter legs. Among the Elves, Lakaris looks like a dwarf. Even I have problems with most people around me, and I’m very tall by Earth’s standards.

“Do you realize I have a waiting list that goes on for years? That people bid for my time, hoping that I won’t die too soon? Some of my patrons send me tonics of incredible value to keep me healthy. And you have been wasting my time longer than any other employer I have ever had!”

“Yo, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be disrespectful. I’m sure your work is the finest on the continent. I just wanted to start somewhere. If someone told me that they wanted a white cake, I would suggest an array of cakes that go best with the color white. For example, you can’t have a white ‘tiramisù,’ can you? In the same way, I’d like the bakery and whatever adjacent building to reflect the idea of cleanliness and order that a bakery has. All in white. That would also give us the opportunity to work with some colorful additions to our uniforms.”

My words leave Lakaris stumped.

Yeah, little green friend, I’m not underestimating your job. And you better not be so smug with me. There’s a new Joey Luciani in front of you. I respect what you do, but you better respect what I say.